Help please! After effexor out of body withdrawal symptoms

[Brassmonkey]

Kathryn-- You had been talking about the money and bug problems and I thought they might be able to make some suggestions that could help, nothing else intended.

[kathrynE]

Please does anyone know who wrote the above pasted posting or what it was titled?

Thankyou
Most Sincerely
Kathryn

[Xpaxilslave]

I think that was aberdeens first post

[kathrynE]

Thank you so very much. I will check it out. I so appreciate your help!!

[kathrynE]

Originally Posted by audrealjade

I have those same thoughts. When I am incredibly scared (which is pretty much 24/7 now) I try to divert my thoughts to prayer and it does help.

Kathryn we are all always here for you. Are there any support groups in your area? It would be nice for you to have a place where you can interact with people one on one and that may help with the loneliness. Even a divorce support group? You may want to go to your library and see what info they have.

I want to thank you audreal for the link ssrihope.org. I now have more hope. Thank you so very very ver much
So grateful
Kathryn

[kathrynE]

Originally Posted by Brassmonkey

Kathryn-- You had been talking about the money and bug problems and I thought they might be able to make some suggestions that could help, nothing else intended.

I'm sorry. Did I say something in a rude or unappreciative way. Please know if I did I didn't mean it that way at all. Not at all. I'm so appreciative every time I look here and there is even a resonse of any kind. Forgive me if I did. Easter weekend was horrible and I even alienated in the angry way I felt someone I love very much and now have probably lost. This saddens me greatly andd I cling to God sorting it out and His will is what will be and nothing happens by mistake. Please forgive me if in any way I offended you. I am at the beginning of post SSRi and panicky. I mean never to hurt or offend but it just doesn't come out of my mind and mouth and in both cases written word. I really am appreciative and every response is treasured. Don't give up on me. I'm trying very very hard and am only not alone most of the time here. Thank you for reaching out if I did not thank you before

[aberdeen]

That was my post, when I felt I had pulled through the worst of my Effexor withdrawal I posted that. I hope it gave you some hope! Actually it gave ME hope re-reading it,lol. I felt so good! I still feel tonnes better, but have hit a few months of feeling really numb. I think it might be the Paxil though, or just more lingering issues from Effexor w/d, or even my Paxil taper. But after having that stretch where i felt so amazing, I feel much stronger now. Anyway I can tell you appreciate our advice/encouragement here. I appreciate everyones advice here too, I would never have realized what was happening to me if I hadn't found this forum! Hope you're feeling better soon.

[audrealjade]

Originally Posted by kathrynE

I want to thank you audreal for the link ssrihope.org. I now have more hope. Thank you so very very ver much
So grateful
Kathryn

You are so sweet! Thank you! I know you have been suffering for too long with all of this and I keep praying you come out of it soon. Be as proactive as you can about your physical health and hopefully the mental will follow right along.

[kathrynE]

I just want everyone to know I am doing better today and thank you all so very very very much. The friend I thought I'd lost having educated him before understood and only didn't communicate as he was reading the enormous number of emails I sent frantically trying to explain. Oh the torture we put ourselves through lol! I have been up to what I would call mid-high anxiety but strenuous exercise helped. I can't believe how much all of u reaching out made me feel less lonely, less crazy and gave me hope. You guys are truly a grear great bunch. Thankyou
Very warm regards
Kathryn

[kathrynE]

Am still doing ok but after yesterday evening and night and this morning surprised at how well I am coping. My best friend my main suppot persons daughter died of a drug overdose. I went to support her. By noon today I HAD to leave for my own mental and physical health. I am at peace with my decision but is is terribly tragic. Poor sandi cannot afford to even have a funeral for her daughter. I got no sleep there and her other daughter and granddaughter were and always have been so selfish and all they did was fight with her and each other and make things harder for Sandi which I tried to make up for but became worn out and they all smoke and I have asthma and it was getting to point I knew I'd be in trouble. Used all $ I had til end of month in cab fare there and back but will be OK and got email from lawyer that was a cc from him pressing exes lawyer to get off his but so hope of financial improvement there. Sandi is disabled and cannot even afford a funeral even a memorial in paper for her own daughter. Her daughter was on a govt program in Alberta called Aish and all they will pay for is burial. Is tragic and disgusting. This makes me terribly sad and angry but I've eaten, need to drink and then I'm going to rest. Thanks for this place to vent. I've finally stopped crying for Sandi. I will be ok. I actually feel proud I made the right decision to look after myself but did as much as I could. Government cares nothing for the poor!

[aberdeen]

I'm sorry for your friend, you did a good thing to be with her. There's only so much you can do, coming home was a good choice.

[kathrynE]

Thankyou Aberdeen for reaffirming my choice. I did do as much as I cud and more but stopped for once when I saw what my expense would be knowing I only have myself to look after me. For me that is an achievement as I have sacrificed my well being for others most of my life. My abusive marraige is a glaring example. 20 wasted years but I'm sure I'll look back someday and see things I gained and learned. God bless u ALL for being SUCH wonderful people. You really are!

Very warm regards
Kathryn

[kathrynE]

Good mooooooorrrrrnning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kathrynE]

Now I support my friend from home by phone and do what I must to keep me mentally and physically healthy. She has to be at funeral home Monday to see her daughters body for first time since she died. She is like me very poor. Does not even have clothes nor shoes to wear to funeral home. Is running out of food. I as she is to me am her main support and desparately trying to find a way to get these things to her with no car but am looking after myself and have support. Thank u all for listening and ask respectfully for prayer that God will see her needs met. Thank u
Very warm appreciative regartds and caring to u all
Kathryn

[kathrynE]

I just want to say, and I speak solely for myself, what a great help AA has been to me through this withdrawal, even when I couldn't see it. When I get stuck in the poor me poor me thing it has taught me how to see the illogical and harmful effects of this not only for and to myself but others. I am but a fledgeling there and guess given how powerful these feelings are when they hit, I will slide back in and have to work my way through again and again but I also have a glimpse of the great rewards that this work will reap and believe me, for me, given much of the detriments to the poor me thing led me to these pills, the work is so worth it. And I am only beginning. I have found fellowship to people I can so closely relate to and want me to succeed as it too pulls them out of themselves and their destructive triggers and how service to others is necessary for this reason and truly believe in their one of few requirements for entry: belief in a higher power and turning yourself over to that power to pray to for guidance, strength and comfort. Today (only speaking for this day) I am humbled out of the me me thing but hold no self derision for that. Instead I find peace, understanding, hope, comfort and something I have such trouble with, patience. Today gives me proof that as AA says "nothing but nothing happens in Gods world (however you see him) by mistake.

Just my experience - not preaching
Warmest of Regards to all
And of course humongous gratitude!
Kathryn

PS. My father was an alcoholic. I previously thought this had no bearing on MY struggles in life! My exhusbands stepfather was an alcoholic and he cannot look at his weaknesses nor has ever been able to deeply gebuinely apologize to me for anything he did.
A little very personal info just in case someone might see themselves

I'm NOT,
DEFINTELY NOT saying this applies to anyone but myself however on the outside chance AA could offer anyone a smoother or less hellish ride through this journey or HOPE that is applicable, I'm throwing it out there

[aberdeen]

I love what you said. I think we're all here for a purpose greater than we know. We will come out of this alive and stronger than ever.

[audrealjade]

Originally Posted by aberdeen

I love what you said. I think we're all here for a purpose greater than we know. We will come out of this alive and stronger than ever.

So very true. We each have our own intricate piece of this universe puzzle and the trials we face have a greater importance than we may know and hopefully we will understand what that is someday.

[kathrynE]

Well I'm on here whining this time but I guess looking to u fo encouragement. In desparation I turned to my estranged daughter who is financially very secure for a damage deposit so I cud move from here. Big mistake. Compromised myself in doing so but my last resort. So I'll be staying here. Of course she was kind and agreed to help under many conditions that violated even insulted my efforts thus far, my sacrifices and involved many conditions all control issues demonstrating her lack of any trust or confidence in me. After what they've been through from drug side effects I somewhat understand but don't understand why I feel once again unacceptable by standard in my children's eyes and why I feel so low and confused. I've tried to educate them on these drugs and recently explained stressors but my daughter having control even over my personal life was more important to her than her mother in these circumstances. So confused. I own a great deal of responsibility I guess for her not having faith in me and allowing me my pride of independence and my own choices in life but it feels like a slap in the face too and no doubt that is how she sees it. Trying very hard to let God take His hand in this lol like I LET Him. He of course has complete control. I am just hurt and very confused. Any prayer or insight or advice from experience or observation would be welcomed. Being so tired from lack of sleep doesn't help. Warm regards to all of u and genuinely my warmest best wishes u r all if not doing great at peace where u r.
Kathryn

[kathrynE]

I find myself in a unique position. I have felt myself in grief since Sandis daughter died and wondered what was going on. Was I overloaded? The withdrawal? What was it? In my last post I spoke of the confusion around my daughter who with my son and grandson have been estranged. Now I know. Not sure what to do about it but I recognize what's going on. In dissimilar circumstances I too have lost my children and her grief has touched mine. And believe me the grief is there. I cry a lot at my AA meetings over it. Life presents its puzzles and I don't know where to go with this one but ride it out. Any advice?comments,ideas? How does this relate to withdrawal well withdrawal overlays it. Life is never a smooth ride but I can't be the only one who has been through loss of family because of psych meds and now must confront the grief? Love Kathryn

[kathrynE]

This what I paste here is what I just sent to a grief online support group. It gives more detail than what I have posted any moderators may feel I am taking up space or this doesn't belong here. I don't know where to turn with this. It is so complex but as these drugs are such a huge part of it thought I'd take a chance and bring it to you. Please deal with it moderators as u see fit. I don't know whereelse to go with this.

My losses are many but the one most painful is the loss of my children though they are still alive

I live alone and in poverty until my divorce settlement comes through from an abusive marraige.

30 yrs ago I was placed on medications for depression and anxiety and am now going through the process of withdrawal because I've learned they had the paradoxical effect of worsening depression causing suicidal ideation and also caused physical side effects that debilitated me.

In this time the relationship I had with my children so suffered we are now estranged and I have noone.

Last week my best friend and main support persons daughter died. In supporting her I could not understand why I was so despondent myself on top of the drug withdrawal until finally to get out of an apt treated ineffectively for bedbugs I turned to my daughter for help out of desparation after months of this. She offered but attached conditions that meant no regard for my independence my personal life and where I might choose to live. I could not accept and as much as I love her, she always wants control over my life and judges me based on how these drugs I am almost off affected our roles in the mother child relationship.

Now comforting my friend, the grief of the loss of my family has hit full force on top of dealing with the withdrawal. Now I am dealing with that as I've had to deal with so many traumas these drugs numbed my mind to but my brain remembered and brought each thing back.

My friend knows this. We r like sisters meeting in the safe house from Jan 2011 to June of the same year. So now I face each feeling much as she feels but it is like it just happened for me too. So we both understand each other but she has family to turn to while mine has left me and I can't say I honestly blame them. I wud have done the same but I am not that person anymore. I was doing well until her loss triggered the impact of mine.

Now nothing seems important. Withdrawal causes sleep deprivation among other horrific things but being alone and wishing my kids loved and respected me is worse and now front and centre is their loss and the loss of grandchildren I don't know. I'm fighting to continue with life with all I have but presently have little interest in anything. I can't thinkfeel only sad and half here. I feel overwhelmed have no appetite and am constantly tired. There is nowhere to turn with this as it is a rather uncommon situation and in the professional world the damage these drugs I am almost off do is not yet recognised in Canada or being conveniently ignored to prevent lawsuits arising such as are in the USA and the UK.

The fact remains I have suffered a grievous loss of not just one child but both and their children and as almost in a divorce situation I know they are alive and thriving but I am not desired in their lives. They remember only the pain of which I am accountable but by ignorance.

I am not suicidal but lonely and in pain inexplicable and to boot must deal with withdrawal which because the drugs were psychotropic is also of the same nature.

Do I even belong entering this forum?

Sincerely
Kathryn Egan

[kathrynE]

Completely lost but hoping rest of u aren't really. I'm not usually such a downer and just like here people stay away. I do understand. Hate it but understand. You guys be well real soon and when I am I promise I'll give hope to those who think it'll never end and something anything will mean something again. See! Total turnoff. Maybe this falls under just yucky stay away from section lol. Goodnight all

[aberdeen]

Not ignoring you! Hopeing things improve soon!

[kathrynE]

Thks! Wow me too (hoping improve). My brain feels more drugged than when it was!

Truly through this fog, my best to u all

And has anyone else had this drugged feeling? Anything help?

[obliviousjo]

KathrynE...Hi honey....I actually have been meaning to write to you more but to be honest...I got confused as I always do these days and didn't know if you were the same you...lol confusing I know...welcome to my foggy mind...I came on here the other day JUST to see if YOU had posted as of late bc was worried...I stayed up late one night and looked up effexor ppl, found you, read a bunch of ur posts, thought I responded to one but now I'm unsure....anyway....ur picture change threw me off I think....lol...I was looking for a kathryn with wild hair...hehe bc that was ur original avaitor correct? I loved that pic bc it actually how I feel half the time these days...or do now on some...
Anyway....So sorry about ur living conditions..that HAS to be insanely hard....I personally would go bananas You are a strong woman!!!! I'm so freaked out by bugs and have read horror stories about those bed bugs...you poor thing...
I must say that you are a great lil writer You sound very educated and come off very leval headed for someone in wd...I am finding it very hard to not let my forgetfulness etc. get to me and here you are...going thru wd, greiving ur friend, dealing with ur childrens not being around, and on top of it all, bedbugs in ur place???? Takes a strong will to go thru all that you are!!! Sorry I havent taken more time for you..I really am!!! I'm going to try and get you in my radar of ppl on here that I check in on...I assure that if I dont do that often enuf that it is my mind NOT anything urwriting or saying...I'm having such an awful time remembering ppl...hate that....I have only so many ppl that I really concentrate on bc that is all this tiny brain can hold at time..lol...
I hope ur doing ok today I had to ct my effexor after attempting wean but was too allergic to continue so I cted feb 10th and am now actually doing alot better..Thank God...First month was hell....
I think your amazing and doing really good in such hard circumstances..Your kids will see that eventually and come around....It isnt always fun to look back at the damage our mistakes have caused our children but...You ARE taking responsibility for ur mistakes and that just HAS to pay off sometime soon here...It will..I think ur doing great on trying to pick up the peices and all...that is commendable hun...chin up, it WILL get better!!!!

[kathrynE]

Whoa! U sound like me! I dropped Effexor from 37.5. You know what? You taking the time to post and a long humorous one at that, means the world to me! I remember when I could clinically assess myself and say. "That's withdrawal so I'll do this.....". Not anymore. Now I live in its cloud and watch the hours go by. Now I've got a bladder infection that won't go away after fighting it everyway I know how so I'll hit nearby medicentre tomorrow. At least one thing screwing up, I can recognize! Lol. Your cheery message really lifted my mood. As for strong, well there's more I'm dealing with and I'm just learning to look after me and stay away completely from every possible stressor once in awhile as a personal sabbatical type thing. Want badly to move but waiting on divorce results. Got my bed protected with special box spring, mattress and pillow covers so when I can finally do so can knowing my company won't bite me. I'm stuck here so just have to cope. Its as simple as that. Everything I own in bins or garbage bags and keep food in the fridge. Never in a zillion years could I have seen this coming! I pray a lot and have since I left safehouse landing here where I could afford to live. When I get real real caught up in trying to solve what can't be or that which can't until I get my settlement which won't be a lot, I remember the answer I got when walking one day last fall praying for help. "Take yourself out of your head and let me in. I will sort it out ". So I do that even if ever 5 minutes between slipping in and out of panic, confusion, feeling like giving up or thinking I really AM a nut case. Strong? Sometimes. But right now too immersed in all this to even fight so on sabbatical. Don't want to isolate either. We have to walk such fine lines. And there are so many of us. Why aren't there any support groups for this. Professionals are definitely out. Just a thought but thanks to YOU I know I'm not just hiding today, I'm taking a breather. I live among (coming from a country home) every type of street drug addict u cud imagine, high racial tension and poverty. Today I just don't look outside, talk only to Sandi (best friend who lost daughter) and now you, a refreshing breath of fresh air support encouragement and on MY side. Thank you. A great big hug and I always loved your avatar! Used to paint butterflies. Changed mine cuz this whole damn thing didn't seem at all humorous anymore. Maybe we should post jokes here. Could have whole section for when we need a laugh. God bless and big big thanks!
Warm regards,
Kathryn