Guitar's Post Paxil Progress

[guitar77]

I'm going to put my taper history first, then keep a log of how I'm feeling.

Right now my day's are doing pretty good. Every day I'm a little better than the day before. My trembling/vibration is almost completely gone now. Sleep is improving a tiny bit, but I still get pretty anxious at bed time because of all the weird stuff that happens when I try to sleep. I turn out the lights around 1 or 2 am, and get up around 7 to 8 am. At least the last few days I'm not "snapping" awake, I'm drifting awake which is progress.

Getting to sleep is still bad though. Last night I was between being asleep and awake for at least an hour or so. I feel so dis-associated when this happens. Things that I feel during the night make sense while they're happening, but in the morning don't make any sense at all.

I still don't feel attached to my surrounding like I did before this all happened. I don't feel comfortable in my own bed; I don't completely relax. I hope this feeling goes away because it REALLY bugs me. I don't feel like I'm really living.
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Here's my taper schedule:

Paxil for GAD and insomnia caused by thyroid meds

Paxil taper:
05/10/2009 - started on 10mg Paxil
06/15/2009 - 20mg Paxil
08/05/2009 - 18mg Paxil, 25mg Trazodone
08/09/2009 - 15mg Paxil
08/14/2009 - 12.5mg Paxil
08/18/2009 - 10mg Paxil
08/24/2009 - 7.5mg Paxil
08/29/2009 - 5.0mg Paxil
09/04/2009 - 2.5mg Paxil
09/09/2009 - 1.2mg Paxil
09/18/2009 - 0mg Paxil

[bam]

I know what you mean about feeling withdrawn from things but it does get better and you start to feel more a part of your surroundings.It feels to me as if my brain has gone into a dream like state while its sorting things out and repairing so my senses are feeling a bit numb but more improved than when I first quit.

All the best

[guitar77]

Last night I didn't sleep much. Lights out at 12:30am, officially up at 7am or so, but I was awake a lot in the morning. I felt comfortable though. Had a few twitches/jerks as I was trying to fall asleep. I took around 15mg trazadone, I think. Because of the pills weird shape, it's hard to divide evenly. I ordered a scale, but it hasn't arrived yet.

Today I did ok, but I am having a lot of twitches throught my body. I still have a hard time just relaxing--I always feel a little uncomfortable; I don't know why.

Right now I'm am feeling extremely sleepy, but I don't want to sleep during the day because I don't want to be awake at night. I've got this weird fear too, that if I go to sleep I might not wake up.

Every minute of the day I regret having taken any of these pills. I just want to feel normal again. I know that normal wasn't perfect, but it was normal. Now I always feel "off".

Something I forgot to mention - my memory is really having holes in it. It got a lot better than it was on this crap, but right now I'm having real difficulties recalling peoples' names, and what I was wanting to do. I find it very odd that so many people have this problem: why is it that peoples' names become so hard to recall? It seems like such a fundemental thing to be able to do. I mean, when you think about language development, probably the first thing that evolved was the concept of naming who you interact with...??

[guitar77]

I'm a little over three weeks off paxil. I'm still taking about 18mg trazodone. The scale I ordered for my trazodone taper still hasn't arrived. The trazodone pills are very hard to cut in any shape that makes figuring the dose possible, because the pills are shaped as thick triangles, plus they don't cut well--keeps breaking into pieces.

I am sleeping longer, I think. I'm trying not to worry about dying in my sleep, and that is helping me fall asleep. The sleep quality is still crappy though; I wake up tired.

My brain feels like it's twitching inside almost constantly; sometimes like bubbles bursting or as if my brain was on a slow boil. I think it's getting worse. The rest of me is doing better, except it feels like I'm short of oxygen or something. My chest isn't tight or anything; it just feels like my breathing/breaths are strange in some way; kind of like the air is less dense than normal.

My vision is a little blurry at times, LOTS of floaters or stuff.

All this stuff is depressing me. I wonder if the trazodone is toxic; am I doing damage to my brain taking it? I really want to get off of it. As soon as the scale arrives I'm starting my taper. I've been thinking what rate should I taper it; 10% weekly maybe? I've been on trazodone since July 2; so that makes a little over 3 months so maybe I can taper a littler faster?

These bizarre sensations in my brain are driving me nuts! It kind of feels like somebody's constantly thwacking my head with their finger. I haven't read many people having reactions like this. Why do I seem to have almost all the bad effects of these drugs?

I guess the good news is that I don't have chemical-anxiety any more; that weird feeling I'd have in my chest a lot.

My tinnitus is getting worse, I think. My ears whine like crazy; is trazodone ototoxic?

I've got a headache that's always lingering.
I still don't feel like my surroundings are comfortable; I still feel out-of-sync or something. I'm just never tranquil in my own house like I used to be.


I want this crap to stop; I want to be back the way I was. I want to enjoy life.

[guitar77]

Well, I am a little over a month off paxil, and a lot of my symptoms have gone away or really reduced. The trembling is gone, and the fast vibrations have reduced considerably.

My creativity is coming back!!! These last few days especially. I wrote a song last night and taped it. If I can get my recording studio fixed, I'm going to do a more polished version and add bass, drums, etc. It's dedicated to the young ones on this forum. My voice isn't what it was before all this. When I first had the adverse reaction to Zoloft, I strained my voice trying to make myself cry. It's weird, but I find that when I sing emotional songs that really connect to my spirit, I'll tear up. The throat specialist says I burst a blood vessel on one of my vocal cords, and it's still affecting my singing. I hope it gets better because singing is really important to me.

Most of my symptoms have gotten better; the brain thwacks and bubbles have reduced in intensity, but my insomnia is really, really bad. I turn out the lights and lay there for about 6 hours before I'll fall asleep for maybe one hour. I have these weird twitches and muscle spasms when I'm trying to fall asleep. When I twitch like that, I forget what I was thinking at the time. I'm worried it's some sort of seizure?? I've had this ever since taking Zoloft. I think it really f'd my brain as far as sleeping goes.

[carolyn]

Hey, this is a great post!! I'm so glad to hear you're doing better!

What kind of music do you play? Rock type?

Sorry about the insomnia, that really sucks. But it'll get better too, just like the other things. {{{HUG}}}

[ray34iyf]

Sounds good to me! Glad you're doing better man.

[guitar77]

The last seven days have been better during the days, but the nights are horrid. I still wake up in a panic, unable to breath. Yesterday, my chest hurt right over my heart and on the left side all day. I calm down right away, but I can't sleep.

I broke out the CPAP machine and tried it last night to see if it would help. I used it for about four hours or so. Every time I started to drift off to sleep, there would be an air leak that startled me and put me back to square one. I've never been able to get used to the dang thing. I'll try it again tonight. I can't describe how bad my sleep is. I can't even tell how much sleep I actually get, so much of it is spent in twilight, where I'm not asleep, but I'm not awake. I'm exhausted and my head feels like a water balloon.

My trazodone taper is at 12.5mg nightly. I don't think it helps me sleep, but I think it keeps the depersonalization at bay because of the taper. I sincerely hope that when I stop it, my sleep will get better, and I'll feel more connected to the world. I still don't feel comfortable in my own house, but I do think that each day I'm a little better.

I'm sad because of all the young kids who are having to battle these da*n poisons, including my little brother. I'm afraid too many will give up, or lose out on so much, and it breaks my heart. And all those soldiers who are being put on this stuff. I wish there was a way to fix all of them.

[scotslass]

I have a cpap machine and I cannot imagine my life without it now,I even use it when I nap as I have pretty bad sleep apnea.Try and persevere with it if you can as it really does improve the quality of your deep sleep.

[guitar77]

Ok - so I'm a week off of trazodone, which means a week completely drug free!

I'm sleeping half the night with the CPAP, and half without. I wake up constantly though. I'm not sure if I ever get an hour of solid sleep.

Most the other symptoms have gone away, and I think the remaining ones might go away if I could get a decent nights sleep. I'm so tired of not sleeping. My head feels weird and so does my heart. Thank God that the nightly panic has gone away.

The CPAP dries out my mouth something fierce, and I get headachey. Damn Zoloft!! I think that was the med that really destroyed my sleep. I'm just praying that my brain relearns how to sleep again.

My depression and anxiety are pretty much gone, though. They went away with the meds.

I hope the CPAP helps me through this, scotslass.

No more nightmares though!! That's huge! If I remember my dreams, they're not nearly as negative as with the meds.

[Jess_Reyna]

Hey Guitar! Congrats on no more meds! Yay for no nightmares! I have been having the weirdest dreams myself. I also seem to wake up a lot. I'm jolted awake atleast once a night. I'm glad you are doing well. Keep up the positive attitude!

[guitar77]

Originally Posted by Jess_Reyna

Hey Guitar! Congrats on no more meds! Yay for no nightmares! I have been having the weirdest dreams myself. I also seem to wake up a lot. I'm jolted awake atleast once a night. I'm glad you are doing well. Keep up the positive attitude!

Thanks Jess!

[guitar77]

It's about three weeks off of all meds, and I'm slowly getting better and better. My sleep is still bad, but it is improving a little bit every night.

I haven't had any bad dreams for a while, so I'm thrilled about that. I'm still a bit anxious about going to bed, but honestly nothing bad happens anymore in my sleep, other than waking up a lot. The one bad symptom that has gotten pretty bad is an almost constant trembling/vibration. I'm sure this is due to one of the medications I was on, but I'm not sure which one. Probably more than one med contributed to it. Oh yeah, and raging tinnitus--that's gotten worse.

Considering just how bad I was, I've made great progress. The anxiety is SO much better. The depression is pretty much gone. Sexual problems are mostly gone. The brain thwaps and seizure-like feelings are gone. No burning skin, muscle cramps or pains, vision is a lot better, appetite is good (too good), anhedonia mostly gone, depersonalization and derealization nearly gone completely, no suicidal thoughts or intrusive thoughts, less obsession over health, much better tolerance to violence/gore, creativity coming back, no weird temperature swings, good bowel/bladder function, don't startle easily, strange allergies gone, back pains all gone, low blood pressure normalized, no dry/oily skin or rashes, no more strange bone popping and joint problems, throat feeling better, vocal cord healing, temper not as bad. Memory is a lot better, but I still forget people's names.

I still feel a little weird in the brain, but I think if I could get some full night's rest that it would probably go away.

I'm thinking of going in for blood tests and see how my liver held up through all this. I'm just trying to give everything time to heal before testing anything or treating anything.

This process is a lot slower than I could ever have imagined. But considering at one point I thought I'd never get better, I am very happy.

[WhatIsNormal]

Yay for improvements!!

[VTgirl]

That is so positive!!!!! I am glad things are improving

[Lucy]

Guitar, glad to hear of your progress! Have you been using the CPAP regularly, and do you think that has contributed to your improvement?