Anyone worse 2 years later?

[AntonySandler]

Thanks. You are great. I was doing better just weeks ago, and then just got worse. I have had to quit drinking alltogether. Maybe this has slowed my healing process.

[Buxy`s Back]

Anthony, i was also feeling better a few weeks ago, really thought i was out the hell and well on the road to recovery, mmm should of known better, but at least the window was one of the best i have had in 3 years, so maybe when this blip passes we will feel even better than then?, heres hoping, and yep drinking is not good in withdrawal, some can tolerate small amounts but i say anything that changes your brain, ie the feeling drunk ect must be bad for healing

[zappelina]

Originally Posted by LossLeader

I can't take it much longer. When all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball, it was easier to take this chaos and misery - now that my brain has woken up enough that I want to live my life, it's agony not being able to.

Spot on LL! When unable to do a thing, you sort of accept it and just try find a way to survive from day to day but once you feel a bit better and want to ease your way into some kind of life again, it´s very frustrating not being able to, be it for mental or physical reasons. Many of us keep trying again and again but fail miserably and that hurts. Time also makes us hyper sensitive to all the debilitating withdrawal symptoms and having salt poured in your wounds time after time doesn´t make it hurt less, it makes it worse.

The whole extreme withdrawal experience is very traumatising and some of us will most likely suffer from PTSD for many years even after the physical symptoms have eased up a bit and the setbacks are less severe.

Life also has a way of bringing setbacks and frustrations at the most unconvienient of times, eh? Yesterday I got a letter from the general insurance authority questioning my right to disability, calling me to a meeting next week when I must go and meet a bunch of their decision makers and consultant doctors who want me to start working again. It almost made me desperate and caused the return of every mental symptoms. Good god, I can hardly manage the housework myself in a one room flat! I am still far too ill to work and I am too old and have been out of work for much too long to have a chance of getting any kind of job anyway. I have no other means of income than this small disability allowance. I don´t intend to hijack this thread by this information so please don´t respond to it, just felt a need to mention it, it is hard to deal with and I am very, very scared.

[AntonySandler]

It seems like lots of the people here are from the UK, is that a safe assumption? Anyhow, a physical symptom that has returned to me is my brain feels like it is being peeled with a vegtable peeler. I had a glass of wine and a beer last night. I slept well, and woke up the same old miserable friggen person. I would just like to wake up to a good feeling once in a while. I just feel like I am neglecting my wife, marriage, dog, house, life etc.

[Buxy`s Back]

lol sorry i had to laugh at the " same old miserable friggen person" mmm words i would use too.I know how you feel when you write that as i also would like to wake up and just feel ready for a day and not oh no here we go again groundhog day, kinda have i been beaten up ion my sleep kind of feeling, its funny but only another person suffering the same withdrawal would know exactly how the other feels, thank god for pp eh?, sorry you are suffering, i hear and feel it too but please remeber that you DID feel better before this setback and you will get back to that, i am in and out of bed today, my bloody head hurts, i can`t focus, i have raging akathesia that is driving me insane, but hey, somehow we get through to the better days

[Ezin]

Originally Posted by LossLeader

When all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball, it was easier to take this chaos and misery - now that my brain has woken up enough that I want to live my life, it's agony not being able to.

I agree, that's right on the nail. Heck, when I was foetal on the bathroom floor, methodically needle-ripping my wrists, and locked up in zombied akathisiac hell, there wasn't anything else.

Once you are off the drugs however... to the medical profession that seems to either mean:
a) you are well, or
b) you need the drugs that destroyed you



there is no
c) you are iatrogenically damaged, and need some common sense practical help because DESPITE the fact that you may now present with indications of psychiatric disorders (which weren't there before) you ALSO have eye problems, ear problems, gait disturbance, cognitive damage, sexual dysfunction...

It almost made me desperate and caused the return of every mental symptoms.

My last similar encounter resulted in disbelief (despite setting it all down in writing); the letter arrived, I opened it, and the akathisia set in within seconds of reading the letter. It was like a white bomb going off. I was lucky to survive the reaction, and the next few weeks were hell-on-earth pacing, twitching, zombiedom; months later, I'm still battling the slowly abating reaction. It took two years of careful progress before I could force myself back to the doctors, to pluck up the courage to give it another go, knowing full well that it could prove fatal.

It nearly was.

[AntonySandler]

EZ, you hit the nail on the head with C. I am so sad we are going through this, but happy I'm not alone. Because alone = really crazy!

[lifeisbeautiful222]

I didn't start to feel some normalcy had returned until after 2 years. I think it's been over 3 years and only these past few months have I felt something return. It's like I've been a zombie all this time and just starting to awaken. My hands don't shake as much anymore. After paxil I had hyper nervousness or shakyness. I would shake when I had to do anything including just eating or applying makeup when I was even alone! I think my memory has also improved, either that or I have gotten used to being "challenged" since paxil. I still struggle with weight issues that I did not have before. Just wait it out, I belive you will see improvement. Challenge yourself physically and mentally to grow. You have to apply yourself.

[AntonySandler]

Last night was horrible, today, so far, is horrible. AHHHHHHHHUUUUUUGGGGGGG. Can't I just slow down my mind and begin to reason again?

[mapleleafgirl25]

at 8 months off i feel like i have been beaten up..i am so freaking tired...and the new symptom popping up thing is getting old..and people are 2 years off and still not feeling good..YIKES!!..

[cmeffa]

I cold turkeyed off of paxil and it took me a long time to get through it. i still am dealing with short term memory problems, confusing the meaning of words, etc. but symptoms have gone away. I was on paxil for several years at 60mgs and cold turkeyed so my situation might differ.

[AntonySandler]

cmeffa,
How long? My brain must be really screwed up, because I feel like total crap two years later.

[cmeffa]

At 2yrs my severe mental symptoms diminished, 3yrs had some brain fog but no extreme mental problems and 4yrs out a little clearer and 5 yrs ( today ) I have just small problems such as problems with short term memory and confuse the meaning of words.

[cmeffa]

Though throughout I had some ocd like thoughts which have diminished almost non existenent today at 5 yrs out. I cold turkeyed in 2002. I went back on and did'nt know anything about stabilizing,etc. Stayed on until end of 2003 despite that fact that I was already in withdrawal. I did'nt find this forum until earlier this year. You have an advantage that I did'nt have with the info and support of this forum. Any other questions? Feel free to ask me.