Facebook?

[babs]

I remember back when I was in withdrawal (and nobody was on FB except college students) I would get jealous and annoyed with people on PP who were joking around about stuff. How dare they be jovial when I was suffering so much? What the hell was so damn funny? There were days when I could not laugh about anything. My withdrawal is long behind me but I admit, there are days now when I do get jealous of things people post on FB.

[NoRx4me]

Originally Posted by babs

My withdrawal is long behind me but I admit, there are days now when I do get jealous of things people post on FB.

Me too!!

[texgirl]

I'm so relieved not to be on FB anymore. My biggest problem with it is trying to convince my friends and family that no, I really don't want to be there. My usual response: "Trust me, I'm not that interesting. And neither are you."

[sarah]

Originally Posted by rangerNY

Seriously, this is an interesting discussion.

I've never really found that my Facebook "friends" are bragging about how great they are or how awesome their lives are. I see proud proclamations when kids and family members win awards or achieve goals, but that seems good to me. I'd expect that. Beyond that it all seems pretty innocuous. Jokes, funny pictures, sports related stuff and really mundane life updates ("having meat loaf for dinner").

I wonder if what gets shared on Facebook or Twitter varies with age. Maybe it's a gender thing? I find it all fascinating.

I totally agree with this Drew. I love being able to watch my beautiful niece at different stages in her pregnancy. She lives too far away for me to see it daily, so I catch up with her on FB. Of course when the baby comes I will be in my car and off, but for the moment it is as close as I can be and I am very thankful to be able to share it with her in some little way.

I share very little on here, only with very close friends, but kids seem to discuss everything. I do monitor what my youngest says and to be honest, I hate that he even goes on Facebook, but as he is nearly 16, how do I stop him?

I am always in 2 minds about this whole thing, but it doesn't stop Facebook being the first thing I sign into when I have the computer on!!!!

[bflosenrab]

I hear you on this. I just try not to read the news feed. If someone gets in touch with me I will go on there and talk to them (they post a link on my wall, send me a message, etc.). I have social phobia and for some reason this year, all the Valentine's Day posts/photos really upset me, they made me profoundly sad as a single person. Maybe that was also because I was at the end of my taper, and was having a rough time of it. I don't think I went on there for a week after that. And I have been on it for 6 years, since I was in college.

[wanting2quit]

Originally Posted by Wld

I'm afraid you guys are my new fb friends. Like it or not. It's a little weird huh? I actually feel I have more in common with complete strangers on pp than fb. What's my therapist going to say about this? When I say my prayers at night I actually pray for all your names ---seriously there's a huge long list and I always end up chuckling a little bit. Is this unhealthy? I do worry about it.

I have to say even though I'm not around as much as others, this board has gotten me through some of my darkest times, even when my husband, friends and family couldn't really help. They are always there for me, but couldn't truly understand. I thank God for this board. Having people you can relate to, confide in, and support, is a VERY healthy thing... even if you don't "know" them!

I am SO much stronger than I was four years ago, which was the hardest time of my life. I spent a lot of time here, mainly just reading so I wouldn't feel so alone. It is So cool to come back on and see names like Babs and Texgirl doing amazing! I remember when Texgirl was in wd, and look at her now! Babs too!

Anyway... I digress!
I have a love/hate relationship with FB. My children's private school had a private parent run group on FB, and it is wonderful to get info from, connect with parents, etc. I also have the friends though who loooooooove to brag about their lives. I also have ones who looooooooove to share how miserable they are, and they both drive me nuts! The one who is miserable is so annoying because this is what she will do. All of the time, she will post "sigh..." and everyone will be like "what's wrong?" and she won't respond. The next day she'll post "Have SUCH, SUCH amazing and exciting news to share, but too stressed out to post it." Everyone will want to know what's up, and she won't respond. Her latest was that she "could not find ANY at all who would help her husband move all of their furniture and two pianos out of the goodness of their hearts, so now has to hire a mover... feeling so lonely." It is all to get attention.

Okay... I'm done now. Whew... I feel so much better!

[calamityjane]

Seriously, I can't handle looking at my FB account lately. Can't handle it at all. My withdrawal symptoms still include major problems with fine motor coordination in my hands, and I am a professional musician- as is nearly everyone on my list. So, I get to sit there and read their endless braggy self-promotion about tour-dates this, album-release that, blah blah blah "Listen to me on Spotify!", Youtubes of them playing; they're all swapping around Fandalism invites to everybody but me, etc., etc., etc., all while I'm sitting around crying hysterically, having back-to-back panics, and trying with every last scrap of hope to believe the neurologist who told me last month that he doesn't think that I'm likely to end up ruined by a permanent case of hand dystonia.

Hooray for Facebook.

[uncommon_nonsense]

Oh man...

I actually want to deactivate my FB account but my therapist thinks that's just feeding my social avoidance behaviour and will make me feel further isolated, and I'm inclined to agree with her... :S

Glad to know I'm not alone (this site is great for that!)

[Aurelius]

Originally Posted by Wld

I used to be an avid Facebooker. These days, during all this w/d trauma I can barely bring myself to look at it. It's very upsetting as I feel like I'm isolating myself even further-- seeing all those healthy normal people makes me really anxious. Does anyone else have this problem?

I know it's tempting, but you may want to be careful about unfairly comparing yourself to people on FB. Facebook is a fun tool, sometimes, but it can also be a stage that people use to brag about their lives or give misleading impressions about how great or happy everything is for them, when in reality, their behind-the-scenes situation is not what they portray online.

I liked FB, when I first joined. But after a while, the drama and bragging kind of annoyed me. I had lots of friends that i didn't want to lose touch with, but I finally made the decision to deactivate my account. I didn't delete it, in case I changed my mind later. But I have to admit that I've been much more productive and more at peace, since getting off social sites. I tolerate people much better, in real life, too. lol

[Aurelius]

Originally Posted by LCrawford67

How do you know people posting on FB are "healthy and normal?" You never know what's going on with someone, unless they tell you. That person posting about the latest achievement their kid had, may be deeply depressed or suffering from anxiety, just like you.

Don't let withdrawal control you to the point it becomes your life. Don't assume that just because people aren't going through w/d, they're not having their own traumatic issues to deal with.

Good points. I can't tell you how many people I knew that posted pics of themselves, out on the town, with people they barely met or hardly knew (to give the impression they have lots of friends or are having the time of their lives). I've known people who constantly posted inspirational self-help quotes or happy quotes, only to find out they struggled with unhappiness. I've seen people brag about their marriage or spouse, only to later find out they have an unhappy marriage.

Things aren't always what they seem. Even more so on FB.

[Honeysuckle]

Originally Posted by Wld

I'm afraid you guys are my new fb friends. Like it or not. It's a little weird huh? I actually feel I have more in common with complete strangers on pp than fb.

This is a very interesting thread! I too have mixed feelings about FB...but am on it daily as it really helps me feel connected to those i care about - and that's important to me. I have a serious phone phobia at the moment and really avoid it unless absolutely necessary. So email and FB it is.

It may have been discussed before, but has there been talk about starting up a PP group on FB?

I am aware that this forum gives much more privacy/anonymity.

Just a thought though

[efexorsam]

Article about the background and philosophy of the people behind facebook. Figures are out of date, but the info is the same:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology...an/14/facebook

[Trinity123]

I use facebook and used to post allot about how much fun I was having and about family events and in general good times, as I got more deep into the panic and anxiety I found less and less to say...

I would check my facebook in hope that somehow someone that i knew would mention thier panic or anxiety so i knew I wasnt the only one, I felt so isolated from my peers and my family just didnt understand.

I would love to have one person in real life that lived close so I could talk to them in person about this cause at therapy talking to a few here and there that were going through similar things helped ALLOT!!

Its bad that I feel I need to choose my friends now by those who have panic and avoid those that dont... I literally dont have a social life because of it. as bad as it sounds I want some damn panic friends LOL...

I have met a real good friend online who is going through almost identical things as I am from the same med to same disorders, to same reaction and sensitivity to the med... I wish I would have met this friend earlier and knew about paxilprogress as well! Both help so much!

to me it really does make a difference talking to people who are going through it then talking to people who have no experience either with meds, or the disorders!

I did open up on facebook and eventually told everyone that I am sorry that I dont call and always cancel plans etc...explained what I was going through, I felt good and didnt loose any friends!

But I didnt avoid it but found the more I was on it the more I was hurting and had self pitty because I wanted to be doing all the fun things everyone else was!

[Owl]

Originally Posted by Wld

I used to be an avid Facebooker. These days, during all this w/d trauma I can barely bring myself to look at it. It's very upsetting as I feel like I'm isolating myself even further-- seeing all those healthy normal people makes me really anxious. Does anyone else have this problem?

Just saw this thread. I've had this exact same thing. I used to spend a lot of time on FB and reduced it gradually over the year of tapering (2010). Then, when the horrendous trauma hit, I could not bring myself to look at Facebook AT ALL. The "normal" happiness that everyone portrays through pictures, status updates, comments, comments on comments, and all that other crap felt so aversive. I can now log into it for a minute or two every few weeks (mostly to see if anyone has sent me a message, not to look at other people's pictures or inane comments), which reflects some tiny progress but also indicates that I'm still living in a traumatized state after SO MUCH time. In general, the modern world of technology has exponentially sped up the rate at which people communicate and work and has greatly decreased the amount of high-quality face-to-face time, and since W/D began, this has felt so unnatural and overwhelming (as in some severe Orwellian nightmare).

The only people I feel comfortable dealing with are people who understand and/or are easy to talk to. Unfortunately, I have just about no such people in my life (a lack of such people throughout my life is probably a factor as to why I got to a state where SSRIs made sense in the first place). So, as others are mentioning here, I feel safe mainly browsing this site and other sites where people feel miserably trapped.

[Timinjapan]

Originally Posted by Owl

Just saw this thread. I've had this exact same thing. I used to spend a lot of time on FB and reduced it gradually over the year of tapering (2010). Then, when the horrendous trauma hit, I could not bring myself to look at Facebook AT ALL. The "normal" happiness that everyone portrays through pictures, status updates, comments, comments on comments, and all that other crap felt so aversive. I can now log into it for a minute or two every few weeks (mostly to see if anyone has sent me a message, not to look at other people's pictures or inane comments), which reflects some tiny progress but also indicates that I'm still living in a traumatized state after SO MUCH time. In general, the modern world of technology has exponentially sped up the rate at which people communicate and work and has greatly decreased the amount of high-quality face-to-face time, and since W/D began, this has felt so unnatural and overwhelming (as in some severe Orwellian nightmare).

I can relate to this up to a point, but I also feel that Facebook is a part of the Orwellian nightmare. I have a profile up and I use it to check up on my relatives in the UK. But I'm fairly reserved by nature, and I've never been very comfortable among what REM described as "Shiny happy people holding hands" and Facebook seems to have reinforced the sort of over-the-top behavior that turns me off.

One of my friends in Tokyo, a 30-something single guy who does not take any psych drugs but is very much an anxious loner, told me recently that he gets depressed when he looks at the pictures people post on Facebook of gatherings of friends or family, because he has nobody like that to hang around with. On the other hand, when people ask him along to gatherings, he always declines.

Originally Posted by Owl

The only people I feel comfortable dealing with are people who understand and/or are easy to talk to. Unfortunately, I have just about no such people in my life (a lack of such people throughout my life is probably a factor as to why I got to a state where SSRIs made sense in the first place). So, as others are mentioning here, I feel safe mainly browsing this site and other sites where people feel miserably trapped.

There's a shortage of "comfortable" people available around my neck of the woods too. Although there must be millions of us spread out around the world. We have to learn how to be our own best friend and also how to reach out to connect with other kindred souls. As with the effort we make generally, it is best to just do our best in the circumstances that present themselves and not to be attached to the outcome.

[Owl]

Originally Posted by Timinjapan

I can relate to this up to a point, but I also feel that Facebook is a part of the Orwellian nightmare. I have a profile up and I use it to check up on my relatives in the UK. But I'm fairly reserved by nature, and I've never been very comfortable among what REM described as "Shiny happy people holding hands" and Facebook seems to have reinforced the sort of over-the-top behavior that turns me off.

Yeah, and it seems like it's everywhere. The whole self-promotional, sensationalizing, in-your-face pop culture of youth, Xtreme this or that, aggressiveness, and sexuality. In this battered state, I can't bear to watch TV and look at internet headlines.

Originally Posted by Timinjapan

One of my friends in Tokyo, a 30-something single guy who does not take any psych drugs but is very much an anxious loner, told me recently that he gets depressed when he looks at the pictures people post on Facebook of gatherings of friends or family, because he has nobody like that to hang around with. On the other hand, when people ask him along to gatherings, he always declines.

On the one hand, this seems like self-defeating behavior. On the other hand, I can now understand -- if you're very anxious or depressed, most social interactions are quite tough to handle and a bunch of random small-talk does not feel rewarding, so you remain stuck.

Originally Posted by Timinjapan

There's a shortage of "comfortable" people available around my neck of the woods too. Although there must be millions of us spread out around the world. We have to learn how to be our own best friend and also how to reach out to connect with other kindred souls. As with the effort we make generally, it is best to just do our best in the circumstances that present themselves and not to be attached to the outcome.

This is a very good point. I've noticed that each time that I've faced depression, whether natural or unnatural, I've tried to reach out and connect. This last year and half, I've done this a lot (for me), despite it feeling so incredibly effortful. By the way, I'm currently living closer to your neck of the woods than most.

[Timinjapan]

Owl, are you perchance an expatriate European or North American owl that has migrated to Asia? Could geographic or cultural isolation be a part of your problem?

Also, are your depressions getting deeper each time? I had a bout of the deep blues in 1997 that first made me aware of ringing in the ears. The depression lifted after a few months and came back at the end of 2000, when I was feeling robotic and seeing the world in black and white for a few months. I never took meds for either condition, as I knew they were partly situational and I expected to bounce back eventually. But the latest one, which began two years ago with anxiety attacks, seems to be of a different order of beast. Perhaps taking meds has made things worse, or perhaps my body can't take the strain so well any more.

[Owl]

Originally Posted by Timinjapan

Owl, are you perchance an expatriate European or North American owl that has migrated to Asia? Could geographic or cultural isolation be a part of your problem?

Also, are your depressions getting deeper each time? I had a bout of the deep blues in 1997 that first made me aware of ringing in the ears. The depression lifted after a few months and came back at the end of 2000, when I was feeling robotic and seeing the world in black and white for a few months. I never took meds for either condition, as I knew they were partly situational and I expected to bounce back eventually. But the latest one, which began two years ago with anxiety attacks, seems to be of a different order of beast. Perhaps taking meds has made things worse, or perhaps my body can't take the strain so well any more.

Sounds like we have some overlap. Yes, I'm an American living in a hyper-fast paced, materialistic Asian metropolis and I do feel isolated in a few different ways out here. For me, the picture is quite complex as I also currently feel traumatized by my life in the U.S.

My situational depressions have mostly been related to relationship breakups and I think they have generally gotten worse over time. The most severe one happened in 1997, which was quite horrendous (with intense anxiety) for a few months (during which I had virtually zero support and was in a long career transition) but it cleared up on its own almost entirely within 7 months. At that time (before any meds), I thought that was an extremely long time to suffer. So, about 6 years later, when I faced a marital separation amidst a very stressful time in my life, I was open to a suggestion of trying SSRIs to help out. Compared with the natural depressions, the subsequent W/D has been more unnaturally severe and much more difficult to recover from. Is there a common theme to your situational depressions? What do you mean by seeing the world in black and white? I think I can relate to that one quite well.

[Timinjapan]

Owl, my first severe depression also hit in 1997 and was followed by another in 2001. Both were mainly the result of loosing close friends, but on reflection, doing freelance work for 25 years has made me overanxious, and living in the Japanese countryside has been a constant low-level negative stress factor for me as I can never fit in comfortably and I don't seem to be able to build up the level of social support system that I feel I need and that all those self-help books also say is important. I have lots of acquaintances and quite a few friends here, but the social distance between us is too great. There is too much reserve and I'm not allowed to hug anyone!

What I meant by seeing the world in black and white was that in my 2001 depression I felt so drained that it was as if I wasn't responding to colors. It was anhedonia and loss of emotional and a feeling that I was a robot, a zombie or a ghost. That went on for a few months but cleared up without any drugs when I made some efforts to socialize in the city and found some new friends.

I agree with you that SSRI W/D is a *****. I don't know how things would have turned out this time around if I hadn't taken drugs. But there currently seems no end to my miseries. Every day is a struggle get motivated and smiling.

[cheri]

I find that fb helps keep my mind off of all of the w/d stuff.

[Owl]

Originally Posted by Timinjapan

Owl, my first severe depression also hit in 1997 and was followed by another in 2001. Both were mainly the result of loosing close friends, but on reflection, doing freelance work for 25 years has made me overanxious, and living in the Japanese countryside has been a constant low-level negative stress factor for me as I can never fit in comfortably and I don't seem to be able to build up the level of social support system that I feel I need and that all those self-help books also say is important. I have lots of acquaintances and quite a few friends here, but the social distance between us is too great. There is too much reserve and I'm not allowed to hug anyone!

What I meant by seeing the world in black and white was that in my 2001 depression I felt so drained that it was as if I wasn't responding to colors. It was anhedonia and loss of emotional and a feeling that I was a robot, a zombie or a ghost. That went on for a few months but cleared up without any drugs when I made some efforts to socialize in the city and found some new friends.

I agree with you that SSRI W/D is a *****. I don't know how things would have turned out this time around if I hadn't taken drugs. But there currently seems no end to my miseries. Every day is a struggle get motivated and smiling.

Tim, thanks for the explanation. From the outside, it seems that the Japanese countryside would offer an idealic life full of natural, clean air, water, and food (I did get to visit Hakone a long time ago). But I can also readily see how being socially disconnected (in stark contrast to the locals, who have tight-knit families and a strong sense of ingroup culture), in combination with the instability of being a freelancer, might be very taxing on the psyche. You're there by yourself? I have more or less had that low-level negative hum all my life and I now attribute it to having had a lack of belongingness, whether from family, friends, community, religion, or whatever. When we feel like there's nobody watching our backs, I think increased irritability and anxiety, and tendencies toward depression are probably likely. Sigh...

[aberdeen]

I don't like facebook for the all the stupidity...I don't know why people take blurry photos of their dinner, their torn shoe, 8000 identical pictures of theview from their porch, post and tell teh world that they have a cough or that their car is out of gas or that they are making soup. It irritates me.the worst are the attention seekers who post a comment like "At the emergency at the hospital tonight" wait for 35 people to gasp and say "WHY what happened?" and then they either don't answer or say oh it's nothing, my kid scraped their knee. Also at least 2 or 3 people on my fb live miserable lives, full of anger and jealousy and strife yet the picture they paint on their fb page is so skewed it's nauseating. "My sweetie is having his night out and I'm looking forward to some me time" in reality (for the girl I'm talking about) that actually is that her hubby can't stand her and goes out every weekend and she hates it and gets drunk alone when it happens. this is why you can't trust facebook! I do have normal friends who post worthwhile things, and I've posted silly comments from time to time, haven't updated my status in over a year though...but still. I can't handle facebook lately for those reasons. As you can see, I'm in the irritable stages of w/d right now,lol.

[Timinjapan]

Originally Posted by Owl

Tim, thanks for the explanation. From the outside, it seems that the Japanese countryside would offer an idealic life full of natural, clean air, water, and food (I did get to visit Hakone a long time ago). But I can also readily see how being socially disconnected (in stark contrast to the locals, who have tight-knit families and a strong sense of ingroup culture), in combination with the instability of being a freelancer, might be very taxing on the psyche. You're there by yourself? I have more or less had that low-level negative hum all my life and I now attribute it to having had a lack of belongingness, whether from family, friends, community, religion, or whatever. When we feel like there's nobody watching our backs, I think increased irritability and anxiety, and tendencies toward depression are probably likely. Sigh...

I'm married to a local lady and we've been together almost 30 years and lived here in the countryside for the past 20 of them. No kids. I managed pretty well between 30 and 50, although like you I have an above average tendency toward anxiety and depression. But since turning 50, I've felt increasingly lonely and socially isolated. I have friends and some are great people, but most are geographically distant, and in any case at the end of the day there's a limit to what we can expect from other people to do for us. Also, like you, I think my perceived lack of people watching my back and giving me social support was a major factor in setting me up to accept medication. And now the meds, which my GP told me would help me calm down, have really messed me up.

[Owl]

Originally Posted by Timinjapan

I'm married to a local lady and we've been together almost 30 years and lived here in the countryside for the past 20 of them. No kids. I managed pretty well between 30 and 50, although like you I have an above average tendency toward anxiety and depression. But since turning 50, I've felt increasingly lonely and socially isolated. I have friends and some are great people, but most are geographically distant, and in any case at the end of the day there's a limit to what we can expect from other people to do for us. Also, like you, I think my perceived lack of people watching my back and giving me social support was a major factor in setting me up to accept medication. And now the meds, which my GP told me would help me calm down, have really messed me up.

It's probably quite natural to feel that way after being isolated and engulfed in a foreign culture for so long, especially if you don't quite feel that you really belong (like you, I feel quite strongly the difference between tolerance, politeness, and even respect on the one hand, versus real tight bonds on the other). The anthropological literature suggests that for thousands of years, men lived in small communities surrounded by their brothers and cousins (women tended to join the families of the men they married). Evolutionary theories suggest that although we can often adapt to circumstances that differ from this arrangement, but at some level this arrrangement is ultimately what our brains are most adapted to (and, all else equal, increase the chances of anxiety or depression).

I'm not too far off your age range. Have you ever heard of Gail Sheehy's Passages? I've never read that book but it supposedly deals with the psychological issues that people encounter as they age. In my 20s, when things went wrong (e.g., job, friendship, or relationship termination), I always felt I had time to recoup and I felt quite bad, but never completely destroyed. Nowadays, especially with SSRI W/D, everything feels like an insurmountable fatal blow.

By the way, here is an article on the evolution of happiness that you might find interesting: http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homep...iness_2000.pdf

[Timinjapan]

Owl, sorry for the belated reply. No, I hadn't heard of "Passages" but now I've read a synopsis and checked it out at Amazon I can see myself in there somewhere.

On the theme of marriage, Morrissey has a typically jaundiced take that I can sympathize with.


I'm writing this to say
In a gentle way
Thank You - but no
I will live my life as I
Will undoubtedly die - alone
I'm writing this to say
In a gentle way
Thank You ...
I will live my life as I ... want
For whether you stay
Or you stray
An inbuilt guilt catches up with you
And as it comes around to your place
At 5 A.M.; wakes you up and it laughs in your face


The ball and chain aspect of marriage notwithstanding, I can't imagine living any other way. A lot of things have collapsed over the years for, but my marriage has always stood up pretty well and the wife and I are both committed to keeping things that way. I regard myself as very fortunate in that respect.

Like you, I have felt that when things went wrong or I made mistakes when young, there always seemed to be time to recover. I bounced like Tigger! But these days I don't bounce so well. I've got to remember not to jump so high or leap so far. SSRI use hasn't been so kind to me, but fortunately I've not been on Paxil long, so I may well feel better within a few months of going off them. But I can't afford expectations. Expectations got me onto these drugs.

I do empathize with "everything feels like an insurmountable fatal blow" because I'm getting rained on by the Doomcloud quite a lot during this taper. But when I read your words I realize that my burden, though irritating and distracting and often perplexing, is fairly light.

Owl, I want to get free of these drugs and get free of the demands of ego and work happily in a garden. I want to enjoy a peaceful old age and then die in my sleep. But there you are, all those wants are demands of the ego. What we all really need for our peace of mind is a nice big extended family of nice people who are genuinely concerned for our welfare. Sadly, for most of us in the industrialized world that isn't on the menu.