Compilation of Success Updates

[Glaucus]

Do you mean the sticky listing all the names of people to search for? I've looked at some of these in the past but find it quite hard to find things in my current state.

On benzoisland where I was a moderator we had a great success stories section, often members would come back to give updates on their thread to describe how even more healing had taken place over time. It was rarely abused and quite easy for mods to step in since there weren't vast numbers of threads.

I know it has been discussed here many times, I just thought I would add my voice.

[Insomniac]

Thank you Kathleen for the effort!
Btw, very interesting how some people are better off than they were before starting the drug? Could it be that brain gets stronger after withdrawal?

[Cici]

Kathleen - as a lounge-dweller, I looked up my "success" post from 2009. I have since coped with the horrors of a major earthquake, which caused the death of friends, the loss of family houses, and ongoing anxiety and stress for all us. Life is still good.

Success - one year from zero.
I think I have been putting off posting this as a success story as it seems to be tempting fate to say “success”, and I superstitiously feel disaster may strike! But I do believe in positive affirmation – so here goes!

A potted history – I had an anti biotic resistant pneumonia which led to chronic fatigue syndrome. I was gradually recovering, when my mother died and my son had a life threatening illness. I was prescribed paroxetine for anxiety, and had a severe paradoxical reaction on taking the first tablet. I was prescribed oxazepam to allay the akathisia, nausea, and increased anxiety (!!!!) until the paroxetine took effect. Six months later I felt my life was on an even keel and stopped the paroxetine. I was fine for two months, and then had what I now realise were withdrawal symptoms, but started paroxetine again. I tapered back on!! I tried again to quit by alternating doses, and was taking 10mgs twice a week when Aropax was replaced by loxamine. Again, I had an adverse reaction; took oxazepam for a few weeks, and was granted a year of Aropax by NZ’s Pharmac. At this stage I found PP and decided to taper slowly. I am very grateful for the wealth of information and support I found here.

The intensive anti-biotics I took to get rid of pneumonia left me with a fragile gut, and my first reaction to any stress seems to be nausea; so looking back at my diary I see a lot of “queasy” days during withdrawal. My GP prescribed domperidone, which I found really helpful, and Losec for heartburn; both of which I took as needed. Like Carolyn, I had to do a lot of brain training to convince myself I wasn’t about to have a heart attack! Insomnia was a problem at times, although I think the fear of insomnia created a vicious circle that kept me awake. I see from my diary that I did take a tablet of oxazepam several times over my taper, but never for more than one night. I had a working knowledge of CBT, visualisation and relaxation techniques from my professional life; but a theoretical knowledge is one thing, and putting it into practice personally quite another. One really good thing to come out of withdrawal is that I have learnt such a lot about coping with anxiety and stress. CBT and deep breathing and relaxation exercises have become an essential part of my life. I also found EFT and SET techniques helpful (thank you Betsy).

Dropping below the 5mg mark seems to be difficult for many. I must admit I was very worried about this, but as Laurie C. said – don’t worry – it may never happen; and she was quite right. In fact, I found the lower drops easier. I’m afraid I have always been a “what if” person, and as Homerbcool says – That's one of the curses of anxiety--we make possibilities into certainties...... Over the last year any time I have felt off colour I have immediately thought “what if this is a withdrawal wave”. My amazingly patient husband has reassured me each time that we all do have times of not feeling well, and I was probably talking myself into a withdrawal problem by worrying.

I’ve survived the zaps, ear whooshes, night sweats, nausea, insomnia, chest pains, heart flutters, panic attacks, foggy brain etc. etc. that plague most of us during withdrawal.(Though I have to admit that my advancing years may have contributed to foggy brain!!) Nearly all of these symptoms are long gone, and I am sleeping reasonably well, though I still sometimes find myself startled awake at 4a.m. So – a year later I am feeling proud of myself. I recently had surgery to remove a tumour, which was thankfully benign. I had a worrying few months with lots of tests. I have always been rather claustrophobic so the prospect of an MRI test was very daunting, but I found I actually coped without a shot of midazalon by using the techniques I have learnt and practised. My GP prescribed oxazepam for me early in the year, as he was sure I would be having lots of legitimate anxiety and sleepless nights. I did take a few tablets, but the bottle is still nearly full. I do like knowing it is there for an emergency though!!

This whole experience has been a real learning curve for me. I think I am a stronger and wiser person than I was a few years ago. I know I am less ready to judge others; and hopefully am more prepared to admit and share my problems. I am still reluctant to plan ahead – I am very happy and content living from day to day, but my instant reaction to a future plan is wondering if I will be well enough. This is the legacy paroxetine has left me – the self doubts, ups and downs, and uncertainties of withdrawal. Logically and rationally, I know I have coped, I am coping, and I will cope; but I still need to work on the “what ifs”. Thankfully, I now have tools to do so. For those of you starting out on a withdrawal journey – there is light at the end of the tunnel! Okay, there are some terrifying posts here, but there is so much support and help. I would still be muddling along alternating doses, and wondering what was wrong with me if I had not found PP. Thank you, all of you.

PS I know many people have been unable to tolerate alcohol at all, but we have always had a glass of wine before dinner, and when I have had a “nervy” tummy I do find that glass relaxes me!! I have also taken a fish oil pill every morning for years.
__________________
02-Chronic fatigue syndrome after anti-biotic resistant pneumonia. Aropax for anxiety.2 attempts to quit.
08 - slow taper.
Oct.08 - zero and feeling great!

[kathleen2]

Bumpitybumpbump

[GrandmaD]

Originally Posted by texgirl

There is a link to a permanent Success Stories sticky near the top of the General Discussion page. (The thread itself is in the Lounge, meaning you have to be a PP member to see it.)

I cannot find it! I went to the discussion page and couldn't see anything at the top of the page about success stories. Can you be more specific? Thanks!

[JessG]

Originally Posted by GrandmaD

I cannot find it! I went to the discussion page and couldn't see anything at the top of the page about success stories. Can you be more specific? Thanks!

Right above the latest post it says :
Moved: Forum Rules and other site based information/Success stories

If you click on it it should take you there. Hope this helps.

[GrandmaD]

Thanks Jess. Found it.

[spikenala]

Wont give a detailed story since my story is available here in many posts. The beginning of October 2009 I got one last wave...and when that subsided my symptoms never returned. So its around my 2 year anniversary now! I havent had a single symptom return over the past 2 years and my life couldnt be better. You WILL recover and return to your normal life. Time is all it takes...be patient.

To put things into perspective as to the severity of my symptoms for anyone who think they have it worse and will never recover: My reaction to celexa was so bad that I lost my job, left my med school class, couldnt leave the house for months at a time, was admitted to a psych hospital for 10 days, couldnt eat or keep food down, lost 40 pounds, etc. Went from a successful young guy to a complete and utter mess. Again, not a single symptom has reappeared and I am 100% recovered.

Hang in there!

[Stardust144]

I kept this bookmarked and wanted to add what I collected to it. This thread gave me so much needed hope at times I was so far down. So here are the stories I found here and I hope I am doing this right:


"I am, glad to report that I am doing better now. Not great, but certainly on an upward trajectory, with hopefully a 'fully recovered' endpoint waiting for me somewhere in the future." - James


"Wow, never thought i'd be able to say this but I'm Paxil-Free!! I know i did it abit faster then recommended and don't suggest it for others incase they have difficulty but god this feels great. I want others to know that if i can do this, you can too, i really thought my anxiety controlled me but once I learned not to fear it, it went away." - Miranda1


"Since coming off, I've made leaps and bounds. I've made new friends, and I've started to try to conceive having a baby as a single mother. I never would have had the strength and courage to do this before!" - Lenany


"At Month 48 (presently), I find myself 98% recovered and trust me, I practically feel “normal” or “myself” but BETTER." - Aeroman


bobbykim4's story


Mackenzie's Story


"5 years off Paxil: All of you suffering from withdrawal, hang in there. I promise it gets better." - ihatzaps


"I want to share this because I remember how desperate I was to find a grain of hope on the internet. Just one person who could say "I've been there, and I made it. Well... I made it. And I thank God everyday. He brought me through. I'm fine, and you will be too." - Aberdeen

[nn123]

Thank you so much, Stardust!

[julie-d]

Thanks so much for compiling these success stories Kathleen. I'm about 3-1/2 mos. post Paxil and feeling lousy and wondering if I'll ever feel better, so you couldn't have posted these at a better time for me. I haven't had a chance to read them yet, and have to go somewhere, but I'll definitely be reading all of them later today. Thank you!

[aberdeen]

Thank you for doing this, it's awesome! I love it!!

[marebear]

I have not been in this site in some time, but also wanted to relate my success story.

A quick history of my experience looks like this:

1. Took Paxil for nearly 10 years to control anxiety/depression.
2. Weaned off slowly for approximately 2 years and stopped completely in June 2008.
3. Six months after I was totally Paxil free (March 2009), I started to have a multitude of physical symptoms, including horrible digestion problems, extreme fatigue, muscle/joint pain, general dizziness, nausea, problems with concentration, electric zaps in my face and arms, episode of vertigo.
4. I left my full-time job in April 2010 because it became very difficult to work long hours.
5. Spent the last 3+ years trying to get my health back and I started to see improvement around the 2-year mark. Albeit, slow improvement.
6. Eliminated many food types in an attempt to control my digestion and live somewhat of a normal life (e.g. gluten, insoluable fiber, alcohol).
7. Today, now 3 years and 3 months after I first started to get sick from what I believe was Long Term Withdrawal Syndrome, I consider myself 99% recovered!
8. I am currently looking for work and feel confident I can have a career again.
9. Presently I am able to eat just about anything, but I continue to eat very healthy and I try to avoid gluten when possible. I am even back to eating a large, healthy salad every night for dinner! I enjoy fruits and veggies regularly, which were something I could not eat for a very long time.
10. I have a normal amount of energy these days and I exercise regularly like I once did prior to this epic experience!

At one time during this episode in my life, I thought there was no hope. There were days I could barely get out of bed, or I'd spend hours in the bathroom because of my digestion issues. I didn't go places and my social life really suffered, but I just kept believing that maybe it would someday get better. When I discovered about a year ago (around the 2-year mark) that I was seeing small improvements, I started to get really hopeful. I would push my limits when I could and then I'd allow myself to have a bad day if necessary (i.e. let my body feel the fatigue). I practiced yoga and meditation during this difficult time and I received regular acupuncture treatments. I used "mind over matter" a lot. It's hard to believe, but that actually worked sometimes!

The doctors that I saw in the beginning said I have Fibromyalgia. As many of you know, that is a catch-all term that they use when they don't know what is wrong with you. I remember asking one doctor about Long Term Withdrawal Syndrome and they completely dismissed it. Of course! Big Pharma stands to lose too much money if they admit the existence of this syndrome. In the end I stopped seeking advice from western medicine and I'm living a holistic life now. I have not seen a western doctor in almost 2 years and I'm very proud of that! I am probably healthier than I ever was since I eat so much better and I have a very good understanding of my own body. After all, when you spend thousands of hours on the Internet trying to figure out what's wrong, you learn a lot.

Stay strong out there, my friends! It does get better, but I do think part of it depends on our state of mind. I have noticed that my symptoms would flare a lot more when I was feeling depressed. Obviously it's vicious cycle and it's tough NOT to feel depressed when you are feeling so ill. However, this is something we should all consider. I have become the "watcher of my thoughts" and when something pops up that makes me feel melancholy, I immediately try to focus on something else; specifically the good things I have in my life. It may sound silly, but it helps. I also have learned to accept my limitations and I have cut myself some slack for the first time in my life!! If I need to be lazy one day since I'm feeling tired, I just go with it. After all, we are human! Needless to say, I wish the best to all of you out there who are going through this struggle! Never give up hope!! Your mind is more powerful than you think and you would be surprised how much healing power you have within yourself. Keep the faith of good health alive!!

Paxil free since June 2008!!!

[julie-d]

Thanks so much for posting your success story marebear. Sounds like a very long, very difficult road but worth it once you got through it. I've had and continue having most of the same symptoms you describe, and I'm about 7 months post-Paxil after more than 15 yrs. on it. Your story give me hope. All the best to you as you move forward in your life.

[marebear]

You are more than welcome, Julie-d. This forum has saved me in so many ways because once I located others with similar experiences, I knew that I wasn't going crazy! I had 2 doctors tell me "You're just depressed." I promptly fired them. Ha!

I konw you will come through this as well, but it will require patience! It took me a long time, as you can tell from my story, but I'm SO much better than I was just one year ago!!! Keep the faith that you will be well again. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. Amazing as this may sound, I am actually glad I had this horrible experience. I have evolved emotionally and spiritually because of it. Perhaps you will see the rainbow amongst the clouds too!

Peace and love!
Mary

[Bilo76]

Paxhell =

I don't know if you remember me but I used to visit this board alot. 3 years ago I quit paxil after taking it for 10 years, since I was 14. I did a stupid 2 month taper and really suffered. I had no libido, erectyle dysfunction, premature ejeculation, chronic fatigue, severe depression, anxiety, constant headache, stomach problems, brain zaps, cold hands and feet. Now, after 3 years I am finally almost as healthy as I was before paxil. I don't suffer from fatigue, no headaches, no depression, to brain zaps, not even when I'm tired, in fact, my life is great. I've been in a relationship for 2 years now and though my libido could be a little better, I still have sex 3 times a week, no premature ejeculation and I only have to use cialis sometimes. Actually I use it more to get confidence. Most of the time I have sex without it which is something I thought would never happen 3 years ago. In fact, I was sure I would never be in a relationship again, due to my sexual problems. I'm glad how wrong I was. I am very happy and look forward to the rest of my life.

I remember reading about people saying they would never get better and I was sure I was one of those people. I had no hope for the longest time. When the nice people here said I had to be patient, that I would get better eventually, I didn't believe anything would ever change. I dreaded each day and I pretty much gave up. And after one year of absolutely no change, I couldn't imagine another 2 years would make any difference. I was so sure my life was over, but it turns out the best was yet to come. I now belive that even though people can suffer from withdrawl for years without change, one day, a miracle can happen. And its funny, when one problem got solved, the others quickly followed. I am very greatful to the people here who told me never to give up. This forum might have saved my life.

And what made the biggest difference? Well, I took the advise of many and started to walk one hour a day, and yes, that made ALL the difference. After a few weeks I also started exercising, not too much, just once a week. I can honestly say the first year I didn't see any difference in my recovery but 3 months of walking an hour a day, there was a huge difference. I walked and walked and I could feel my libido getting better and better every day. I would never think that excercising could boost your sex drive, now I can see it can. And soon, all the other problems went away. I wasn't sure if it was the walking so I stopped for a few weeks and my libido went down and I felt a little depressed again, so I stared walking again and all was well again. Getting your blood flowing, spending time outside, exercising just a little is so important, I believe it reversed many of my problems.

I had one rule when I was outside walking, and that was not to think about paxil and withdrawl. Only happy thoughts were allowed. This was my time away from all that. Another thing I did was start seeing my friends. We had alot of fun I realized how important laughter is. I laughed and laughed with my friends and looked forward seeing them again the next day, after my walk of course. I tried to stay at home as little as I could, always keeping me busy, never thinking about how my life was ruined. I tried to see the humor in everything. It may sound stupid but you can do it. And as wonderful as the people here are, spending too much time here searching for horror stories about paxil, only made things worse. When I didn't feel like seeing people, I forced myself to do it. When I didn't have the energy for the walk, I forced myself to walk. Keeping myself busy is very important.

I thought you might like to hear this, if any of you still remember me. Thanks alot and if there is anything you can learn from this post, it's that the best cure for paxil withdrawl is light exercise and faith you will get better. It takes time, but it makes all the differens. When people used to tell me that a walk could change everything I was sceptic. How can one hour of walking really make any difference when you are suffering so much? Well, it really can. And don't spend too much time on the internet, go out, spend time with people and focus on your sense of humor. And remember, walk an hour a day. Wait, have I already said that?
Thank you good people and good luck.
Never lose hope, not even in your darkest moments.

link to thread:

https://www.paxilprogress.org/forums...ad.php?t=48585

[Bilo76]

Hello- I have not been to paxil progress for so long I couldn't even figure out how to post a new thread. I am now 5.5 years off of paxil after a brutal, brutal cold-turkey withdrawal. it has been 5 year since I last took a benzo. I am MUCH better and improving all the time. The turning point came when I began to sleep regularly.

I see life being a happy place again. I have a good job, have traveled half-way around the world, I'm healthy and fit again. It took everything I had to get off paxil- all the way off. But now I am really getting better and I am so proud and peaceful. I though I would never heal, but it comes surely though slowly for some. Why it is so variable, nobody knows. Don't give up hope if you are in protracted withdrawal. I was very far out before I began to see signs of getting better.

I believe faith in yourself is the difference between those that make it and those that don't. You aren't meant to suffer with withdrawal, and if you can keep remembering that, you will ultimately be delivered from the horror. Living can be and will be wonderful again. I feel years younger than I ever did on paxil- and after, when I truly was the walking dead. There are still some not-so-good days, but I can't believe how far I have come.

Peace to all of you. It is worth the journey. akaenew


__________________
Akaenew
Paxil since July, 1994
As much as 20mg daily
10mg daily for most of 12 years
Alternated 5mg and 7.5mg daily ~ last 2 years
5mg daily June, July 2006
2.5 mg daily couple days end of July
Last dose of paxil 7-31-06

Link to thread = https://www.paxilprogress.org/forums...ad.php?t=55159

[Bilo76]

I haven’t posted in a long time…but wanted to give an update to let everyone that is going through withdrawal know that you will get through it. I will be off ssris three years on August 2nd. I consider myself to be one of the worse cases here on pp. I had many symptoms, but the worse for me was the unrelenting akathisia/anxiety. I posted a list early on, but even at that time there were still more symptoms to come later. I started to see some improvement at the end of month 27 although things were still difficult. At the 2 ½ year mark I experienced another improvement and things have continued to improve in a linear fashion since then. I am doing very well and consider myself to be 95% recovered. I still have what I call residual symptoms, but I am confident that they will eventually disappear as they have been continuing to improve. In the last two weeks the “brain fog” cleared. I never thought in the thick of things that I would ever be able to write this post. I’m back to just living life as before Paxil and I can even drink coffee again!

I want to thank Laurie/Scotty for this form as I would have never known what was happening to me had it not been for paxilprogress. Also, there are some pp members that I have communicated with that without your encouragement and friendship I might have given up at some point and started taking the poison again…you know who you are. Thank you with all my heart.

The only advice I can give is that it takes patience and perseverance. Time is the only answer.

Link to thread:

https://www.paxilprogress.org/forums...ad.php?t=36283

[Bilo76]

It's been seven months since I took my last piece of Paxil. Newcomers generally like to read survivor stories, so I thought I'd post mine to offer encouragement. I'll try to break it down into a month-by-month report. Light did that once, and it was effective.

Month 1 -- In PaxHELL and can barely function! Dropped from 30 to 15 upon doctor's instructions. Too much. Went back to 30 for a few days and then dropped to 20. Still a big drop, but I chose to tough it out. I tapered from Xanax, 1mg/day, and Adderall, 30mgs/day last month. Lithium, too. So I was suffering from multi-drug w/l.

At times, it feels like someone is shaking my head or beating my brain with a stick. No sleep for days, constant zaps, tremors, two bouts of severe vomiting, crying, agoraphobia, can't stand to be touched, skin crawling, craving carbs, begged my husband to allow me to kill myself. Thank God for him and my son. And thank God for the people on this site who helped me get through the nightmare. Used yoga breathing techniques to quell the anxiety, but even that didn't work all of the time.

Month 2 -- Down to 10mgs now. Zaps and tremors still pretty bad, but subsiding a little. A few good hours each day. Able to talk on the phone with friends for a little while some days. Even managed going to a movie. Insomnia still relentless. Confused and usettled much of the time. Grocery shopping is difficult. Everything runs together on the shelves. Hyper sensitive to noise and light. Husband brings home dinner most nights. (Baked a ham and, while slicing it, almost lopped off my left index finger. To this day, I cannot bend it all the way. Tropical storm Cindy was raging outside, and the knife slipped when a clap of thunder sent a zap through my brain.) A few very bad moments of crying and suicidal thinking. Started aking magnesium and fish oil. Tried meltonin for sleep. Didn't work. I still want to be alone most of the time. Don't want to see anyone except my husband and my dear son, who comes by to visit me once or twice a week. I'm very guarded, and protecting/nurturing myself. I've begun treating myself the way I would treat a sick loved one.

Month 3 -- Down to 5mgs Couldn't get liquid, so I went from 5 to 0 after two weeks. Total taper time was 10 weeks. Too fast, wouldn't recommend it, but it worked for me. My birthday marked the beginning of my third month, and by that time, I was able to go out to dinner twice in one week. Soon afterward, I went to Barnes and Noble and Whole Foods in the same day all by myself. Amazing how such routine activities can feel like major feats. BandN was okay, but I did get flustered in WF. I was looking for something with ginkgo in it, and when the clerk asked to help me, I couldn't remember what I was looking for. Something for my memory, I stammered, you know...that stuff. LOL Boy, did I feel brain damaged. I returned a week later, however, and I was like a different person. Still shaky, but far less so. I actually enjoyed myself. (I love grocery shopping. Seriously. Especially in fresh markets.)

By month 3, I had gained more weight. Stopping the Adderall contributed to that. Anyone who has ever taken amphetamines will relate. Amphetamines suppress your appetite. When you stop taking them, the switch in your brain that says you're full has to reprogram itself. Until it does, you gorge yourself.

Month 4 -- Starting to see the light ahead. Insomnia still a problem, but Sound Sleep with valerian, hops, and kava is helping me get a few hours of sleep most nights. Tinnitus and hyperacusia (senstivity to sound) still present.

The worst has past, and I'm ready to take control of my healing. Reading a lot. More yoga and meditation. Basic Pilates. Joined the gym and started swimming and steam. Prepared for a liver detox by eliminating meat and juicing daily. Added a 100mg B Complex to the Mag and Fish Oil. Taking each day as it comes. Husband and I agreed to allow several months for me to heal, during which I wouldn't try to work, and would slowly take on stress causing tasks. He even took charge of paying the bills for a few months.

Month 5 -- Five weeks after my last dose, Katrina struck. On Friday, August 26, I went to a 10pm showing of The Aristocrats with my son. It's a hilarious film, and I commented to my son that it felt good to laugh. When the movie let out, his gf, who works at the theatre, jokingly asked "where are we going for our hurrication". Earlier that day, the weather report had Katrina heading due north. Over the evening hours, the course had changed, and New Orleans was the bulls eye. I had been feeling so good, and now this. By the time we got home, hubby was asleep. He hadn't even heard the 10pm news. I stayed up the entire night looking for a hotel room. There were none. By morning, it was time to gear up and make some serious plans. And guess who took charge? Who else? I'm normally a master of logistics, and when there are plans to be made, I'm the one to do it. Somehow, I got it together, and by the time my husband got home from work, I had worked halfway through my checklist. By 3am Sunday morning, we were on the road, with my niece, my pesky friend, two cats in our car, and my son and his gf following behind in his.

I did not sleep one wink from the time I awoke Friday morning until Monday afternoon. Not ONE WINK! by Monday afternoon/evening, I dozed an hour here and there, but mostly I was glued to the tv and laptop watching Katrina destroy our hometown.

We spent a month in Atlanta, and were still there at the beginning of Month 6. From that point, September 22, until Christmas, I fluctuated wildly between period of depression and despair, and moments of intense well-being. It's hard to discern what was w/l and what was Katrina related. Here are the things I know were related to w/l:

-- Unrelenting insomnia
-- Loss of creative energy
-- Complete lack of self confidence
-- Poor outlook for the future (I couldn't see myself ever working again. I felt like I was nearing the end of my life. Not death, per se, but old age. At 49!

__________________
Deborah
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage -- Anais Nin

...the most you can hope is to be a little less, in the end, the creature you were in the beginning and the middle. -- Samuel Beckett (The Unnamable)
.
1998: Paxil prescribed during mother's battle with cancer.
07/03 thru 05/05: Poop out; 2 botched attempts at wd; bipolar dx; more drugs added
04/05: quit lithium, Adderall and Xanax
05/05: Began 3rd attempt at wd
07/22/05: Liberated!

Link to thread =
https://www.paxilprogress.org/forums...ad.php?t=16927

[IMISSME]

Here's a good one. I had never seen this one before by "wildirishrose"

I have never felt Better!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi all,
I've been on SSRI drugs for nearly 13 years now, you can see by my signature i'm on a very low dose now SO close to the end i simply cannot wait.

My withdrawl from paxil was a living hell and i ended up suicidal and checked myself into a hospital, i then stayed off paxil because there was no way i was going back on it as long as i lived, however because i withdrew so quickly from a high dose my withdrawls and shock to my nervous system left me in a raw state for 6 months, and being naive at the time i thought it was my 'normal state of being' without drugs- panic attacks, anxiety, nightmares, physical symptoms, depression, irriatability etc...
so i went back to the Dr or drug dealer whichever you like and asked for meds to make me stable again

I was put on Luvox and ended up on 200mgs- pretty high
I then withdrew from 200 to 100 fairly quickly because i was unaware of the safe way to withdrawl

i stayed on 100 for some time and tried here and there to reduce my dose- using this site but doing juuust a little bit quicker because 'i cant handle it' bravado shmado
and ended up.... lets guess? a mess.

So in the last time i did it i did it right, after all isnt the definition of stupidity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?

So i spoke to some lovely people on this forum and did my own research and bit by bit taking the 3-6 weeks stabilising peroid inbetween each drop i came down, when i hit my half way mark all hell broke lose.. it really was a very traumatic time for me, especially after b eing medicated for so many years i had not felt my real emotions, my sensitivity and my real self in... welll.... 13 years and it was frightening
I did a lot of soul searching and took a lot of supplements to help repair the damage that had been done to my brain, nervous system and body- omega 3 was incredible and i take it daily and will continue to forever.
Its natures brain food and its highly beneficial for anxiety/depression.

I stayed on my half way dose for 5 months, i stabilised getting to know what the real me was like under the concrete blanket of chemicals i had been covered over with
It was hard, NO part of it was easy, most days were a struggle, but the best thing i learnt was to work with myself not against myself
Why drop down too fast or too much? to come off quicker? i can tell you .... ive done that more times than i can count with both paxil and luvox...
and you may as well pour acid into your brain and set yourself on fire because thats what your quality of life is going to resemble.
I cannot urge you enough to follow this site- take it slow, steady, be kind to yourself.
There is NO rush, you have the all the time you need.
Don't put yourself through it, i beg of you.

Once i stabilised on 50mgs, and got a feel of what life might feel like off medication... i started reducing again, and from 50mgs down for me-and everyone is different, it was (for me) barely any mental symptoms -by that i mean irritability, anger, crying, anxiety, depression, that hasnt even come into it for me because i think my body and mind got used to being nearly chemical free on the low dose of 50mgs that coming down from that has been the easiest part.

What i want to say is, if you've come to a reduction where after the 3-6 weeks you dont feel 100% to drop, then dont.
Stabilising for me for months was the best thing i could have possibiliy done and im so thankful i did because if i didnt and kept reducing i think i would probably still be living in the hell now.

I also want to say... i have never felt better.
The last time i felt this alert, confident, healthy, balanced and stable... well i was little a girl playing out in the sandpit!
I have had a pretty rocky journey through my life, i'm an incest survivor and lost my sister to suicide due to our fathers abuse, an unwell mother and i bascially raised myself and then when i had trouble with that, well i was put on paxil with no questions into my behaviour.

I cannot tell you how incredible it is for me to be this happy and stable and well without drugs.
Its been a long battle, with medication and with psychiatry asw im sure so many of you know when you experience any kind of emotionbal instability their job is to diagnose you with things you often are not really sure you agree with, but you accept it because you're vunerable and scared and a lot of time you've forgotten who you are - who that person was before they started having emotional difficulties.

Coming off my medication for me has been life saving, ive realised or rather-remembered who i am, I know me better than anyone.
I know i don't need harmful medication or judgemental talk therapy to tell me who i am.
I am the person i was before my life got tricky, i am that four year old girl playing in the sandpit before i ever felt sad or confused, angry or evil.
Í'm a good person who's had human struggles, i am not unwell, i am not mad and i do not need drugs to 'rebalance' anything inside me.

Being (so close) to med free that confirms everything i've always thought deep down.
I really urge you all to listen to that part of you that believes in you and remembers you for who you really are.

Good luck everyone and WELL DONE!!!

__________________
1999-2006: 60mgs Aropax (paxil).
2007: Withdrew dangerously fast from Aropax & was med free for 6 months.
2007:: Hesitantly back on meds- this time 200mg of Luvox.
2008: Withdrew too quickly to 100mgs of Luvox.
2010: Started withdrawl safely from 100mgs
to 87.5mgs
to 75mgs
to 62.5mg
to 56mgs
25/1/2011: Half way- 50mgs!
6/6/2011: 37.5mgs
25/6/2011: 25mgs
9/7/2011:: 12.5!

[IMISSME]

...and another one I had never seen from "sayff"



A very good update-16 months

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hi...

I had made a few brief posts on this site at the beginning phase of my wd, but i had generally been lurking in the background and only contacted a few people privately so my story is not well known to members here.

I had pretty much stopped coming to this site about 9 months or so into my wd, mainly because it had become so bad i wasn't really asking for advice any more or even hoping for any assurance.
I have almost forgot about this site, and although personally i didn't find any advice helpful to me, i have always been aware of the sense of desperation and hunger in which every one recieves an update, hoping for some assurance. And so, to put my conscionce at rest, i decided to come on here and write this update- well, it's the full story really, long and somewhat strange but try to read it especially since the news is good.

I had been on ssris for about 7 years (40mg). I was put on it because i was grieving for the death of my girlfriend. I had never had depression or anxiety in my life. There is no space or point in going into the rights and wrongs of prescribingf me these devestating drugs, but to cut a long story short, my experience has been similar to the thousands of people who come on this site, trapped inside a vortex of pain for years without knowing what was causing it, then realising it was the drugs, then realising they were hopelessly addicted, then the mythic effort of becoming free.

The first 4 months were, with the exception of the serious and countless physical problems, relatively easy. After that, there came an array of crippling psychological effects. I was living in England (not my country of origin) I had lost my design engineering job due to wd, lost my friends and social contacts, lost my interests, was pretty much with no money and was living in complete isolation.

The worse of the psychological effects was the almost uncontrollable suicidal urge, fed by the isolation and the anger and the utter sense of failure i was feeling i had become. I had always been very confident and never experienced low self esteem either before or during paxil.

my body completely stopped working. A bite of food would sit in my esophagus for approximately 2 hrs before it entered the stomach. I was vomitting blood, diarhea full of blood. Once i didn't sleep for one minute for six days. My joints all fell to pieces, the vertebras in my back started to pop out of place, i had three slipped discs, my neck was paralysed. This is not to mention my hair which fell out, my body which was covered in red blisters, my bladder which stopped working, my eyes which were the colour of ox-blood and which had to stay closed for half a day at a time, and my hearing which was gone so i was nearly deaf.
Before this i was a very confident, athletic, good-looking young man, successful in everything i did, sociable. I felt the true me was viciously stolen from me.

My one constant thought, in which i soaked every single cell of my body was to take revenge on the medical community and to then kill myself.
My passionate and hot blooded nature, the wd pain and the isolation combined with my powerful ability to control myself to create a very strange situation in which, while seeming calm on the outside, i was in fact completely crazy on the inside.
Looking back now i believe that i was actually completely insane after the 5th month into wd. My thinking was completely deranged, i was one big mass of ocd and hallucinations and paranoia and anger and sorrow and pain, in total isolation and for months.
But although i know how i felt, if you ask me what i was doing or what i was thinking about i wouldn't have the slightest idea. It seems now like one big gap in my life. I can't remember anything.

By the tenth month, my family, with whom i had completely cut of relations ( i don't remember at what point, why and how i did this) finaly got through to me. My aunt who had brought me up (my mother died when i was little) said i must go back and that she didn't want me dead, and over several weeks the family took turns in convincing me that if i wanted to die i should go home and die.

Eventually i decided to go home. The main reason was that i felt guns where easier to get there and that i could succeed in putting an end to this miserable story. Wd or no Wd, whether i'd be getting better or not, all these things didn't mean anything to me anymore. I threw myself full on in a downward spiral of self-destruction. I was gone. Finished.

I was home. Baghdad...a city i had left when i was sixteen back in 94 and never returned to since. Now here i am, 33, broken, on all levels.

I spent a couple of months which were as hellish as my life in London but ostensibly somewhat better,e.g. now there was someone to shave me, wash my clothes..etc.
I still intended death and was assidiously planning it.

Then came the night which made my story veer off from the usual wd story.
I was living in a semi-rural area. It was the night of 26/27th of may and it was very hot.
I decided to go out for a walk in the country side. In the distance i could hear the howling of wild dogs, and could smell the nearby canal. The date palms creeked in the soft breeze. Then it began. A strange feeling. I can only decribe it as the feeling of electric charges going up and down my body, a burning in the middle of my forehead and a sense of profound squeezing around the chest area. It was EXTREMELY pleasant. The first time i had felt good in years.

What followed was a deep, powerful experience which shook me right to the core and made even wd look like a joke (if you can believe this). I wouldn't go into what i saw and learned through this experience because, it was transcendental,not really the type of thing that can be decribed in words and because if i do describe it in words everyone would think that i was....well, you can guess what everyone would think i was.

It suffices to say that it was a life-changing religious experience.

I went to bed at 3 in the morning. I woke up at 7.

I felt that i had been asleep for 3000 years, not the heavy slumber of the sick, but the deep refreshing sleep of someone who is completely well and balanced. That morning i could not understand even what the word depression, anxiety meant, never mind the feelings themselves which had weighed upon my heart like mountains for months.
Only the night before i had felt i had the will-power of a cockroach, or two if i felt more upbeat than usual. In the morning i felt i had a will which could break the will of a thousand men. I felt that i had never suffered in my life nor made a single error. My physical symptoms were improved by about 60%.

This must be what Lazarus must have felt.

I was very afraid that it was one of these fabled windows which people talked about so i waited. It has been over three months now and i feel just as good.

since that night in month 13 i have experienced zero depression, zero anxiety, zero insomnia. I do have some lingering physical problems, mainly digestive, some muscular-skeletal problems, a slight fatigue but only rarely. The only mental symptom which i have is irratibility. But all these are improving. And fast.

I exercise two hours a day, i cook, laugh, and watch movies. I am in love with a beautiful young girl who knows nothing about what i went through.

I am stronger, wiser, more resilient, more inventive, more stable, calmer and happier than every one i know. My life consists of one continuous moment of pure happiness. I sometimes cry because i am so happy all the time.

I am of course technically still in wd. But the suffering it brought to me had reached such a critical point, that a complete change in my mode of knowledge took place so that i see everything in its totality now. I no longer see myself as sayff, this young man with hopes, fears and dreams. That man is dead. That this terrible, devestating wd can be beaten, and more, that it all happened in one night is what makes this a true miracle.

I consider my whole saga with paxil to be the luckiest thing that has happened to me in my entire life.
Everynight when i go to bed i thank god for all the pain i went through, all the suffering, losses, humiliation, fear that i went through because without this i would have never become the man i am now. NEVER.

I have only one advice: Never Never Never give up, and remember that the more pain you feel the nearer you are to freedom.

I have passed what i have experienced on to you and i can put all this behind me. I am a free man.

May you all feel happy soon

Sayff
__________________
paxil 40mg 2004-2008
taapered 2.5 mg every 2 weeks. severe wd
back on paxil 30 mg within 3wks
switched to fluoxetine 20mg
tapered 5mg every 6 mths
ssri free may 2010

.....if you are going through hell.....keep going. (churchill)