would really love some words of support

hey there...i was on paxil for a year and a half. i started at 20 mg a day, and then my doctor, whom i trusted, bumped me up to 40 mg. after weight gain and just realizing that i didn't want to be a slave to a drug anymore, i consulted my dr. and we reduced it back to 20mg.

as soon as we reduced the doseage, my problems began. i became so emotional and developed such a short fuse that i got fired from my job. i currently have no job and therefore no health insurance to stay on this evil drug, so i am now down to 10 mg. every other day. i am almost completely out of paxil. i've got a bout 2 weeks to go.

for the past month, i have had real thoughts of suicide (and have threatened suicide to numerous people), have gone on 5-day crying jags, physically pushed my fiancee, screamed at the kids, cut myself, gotten out-of-control drunk more times than i can count, blah blah blah...AND THIS IS NOT ME!!!!! i am really scared what's going to happen when i am completely off this drug.

does anyone have any advice on getting through this without destroying myself and every relationship i have?! this is the worst thing i have ever experienced. this is worse than the depression i expereinced that caused me to take paxil in the first place!!! because of all this, i cannot even keep a job.

thanks so much, and God bless all of you who are going through this, too!!!

I am so sorry you are going through this but you will find MANY posts on here regarding the emotional intensity associated with stopping this drug. For most of us the answer is to go off VERY SLOWLY! Try to get samples of 40 mg tablets from your Dr. or anyone and just start breaking them into smaller doses (20, 10, 5 etc). You must go slower! I was at 20 every other day maintenance and then went 10 per day for a month, 7.5 per day for a month, 5 per day for a month, 2.5 per day for a month, and then to some drops I had prepared gradually reducing each week for another several weeks. I still have some of those feelings like you describe only much less intense. Some other things that have helped others: drink lots of water, take B-vitamins, take Valerian Root, exercise vigorously every day, pray if you are so inclined, eat protein, go for walks, stay busy, etc.

First of all you are not alone! Secondly, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this and not have a job or health insurance! I have been off paxil for 10 weeks and found that while the initial really intense side effects did diminish, i've still had lingering problems. However, the solution is not to go back on medication, and I also don't believe that they will last forever. It may take time and effort, but I am going to help my body heal itself. SO HANG IN THERE! If you can find anyone to turn to for support then do so! you will need help through this!

And I agree with Robert, drink lots of water to help heal your body, eat well, take multi-vitamins and get exercise (walking is both good exercise and can produce a relaxing effect on you). Everyone kind of has there own experiences with it and has to find things that work for them, and patience with your body and yourself is really important. Remember that what is happening to you is not who you are. I have had to measure my improvement on a month to month basis since I fluctuate from day to day in how I feel, but I do feel like things are getting better.

Come and post here often or join the chat if you need to! Please take care!

Sincerely,

stephanie

wow, it's so comforting to know that i am not completely losing my mind! i was really beginning to wonder. thanks so much for replying so quickly.

i will try the herbs that robert suggested, and i HAVE been doing a lot of praying!! insomnia is another killer symptom i've been having, but that seems like the least of my worries, LOL!

this drug is a really bad scene. i read a report that it was deemed "non-habit-forming" yet again, and that just makes me laugh.

thanks again, guys.

I too was a victim of "too fast a taper"... I just didn't even know until coming to this place.

I am also going through all these troubles; I am just VERY VERY lucky that (at least for the moment) I still have a job.. I think..... you are SO not alone.

1. Short fuse; yes, same here.... why my husband hasn't thrown me out I don't know.... but I'm just trying to be REALLY REALLY forthright about the effects withdrawal is having on me. At first it was so hard to describe and I thought it sounded so stupid ("zaps? what the hell are you talking about?") but I'm forcing myself to explain it anyway, in hopes that he can let things roll of his back.

2. Insomnia; this is a real killer. I have been prescribed Ambien... yet another thing to get hooked on. NOT GOOD! I just don't know what else to do.... I could easily go days without sleep if not for the aid.... although I have had SOME success boring the crap out of myself watching the Home Shopping Network ("OOH! Another stamp of the state bird of Rhode Island!")

3. Suicidal feelings and self-mutilation; yep and yep. *You are not alone.* Make SURE the people around you understand that these feelings exist; it doesn't have to be a big sob story, just be honest and to the point, and ask that they "ease your way" as much as they can.

Also try to describe to them very clearly how VERY VERY difficult it is to function... just to take a shower, just to EAT, just to WALK... while going through Paxil withdrawal. And they don't believe you? SHOW THEM THIS BOARD. There's TONS of us.

Maybe this is a start. Anyway it's what I'm doing.... I was on 60 and down to zero in a week. Evidently that's just crazy talk But hey.... I'm NOT going back.

We went from 60 mg. to zero. It will now be 12 weeks. Hang in there!!!!
The anger and outbursts have subsided. We experienced ALL the terrible symptoms, but hung in there. It will take months, but each day gets better as time goes on. Everyday is an accomplishment that leads to freedom! Your anxiety level will be heightened for awhile, but should eventually level off. What you need is love and support to get through the days. Stay in touch with all these wonderful people and continue to pray.
Hopefully your spouse or family member reads this site, so what you say and do during withdrawel can be explained. They also need support.
Don't give up and don't go back to ANY SSRI drugs if at all possible.

Please call your doctors office and explain that you no longer have health insurance. Alot of times these doctors offices have free samples just hanging around. Please I urge you to go slower with this process if at all possible.
Remember you are not going crazy. I knowat times it feels that way, I know you feel very alone, but you are not alone here!
I was on 20 miligrams three years agofor a year and a half. Finally when I found myself falling asleep all the time and found myself withdrawing from all social situations and after my wedding, I decided it was time to quit. I will warn you that the majority of the medical community does not admit to paxil withdrawl, and may tell you that you are having a relapse. Do not believe everything they tell you. Paxil is addictive and it does have withdrawl! Expect opposition to this and push to get help!

When you feel down, come here and write or go on the chat line and just get it out. Alcohol is also not a good idea while you are withdrawing. Reason is it does dehydrate you and right now you need alot of water, B vitamins, and rest!

I hope it does get easier for you as the time goes on and please look into the free sample thing until you feel like you can safely get off this drug. Keep a journal of your feelings and everything that you are going through, because eventually you will want to sue the damn devils that promote this drug as having no wothdrawls or as it being non-habit forming. You want to have a record for yourself.

Talk to your family and explain that you don't mean to be the prson you are now, but request that they look into this problem. Find yourself a support system of friends that you can talk to if you need an immediate shoulder to cry on.

You will get through this! Keep as calm as possible, drink ALOT of water! Try meditation and deep breathing exercises to calm the anxiety.

All My Best To You,
Dianna