11 month update

[mackenzie]

Hi all,

I can't quite believe it's been a bit over 11 months since I took that last pill sliver. On the good side, I'm long over the insomnia and bouts of extreme anxiety/muscle tension/rage/severe depression that would hit during WD, and for some time after quitting completely. It's wonderful to be able to fall asleep fairly easily, and sleep in on weekends--something I thought I'd never do again during the last half of WD. I'm also doing really well handling the panic/anxiety issues that brought me to paxil in the first place, thanks to a combination of therapy, exercise, yoga, and CBT techniques gleaned from Claire Weeke's book. I have much more energy and notice so much more in the world around me.

I wish I had only positive news to share, but there is one thing that I'm still experiencing that concerns me. I guess it's anhedonia, but I don't think it's quite the same as the emotional numbness and lack of motivation I felt while taking paxil. I can cry again, but don't seem to feel much joy or pleasure, or interest in my work as a freelance writer. I mentioned it to my therapist, and she seems to think it's nothing to do with paxil WD after all this time, and that--since anhedonia is a symptom of depression--it's some sort of perimenopausal, empty-nest syndrome depression (by the way, I wasn't depressed, pre-paxil!). I'd love to know what others think about this, especially those of you who have been off ADs awhile. I don't want to be depressed!

Thanks, and, those of you still tapering and dealing with WD insomnia/anxiety/etc., hang in there--it does get better

Mackenzie

[caperjackie]

Hi there mackenzie and congratulations on doing so well! I think it may still be WD as I am going through the same and I am well past menopause and empty nest syndrome - lol. Like you, things are much much better but this one along with a mild depression has reappeared lately. Of course maybe I am just over tired....

[LCrawford67]

Congratulations on your accomplishment, Mackenzie!

I can't tell you what this is for sure, but there is something to keep in mind. You didn't have this pre Paxil, but you weren't perimenopausal pre Paxil either. So while this still may be you adjusting post Paxil, a lot has changed physically with you in 9 years.

I had a similar situation. I stopped Paxil, after 10 years, at the age of 39. About a year and a half later, all kinds off goofy things started happening, but it wasn't anything to do with Paxil, it was all hormones.

Sadly, this is a downfall for many women who have been on SSRIs for so long. We stop taking them in our 40s, when hormonal changes are starting and it's hard to discern what's what.

[Wld]

Originally Posted by LCrawford67

Sadly, this is a downfall for many women who have been on SSRIs for so long. We stop taking them in our 40s, when hormonal changes are starting and it's hard to discern what's what.

Is it ever! Most of the time i don't know which end is up. Am I REALLY this depressed, have I become horribly anxious, who even KNOWS who i am now, these new hormones I'm taking, how can i even discern how they make me feel? What part is wd and what part's "real". This flippen empty nest on top of it all. No job, what am I gonna do with the rest of my life....omg the list, the list!

[lmac]

Congratulations and thanks for the update. I'm only just past 7 mnths post and these posts mean SO much to me as I seem to look for constant reassurance. I know you're looking for people who have been off longer but I read A LOT of posts from those who have been off a very long time. I notice a vey big trend with anhedonia/depression being the last of symptoms to leave. Of course perimenopause/hormones "could" be happening as well, I also notice so many people are being diagnosed this during wd. I am only 37 and my doctor has ordered all kinds of hormone bloodwork for me as she says all my symptoms sound perimenopausal. I'm not even sure I want to do this bloodowkr until I've reached 1 year post ADs because I don't know what I'd do if the hormones came back abnormal. So many people (which I've read on here) has hormone imbalances the first year after ADs but then cleared up once their bodies healed and leveled out. Didn't I read somewhere that ADs and wd from them cause changes in our endocrine systems as well??!!

[anman]

lmac i just had my levels checked a month ago and they came up with deficiencies so i was put on anti-thyroid meds. naturally i am anxious to ingest anything the doctor gives me now, so i checked alot to see if its safe etc also on this forum. as it turns out it is perfectly safe and I do actually feel a little better now that i have taken them for some weeks BUT, like you i wonder, since the imbalance is most likely caused by withdrawal what will 'aiding' my body with external supplements do. will it speed up my bodys natural healing or will it **** it up even more? does anyone have long term experience/advise with thyroid meds and hormone levels during withdrawal?

[julieannboo]

congratulations.

keep going xx

[mackenzie]

Originally Posted by caperjackie

Hi there mackenzie and congratulations on doing so well! I think it may still be WD as I am going through the same and I am well past menopause and empty nest syndrome - lol. Like you, things are much much better but this one along with a mild depression has reappeared lately. Of course maybe I am just over tired....

Congratulations to you, too!

[mackenzie]

Originally Posted by LCrawford67

Congratulations on your accomplishment, Mackenzie!

I can't tell you what this is for sure, but there is something to keep in mind. You didn't have this pre Paxil, but you weren't perimenopausal pre Paxil either. So while this still may be you adjusting post Paxil, a lot has changed physically with you in 9 years.

I had a similar situation. I stopped Paxil, after 10 years, at the age of 39. About a year and a half later, all kinds off goofy things started happening, but it wasn't anything to do with Paxil, it was all hormones.

Sadly, this is a downfall for many women who have been on SSRIs for so long. We stop taking them in our 40s, when hormonal changes are starting and it's hard to discern what's what.

Thanks, Laurie! You're right--a lot can change in 8 years, and I'm sure crazy hormone fluctuations are playing a role here. At least I'm not having hot flashes right now (knock on wood)

Mackenzie

[mackenzie]

Originally Posted by Wld

Is it ever! Most of the time i don't know which end is up. Am I REALLY this depressed, have I become horribly anxious, who even KNOWS who i am now, these new hormones I'm taking, how can i even discern how they make me feel? What part is wd and what part's "real". This flippen empty nest on top of it all. No job, what am I gonna do with the rest of my life....omg the list, the list!

YES, this confusion is the pits...so sorry you're feeling it, too. It's like I have no purpose in life anymore.

One thing I did last week that really lifted my spirits: volunteered for the morning with a gleaning group, harvesting leftover kale, collards, and broccoli for a food bank. Being outside, getting exercise instead of sitting at my desk, talking to other people instead of feeling isolated (I work at home writing), feeling like I was doing something worthwhile--made me feel awesome for the rest of the day.

Mackenzie

[mackenzie]

Originally Posted by lmac

Congratulations and thanks for the update. I'm only just past 7 mnths post and these posts mean SO much to me as I seem to look for constant reassurance. I know you're looking for people who have been off longer but I read A LOT of posts from those who have been off a very long time. I notice a vey big trend with anhedonia/depression being the last of symptoms to leave. Of course perimenopause/hormones "could" be happening as well, I also notice so many people are being diagnosed this during wd. I am only 37 and my doctor has ordered all kinds of hormone bloodwork for me as she says all my symptoms sound perimenopausal. I'm not even sure I want to do this bloodowkr until I've reached 1 year post ADs because I don't know what I'd do if the hormones came back abnormal. So many people (which I've read on here) has hormone imbalances the first year after ADs but then cleared up once their bodies healed and leveled out. Didn't I read somewhere that ADs and wd from them cause changes in our endocrine systems as well??!!

Thanks very much--this really comforted to me. And it wouldn't surprise me at all that ADs and WD affect our hormones, too!

Mackenzie

[mackenzie]

Originally Posted by julieannboo

congratulations.

keep going xx

Thanks, Juliannboo!

[Shiloh1]

Yes I too have the slight anhedonia also still sometimes and sometimes it's just depression like I am incabable of feeling positive emotions....you are right for many people it seems like it is the last symptom to go.....it feels more physical in nature rather than something that I can just "snap myself out of" like I used to......I am almost 13 months off.....

[NewbGuy]

Congratulations on all of the improvements. This could be paxil or hormones etc of course. If its paxil still there is nothing to be done but wait. Hormones there may be some courses of action, though you may now be gun-shy about using medications/pharmaceuticals.

Where did you find meaning or pleasure before?

Do you exercise or have a hobby that involves standing and moving around?
Do you meditate?
Do you ever practice mindfulness?
Does your diet include a fair amount of whole food fruit and vegetables?
Do you have a social network, club, interest that you engage in with other people?

I know this is all standard fare as far as prescriptions go, but I always think these things should be in order, before considering further medical/pharmaceutical interventions.

*Edit* Also you and I apparently got off paxil at almost exactly the same time. Most of my major symptoms have cleared as well, but not all. I imagine both of us simply have more time to wait. But its certainly gotten progressively better, even if it didn't follow a totally linear pattern. I think the wait is so unbelievably long that at some point we keep saying " no way can this still be paxil" but I really think often times it is.

[alivehope]

It is paxil related, I am dealing with anhedonia again. I had it after I quit SSRI few years ago and now I am dealing with it again. I was not depressed before paxil either. Keep going, you will heal.

[aberdeen]

It's w/d. I pretty much cold turkeyed a high dose of Effexor last year. The Paxil didn't do a thing for withdrawal and this has been a rough year. I still get waves of w/d related symptoms, I recognize them. There are paxil effects too, but they are different, I know I'm still working through Effexor withdrawal and it has been 13 months now. I do feel tonnes better, there's no doubt I'm improving, in fact I felt well enough by 11-12 months off that I began to work on my next taper (Paxil). I think it really can last this long! It's not permanent though.

[mackenzie]

Originally Posted by NewbGuy

Congratulations on all of the improvements. This could be paxil or hormones etc of course. If its paxil still there is nothing to be done but wait. Hormones there may be some courses of action, though you may now be gun-shy about using medications/pharmaceuticals.

Where did you find meaning or pleasure before?

Do you exercise or have a hobby that involves standing and moving around?
Do you meditate?
Do you ever practice mindfulness?
Does your diet include a fair amount of whole food fruit and vegetables?
Do you have a social network, club, interest that you engage in with other people?

I know this is all standard fare as far as prescriptions go, but I always think these things should be in order, before considering further medical/pharmaceutical interventions.

*Edit* Also you and I apparently got off paxil at almost exactly the same time. Most of my major symptoms have cleared as well, but not all. I imagine both of us simply have more time to wait. But its certainly gotten progressively better, even if it didn't follow a totally linear pattern. I think the wait is so unbelievably long that at some point we keep saying " no way can this still be paxil" but I really think often times it is.

Sorry, I missed that there had been more replies somehow! Thanks so much--these are all such good questions to ponder. I've been pretty good about exercising in the eves, but I used to do some in the a.m. too and I've slacked off on that over the winter; given my sedentary work (writing) I can use all the exercise I can get, so I'm going to try and pick it up since it really helps my mood and anxiety. I could do a lot better on the other things you mentioned, too--especially meditation. Isolation is a big problem for me, since I work at home alone all day. I notice I have so much more energy and feel happier if I get out around people or meet with a friend.

Things have improved a lot since I first posted this, so I'm hoping for a more positive 12 month update soon!

Thanks again!

Mackenzie