An Update

[julleri]

I am SO SICK! But I am afraid that it's not entirely withdrawal.

I know this forum is not intended for medical advice. But, if I could have some suffering support with ideas of what I should do, I'd really appreciate it.

I have been getting days of very bad dizziness, weakness, fatigue, terrible brain fog, skin turning pale white, unable to breath, feel seriously like I'm "going to die." Now, I have been researching and educating myself about low B12. All of these symptoms can be low B12. Ironically, a lot of them match SSRI withdrawal. I had to do a lot of convincing with my primary care to get me enough shots of B12 to treat myself. (I can't tolerate sublinguals I've found out. I don't know why. My therapist says it's probably the sugar alcohol "-itols" that are in there - she said she's seen them make people very sick, and can even mess with cognitive functions, make you "feel crazy," which I have experienced with them.) In any event, I have B12 shots now, that I give myself every other day for a couple weeks, then will recheck the levels. Also, I am wanting to know WHY I am low in B12. So my doctor is running some tests for this as well (which, sadly, I had to bring up to his attention). I feel like the doctors I have seen with regards to low B12 don't take it very seriously.

I've decided to try to doxycycline. I've told myself that it's not safe to not try it, I don't know if this Rickettsial Infection positive on my test results means I have an active infection or not, but it's not safe to play around with it. I'm only taking 50 mg/day, and have only been doing it for a couple days.

My biggest concerns are that I'm not absorbing nutrients or food. Is this possible that the body will just outright not absorb food? I am so dizzy, weak, out of breath, confused. Yes, eating is a challenge for me. I have no appetite or a low one when I do. My stools are large, foul-smelling, and float, and are bulky. I am afraid that my body is not absorbing what it needs to survive, and that I am slowly dying.

I don't know how I got into this mess. I cry and cry about it. Oh, my nervous system is messed up, too. I'll get these sharp pains in my lower left leg, sometimes on my lower right leg, too. I also see some spots in my eyes.

This makes having to go through antidepressant withdrawal that much harder.

I somehow feel that the adverse reactions I was having to the Prozac last October - December/February of this year, when I finally stopped taking it, have thrown my entire body into attack mode, where it's not absorbing nutrients and is wanting to die. It is very very scary.

I really need to know what to do. I've got my GP (who isn't that great in my opinion) giving me the B12 shots to do on my own at home, he's running tests for H Pylori, Crohn's and Celiac (all three of which I had to request, btw, he didn't think to run these on his own, at least not to my knowledge). I'm taking the doxy short-term and low dose for now with regards to Rickettsial Infection positive on my March blood results. I just don't know what else to do and I'm kinda losing hope. Could it be possible my body is just physically shutting down as a result of the adverse reaction and stopping of Prozac? I have a feeling, though, that all these medical things probably were going on even well before the adverse reaction to Prozac and when I was feeling "relatively well" compared to how I feel today.

I do realize that my serotonin is VERY LOW and can't be helping any of this at all, probably making it a lot worse. However, there is no denying that some medical things are going on in my body. I am scared by my fatigue, weight loss, just how confused and sick I feel almost 24/7. It's not possible for one's body to just want to die and then shut down organ systems like this or something? (That's my mental part going haywire.)

I'm sorry. I know we're here for SSRI withdrawal support and advice, but I really could use some support and hand-holding for my medical problems. It seems doctors I see don't know or only know one thing they specialize in but then don't seem to care about the overall picture.

I really am afraid that I'm dying or am going to die sometimes, when the symptoms are at their worst!

[LCrawford67]

Jason, you're body isn't dying and it's not in attack mode and not absorbing nutrients.

Look, the harsh reality is; you're going to have to accept and admit to your health anxiety and it doesn't matter how or why it started, but it's there and it needs to be dealt with. The only person who can do that is you.

I don't know what you want us to tell you. You keep getting all these tests done, that show nothing. Your doctor isn't volunteering these tests to you, because there's no need to, other than you insisting on it. You keep posting you feel like you're dying and you're obviously not dead and if you were dying, you'd have known it by now. Stop looking for things that aren't there.

[audrealjade]

Have you gone to a naturopath for these tests or regular doctors? From my own experience my thyroid is messed up. I don't say that to give you anxiety over that being why you feel this way but I don't think it would hurt to check that out. Fatigue and brain fog are common thyroid issues as well as withdrawal issues.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Rule out the simple things that may be causing these issues with a good doctor and when those things are ruled out you will have to hold on with the withdrawal but it will end.

[julleri]

Originally Posted by LCrawford67

Jason, you're body isn't dying and it's not in attack mode and not absorbing nutrients.

Look, the harsh reality is; you're going to have to accept and admit to your health anxiety and it doesn't matter how or why it started, but it's there and it needs to be dealt with. The only person who can do that is you.

I don't know what you want us to tell you. You keep getting all these tests done, that show nothing. Your doctor isn't volunteering these tests to you, because there's no need to, other than you insisting on it. You keep posting you feel like you're dying and you're obviously not dead and if you were dying, you'd have known it by now. Stop looking for things that aren't there.

Sometimes it does feel like it is dying, or like I'm lacking nutrients. And the proof is physical, too. I am losing weight. My hair is turning grey. That doesn't "just happen" and isn't from health anxiety! So, while there is NO DENYING I have severe health anxiety, there is also no denying that something is going on. Low B12 doesn't just happen to people. I just hope to God that it's not other nutrients.

I just hope I'm doing all that I can for treating and finding what's going on. Getting the proper tests done, etc.

But I know that I go to extremes, thinking that my body is slowly shutting down, etc. That's extreme, but it's where my health anxiety brings me. It's hard when you do have all these real physical problems like the spotty vision, brain fog, fatigue, greying hairs, etc. My imagination gets the best of me, though, and I jump to "I'm dying." But we can't all place all the blame on withdrawal when something medical may be going on...

I just want to be healthy, relatively worry-free at least as far as my health goes. i can go back to worrying about my money problems or something else...

[audrealjade]

Yes at this point I think you need to see someone who is more into functional medicine who can run a full gamut of hormone testing, stool and blood testing. Is there anyone in your area? I mean at this point it wouldn't hurt! They can test for parasites and other infections as well.

[julleri]

Originally Posted by audrealjade

Have you gone to a naturopath for these tests or regular doctors? From my own experience my thyroid is messed up. I don't say that to give you anxiety over that being why you feel this way but I don't think it would hurt to check that out. Fatigue and brain fog are common thyroid issues as well as withdrawal issues.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Rule out the simple things that may be causing these issues with a good doctor and when those things are ruled out you will have to hold on with the withdrawal but it will end.

Hey!

I wanted to tell you I read your thyroid post yesterday. I'm sorry you have to go through that, but at least you know something that's contributing to your suffering. I feel that way with my low B12 and low D levels. When I had my blood work done, my doc who did that tests said thyroid "looked good" but who the heck knows what that really means? Yes, I have thought about thyroid hormone levels, too, after reading your post yesterday.

I haven't had a full nutritional panel test on my blood done. I don't even know if that can be run. but as far as other blood tests go, everything is "normal" with the exception of those two vitamins (D and B12). Even B12 last check was in normal range but that's only because I have been having shots.

so, maybe that's proof enough that I'm absorbing nutrients? But still, my stools have been bad. I will bring that up in my next doctor appointment. Also I had to leave a stool sample so maybe that little sample will be enough if the labs find it abnormal enough or something they can comment on it. The sample was for the H Pylori.

I'm so sick of this. Why can't my body just work like it's supposed to? Brain fog go away, sharp pains in back go away, no more weird cracking sensations, get regular hunger patterns, actually want to eat and to sufficiently and properly absorb the food that I give it? It's so frustrating!

Thank you for your response, though. How have you been getting along DR/DP wise? Oh! I have been having HORRIFIC DR/DP lately, to the piont where I think it's like dimentia. I'll be doing something and forget what it is I'm doing or why I'm doing it, then it comes back seconds later. It is VERY scary, but can be related to B12 levels.

[Lovesthebeach]

Jason- Your first sentence tells it all, you are making your self sick by giving yourself these messages; I don't think you are sick or dying and I don't think your Drs do either. I think you are sick of feeling sick and you can change that. If you do not have one already, buy yourself a notebook and write in it everyday "I am not sick or dying, it's just anxiety" a thousand times if that is what it will take. Right down positive statements like "I will not let anxiety control me, I am in charge". Write down all the things you are grateful for or positives in your life. Make sure you are drinking plenty of water to stay hydrated. Something else that might help is to try/force yourself to eat small meals every couple of hours hungry or not-even if it is just a banana or a couple of crackers and cheese, soup, whatever. Start your day with a bowl of cereal. Start off with bland stuff and work your way up. You will be fine and you need to start telling yourself this instead of getting yourself worked up about it all. It might take a week or two but soon enough you won't even notice aches and pains and will be back to a normal diet.

[scotty]

Originally Posted by julleri

Low B12 doesn't just happen to people. I just hope to God that it's not other nutrients.

I just hope I'm doing all that I can for treating and finding what's going on. Getting the proper tests done, etc.

Yes, low b12 does just happen, vitamin deficiencies happen, and to be honest your B12 by most lab standards is very normal(and may have been like this for your whole life). Jason, you can continue to spend thousands of dollars on tests that aren't necessary, as evidence by the fact that your doctor hasn't even mentioned doing them, or you can accept the fact that YOU are making YOU sick. Constant worry about health is creating the situation and has become a self fulfilling prophecy. The fact that you can post the specifics about a bowel movement is not normal behavior and have obviously googled for information. Bowl movements change day to day for everyone depending on diet.
You're obsess over everything related to your body, and that obsessing is what is creating the problems, not your body.
If someone worries 24 hours a day the stress will create all sorts of symptoms. If there was truly something deadly going on, the symptoms would be consistent with one disease process....yours are not.
Doctors will continue to order tests as long as you ask for them, period. But at some point they will stop listening to you and send you on your way. Step away from the computer, go to your therapist and learn how to control your anxiety. Then all this other stuff will go away.

[julleri]

Originally Posted by scotty

If there was truly something deadly going on, the symptoms would be consistent with one disease process....

OK... I just really critically read this part and it stuck out to me. Given my symptoms appear to be all over the map, and aren't too specific to one condition, then these things are likely related to the meds and their withdrawal, and my anxiety, more than any one possible condition? Am I getting it right?

The only things that I suffer from that seem to line-up nice and neatly are the low B12 symptoms. I don't have all of them, but the ones I do have seem to correlate to that, which I am treating, so will hopefully eventually go away or at least be manageable.

Ugh. I'm really trying here, guys. What I typed above is that at least a good start?

[aberdeen]

Originally Posted by julleri

OK... I just really critically read this part and it stuck out to me. Given my symptoms appear to be all over the map, and aren't too specific to one condition, then these things are likely related to the meds and their withdrawal, and my anxiety, more than any one possible condition? Am I getting it right?

The only things that I suffer from that seem to line-up nice and neatly are the low B12 symptoms. I don't have all of them, but the ones I do have seem to correlate to that, which I am treating, so will hopefully eventually go away or at least be manageable.

Ugh. I'm really trying here, guys. What I typed above is that at least a good start?

Sounds like a GREAT start! Let it comfort you!

[aberdeen]

Oh and I thought of you today, my neck is so stiff, the pain goes into my shoulder and almost to my waist if I turn the wrong way, and it's very crackly sounding too. I was trying to stretch it and heard all these popping sounds in between my shoulder blades. I think I may have pulled something but I have never had popping sounds before like this. I gave it some thought and realized I did a drop in my Paxil dose 2 weeks ago. That's the only thing I can think of, all my joints feel loose and are cracky sounding. But I just tell myself this is from the meds, there'snothing actually wrong with me, I don't have sudden osteoporosis or bone cancer, I have no symptoms for things like that so it's just the meds and it will pass. That kind of thinking will help you so much! I know it's easy for me to say, and hard to do, but it helps!

[kathleen2]

Jason, here is a link that may help you--a support forum filled with people just like you. It may also help to show both your doctor and your therapist your Paxil Progress posts. If you don't reach out for psychiatric care, your life will consist of monitoring your body, obsessing about physical sensations, seeking information, seeking reassurance, and going to doctors. Then the cycle will start over, because: 1. there is always going to be something wrong with the human body, every minute of every day, forever; and 2. there are endless self-diagnoses (seizures, cancer, MS, heart attack, brain tumor, etc etc).

http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php...836ffd3ec0e0e5

Health anxiety is infinitely more serious and life-destroying than SSRI withdrawal, or B12 deficiency, or any of the other things you've obsessed about in the last few years. But it *can* be treated, if you're willing to put in the work.

[LCrawford67]

Originally Posted by julleri

Ugh. I'm really trying here, guys. What I typed above is that at least a good start?

Jason, you are trying and you just need reminded every now and then and that's what support is all about. It's not just about enabling and agreeing with you, it's also about helping you to see what the reality is of your situation.

I promise you (and I'm not even close to being a doctor) that you're not dying and you WILL get through this. And, I'll bet money that one day, you're going to post an update about how much better things are and how much better you're feeling.

Keep up with your therapist and I bet that post will be much sooner than later!

[Kay2020]

Jason, I am so sorry to read that you are still suffering. I am having health anxiety right now with BP. I never thought I would be this freaked out. But I have gotten so many good responses here and adding that with my doctor's advise and family I am calming down.

I have not had health anxiety before this is a first for me, I usually have a fear of certain medical things that I do get terrified, like ANY surgery. Once I actually tried to rock myself off the operating table to "escape". I am much better now. But this healthy anxiety really stinks!

I hope you find a way to feel calmer and even consoled to the point where you do not have to feel this way anymore. I also hope that your symptoms get relieved and you can have some peace.

[julleri]

Originally Posted by aberdeen

Oh and I thought of you today, my neck is so stiff, the pain goes into my shoulder and almost to my waist if I turn the wrong way, and it's very crackly sounding too. I was trying to stretch it and heard all these popping sounds in between my shoulder blades. I think I may have pulled something but I have never had popping sounds before like this. I gave it some thought and realized I did a drop in my Paxil dose 2 weeks ago. That's the only thing I can think of, all my joints feel loose and are cracky sounding. But I just tell myself this is from the meds, there'snothing actually wrong with me, I don't have sudden osteoporosis or bone cancer, I have no symptoms for things like that so it's just the meds and it will pass. That kind of thinking will help you so much! I know it's easy for me to say, and hard to do, but it helps!

The mystery of these cracking sensations and pains/pressures is beyond words. It really is. All I can think of is that serotonin HAS to play some sort of role in joint health, and that when it gets low, can "loosen" joints and make them susceptible to pain and popping/pressures that build up moreso than for most people. I realize that joint popping is completely normal. It is not normal for them to be so frequent throughout the day, though, and for my joints to build pressures so much. Lately if I even slightly bend my head/neck to the left, I get a sharp shooting pain that goes down my right chest deep into my body. What the heck is that all about?!

I also theorize that my joint crackings are nerve related, maybe from the low B12. I don't know. Wish I did. But, I really do believe that serotonin plays a role in bone/joint issues, too. After all, Cymbalta is given out to folks with fibro like pain. What a joke.

I hope your joint cracking goes away and does not get to the levels that mine are. And hopefully it all goes away and heals with time.

[julleri]

Originally Posted by kathleen2

Jason, here is a link that may help you--a support forum filled with people just like you. It may also help to show both your doctor and your therapist your Paxil Progress posts. If you don't reach out for psychiatric care, your life will consist of monitoring your body, obsessing about physical sensations, seeking information, seeking reassurance, and going to doctors. Then the cycle will start over, because: 1. there is always going to be something wrong with the human body, every minute of every day, forever; and 2. there are endless self-diagnoses (seizures, cancer, MS, heart attack, brain tumor, etc etc).

http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php...836ffd3ec0e0e5

Health anxiety is infinitely more serious and life-destroying than SSRI withdrawal, or B12 deficiency, or any of the other things you've obsessed about in the last few years. But it *can* be treated, if you're willing to put in the work.

Thank you for that link! I'm going to take a look at it now, for sure!

When I had my "good years" on citalopram and clonazepam, I guarantee you I felt virtually NOTHING wrong with my body. But, that's the problem. Those drugs numbed me so much that it is like I was in another world of reality, where nothing ever hurt, ever. But, nothing really felt "good" either, if that makes sense.

[julleri]

Originally Posted by Kay2020

I also hope that your symptoms get relieved and you can have some peace.

And that's the thing. When these symptoms are light (I wanted to say "gone" but I don't remember a day where they were all gone), I tend to stop obsessing. It's only on days where I literally do feel like I am dying that I start to panic.

I get test results Wednesday regarding celiac so, my plan is to wait and see what that shows. in the meantime, keep taking my B12 shots, my vitamins D and fish oil orally, eat as best I can and TRY not to worry about it, and hope to god I don't get more of these "wasting away" feelings of dizziness, fatigue, breathlessness, etc. It's gotta be the B12 issues "healing." My therapist says that it's not going to be better overnight. Other low B12 sufferers have said the same thing, that it can take many months before the repair can be done from low B12 levels. I have to be more patient. This i realize. I was never very good with patience. lol