Happy New Me

[lmac]

Wld - first off, YAY, 9 days paxilfree! Way to go.
Secondly, yes, concentrate on the positives, not the what ifs. I know its hard, especially after reading about my horror along with some others.
Like you, I crashed at mnth 4 off last time too. So this time when it came on, I KNEW what it was and that gave me the courage to keep moving forward and it gave me the hope that it would end, because I knew what it was. Honestly, it is scary when in the thick of it but it is sooooooo worth getting through it to come out of the other end completely med free and a chance to see who you are and can be without the life of the pill from HELL!
Me too, I thought OMG, how do I go through this BS after all this time, after my family saw me wd for 8 mnths and they now expect me back. Just resign yourself that you may need another year (I know it sounds long but for trading it in for a lifetime of paxilfree its worth it) to plug through this. Not saying you'll be out of commission or not doing well the entire year. You may not even experience anything more than some up and down emotions for a while.
One of the hardest things for me is my guilt of what I've put my family through, not being able to function or even go to work. My poor husband has had to work 10 hour days, come home and make dinner, clean the house, run the errands etc for those 2 mnths I was out of commission while l slay on the couch feeling hopeless and terrible for only being able to breath for each day. Nomuch of an accomplishment BUT they now notice an improvement the last almost 2 weeks and realize I've been through hell and back. As long as our families fully understand and are prepped just in case.
My god, this truly is a serious drug withdrawal. I left my first husband because he was a drug addict, whoever woulda thought I'd be going through a drug addiction. And far worse!!
Just remember, we are all different and may have different intensities. I think mine was far more intense because I couldn't control the severe panic.
I guess it boils down to a personal decision because the timeframe this entire thing takes is not quick but to me is worth the quality of life afterwards.
Because I've been through it (and am going through it) I could never shun anyone who decides to reinstate because I know the personal hell and how hard it can be and everyone here is a hero for even trying!!
The one thing that helped me get through the dark/despair is constantly repeating to myself "Happiness ALWAYS returns".
I'm sorry that all these stories have scared you, just remember we are all different. Also, I tapered too quick and stopped my last dose at an equivelant to 3mg of paxil so I still wonder if this is why its been so rough!
Enjoy your paxilfree life and try not to focus on the what ifs.

[Wld]

Originally Posted by IMISSME

My sister did a cross taper with prozac coming off Celexa. She had a week of minor physical symptoms and brain zaps and was fine. Kinda pissed me off actually but she is pregnant and needed to get off. This was her second time taking some sort of SSRI in the last 10 years and has never had trouble stopping. Go figure.

Now THATS what I wanna hear!! Omg thank you!! There are people out there aren't there? Oh that doesn't piss me off, I just think PLEASE GOD let that be me, please, please, please!

[Backtopaxil]

There are people who get away with it, I mean AD are the most prescribed drug in the US. We just dont hear about all the mild cases whether they switched or got off, but a segment of the people that had trouble. So dont let it bother you

[Wld]

Originally Posted by Backtopaxil

There are people who get away with it, I mean AD are the most prescribed drug in the US. We just dont hear about all the mild cases whether they switched or got off, but a segment of the people that had trouble. So dont let it bother you

You know George I just don't know ANYONE who's been on ADs--isn't that strange? It's just not something I ever discussed with people. This is all I know, what I hear here on PP. I LOVE hearing about people having no problems getting off. I really do.

[lmac]

Wld - I have a couple of friends who stopped ADs and had no issues. One even ct'd after on Celexa for 6 months. All she got were some brain zaps for a couple of weeks. And I bet a lot of people you know are on them or have been. Its not something most talk about it sure is common!

[Backtopaxil]

Originally Posted by Wld

You know George I just don't know ANYONE who's been on ADs--isn't that strange? It's just not something I ever discussed with people. This is all I know, what I hear here on PP. I LOVE hearing about people having no problems getting off. I really do.

My best friend took Lexapro for 2 years and did the doctor method and mentioned that had "just a couple" of headaches..LOL!

You and I reinstated and failed and I have no regrets, I did my best. I mean I am unable to deal with the aches and pains and muscle cramps. Honestly I think paxil pooped out on me. So we must hope for the best cause there is no turning back.

PS My original tapering was actually good, a few headaches, and some minor back pain. then I had a couple of palpitations and decided to go back. More like being lazy than riding it out. That I regret.

[Wld]

April 8
Christ the Lord has Risen Today Halelulah!!
Had a beautiful Easter Day. Went to church and sang my heart out. Then to lunch at my sister's and ate way too much. Played washers, hid eggs, hunted eggs, watched kids swim and enjoyed our perfect weather. Perfect day!

Home now and have a tad bit of anxiety thinking about tomorrow-Monday. I hate Mondays. I wish I just had my old job to go to so I wouldn't have to figure out what Im going to do to keep myself busy so I don't start "thinking". I know if I was working I'd be thinking ughh I wish I didn't have to go to work. But weighing the two options, work has to be the better one. It's so hard to get a teaching job right now, at least in California....I look everyday and there just isn't anything. This is one thing I miss about being on Celexa-----it didn't seem to bother me at all, not working, like not a bit. I mean if you're gonna be out of work it's a whole lot easier when it doesn't bother you I guess. So, idk what I'm gonna do...I'm a work in progress. Luckily we don't
NEED the income but omg I NEED it for my sanity!

[Wld]

April 10,
Whoa...anxiety's BACK! Not happy. This is only day #15. How the hell am I gonna do this again? i was felling so indestructible there for awhile. You know it's a bad day when you get on crazymeds.com and start reading about different ad's and try to figure out which one you might have missed and may be a good match for you. Ughhh! (they all sound terrible) Go away go away!

[lmac]

WLD - I'm sorry you're not having the greatest day today!
My advice, find things that will help sooth your anxiety. I meditate every morning when I get up. It took lots of practice but it really helps. I also do deep breathing (count to 2 breathing in and double it breathing out ) this probably helps me the most right away. Do it for a few minutes. I also keep a brainless funny novel close by as sometimes it helps me keep my mind off stuff. Cut down on caffeiene (I'm totally decaf now). I also find that being mindful helps (focus on a task in the moment). For me I take 2 cal/mags every night and I actually feel relaxed about an hour later.
What ever you do, DON'T look up this stuff. If you resign to the fact that you simply cannot do this, go back to your last dose for a while and try cutting that in half too. It hasn't been that long since you've been off.
BUT, wait it out, don't jump to conclusions, this anxious feeling might not even be here tomorrow
What gets me through is constantly telling myself, there's always some pain before it gets bettter. Like having children. You have to endure the pain for the amazing reward at the end.
Hang in there.

[lmac]

And to your previous post - if you don't HAVE to work (lucky you) have you thought of volunteering somehwere to help keep you occupied?
I'm off work right now and I sure wish I wasn't but the nature of my job is way too stressful during this wd crap!!

[aberdeen]

I too can't be off work without meds. Being on AD's was the only time in my life I could tolerate being home all day without anxiety. I really deeply wish I was like my Mom who LOVED being home and not working. I wish to God I was the same way, because the truth is I like being here. But it's not in my nature I guess.

[Wld]

Originally Posted by Wld

April 10,
How the hell am I gonna do this again? i

Oh I remember now...I HAVE NO CHOICE!

Thanks Imac for all your suggestions. I can't go back on Celexa, it pooped out on me about a year ago and it'll do me no good. While I was tapering it did me more harm than good (I think). Just having a bad day....I was trying to remember the last time I felt this bad and it was over a month or so ago so I had a good run. It'll pass so I just need to hang tough. I won't go on anymore drugs.

I'm what I call a professional volunteer....that's all I do (lol). Oh you would not believe the things Ive volunteered to do. I'd much prefer a real permanent paying job tho. Can I ask what you do? Teaching's stressful too.
As much as I'd like a deterrent I'm not sure if I could actually handle it or not. Right now I can't even manage to unload the load of groceries I just bought.

[lmac]

Wld - I am in project management for a VERY high profile company and on multi million dollar (some billion) projects. Its too crucially demanding, way too stressful and no room for error. I simply cannot do this job in this state. Even on my good days. I have 0 stress tolerance.
I like your positive attitude, keep it up! Tomorrow WILL be a better day for you!!

[Backtopaxil]

See this as a train that leaves the main station, you may have a few stops here and there but you will get to your destination. You are on your way !

[lmac]

George, can I have your positive attitude please?!

[Backtopaxil]

You should !

we have to see that the further away we get from these pills the better it gets. It will not be an easy ride but many have done it and so should we.
I have read so many stories here, even from people that Ct and they healed. This website's a wealth of knowledge.

[Lovesthebeach]

Wld-How are you doing today?

[Wld]

April 11

Well hello there Lovesthebeach! I'm doing a little better today, thanks for asking. Yesterday was just horrible. The good days have outnumbered the bad, so I think I'm still ahead. This is a bad wave I'm in right now tho. And boy it doesn't get any easier as time goes on--good days are good but when the bad hits it's every bit as bad as it ever was. Excrutiating! Awfully discouraging....you'd think you build up some sort of tolerance after awhile. I haven't had a panic attack yet just extreme anxiety so that's a plus. Yea, only in THIS world is extreme anxiety a plus. Depression should be stopping by any day now to say "hello"....followed by my "good friend" despair and then, fingers crossed, hope will be making a appearance---that seems to be the way it's going lately. So much fun....

Oldest daughter's 21 today, tryin to get in the happy birthday spirit. I don't even have enough energy to figure out how I feel about this. Seems the less I
think, the better.

Hope you're doing better than me. How's the Prozac working?

[lmac]

Love your attitude!
Happy birthday to your 21 year old. Isn't that legal drinking age in the USA? That's a big birthday!

[audrealjade]

Wld- you weather these storms with the greatest attitude! Many prayers and huge your way. I hope that despair doesn't stick around too long for you.

[obliviousjo]

I Hope today is prefect for you!!! I'm on the anxious train right with you...yikes..but I'm anxious on the stupid ads too so...glad to be DONE with them!!! No more worrying about missing doses and not knowing IF I'm going to wake up with diff wd symtoms..love that...are you having problems with the nausea as bad as me? That and pain are my biggest complaints lately...I now worry that I should be working too but im just in too much pain.....miss that one thing about the ads..was way more self centered on them...now I care that I'm useless to society...lol....been thinking about you, tammy, brass, george, aberdeen, audrealjade, all of you guys but I now do stuff than go to bed before the sun comes up....haha...big changes for me...and I AM one of the ct cats so....if I'm doing ok, you must have perfect days that are coming....and more importantly..STAYING!!!!!!.man I hope so!!!!! you deserve it and ur kids need it....I really really believe ur only going up at this point...longer windows, than no more closed ones

[Backtopaxil]

Originally Posted by Wld

The good days have outnumbered the bad

That is all I wanted to hear and happy B-day to your daughter!!!!!

[Wld]

Ooooo Friday the 13th, like we don't already have enough to be afraid of....

Good day on the Matterhorn (my all-time favorite roller coaster). Anxiety's there but it's more annoying than "concerning". Patience is VERY low, irritability is rearing it's ugly head, not afraid of any thing in particular, don't feel like putting a bullet thru my head so yea, a "good" day.

Looking forward to seeing the Lakers Sunday...kinda what's keepin me going.

[aberdeen]

Thinking of you, hope you're doing a bit better!

[miriza]

Ok, so another friend is going to Paris for her birthday....must turn off all FB notifications.