10 years too long on paxil

[Neerosis]

Originally Posted by jcsneddon

The drops are likely causing the increased anxiety and unfortunately there's no real way to stop that other than hammering it with a benzo which we know is a bad idea. Be more realistic with your goals. Remember that CBT is not designed to prevent anxiety (although that's a nice by-product realized with time and lots of practice) or to stop it instantaneously . It really can't stop "chemical chaos" anxiety. Its there to help you break the fear cycle which only makes things worse.

Try your best to practice what you've learned so that you're not freaking out over freaking out. It will get better with time. Hang in there. Drew

Oh those nasty intrusive thoughts and the catastrophizing that seems to automatically follow (I shall be miserable FOREVER and alienate EVERYONE and end up ALONE). Jo, I know this scenario so well - remember times when I would sit and write over and over and over again 'this is only anxiety making things seem worse than they are' in an effort to get it through my head. I can tell you that this chemically induced stuff does pass and things become much much easier to deal with. In the meantime all the above suggestions are great. You just keep on trucking and you will get through it - I promise. Hang in there, you are really doing well ...

Re: CBT not working
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I think most of us here can relate to the fear of this "being the real me" ... I know I did, big time. It's the chemical chaos in your brain that's causing that so try and remember that when those thoughts come creeping in. You've gotten some great advice here and you will be okay.
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Babs

I'll second that. I know it's VERY hard to distinguish between the drug's effects and your own mind. That's because the drug is changing your mind. We create our reality in a fluid way based on what we are thinking at the moment, so an SSRI that modifies the way you think will also modify your reality. The hardest part of dealing with the chaos is understanding that your thoughts are being artificially influenced by an external force. Meta Cognition is the awareness of your own thoughts and where they come from. You'll become the zen master of that as you progress through withdrawal. I think we're all going to be thought ninjas by the time we're done
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These quotes helped me SO much! I'm only 1 drop into this tapering journey and have stabilized pretty nicely, but I still have those "emotionally off" spans. If it weren't for this site, I'd think I was going nutso. There's so much encouragement and wisdom here!

[julieannboo]

Originally Posted by jcsneddon

well i have been feeling great for about a month now but today has been tough, well i have drank wine 2 nights in a row, i hardly slept last night (had nightmares . the weekend was non stop for me as i was away with loads of family and friends in a cottage. also work this week is manic.

no wonder i am stressed out!!! probably not even anything to do with withdrawal.

anyway a friend told me last night that these guys at work had been rating the women out of 10. i got 7 out of ten, well instead of thinking "how immature and pathetic" i have been obsessing about this all day! thinking, if i am a 7 out of 10, maybe i am not that nice and maybe my husband will realise and leave me and i will be alone etc etc

yes these thoughts are LUDICROUS i know!! and very shallow but they are obsessively going through my head and making me feel very anxious

am i mad??

7 out of 10 is great! i would be lucky to get a 4 - lol.

i have constant rubbish thoughts too.

good old seroxat.

hope that you feel beeter soon x

[jcsneddon]

thanks julie, i am being absolutely ridiculous i know, it is the usual fears of being alone coming up (my main fear).

i am feeling anxious but i drank far too much on friday (when will i ever learn). on the other hand i am pleased as i am on my 4th day of weight watchers! a record since i've been on paxil!

[julieannboo]

Well done with weight watchers. How long have you been with your partner for? Is he supportive and understanding? X

[jcsneddon]

thank you. have been with him for about 2.5 years. married for 2 years. he's a diamond. very easy going but also sensitive and caring.

are u with someone?

[julieannboo]

Originally Posted by jcsneddon

thank you. have been with him for about 2.5 years. married for 2 years. he's a diamond. very easy going but also sensitive and caring.

are u with someone?

Yes. Had a boyfriend for nine years. Poor man! He is very patient and understanding with me.

Your husband sounds lovely. that a big help during this tapering phase x

[jcsneddon]

feeling anxious at the moment and have been for over a week. I am very busy so this won't be helping. my mood is ok it's just shallow breath, rapid heartbeat etc. I am feeling anxious around people and not wanting to socialise

i went to see my Doc for a repeat prescription and a dose reduction. he is keeping me on my current dose while i feel like this

[julieannboo]

hope that you feel better ASAP. xx

[MichaelBabbo]

Yes, I hope you're feeling better. It's been a while since you've posted anything so here's hoping you're feeling better.

-Michael

[jcsneddon]

hi all, i'm ok. just been really busy which won't be helping!
i am starting to get the negative thoughts circulating, i will spend some time on my CBT exercises today as i've been neglecting these. it is hard to know whether some of these feelings are due to me waking up from my previous passive state, like i keep getting on at my hubby for not doing enough around the house. well maybe that is not withdrawal but just that before i was so laid back about everything i didn't care!
i realise i have problem saying no to people - i have no boundaries whatsoever! so i am going to have to learn some to protect myself. life was easier on paxil in a way when nothing fazed me
on the plus side i have managed to stick to a diet for over two weeks which was impossible while on the full 20mg and i am drinking a lot less. eating and drinking were my ways to relax previously so this will be probably be contributing to the way i'm feeling
jo

[julieannboo]

Well done for sticking to the diet. I need some of your control!

[jcsneddon]

have u not stuck to weight watchers then? thought u were giving it another go? i am doing the online one and it is brilliant

[julieannboo]

Originally Posted by jcsneddon

have u not stuck to weight watchers then? thought u were giving it another go? i am doing the online one and it is brilliant

No i havent stuck to it. i need to pick a day and get back on track!

[jcsneddon]

well things are fine at the moment. stable mood but the odd moment of difficulty as i get used to feeling emotions again. but when i do get a blip i chant and do my cbt and it gets me back on track! I am quite liking being at 10mg as i don't have to mess around with liquid anymore but i will need to drop again soon. and don't really have any excuse not to!

i am very pleased as i have been on a diet for a few weeks and have lost SIX POUNDS! this is amazing for me as i have not been able to lose any weight the whole time i have been on paxil, am very happy about this

[julieannboo]

Well done. that great xx

[jcsneddon]

went back to doc today. told him i'm feeling good so he says maybe i should stay at the dose i am on?! well last time i told him i felt bad and he also told me to stay on the dose i am on?! obviously this guy thinks i should stay on this drug no matter what. but why? i have no idea! needless to say i am carrying on my taper!

i told him about my heavy drinking on paxil. i was met with the usual sceptical smile. i am finding this doctor really quite annoying at the moment.

[julieannboo]

rubbish!

glad that you are doing well xx

[jcsneddon]

dropped the dose again today. feeling apprehensive, its been nearly 2 months since i last dropped

[julieannboo]

nice one - you will be fine xx

single digits baby!!

[jcsneddon]

feeling absolutely rubbish

seeing people at work who are 10 years younger than me who have done loads more with their lives and have lots more time to enjoy their youth (i'm 37). i'm trying to snap out of it but its hard. feel like i am having an early mid life crisis. just feel like i wasted so many years not doing much with my life

[julieannboo]

awww jo. i get like that sometimes. i think everybody does - even people who havent taken seroxat.

you doing great - hope that you feel better soon xx

[jcsneddon]

thanks julie
i had a night off the diet last night and had a couple of glasses of wine and a nice carbonara and feel much better. no one can be good all the time lol!

also have a week at the isle of skye booked for june. one week in a cottage in the middle of nowhere = bliss

[MichaelBabbo]

Originally Posted by jcsneddon

feeling absolutely rubbish

seeing people at work who are 10 years younger than me who have done loads more with their lives and have lots more time to enjoy their youth (i'm 37). i'm trying to snap out of it but its hard. feel like i am having an early mid life crisis. just feel like i wasted so many years not doing much with my life

This sounds exactly like something I would have written! Remember to be realistic: those younger folks might not be as problem-free as you might think; appearances can be incredibly deceiving sometimes.

Good luck on your trip.

I'm rooting for you!

[jcsneddon]

oh thank you micheal

it feels like i have just woken up and i am now 37. it's like how did that happen?! maybe this is a normal feeling but i am pretty sure it is made worse by the fact i have been on paxil for 10 years. the time i was on it i didn't really acheive a lot. i just sort of let life happen to me. but it's like i have suddenly realised i am 37 when i feel at least 10 years younger. well people say i look (or maybe act?) 10 years younger so i might just decide to be 27!

none of us can avoid the 4 sufferings of birth, sickness, old age and death as they say in buddhism so i'll just have to get on with it! i'm sure these feelings will pass

i am also chanting to be a person of unlimited self esteem

[jcsneddon]

feeling angry!!!! EVERYTHING is irritating me. i am sure this is withdrawal related and i also switched back to liquid from tablet form this time.

we have booked a nice holiday to the isle of skye. we will be staying in a cottage in the middle of nowehere with wonderful views on the sea. we go there start of june. can't wait