17 years and fed up

[mustangwoman]

You are strong also, you are just having a hard time right now. This too shall pass. You are doing everything the way you should be! It will get better!

[medsrnot4me]

Originally Posted by GrandmaD

My next issue is that I still have moderate to high head pressure. I was hoping that this week would be a good week and that I could taper again. After 9 weeks, I thought I might feel better than I am, so I don't know what to do.

I am sick of this whole deal and while we are travelling interstate, I am glad we came, but hate it when I cannot enjoy it fully. I just want to be OFF! I even consider CT at times and when I got the naseau that bad and for so long, I was thinking the drug was poisoning me and making me sick. The only thing is I already CT once and know how bad it was and that stops me. I even think of trying to hurry it up and try 10% taper but too scared when I remember how I got headaches every single day all day! Then I get angry, because I am trapped. sick on it. Sick off it. Sick tapering.

I have to keep remembering dear dad and the illness he had that was fatal. It is just so hard to be patient. He was a lot stronger than I am, and such a fighter, but I give up too easy, I think.

I wanted to write to say that I really related to your post. I too have had a lot of headache problems while tapering - and in fact have one now. I am still on a moderate dose of Zoloft so worry what going lower will bring. I also really understand your frustration over this whole tapering thing. I am really sick of dealing with it too and feel trapped as well. I still have a long way to go which sometimes just feels impossible especially as I already have had some problems so worry how it will be when I get lower (I know I can't worry about that but I do at times for sure). Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are not alone and that I think you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for!

Michele

[chiropteran]

Hey there GrandmaD! You ARE a fighter, you've got this far despite all the horrible symptoms you've had. You're an inspiration to me and a lot of other people, never doubt that

I can relate to the nausea thing, I have it badly at the moment. Actually thought I was about to throw up on a patient at work yesterday and had to excuse myself very quickly! Mum picked me up from work last night and offered me a boiled egg as she had made too many so brought one along with her... apparently I turned pretty green at the thought.

I still have the headaches and head pressure too, although the quality of it has changed a bit as I've tapered, somehow it's more bearable and it does happen less frequently these days, and less consistently, ie I get more days in a row without any at all. So there is hope, my friend, keep on fighting and it will all be worth it in the end.

*Kiwihugs*
Alex

[GrandmaD]

Originally Posted by sparkswallace

You are strong also, you are just having a hard time right now. This too shall pass. You are doing everything the way you should be! It will get better!

Thanks for the encouragement. I think my biggest issue is that having started a 5% taper, I was under the impression that I would have a better quality of life, but I can't honestly say that. When I think back, it is definitely better than it was before, but not as good as I hoped for.

[GrandmaD]

Originally Posted by medsrnot4me

I wanted to write to say that I really related to your post. I too have had a lot of headache problems while tapering - and in fact have one now. I am still on a moderate dose of Zoloft so worry what going lower will bring. I also really understand your frustration over this whole tapering thing. I am really sick of dealing with it too and feel trapped as well. I still have a long way to go which sometimes just feels impossible especially as I already have had some problems so worry how it will be when I get lower (I know I can't worry about that but I do at times for sure). Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are not alone and that I think you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for!

Michele

While is sometimes comforting that others are going thru the same thing, it is annoying that so any others are also trapped on this merry-go-round.

Thanks for stopping by. I can very determined if I want to, but still not sure I am very strong, but thanks for the encouragement!

I think I get down beause it is been so protracted, due to my 4 years of trying to get off the meds myself and having to re-instate.

[Junior]

Four years is a long time. I can totally understand your frustration.

I think it will be helpful for you to bear in mind that when life gets stressful, as yours has recently, it will affect your withdrawal. Stress brings changes to your biochemistry - such as increased cortisol (the stress hormone) and adrenaline. These in turn will affect the levels of other bodily chemical substances and neurotransmitters, which will increase / change your symptoms. Think of how, before drugs, stress would increase your heart rate. This is the adrenaline increasing and helping your body to prepare to fight or flee from the impending threat. Of course this is designed for our hunter-gatherer days and threats such as large sized animals!

As hard as it is right now it is probably best that you hold at your current dose. You have a lot of external stressors to contend with and need to wait until it all settles you feel comfortable psychologically again.

Hang in there ...

[GrandmaD]

Originally Posted by Junior

*slaps you* There will be no giving up while I'm around *removes noose from neck*.

Maybe you need to go here... My GAD support group:





Or the Multiple Personality Support Group:

I love this! Just putting it on this page so I can see it again!

[GrandmaD]

Originally Posted by Junior

Four years is a long time. I can totally understand your frustration.

I think it will be helpful for you to bear in mind that when life gets stressful, as yours has recently, it will affect your withdrawal. Stress brings changes to your biochemistry - such as increased cortisol (the stress hormone) and adrenaline. These in turn will affect the levels of other bodily chemical substances and neurotransmitters, which will increase / change your symptoms. Think of how, before drugs, stress would increase your heart rate. This is the adrenaline increasing and helping your body to prepare to fight or flee from the impending threat. Of course this is designed for our hunter-gatherer days and threats such as large sized animals!

As hard as it is right now it is probably best that you hold at your current dose. You have a lot of external stressors to contend with and need to wait until it all settles you feel comfortable psychologically again.

Hang in there ...

Right! You just answered my question! Today was last tablet for the week and I was going to post that I didn't know what to do! One of those personalities above was saying taper because of the long time already, while the other was saying hold until I have a few good days, at least, etc.

You have been on here longer than I have and seen more... so I respect your advice, thanks! I would really like to think I can have some good days to enjoy our trip, but then that other personality chimes in to remind me of that previous 11 week taper when I just never did improve. It is all so confusing, because then there was that 4 week one that was quite good!

I'm coping pretty well today, but the head pressure being is moderate and I am very tired. The nap after lunch is very helpful and I have been falling asleep for about 10-15mins which helps heaps.

[GrandmaD]

Week 9 @ 7.3mg
The good
I am still alive
The bad
Naseau was bad all day for the first 4 days of this week. Other symptoms similar, like head vibrations, head pressure, body vibrations from mild to moderate to high at times; also slow, weak, heavy, lethargic an tired
The ugly
A bad tension head last night, and most of today. Spent most of the time in bed and got up this afternoon and think I'm on the mend from that one ...
Overall
This week got me down with the naseau on top of everytyhing else, and then to top it all off, a tension headache. Aaaggghhhhh!!!!!!

[GrandmaD]

Week 10 @ 7.3mg

The good
The pressure heads eased up toward the end of the week, so I coped better this week.
The naseau eased up which helped me to cope better.
Body vibes were mild to high.

The bad
Another headache and increase in head vibrations, sometimes high.

The ugly
Breathlessness increased dramatically

Overall
After the first 3 days I was coping better, due to reduction of head pressure and naseau, but the breathlessness was troublesome.

[GrandmaD]

This week saw me grappling with the fact that it is looking like another 11 or 12 week taper and getting stroppy with the length of time it is taking.

I think I thought I might have another 4week drop like the previous one, so I felt disappointed and discouraged. I was very reluctant to drop while I had pressure heads and the breathlessness.

At the same time, I had those opposite thoughts again, like maybe it makes no difference whether you drop 10%, 5% or lower. Is there really such a thing as "quality of life". If I consider a 2.5% drop, is there any guarantee it WILL BE BETTER? I worked it out at this rate, it will be 6 years at least, so to do a 2.5% drop means forever....

I have decided to stay at this dose another week and see if the breathlessness improves.

[Brassmonkey]

GD--It sounds like your doing better overall, so things are improving. Gota remember that each drop is going to be different, so don't bring yourself down thinking about how long it is going to take, 'cause it probably won't be as long as your thinking, and it will get here.

Hope your enjoying the fall.

((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

[Junior]

Brassmonkey, please don't take this the wrong way.. but I really had to think when you said 'fall'. It took me a moment to get the context. We call it Autumn

[Brassmonkey]

I was going to make a wise a$$ comment in reply, but Autumn was what I was talking about. Not I don't want you having a good time while tripping and rolling on the ground. We are having such a lovely spring here, I just hoped you were having an equally lovely AUTUMN.

[Junior]

Haha. I can't speak for the OP but I certainly am

It was this statement I had to think about "hope u r enjoying the fall". Fall I thought? What fall? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lol
Thanks for understanding

[GrandmaD]

Originally Posted by Junior

Brassmonkey, please don't take this the wrong way.. but I really had to think when you said 'fall'. It took me a moment to get the context. We call it Autumn

Okay. Poor slow grandma! I thought Tom meant to enjoy the fall, the dropping!

[GrandmaD]

I have been enjoying the lovely days the last few days, feeling a lot better, so this coming week should be the same.

Had some head banging today, quite minor compared to before, and some naseau, but very mild, so hope they both stay that way!

Have been sleeping heaps - hubby also, so can't really blame the tapering for him!

Tomorrow we move on to Warrnambool. Sounds like a big place with 30,000 people.

How are you guys doing now?

[GrandmaD]

I am wondering if 11 weeks is my pattern!!

[GrandmaD]

ANother good day, so it is looking like stablising. Symptoms still are sore headhead banging, naseau, head vibes at times but not ALL THE TIME - FOR ONCE! But all mild, so coping well.

[chiropteran]

Good for you Grandma, knew you had to stabilise eventually - just really sorry it's taken so long this time around. Hope it lasts just as long as it took to get there!

[GrandmaD]

Well, CHiro, I was beginning to think it would never happen. I also thought it meant having no symptoms, but have discovered that isn't true, either. I might post about that one. How are you doing?

[GrandmaD]

Week 11 @ 7.3mg

Good
Reduction in head vibrations and NO PRESSURE HEADS!

Bad
Breathlessness every day STILL
Naseau has come back, but comes and goes, not full on like before, so coping with that one.

Ugly
2 BAD TENSION HEADACHES and 2 days in bed
Big increase in sore heads (I think these sore heads are connected to
headaches)

Overall
All other symptoms are stable.
Insomnia 1 night and bad head next day.
I had one very good day and we went visiting in the afternoon for a/tea. I was feeling so good, I took up their offer for dinner. So the migraine the next day was either because I pushed it too much (because that night I had very high revving, vibrations and insomnia) or because of what I ate - we had toasted ham and cheese sandwiches - 3 things I know I shouldn't eat.

[Brassmonkey]

Things are sounding so much better than they did a few weeks ago, this is great. I have found that tension headachs and the soreness they leave behind are often caused by tight shoulder and neck muscles. Get DH to rub them for you and see if that helps. A heating pad can also be a nice thing.

(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

[GrandmaD]

Thanks Tom. When I am like that, the brain is totally gone! I cannot think to do anything except go to bed! I will tell DH and hope he remembers next time!

[GrandmaD]

Signing in again. We have been on the road 8 weeks now. The last couple of places had no phone or internet reception. I have run out of my sheets to journal each day, so have done it roughly on a calendar.


week 1@ 7.0mg
3 days okay
4 day headache in a row
breathlessness high - extreme
feeling heavy, slow and tired
head vibes high
neck pain
naseau


week 2 @ 7.0mg
head and body vibes high
head vibes extreme high and palpitations often at bedtime
neck pain
breathlessess high
head banging
days 4-6 a 3 day headache
day 7 a good day with mild symptoms