Feel soul-less and almost possessed

[miriza]

Anyone ever felt this way while in withdrawal? For the past couple of days I have felt like I do not have a soul and almost possessed. I really have to fight hard to not let the 'demons' take over. It is no longer OCD-type thoughrs that plague me. It is a feeling that something evil wants to take control of my soul. And it terrifies me--since this feeling is so egodystonic to me.

Anyone else felt like this any time on meds or in withdrawal?

[KittyQ]

Yes, Miriza, I feel like that at times. Like there is some part of me that is just flat out, out to get me, to make me as miserable as it can. And, It's really good at doing just that.

I try to keep "knowing" that it is all a big LIE...due to the tangled up mess in my brain machine. It's hard, because it feels so very real. But, it sure does feel like there is a demon running around inside myself...somewhere. It's such a very scary thing for us all to have to feel and deal with.

But, I truely believe it's a LIE.

Hang in there,

KittyQ

[miriza]

Hi Kittyq! I think it is kind of a combination of anhedonia plus anger for me...and I just hate it. I feel so dead inside

[texgirl]

This is something that I struggled with pre-meds and have continued to deal with off and on since getting off them 4 years ago. I don't mean to discourage you, but rather to offer the perspective that it is possible to carry on and ride the wave until it passes, which it always does. However, I highly recommend doing as much as you can to distract you from how weird or uncomfortable you feel. Log off the computer! Go outside, stroll, get a cup of tea, look at nature or in shop windows. Even better, find something that really engages you and requires that you give it your full attention: a home improvement project, a hobby or craft. If you think you can't do it, trust me me when I say that the voice that's telling you that isn't true; it's the voice of fear. You absolutely can get past the fear, but to do so, you have to challenge it, over and over again, the more actively the better.

[miriza]

Hi texgirl! Yes, it is kind of a wave. I did have an amazing window of positive feelings (love/empathy/even some happiness) about a week ago, but now it seems so closed. I feel number than on meds...and I have never felt this way pre-meds. I was one of those who felt too much. One of those who cried for hours watching Hallmark movies. One of those who felt the high of love for hours after picking up my kids at daycare. I felt the most intense 'nirvana'-like experience when I got to meet my daughters when they were born. So now, feeling like an angry blob scares me.

Does it come in waves for you or is it constant? Anything that relieves it?

[texgirl]

It happens to me now only rarely, and usually just lasts a few days. Part of the quick recovery is that I learned how to push past it and not give it as much power (an ongoing process, but it does get easier with time and practice). Even though I may feel numb and/or panicky on the inside, I just go ahead and carry on as if things were normal. I go to work, see friends and family, pursue my interests, exercise, all in spite of the uncomfortable feelings, and eventually things always right themselves again. The less I dwell on it, the more quickly I regain my equilibrium.

[whitetea]

Oh yes, I am very familiar with what you describe. It does feel like you are possessed. There is somethng very sinister about it. I felt stalked. Like I was afraid to think a thought or make a move because my brain would "see" me and use it against me. Just an awful feeling.

These drugs do terrible things to us. The good news is, that is all gone for me now. It is not you. OR your brain. It is the drugs. And it will pass.

All we need to do is survive. We dont have to do it well. There is no right way. We dont need to do anything excpet survive. And the miracle of healing will be ours.

So sorry you are going through this. You are not alone.

whitetea

[miriza]

Thank you whitetea! Are you fully recovered now? Are these feelings gone?

[IMISSME]

Originally Posted by miriza

Thank you whitetea! Are you fully recovered now? Are these feelings gone?

I've told my girlfriend numerous times that I feel soulless. A month ago or so I totally broke down telling her I was unable to access my feelings. That sounds like soulless to me. My new thought is that I feel like I have been the victom of a terrible Nazi medical experiement.