I am having a very hard time everyone and need support

[julleri]

Hi everyone,

I am having a really hard time right now and could use some support. I'm feeling pretty hopeless and helpless.

To fill everyone in, I got really scared last year in October when I was starting to get nauseous and more depressed. I had been holding on just 5 mg of tablet fluoxetine since April. Why I didn't try tapering, I don't know. So, I thought I'll stay on fluoxetine and increase the dose. I increased to 10mg and my body couldn't handle it. It made my depression worse. It gave me worse nausea, terrible dizziness. I could tell that after having been on SSRIs/SNRIs for so long that my body was saying no more. I tried cutting back down to 5 mg after I was starting to have some build up of serotonin (not serotonin syndrome, but I could feel buildup after trying to updose to 10mg. I had terrible diarrhea, confusion, trouble with balance, burning sensations in my stomach/lower abdomen, terrible confusion, and just felt like I couldn't "handle" anything. I was bedridden for a couple days). So I switched to liquid and having been so scared by these "episodes" (I don't know what they were or what you would call them. Others here have told me that it was just anxiety but I know my body and know that they were more than just anxiety even though anxiety came with them). I quickly tapered down to 4 mg and so scared that I would have these episodes again decided to try and taper as quickly as I could without getting severe withdrawal symptoms. I was doing very well until the first week of January, where I got down to 2 mg, but was crashing (the fast taper caught up with me). I was so dizzy and nauseous at work, and I had terrible insomnia. I updosed it to 2.4 but felt all drugged-up and did not feel good at all. So I took it down to 2.2 and let it sort of stabilize.

Yesterday I tried 2.12, which is just 0.01 ml less than where I have been (at 2.16) and I had terrible issues yesterday. I had terrible anxiety. I could barely drive. I was dizzy, agitated, and I could not fall asleep to save my life. I laid in bed and just couldn't stop moving and couldn't rest or get still.

This is all so very terrifying. The reason I tried to cut the .01ml is because I was feeling so much better stabilizing on the 2.16. That and I don't want to have anymore episodes where the fluoxetine "builds up" and I get too much serotonin again. It was terrifying! But now I feel so scared that I'm not going to ever be able to taper even 10% reductions if I can't even handle what was less than 2%. I know I need to wait 3-6 weeks, but what if it's too long on my system and it builds up again and I get sick again like I was last year?

Has anyone else on here had similar situations where you were pretty convinced the drug was making you sick after an updose or something but you couldn't handle tapering because of the withdrawal? I'm so scared of what getting to 0 will feel like if I can even ever get there, since I seem to be having terrible trouble getting down to 2.

Thank you everyone. I am really scared and need some encouragement and support.

[chiropteran]

Firstly, know that everyone on PP is here for you. You are NOT alone.

Secondly, breathe! Don't concentrate on the 'what if I can't ever get to zero, what if I can't ever taper again' stuff. Try and clear all of that completely out of your mind. Look at this as a break from tapering. For the moment, you need to find a stable place - you can always revisit tapering when you feel stronger again (and you WILL feel stronger again). It isn't a race, and there's no time limit.

My advice would be to stay put at 2.2 for a good while longer.
You've had a few too many ups and downs and big drops in the last few months, it would seem that your brain just needs a chance to figure out what dose it is dealing with. Try 6 weeks at this dose and see how you feel then?

And hang on in there

[LCrawford67]

Julie, I think you're really psyching yourself out here. Your fear is what's causing the problems. You're only on 2.2 mgs it takes days, or even weeks, for the brain to adjust to a drop in dosage. And, at the tiny dose you're on, you wouldn't have felt that little drop the same day. Especially with Prozac, as it has a very long half life.

The thing that's getting the best of you is your anxiety and that's something you need to get under control. Stay at the 2.2, if that's where you're comfortable, but start learning coping skills to deal with the fear and anxiety before even thinking about dropping again.

[Bilo76]

I agree a 100% with crawford.

But i understand it is hard. I really wish you the best. Hang in there. Think of all the wonderful things you are going to do once you are off paxil and feeling better.

[julleri]

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the replies. I am not feeling very well at all today. I have no appetite. My anxiety is sky high and I am kind of nauseous. I keep eating pieces of ginger to help. I have to write a five page paper by Wednesday night about how Roman law has influenced modern law traditions and I am having a very hard time concentrating on it. All I keep thinking about is how sick I currently feel.

I was so stupid to fast taper from 5 mg to where I am now. I am too scared to updose, though. You have no idea how sick I felt when I tried to hold on 5.

I don't know what to do. I'm pretty scared.

[Wld]

I'm having one of those days too (actually months)
You seem to have a pretty good grasp of your own situation. I'd trust YOU in this case. And for the paper....it'll get done. Little bit at a time, get up walk around, dust something & come back to it.

Not sure how much good it'll do but you can talk to me ANYTIME. I'm only a state away.

[julleri]

Originally Posted by Wld

I'm having one of those days too (actually months)
You seem to have a pretty good grasp of your own situation. I'd trust YOU in this case. And for the paper....it'll get done. Little bit at a time, get up walk around, dust something & come back to it.

Not sure how much good it'll do but you can talk to me ANYTIME. I'm only a state away.

I was just telling my therapist if only I knew someone in person going through all of this. I told her about this site and the wonderful people here. But it sure would be nice to have a good friend going through something like this.

I honestly don't know how people do this (withdrawal, taper, etc.) I can't imagine cold turkey!

[TryingtoGetWell]

I just wanted to send hugs and support to you, even if they unfortunately have to be cyber-hugs! (I know how it feels wishing you had a real person right there who understands.)

I admire you - I can't imagine writing a paper "about how Roman law has influenced modern law traditions" even before I was in w/d!

I remember enough of my research/writing methods to say that I couldn't have written any papers of that nature without putting facts on little slips of paper (or index cards, which is more common, but 3/5 pads of paper are less expensive!) and spreading them in order all over the floor, outlining, all kinds of things like that. (I guess people do them on computer now, though if it helps to go back to the Luddite methods you can put all over a table or floor, do it! Whatever works for you...)

Maybe if someone here has studied law or history you could bounce ideas off them. (Someone once sent her thesis to people who wanted to read it, to give her feedback. Maybe just having someone review an outline of the important points might help pinpoint whether facts are well-organized and clear, if that's an issue.)

Better if you have a "study buddy" or something in real where you can help each other that way, or if you're able to confide in a study adviser at school about w/d (don't know if that's a good idea or not, I really just don't know) maybe they could give you feedback.

But sending hugs and admiration that you're getting through this, and keep us posted on how things are going, okay? (I know nothing - NOTHING - about law and shamefully little about Roman history in general, but I'd love to see posts about how the paper is progressing as you keep working on it, and I'll be thinking of you often so with you in spirit!)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[julleri]

Originally Posted by TryingtoGetWell

I just wanted to send hugs and support to you, even if they unfortunately have to be cyber-hugs! (I know how it feels wishing you had a real person right there who understands.)

I admire you - I can't imagine writing a paper "about how Roman law has influenced modern law traditions" even before I was in w/d!

I remember enough of my research/writing methods to say that I couldn't have written any papers of that nature without putting facts on little slips of paper (or index cards, which is more common, but 3/5 pads of paper are less expensive!) and spreading them in order all over the floor, outlining, all kinds of things like that. (I guess people do them on computer now, though if it helps to go back to the Luddite methods you can put all over a table or floor, do it! Whatever works for you...)

Maybe if someone here has studied law or history you could bounce ideas off them. (Someone once sent her thesis to people who wanted to read it, to give her feedback. Maybe just having someone review an outline of the important points might help pinpoint whether facts are well-organized and clear, if that's an issue.)

Better if you have a "study buddy" or something in real where you can help each other that way, or if you're able to confide in a study adviser at school about w/d (don't know if that's a good idea or not, I really just don't know) maybe they could give you feedback.

But sending hugs and admiration that you're getting through this, and keep us posted on how things are going, okay? (I know nothing - NOTHING - about law and shamefully little about Roman history in general, but I'd love to see posts about how the paper is progressing as you keep working on it, and I'll be thinking of you often so with you in spirit!)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thank you so much, TTGW.

I actually don't know anything about law either. I'm just learning. I haven't started writing the paper yet. I am actually looking up articles, anything I can find, that will help clue me in on what to talk about.

My printer is really frustrating me right now. I cannot get this 25-page article to print. I've tried everything. It just won't print. I got other articles to print. I am not sure why this one won't.

I guess maybe that one I'll have to read on the screen, which I don't want to do while I'm in withdrawal.

This withdrawal is something else, I tell you what. I don't know how I'm going to make it.

[TryingtoGetWell]

Many people tell me about having trouble reading on computer screens in w/d, and they're a problem for me too quite aside from w/d (it's like staring into a low-watt light bulb!).

Can you print out that article that doesn't like your printer (lol) at the library or even a friend's printer? My local libraries let you print from the web or even bring in things on disc you've created or downloaded and pay per page to print out on their printers from public-access computers. (At the libraries here you have to sign up for computer use but before I had a computer of my own I did that for years just for internet access as well as when I needed to use the word processor and I'd just browse through books and magazines while waiting my turn; now at least where I live you can sign up online from home for computer use time from what I gather.)

That won't write your paper for you lol, but it might help. I often like printing out things I'm working out just so I can underline, write arrows and asterisks, and sometimes even cut out parts of things with scissors to arrange source materials.

If your library won't allow bringing in a disc you've downloaded the article to (out of concerns re viruses maybe - best to check with them first), a local office supply place like Kinko's rents computer time (with printer use) in 15-minute increments last time I needed that. (Though that's been quite a while.) Or maybe you can email the article to yourself (as an attachment) and print out the email at a library.

[Lovesthebeach]

Julleri-Just wanted to send my support and hugs to you. I know that this can be difficult and overwhelming at times. We are all here for you and each other. Deep breaths and it will be ok!

[julleri]

Originally Posted by TryingtoGetWell

Many people tell me about having trouble reading on computer screens in w/d, and they're a problem for me too quite aside from w/d (it's like staring into a low-watt light bulb!).

Can you print out that article that doesn't like your printer (lol) at the library or even a friend's printer? My local libraries let you print from the web or even bring in things on disc you've created or downloaded and pay per page to print out on their printers from public-access computers. (At the libraries here you have to sign up for computer use but before I had a computer of my own I did that for years just for internet access as well as when I needed to use the word processor and I'd just browse through books and magazines while waiting my turn; now at least where I live you can sign up online from home for computer use time from what I gather.)

That won't write your paper for you lol, but it might help. I often like printing out things I'm working out just so I can underline, write arrows and asterisks, and sometimes even cut out parts of things with scissors to arrange source materials.

If your library won't allow bringing in a disc you've downloaded the article to (out of concerns re viruses maybe - best to check with them first), a local office supply place like Kinko's rents computer time (with printer use) in 15-minute increments last time I needed that. (Though that's been quite a while.) Or maybe you can email the article to yourself (as an attachment) and print out the email at a library.

Thank you for the wealth of ideas, TTGW!

I actually may not end up needing those articles after all, and if I find I should, I will just use a snipit and read from the screen. The articles that I was able to print did prove somewhat helpful, after all. And, like you, i like to underline or make notations on the actual paper, which I did.

I found two cases that were used in the United States legal system that come from civil law systems, one specifically from Roman Law Institutes (one of the books of Justinian's Corpus Juris Civilis, which was one of the most important works of the Roman's body of laws) and will actually just look those cases up on FindLaw or some legal website and by then I should have enough sources to put something together.

I started to have a little "window" where I didn't feel anxiety or nausea, but it's kind of dissipating right now. I hate how they just start and stop when they want. Of course this doesn't bode well for my health anxiety. I start to think "hmmm, what if I have a stroke or have a seizure" since I'm having some funny feelings in my head and spinal area. Feels like something is just going to short circuit and I'm going to pass out. I am sure it's just withdrawal, though, as when I'm in a "window" I have no sensations like this whatsoever.

[julleri]

Originally Posted by Lovesthebeach

Julleri-Just wanted to send my support and hugs to you. I know that this can be difficult and overwhelming at times. We are all here for you and each other. Deep breaths and it will be ok!

Hi Lovesthebeach,

Thank you so much for your kind words. Man, this is brutal. In all my years of tapering (generic venlafaxine tablets, then back to Effexor XR, then on to fluoxetine) this is by far the HARDEST PATCH I have had so far. It's absolutely brutal.

May I ask how you are doing? And how did you manage going from 5 mg paxil to 0 in one foul swoop? I can barely tolerate just resting here at 2.2 or 2.16 or wherever it is. I see some on this site drop at 2.5 and I don't know how they do it. I guess my having fast tapered last month doesn't help.

[TryingtoGetWell]

Originally Posted by julleri

I started to have a little "window" where I didn't feel anxiety or nausea, but it's kind of dissipating right now. I hate how they just start and stop when they want. Of course this doesn't bode well for my health anxiety. I start to think "hmmm, what if I have a stroke or have a seizure" since I'm having some funny feelings in my head and spinal area. Feels like something is just going to short circuit and I'm going to pass out. I am sure it's just withdrawal, though, as when I'm in a "window" I have no sensations like this whatsoever.

I relate to those feelings and you're right... they're withdrawal! And you can be sure of that if they stop in a window and happen during waves. Try to acknowledge what they are and that infuriating as they are, they're nothing to worry about!

Hey, you're way ahead of me on ways the computer stuff. I'll have to check out snipit. I have a feeling it's something I don't have with my Windows XP clunker lol.

Keep us posted on the paper you're writing. It actually sounds really interesting, and something I'm shamefully ignorant about.

[Lovesthebeach]

Originally Posted by julleri

Hi Lovesthebeach,

Thank you so much for your kind words. Man, this is brutal. In all my years of tapering (generic venlafaxine tablets, then back to Effexor XR, then on to fluoxetine) this is by far the HARDEST PATCH I have had so far. It's absolutely brutal.

May I ask how you are doing? And how did you manage going from 5 mg paxil to 0 in one foul swoop? I can barely tolerate just resting here at 2.2 or 2.16 or wherever it is. I see some on this site drop at 2.5 and I don't know how they do it. I guess my having fast tapered last month doesn't help.

Julleri-Overall I would say I am doing ok. The reason I did the big drop like that was because I had gone into an urgent care one weekend due to a sinus infection. While there I mentioned to the doc (not my regular dr) that I was weaning Paxil and was having a horrible time with brain zaps; he suggested that I just drop it to zip for what reason I don't remember. This was prior to me reading/participating on this website as much as I do now. I was just excited to rip the band aid off so to speak. The last couple of weeks have been the hardest hands down; I have had intermintant problem with dry heaves, dizziness and naseua. It was so bad on Friday that I was wondering if it was worth it to stop taking this medicine and maybe I really did need to be on it. Common sense won, but I totally relate to your pain. I am just determined to make it through this; probably with a few battle scars, but hopefully mentally stronger!

[julleri]

Originally Posted by TryingtoGetWell

I relate to those feelings and you're right... they're withdrawal! And you can be sure of that if they stop in a window and happen during waves. Try to acknowledge what they are and that infuriating as they are, they're nothing to worry about!

Hey, you're way ahead of me on ways the computer stuff. I'll have to check out snipit. I have a feeling it's something I don't have with my Windows XP clunker lol.

Keep us posted on the paper you're writing. It actually sounds really interesting, and something I'm shamefully ignorant about.

Hi, TTGW.

I know that I need to not worry about every sensation that comes over me, but it's very hard, especially when they are new. But you're right - if they startup and are worse during a wave and then disappear during a window, they have to be withdrawal related.

I recently had a day-long examination at the Mayo Clinic here in Scottsdale, a $3,000-value that I received free through my employer (pretty nice, huh?). I was so happy to have that examination for a number of reasons. First of all, I haven't had a proper physical in years. Not wise. Secondly, I knew that if there was anything wrong with me - anything at all - that Mayo would be able to find it. So often I attribute anything and everything I feel in my body to withdrawal but that isn't always smart. There could be something else causing a specific symptom. It's hard to know what is med-related and what could be another internal medicine issue. But I checked out, clean bill of health my doctor there said. The only thing I really need to work on in terms of non-SSRI-withdrawal related health is an increase in exercise, which I have begun.

TTGW - I didn't mean to confuse you. When I referred to "snipit" I really did just mean what it means in the old-fashioned sense of I will use a snip or bit of information from the article. It wasn't anything specifically related to computers. Although at work there is this cool new tool I found called "SnipIt" in which you can make cool screenshot "snips" to capture to the clipboard for pasting somewhere else. It's really cool. A Windows 7 thing I think. But I am pretty computer literate. My job is as an analyst. I work with data all day long. Microsoft Excel and database querying, stuff like that. It makes for a challenge when I'm having a terrible day with symptoms. I stare at these columns and rows of data and can't think. Terrible brain fog. And the work can be challenging enough without being in withdrawal.

I haven't begun writing the paper yet. I want to find just a few more articles. I want to look up the Roman Twelve Tables as I know a few of the rules in those Tables are pretty similar to our own legal practices. I will probably begin writing it tonight and if not by tomorrow evening after work at the very latest.

On withdrawal note, I had a very restful nights sleep. I had no akathisia or restlessness, no dizziness, no nausea. I slept very well. I feel a little off today, though. Some light nausea, some head spinning here and there, feel a little off balance. Some pains and cracking in my back and neck. But, what can I do? I gotta just feel them and live with them, as annoying as they are.

[julleri]

Originally Posted by Lovesthebeach

Julleri-Overall I would say I am doing ok. The reason I did the big drop like that was because I had gone into an urgent care one weekend due to a sinus infection. While there I mentioned to the doc (not my regular dr) that I was weaning Paxil and was having a horrible time with brain zaps; he suggested that I just drop it to zip for what reason I don't remember. This was prior to me reading/participating on this website as much as I do now. I was just excited to rip the band aid off so to speak. The last couple of weeks have been the hardest hands down; I have had intermintant problem with dry heaves, dizziness and naseua. It was so bad on Friday that I was wondering if it was worth it to stop taking this medicine and maybe I really did need to be on it. Common sense won, but I totally relate to your pain. I am just determined to make it through this; probably with a few battle scars, but hopefully mentally stronger!

Hi lovesthebeach,

A doctor telling you to just drop the dose you're on to nothing. What a surprise. I know that 5 is a low dose, but for someone not going through this they just don't fully understand what 5 to 0 means. I hope you're doing alright and that you can get through it. You seem to have a good attitude and as I am learning, attitude is everything during this.