Ina's Journal

[Ina H]

Hi
Will just start briefly because I lost my last first entry. What is the best way to prevent this from happening. I pressed refresh and lost it again?
4/12/07 -6/5/07 60mgs-40mgs Aropax (Paxil) in 2-4mg increments.
2/09/09 - 2/11/07 40mgs - 34mgs Aropax in 1-2mg increments.
This time I have done some research and want to do a decrease and leave it for 4-6 wks or when I have felt stable for at least a fortnight. I'm a bit nervous about doing more than 2 mgs at a time right now but it's to small a reduction to really register.
In the last fortnight I've been starting to get the old symptoms reminding me of how my life was before I went on the Aropax. I want to post this now in case I lose it. I get lots of headaches being in front of the computer for more than about 20 mins at a time. I'll put in more of my history next time. Thanks for being there.

[rain]

Hi Ina... wishing you lots of luck reaching your goal!

[Ina H]

Thanks Rain.
It's up and down already and I'm having feelings that are fearful to me but some days I'm able to remind myself that they are only feelings and to sit with them and ask is there anything current or new that they are pointing out and if not they are just replays of the same old stuff. I think paxilprogress will help because I can share what's going on when it is and remind myself that I am not alone this time. There's a lot of experience there that I can now tap into.

[Ina H]

I'm using this to add to my journal. When I first went on Aropax 9yrs ago (2yrs after my son died, he was 19 and took his own life) I'd tried a number of other anti d's from time to time but they had strong side effects (like headaches and feeling suicidal) so I decided to go the homeopathic track and that was working until my homeopath changed businesses. I had made the decision that I wasn't going to try anti d's again unless I felt I had no other alternative. I had a medical crisis brought on by a remedy I had been told was wonderful for menopause I was also exhausted after running a course and had an emotionally overwhelming few days and just couldn't seem to pull myself back together. The doctor said aropax didn't have headaches as a side effect and it wasn't addictive. Had I only known. I am in recovery from alcohol and food addiction and I needed to be sure what I was taken wouldn't be another addictive substance. Here I am knowing much different.
Today I have to not only deal with coming off the aropax (paxil) I've also got to handle the food cravings as my body looks for something to compensate for what it sees as a lack.

[NoRx4me]

Welcome Ina,

I am so sorry about your son. I can not imagine that pain. I don't know the right words to say (there probably aren't any) but I just felt I needed to acknowledge that and not ignore it. That is devastating.

You said you are in recovery for food and alcohol addictions; do you go to AA or OA meetings? Just curious. I went to AA & NA meetings when I was a young teenager and I remember them as possitive and helpful. Always regret not sticking to that path.

[Ina H]

Thanks NoRx4me
For your reply. There is nothing much anyone can say to a loss everyone deals with it differently. I go to OA and AA and have been in those programs for a number of years. It's hard after all this time to admit that I have to go through all that withdrawal process again. Besides the tools I learn there I've also been doing some meditation practises which I started specifically to help me get beyond the symptoms whether due to withdrawal or to my emotional states when I come off the paxil. I notice you've had to deal with a number of medications that would have been pretty arduous.

[Ina H]

Thank you all for your replies.
Paxil 20mg 2000
between 2000 & 2004 gradually increased to 40mgs
2005 tried to come off them tapered over 6 mths think I got all my symptoms at once convinced I needed them for my survival and those close.
2007 Got a new psychiatrist wanted to prepare to come off them. Tried different anti d's to bridge. Needed higher dose to get same effect 50mg.To many S/E's In period of long drawn out stress went up to 60mg. 12/2007 - 11/2009 down to about 35mgs. Taking it down in by 2-4 scrapings every 5 days. Using vegie peeler getting close to 35mg mark

[AussieGirl]

Hi Ina. From one Aussie to another welcome to PP :-)

[Ina H]

Originally Posted by Ina H

Thanks NoRx4me
For your reply. There is nothing much anyone can say to a loss everyone deals with it differently. I go to OA and AA and have been in those programs for a number of years. It's hard after all this time to admit that I have to go through all that withdrawal process again. Besides the tools I learn there I've also been doing some meditation practises which I started specifically to help me get beyond the symptoms whether due to withdrawal or to my emotional states when I come off the paxil. I notice you've had to deal with a number of medications that would have been pretty arduous.

Fear Knocked. Faith answered. There was no one there

[NoRx4me]

Originally Posted by Ina H

I go to OA and AA and have been in those programs for a number of years. It's hard after all this time to admit that I have to go through all that withdrawal process again. I notice you've had to deal with a number of medications that would have been pretty arduous.

In either OA or AA, do you discuss the Paxil issue and/or find support?

I see so many similarity's with getting off SSRI's or Benzo's and getting off alcohol or illegal drugs, I often wonder if people in recovery programs do too.
Or if most people in recovery are prescribed SSRI's when they sought medical help and don't know what they've gotten themselves into yet.

Yes, I've been on lots of meds... still can't wrap my head around it.
I was not a happy person when I was about 25; I was married to an abusive person, had two little kids and was totally isolated. Seeking help led to a diagnosis of "mental illness/depression" and 13 years of *safe & *effective, medication.
*sarcasm

[Songbird]

Originally Posted by Ina H

Fear Knocked. Faith answered. There was no one there

Took me a minute to get this! I see it is another version of 'Trust is the anti-dote to fear' in my signature.

I also like the way you talked about sitting with your feelings to work out what they were trying to tell you. Sometimes I remember to do that, sometimes I forget.

Just wanted to say good luck with your taper.

[Jess_Reyna]

Hi Ina! Just wanted to say hi and welcome! {{HUG}}

[Ina H]

Thanks Jayne.
Congratulations on getting down to 6mgs. I'm on 35mg at the moment and I'm staying here for at least 2 weeks more. I've had one failed attempt about 4 yrs ago and I was not doing to bad until I got to 20mgs and then it felt like I had no buffer at all. I also had no guidance as to how to decrease. Due to other failed attempts to go on other anti d's to soften the withdrawal everytime I've gone back on paxil (aropax) I've needed more to stabilise. Have come down from 60 and am looking at weaving my way down over at least another 8months.
Regards Ina

[Ina H]

Sorry Jess once I lost sight of your name I changed it to Jayne. I'm hoping my memory short term will improve once I have the aropax out of my system. I am also at the other end of menopause too. But I always have hope.

[Ina H]

Am I doing this replying to specific people properly? Are you getting them or do you have to come back to thread and see what's there. Is this a blog?
Love Ina H

[Ina H]

Originally Posted by Songbird

Took me a minute to get this! I see it is another version of 'Trust is the anti-dote to fear' in my signature.

I also like the way you talked about sitting with your feelings to work out what they were trying to tell you. Sometimes I remember to do that, sometimes I forget.

Just wanted to say good luck with your taper.

Thanks Songbird
Yeah it's the same. My fears are in my head but my head and feelings can be awefully persuasive and seductive. It's a pull to practise debunking them. I know they are not caused by the medication but exacerbated by it. I'm glad to have others who I can talk with who know what I'm talking about, and remind me it's just the and not me . I want to deal with the as well as the medication.
Regards Ina
"All life is a journey I can either feel captivated by each step or captured and fighting for freedom."

[Ina H]

Originally Posted by AussieGirl

Hi Ina. From one Aussie to another welcome to PP :-)

Hi Aussie Girl
From one aussie to another. I'm just getting used to using this here technology. I looked at your profile and found out what a "signature" is so I have started putting mine together.
Could you tell me what a multiquote is?
Once I've done that I'm going to look at an avator. And getting a photo together.
Good to meet you.

[Ina H]

I've taken my dose of Aropax down to 32.5mgs from the 5th December and I'm going to leave it there until at least the New Year. I've found I've been dreaming about people I feel I haven't thought about in decades. Memory isn't much better but then I got bitten on the head by something that caused swelling and pain. Have still got a lump after a week. Could have been a tick but I didn't think ticks stung like that. it was white. Anyway I'm feeling positive though memory probs give me a bit of anxst. I just hope the good feelings I've had in the last nine years weren't all because of the drug.

[Ina H]

Practising getting my signature with my message. I'm a slow learner but I learn. (or I don't ) and I want to be able to use this site properly