Not So Rosy

[binny]

I love hearing from you and the feedback you have. Thinking of you lots and so proud of you and glad the drops have been going well. Hugs, Mark

[rose32]

Thur
Mar 29

MY UPDATE

Lately I have felt w/d symptoms, ringing ears, sweating, agitation, crazy appetite, and tired. I have tried really hard to tell myself this is w/d and soon it will be gone. I try to keep talking to myself with positive things.

I have started a new routine for keeping house. It is helping I try to keep up with the little things each day and do something big each week. I am getting things done that have been sitting for a long time. I keep telling myself that life is not perfect and it never will be. I just have to deal with it as it comes. This attitude has helped me accept my w/d symtoms and push through.

Ultimately I want to be free of this drug and some others so I must keep focused on the long haul. I have had some bad days. I have tried to get out more socially when I can so it keeps me possitive and up instead of falling into a depression.

I am still taking my meds at the same time each day and trying to keep my doses exactly the same no extra to get me through. This has helped however there are times I have to keep myself busy because of pain or w/d. In the long run this has helped me cope. I feel better about myself and have kept going.

Each time I feel like I have done something really positive It has helped me to feel better about myself and that keeps me going. Little successes !!!!!!!

That is one thing I had worried about. That is wheather I could last for the long haul. So far so good. Being good to myself and not expecting perfection for me has been the key. I have found that I am stonger than I thought.

[LCrawford67]

Celebrate the small victories, ALL of them! And you ARE stronger than you think. We all are!

[Brassmonkey]

Sounds like you're on the right track, taking care of your self in the small ways is really good and will definatly take your mind off the w/d. Keep up the good work.

[chiropteran]

Just have to 'third' this. I firmly believe that those little things that give you some sense of achievement or satisfaction are the key to keeping yourself going

[rose32]

Thanks......

LC it is nice to hear, WE ARE STRONG!!!!!!!!!

TOM How nice of you to drop by with encouraging words.

CHIRO Thanks for the " THIRD " it is so nice to hear from all of you.

If it weren't for this community I don't know where I would be today. Many times I just came on here to read and learn as much as I could. I knew others had made it and it gave me some hope that I too could make it through this. I knew it would not be easy.

Learning to be kind to myself and go slow was so inspiring.

I just wanted to hurry up. I beat myself up constantly over being on this medicine. After 2 failed attempts, what I learned here has given me the tools to do a good job of tapering, one that is doable !!!!!!

The best thing is to take time. Time is our strength. I am learning to live my life ((((NORMAL)))) while in w/d. I had to put away the fears and worry about w/d symptoms and just live. No one has a perfect life and no one has a pain free life.

Thanks to all who has shared their story, for the benefit of others.

Rose

[obliviousjo]

Nice to read ppl who just....do it...whatever IT is I can learn from this..Thanks

[rose32]

Tue
April 17

UPDATE at 6.93

I have not done as well on this drop as the last two. I have a lot of body aches and pain. I am experiencing some weakness in my legs. I tire easily. I also had fallen in Feb and again in Mar which may also be one of the problems. I have had mostly body issues not so much depression or anxiey which I am glad of however it is hard for me to walk, I don't like that a bit.

Maybe in a few weeks I will be better. I will stay at this dose a little longer and see if it helps. I think I have done pretty good overall doing my 10% drops. I have been droping about every 4 weeks. Slowing down may be a good idea, just check to see if I have less pain.

Early on in my taper sometimes I would wait as much as 6 to 8 weeks, between drops. To slow it down a bit may help like it did then. No real hurrry just want to live a more comfortable life.

I have felt pleased about my progress. Even now with the symtoms and the pain ( wich may just be from the falls ) I feel much better mentally and physically. I am moving on with my life.

[Brassmonkey]

Rose-- nice to hear that things are going well. I hear ya on th pain thing, that's my biggest problem too and nothing seems to touch it. Sorry to her about the falls, those can be tough. I took a good one last week at work, a handle set go on something I was pulling and I went backward head over heels, luckly I learned how to fall a long time ago so there was no damage, but the whole shop was watching, so much for street cred.

Hope the taper continues getting better.

[binny]

Nice to hear from you Rose and I am glad that you are feeling better mentally and physically. I really can be of no help in offering advise as far as how quickly to drop, because I simply do not know. I do think that going slow is very important and that it will only do you good in the long run if you feel the need to wait between drops. Perhaps I should have gone slower, but there are certain side effects that I can't wait to rid myself of.

I have not had to deal with the aches and pains that you have and I am sorry you have had to endure these. I have only had the aches and pains associated with my heart, mind, and overall wellbeing.

Thank goodness you have not had to deal with the depression aspect of it as much. I am proud of you and you should be proud of yourself! You have been on my mind and I am sending well wishes your way. Best, Mark

[rose32]

Mon
May 14

I think this has been one of the most difficult drops yet. I just went down to 6.2mg last Monday. This has been a difficult week. I could not stop sweating and gi upsets. Seems like nothing I ate wanted to stay down. To the point of not wanting to eat.

I think some of it has passed, feeling better today.

My computer has had a problem and could not get on to post. Hope that has been fixed now.

I have had life problems, a firend disappointed me , she did something I don't approve of not to me but someone else. I none the less was involved from another direction and it was very upsetting. Now I am dealing with that disruption in our friendship. It is not my business so I have stepped aside so I am no longer involved. It hurt me I feel I was put into this situation by her as a pawn, boy I did not like that. I will see as time goes on as to wheather to remain friends or not.

This drop I had paxil flu and pain. My legs and thighs hurt and my ears have been rigning loudly.

W/D is HELL. I will be glad when I can say I am no longer going through this. All the support and others experiences has helped. I have learned to cope through your stories keep it up.

[rose32]

WED
MAY 16

Still nervous and have pain in my legs. Worried about how my day will go. I am tired of doing things for other people I just wish I could be totally selfish. So hard when you have family responsibilities. I just want to hide from it.

Yesterday was filled with anger .... it would just flare up and be there, almost uncontrolable. It was a hard day for me. I have never had anger like I have during w/d.

Some of us cry and others do not. Sometimes I wish I could just cry it all away but I can't even cry about anything.

I have been doing better about a schedule and keeping busy that always helps me. Even busy I still have feelings of sadness and anger just wishing this was over. I have been tapering for a long time and I know it will be a long road ahead. I still have to go from 6mgs , even after that I will have to go through the healing process. Sometimes that gets me down just thinking about the length of tapering.

One of my worst fears about starting a taper and journal was staying with it. On paxil I just could never finish anything and I want to be off of this drug and the others I am on. Soooooo Tired

[rose32]

Mon
May 28

This last drop has brought so many w/d symptoms. Night sweats, day sweats !!!! All sorts of pain and waking up at night, feeling lonely just over all bad.

First, I have had arthritis flare ups in my hands. Hurts like crazy. I have taken meds for that and maybe that in the mix has caused some problems. diclofenac sod 75 mgs 2xday. My stomach is killing me. I have stopped taking it.

Second I have had muscle spasams in my thighs, also hurts like crazy. Very tired and heavy thighs. Took meds for that too. cyclobenzapr-flexeril 10 mg 3xday, but Ionly took 1 a day.

Maybe this has had a big effect on how I feel.

My back has been bothering me since Feb when I fell the first time, fell again in March. Both times really hurt my back. Went to Chiro on Wed and got x-rays on Friday. Will see him soon hopefully this time I will get an adjustment.

I am in a really deep depression. I feel really sick and can't do much. I hate feeling this way. Unfortunitely for me depression was why I took meds in the first place.

I hate having this gloom and doom. I had done so well before. I am now down to 6.2mg. I will have to stay at this for a while can't imagine trying another drop feeling like this.

Well my dreadful update.

[Backtopaxil]

Sorry to hear you are going thru similar issues as I have been.

Can you try to ask your doctor for Voltaren cream instead? It is easier on your stomach.

As far as thigh aches, the best thing is to spray some semi-hot water for 10 minutes. That has worked for me. I also take magnesium. Flexeril I found helps but the next day muscles are tight. Plus Flexeril is close to Elavil so I try not to use it.

One thing that has help me is tapering off. I have been doing larger cuts since my RI caused me all of these symptoms.

Hope you get better.

[tchrldy]

I"m laying here on my couch reading your post & i'm right there with you! This is so depressing and i'm only on my first drop! I've had trouble w follow thru in the past as well but I find myself so motivated by the discomfort and the need to write about it outloud that I journal everyday! So keep shouting your words in writing...we're all listening & shouting with you : )
aka Katie

[GrandmaD]

Originally Posted by rose32

Tue
April 17

UPDATE at 6.93

I think I have done pretty good overall doing my 10% drops. I have been droping about every 4 weeks. Slowing down may be a good idea, just check to see if I have less pain.

Early on in my taper sometimes I would wait as much as 6 to 8 weeks, between drops. To slow it down a bit may help like it did then. No real hurrry just want to live a more comfortable life.

.

Hi Rose,
I am so sorry things are hell for you. Congrats though on your 10% taper and dropping every 4 weeks, you have done well so far, so don't give up now!

Have you decided whether to go back to 6-8 weeks between tapers?
Have you considered dropping to a 5% taper?

Cheering for you

[rose32]

Hi

Thanks for all the encouragement.

This drop is HELL. I feel like I have a migraine, always stomach issues with migraine.

I am so sick right now but wanted to thank you .

Grandma D I don't know yet if I will go down in mg with my drops. Maybe a longer time maybe 6 weeks and see.

Katie I can really relate to your story. Sorry for your pain. We just have to keep going. I have been on the couch or bed all day, well actually last 4 or 5 days.

George sorry you are going through such a tough time. I have always said I would just take it one day at a time, really that is all I can stand to think about.

I will try to post again soon. THANKS MY PP FRIENDS

[Brassmonkey]

Hang in there Rose, it will get better.

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

[rose32]

Hi All,

Thanks for the well wishes !!!!

Sometimes I feel so alone in this. I am so glad for this site. So good to hear such nice thoughts of encouragement.

George I tried spraying my legs with warm water like you do and it helped so much. This pain I have in my thighs is hard to deal with. I will be spraying my legs often. Thanks for the tip.

This last drop has been a hard one. In time I will know if I can drop again or not. I haave been on my 4 week schedule for a while now and it has worked pretty well.
Normally I would be ready to drop my 10% next week. I have a difficult time the first week. I will wait so that I can feel a little better before I drop.

I had been in poop-out for a long time before I started to taper, I decided that I would just keep going at a 10% drop because I felt so bad anyway.
During that time I really felt terrible so I gave myself a little more time for the adjustments. It did help so I will go back to that now 6 weeks between 10% drops.

Tapering is such a battle definately by trial and error, learn as you go, learn from each other. My fear in the begaining was that I would quit. So far I have had some pretty miserable times but not wanting to quit.

Rose

[Backtopaxil]

Originally Posted by rose32

Hi All,

Thanks for the well wishes !!!!

Sometimes I feel so alone in this. I am so glad for this site. So good to hear such nice thoughts of encouragement.

George I tried spraying my legs with warm water like you do and it helped so much. This pain I have in my thighs is hard to deal with. I will be spraying my legs often. Thanks for the tip.

This last drop has been a hard one. In time I will know if I can drop again or not. I haave been on my 4 week schedule for a while now and it has worked pretty well.
Normally I would be ready to drop my 10% next week. I have a difficult time the first week. I will wait so that I can feel a little better before I drop.

I had been in poop-out for a long time before I started to taper, I decided that I would just keep going at a 10% drop because I felt so bad anyway.
During that time I really felt terrible so I gave myself a little more time for the adjustments. It did help so I will go back to that now 6 weeks between 10% drops.

Tapering is such a battle definately by trial and error, learn as you go, learn from each other. My fear in the begaining was that I would quit. So far I have had some pretty miserable times but not wanting to quit.

Rose

Forgot to add, after spraying for say 10 minutes, then swicth to cold water and spray very quickly, like 5 sec. Then stop the whole thing.
That shock to the muscle helps a lot. But try it first.

There is this cream called Perforrm It is sold at Walgreens and CVS. Same as Biofreeze but cheaper.

[rose32]

Tue
May 29

Today is so much better, I cannot believe one day is so dreadfull and the next ok. But I will take ok. Today I can eat and hold food down, great improvement.

My guess yesterday was a full blown migraine, used some compazine late last night stopped the vomiting and went to sleep.

The other stuff this last few weeks I would definitely say was w/d.

Feel better now.

[GrandmaD]

So glad you are feeling better! I completely relate to feeling so utterly wasted one day and then feel so much better. You seem to quickly forget how bad you were but then when it gets bad again, you forget quickly how good you were! Crazy!

[rose32]

GrandmaD

Can you believe that !!!! It drives me crazy I can never plan anything. I will be fine and then it hits big time. At least now after all this time my family is getting to understand it is w/d and not just me.

Good to hear from you

Rose

[lotusflower]

Originally Posted by rose32

Can you believe that !!!! It drives me crazy I can never plan anything. I will be fine and then it hits big time. At least now after all this time my family is getting to understand it is w/d and not just me.

Rose

Rose, I hate this too....happens all the time, I'll be feeling great one day and then the next, I'm a mess and have to cancel plans. Great to hear that your family understands. I'm amazed that my marriage has survived.
best to you, joanne

[GrandmaD]

Hi Rose,
Just dropping by to see how you are doing today?