This too shall pass

[Wld]

Well HELLO there and welcome back!

When I was going thru that horrible CT experience last summer my Dr. said the same thing...I was perimenopausal. Tests confirmed and everything. He said I should try this hormone regimen and that he thought it would solve EVERYTHING. Of course he didn't BELIEVE any of my problems were wd related so in his mind he was prescribing it for anxiety. I guess if I did just have anxiety it might have worked better. Ugh!!! I took it ---like the good little patient ive always been...Premarin/Progesterone and of course it did NOTHING! NOTHING! To stop the inevitable wd symptoms. That's just been my experience. Now im stuck taking these hormones, forgetting all the time to take the pills on this stupid schedule and afraid of quitting because I'll upset the apple cart even worse.

What Im trying to say is don't take the hormones thinking they'll help with your wd issues.

( glad you're back, we missed you!)

[Lovesthebeach]

Originally Posted by audrealjade

I have missed seeing you on the board! I'm so glad you are figuring this stuff out! I hope that the hormone testing will help you and give you the answers you need! I know your anger about being prescribed an AD when there was an underlying biological reason behind it. It beyond angers me.

I hope you find relief soon!

I hope so too! I have not been out here a lot lately because my computer is on the fritz. Hoping to get that fixed soon too

[Lovesthebeach]

So my samples have been sent in; I know I need to be patient as my doc said it can take 7 to 10 days to get the results back but I am anxious (shocker) to get the results. I am still meeting with my therapist and had an appointment yesterday. She is such a great resource and even if my situation does turn out to be some kind of hormonal thing, I am going to continue to see her. I do have a lot of stressors and other situations in my life that I know I can talk to her about and sometimes it helps to be able to talk to someone who is more neutral. So we wait.........

[Lovesthebeach]

Originally Posted by Wld

Well HELLO there and welcome back!

When I was going thru that horrible CT experience last summer my Dr. said the same thing...I was perimenopausal. Tests confirmed and everything. He said I should try this hormone regimen and that he thought it would solve EVERYTHING. Of course he didn't BELIEVE any of my problems were wd related so in his mind he was prescribing it for anxiety. I guess if I did just have anxiety it might have worked better. Ugh!!! I took it ---like the good little patient ive always been...Premarin/Progesterone and of course it did NOTHING! NOTHING! To stop the inevitable wd symptoms. That's just been my experience. Now im stuck taking these hormones, forgetting all the time to take the pills on this stupid schedule and afraid of quitting because I'll upset the apple cart even worse.

What Im trying to say is don't take the hormones thinking they'll help with your wd issues.

( glad you're back, we missed you!)

Hi Wld- I didn't see your response until today! Yeah, I pretty much figured that that wouldn't help the WDs, but am more curious if it is a hormonal issue that might have put me on this medication to begin with for anxiety issues related to hormones vs just a straight up anxiety issue. Knowing what I know now (along with my dr) looking back at my history (female stuff) it would make more sense. In the back of my mind I always wondered about the diagnoisis because I never really had problems with anxiety or panic as a kid or young adult, it was like bam, in my middle 30's I had a panic/anxiety disorder. This for the same person who has been parasailing, sky diving, never afraid of a challenges, fairly active, traveled frequently, got involved in all kinds of activities, big group of friends and so on. I questioned my doctor about it more than once and even a few years ago got a second opinion about it because I was always skeptical of the diagnoisis. The unfortuate part about anxiety/panic disorder(one of many unfortunate things about it), I think once diagnoised, if you question doctors about it, they figure you have health anxiety or something and don't bother to look behind the curtain to see if there might be a something else involved. On the Paxil, it did take away my panic attacks but I frequently had weird body things happen but chalked it up to the Paxil or this anxiety disorder that I was told I had and left it at that. I have even had comments from different health professionals (dentist, eye dr, endodontists) over the years that I had seen prior to my diagnoisis, then when I would update my health history to include that I was on Paxil for an an anxiety disorder, they would say, I would never guess that you would have anxiety issues because you have always seemed so calm. I guess we shall see; my doc has been/will be out of the office but hope to get my results back by the end of this week. Until then, I am just gonna keep on keeping on

[Lovesthebeach]

Kind of a eh blah kinda day today. After a string of pretty good days (almost a whole 10 days!) today was not so great. Partly because I have not slept that great the past couple of nights. I don't believe that the waking up part is due to medication or anxiety issues (Saturday night I fell asleep with the window open and it was much colder than it has been at night....I woke up cold and couldn't go back to sleep and last night I woke up because my son had his TV on loud watching a movie and once again couldn't fall back to sleep for quite awhile) but being tired does affect my mood for sure. I was really anxious when I woke up this AM, I tried some CBT...what is really bothering me, am I tired, hungry or what is it that is bugging me? Tried journaling, breathing deep and watched some funny TV too...nothing really helped. It did kind of break this afternoon but am exhausted. Even though I am waiting on test results for my hormones to see if that might be part of the reason for my issues, I am continuing to go forward with working on CBT and other relaxation things because it can't hurt anything that is for sure. Here is hoping for a better day tomorrow.

[Lovesthebeach]

So interesting appointment yesterday. There is a new dr in the clinic that I used to go to that specializes in perimenopausal and menopausal issues. I know it is classic for people with anxiety disorders to keep looking for what is causing their problems, but I have always had something in the back of my head that there was more to my symptoms than "just" an anxiety disorder. Besides, my current dr, who I really do like a lot, is only in the office a few days a week, the hours are not very conveinent and it is a haul from my house, especially if there is traffic. So I made an appointment with this dr for yesterday. I instantly liked him (In the past I tried other drs in this clinic after my dr left and they lacked any bedisde manner and were really quite rude). We went back over my history starting in my early 30's until now. When I was first diagnoised with anxiety disorder, I had gone to the ER because I had a hot flash, my heart started racing and I got dizzy. When the dr that I saw for all 45 minutes, said I had a panic disorder, I went to my dr, said I was told I had panic disorder, and out the prescription pad came and on the Paxil we went. I didn't know to ask questions at that point, I just trusted what I had been told. Fast forward to yesterday, we were able to determine that the physical symptoms that I was having then were perimenopausal, not necessarily all from an anxiety disorder (as I always suspected). There were also a few other medical issues that I have experienced in the last 10 years that now make more sense because I was in perimenopause. This dr really took the time to explain quite a few things to me; we did blood tests and confirmed that my hormones are MESSED up. He indicated that especially after one particular medical problem I had about 5 years ago, that this other dr didn't test my hormone levels. So basically, I was put on Paxil and it was probably not necessary. If I would have known what was causing these symptoms, I would not have been anxious about them. Actually, when we were going over my history and I mentioned I had been on Paxil, this dr said "Ew, I hate that drug and never prescribe it. It is too difficult to get people off it". Another reason I like this Dr! So now the test is to see if the hormones he gave me will help or if I am still experiencing WD. Maybe I was never in WD, but when I stopped taking the Paxil, it just made the hormone imbalance more noticable. I guess only time will tell. I can say this, that I am frustrated and angry that I was put on Paxil to begin with. Who wants to be put on brain altering drug if it wasn't really neccesary? Especially since I took it for 11 years! I know there is a whole different set of issues that come with taking hormones, but need to get to the bottom of all these issues. I am ready to put all this behind me and move forward!

[Lovesthebeach]

It has been almost two weeks since I started the hormone treatment and it has made some noticible differences. My concentration and attention span is much much better. I actually read the new book from Harlan Coben in 3 days-it has been a long time since I could actually focus on a book and I am an avid reader! My sleeping has improved about 75%; I still wake up once or twice during the night but usually go right back to sleep. One big test that I have left before I will really believe I am on the right track-On most days I feel pretty decent with some low level anxiety at times but about every 10 days or so I have what I refer to as "episodes" where I can't sleep at all that night, the next day, I gag for a few hours in the AM, can't eat/not hungry and feel very edgy. I don't physically shake but feel very very uncomfortable. The last time I had an bad episode was two weeks ago tomorrow. I had kind of a minor episode on Monday night and yesterday, although I was very tired, it wasn't as bad (no gagging and I could eat!). I am hoping that his is a sign that my new meds are helping. My new dr told me that I will probably need to adjust the one hormone I am on because my tests show I am sooooo low, but once we figure out the correct dose, he said we can try weaning off the prozac. He said he would have never put me on an AD to begin with; of course when I get to that point, I will for sure be using the 10% rule. And it will probably be awhile before I even want to start that because I want to be stabilized and feel good since it has been months since I have felt have decent!

[Wld]

Ltb, (hi again) what are you taking?

[Lovesthebeach]

Originally Posted by Wld

Ltb, (hi again) what are you taking?

Hi WLD-

I have an estrogen patch that I change twice a week and I take a progesterone pill at night before bed. So far it has been ok; Ive seen some changes for the better and hope this is the answer! I know you mentioned you are on hormone therapy as well-what do you take?

Hopefully you are turning the corner too as you seem to be having more good days than bad; **hugs**!

[Wld]

I take Premarin .625, days 1-25 and Medroxyprogesterone days 16-25. I honestly can't tell if it's doing anything my brain's so whacked from wd. I hope you find it helps.

[Lovesthebeach]

Originally Posted by Wld

I take Premarin .625, days 1-25 and Medroxyprogesterone days 16-25. I honestly can't tell if it's doing anything my brain's so whacked from wd. I hope you find it helps.

Thanks Wld- I think it is helping; I do feel like I have more energy and my concentration is much better. I had my weekly appointment with my therapist yesterday she commented that I look better an seems like my self esteem has been given a boost. I still go back and forth with being mad at my dr for not recognizing, say 10 years ago that there was something else causing my problems, especially since I was on a medication that I didn't need to be on. I did question it several times, because I thought that the diagnosis seemed odd for where I was at in life and so out of the blue. It sure would have saved me a lot of other hassles as well. At the same time, I understand that there is nothing I can do to go back and change it and all I can do is move forward. One positive that I have taken from this, is that I don't regret CBT-I think it is something that lots of folks can use, anxious, depressed or not. I a hoping for continued improvements each week

[Lovesthebeach]

It has been almost three weeks since I started the hormone therapy and I have not felt this good and stable since last fall! My sleep is probably 85% good, I have more energy, more positive and I have not had one of those, what I call "episodes" where I can't sleep and the whole day feel like I have a button switched on where I can't relax. Even my therapist has noticed the difference: when I had my weekly appointment yesterday, she told me that I don't need to come in weekly anymore, just every other. I am trying to keep my expectations in check, because so many times since January, I thought I had turned a corner, only to be disappointed. It was for sure a one step forward three steps backwards process. I had an appointment on Monday with my "old" Dr; I never told her that I went and got a second opinion about my situation. (I still need to go to her for the next few weeks because she is the dr that signed the paperwork for mywork accomodation. Didn't want to shift it all to my new dr). Mostly because I feel guilty; she has been so helpful/good to me over the past 12 years (overlooking the fact that she misdiagnosed me in the first place), especially since January. Not many Drs would give you their cell phone numbers to call them anytime, day or night. She was really concerned about me, because she had never seen me in such bad shape. She is one of the few drs that acknowledges there can be major problems with getting off Paxil (my new dr does too). When I saw her Monday, I asked her if there was anything special that I needed to be aware of since I went into early menopause, just trying to gauge if it would come to her that my problems could be hormonal. She said that there isn't anything special, just be aware of Vitamin D levels and good diet. She thought my estrogen levels should be ok (little did she know, the level is almost 0). Anyway, turns out that she is leaving the clinic she is at now in a few weeks and won't be at the new clinic until mid-June. So I guess I could just get lost in the shuffle and then maybe she won't notice I didn't follow her to the new place. I just wish I didn't feel so guilty about it all, but in the end I need to do what is best for me.

[Lovesthebeach]

Looks like a beautiful day shaping up here in Minnesota! Went on a walk already this AM; one thing that I am putting back on my goals list is to walk 10,000 steps a day. I used to be really good at making sure that I did this but got put to the way side when I started to have WD/hormonal problems. One thing that I wish, but will probably never know for sure, if my issues were from withdrawal, hormonal or a combo of both. If I had to guess I would say both and not sure that it truly matters, but have always been a "why is that/did that happen" kind of person. I think because I had never experienced some of these things before, I wonder if there was something else I could have done to prevent this. Probably not but some of this is still such a mystery. Back in January, when I was put on Prozac, I was certain that I would be good to go within a month or so. I did see some improvements but it was so much slower than I would have liked. Then with updosing again in February, I thought that would be the answer. At this point I was doing the CBT, tried acupuncture, was praying, trying meditation and some walking when I could. I would have a few good days, thinking I was making progress and was so frustrated when I would have a bad day. Those bad days, I don't think I could ever truly express how bad those days were and even have a hard time trying to explain it to the Dr because the symptom were so odd almost undescribable. I knew it wasn't the Prozac causing it because I had the symptoms prior. After two months of taking the Prozac, I had seen some improvements but on a scale of 1-10, even on my best days were only a 5. This is when I decided to look into some other possible diagnosis. I was tired of not feeling very well and so badly wanted to feel like myself. It's been about 3.5 weeks since I was put on HRT; could it be just coinscidence that I have not had one of those weird episodes since the day before meeting with my new Dr and starting the HRT? I have seen more improvements in the past 3.5 weeks than I had seen in almost three months. I have been very lucky with my employer; when I first went on leave in January, I truly thought I was only going to be gone a month at the most. It has now been almost 4; the time has gone by fast but at the same time, there were the bad days that I thought would never end. I am ready to get back to the daily grind and am working with my HR rep and Dr to get back to work next week part time. I have a Dr appointment on Wednesday with the new Dr to follow up on my progress. He thinks I will have to up my dose of meds because my one hormone was so low; as long as I keep improving, that is all that I ask for at this point! I hope my days of feeling so horrible are in the past!

[Lovesthebeach]

I am a little geeked out today; I went out for dinner last night to a seafood buffet with my Mom and stayed overnight at a hotel/casino. It was fabulous! It was the first time in a long time that I sat down in a sit down restaurant...I was relaxed and enjoyed myself! I believe the months of CBT, a correct diagnosis and meds have made a world of difference. I did have a follow up appointment with my new Dr yesterday; while there have been plenty of improvements, there is still some room for improvement. He tweaked one of my meds and I need to go back again in 6-8 weeks. If I am still seeing improvements, he is going to wean me off the Prozac. I also am going back to work on Monday. It will be nice to be back on a work routine again. Although, one thing I will miss about being home is not watching The Young and the Restless; I know total crap TV but a complete guilty pleasure : )

[Lovesthebeach]

Tomorrow is a big day! I am going back to work part time and so badly want it to be a positive good experience. I have a mixture of excitement/nervousness. I am ready to get back to a regular schedule but I did ask that I not be assigned the most stressful assignments so I could get back in my work groove, but my manager has declined my request. Whatever. It just proves to me that she still doesn't understand what I have been through. The last 7-8 months have probably been the most difficult period in my life hands down. And I lived through it. Maybe a bit bruised and battered but I made it! I have decided that I will do the best I can and that will need to be good enough.

[julieannboo]

nice one!

best of luck for tomorrow xx

[Lovesthebeach]

Originally Posted by julieannboo

nice one!

best of luck for tomorrow xx

Thank you Julie and hope things are going well with your last drop!

[LCrawford67]

Originally Posted by Lovesthebeach

Tomorrow is a big day! I am going back to work part time and so badly want it to be a positive good experience. I have a mixture of excitement/nervousness. I am ready to get back to a regular schedule but I did ask that I not be assigned the most stressful assignments so I could get back in my work groove, but my manager has declined my request. Whatever. It just proves to me that she still doesn't understand what I have been through. The last 7-8 months have probably been the most difficult period in my life hands down. And I lived through it. Maybe a bit bruised and battered but I made it! I have decided that I will do the best I can and that will need to be good enough.

Absolutely awesome!!!

[Bilo76]

Originally Posted by Lovesthebeach

Tomorrow is a big day! I am going back to work part time and so badly want it to be a positive good experience. I have a mixture of excitement/nervousness. I am ready to get back to a regular schedule but I did ask that I not be assigned the most stressful assignments so I could get back in my work groove, but my manager has declined my request. Whatever. It just proves to me that she still doesn't understand what I have been through. The last 7-8 months have probably been the most difficult period in my life hands down. And I lived through it. Maybe a bit bruised and battered but I made it! I have decided that I will do the best I can and that will need to be good enough.

I read your whole journal. Interesting!!

How are you feeling now? Does the hormone patch work? You have much less anxiety? How do you know when you feel better if its from the AD or from the patch?

I wish you much luck on your work...success

[Wld]

Have a great day tomorrow!

[Lovesthebeach]

Originally Posted by Bilo76

I read your whole journal. Interesting!!

How are you feeling now? Does the hormone patch work? You have much less anxiety? How do you know when you feel better if its from the AD or from the patch?

I wish you much luck on your work...success

Hi Bilo-

I am feeling better-still not a 100%, maybe 80% but I will take it!

Yes, I think the hormone patch is working and while my anxiety has not disappeared completely, it is better than it was a month ago. I do believe that in my case I was a combo of withdrawal and hormone issues with the withdrawal making the hormone imbalance symptoms worse. I think the new meds are the reason for my "recovery". Mostly because of the timing; I was still having problems until the day before I met with my new Dr. Since I started the new meds, I can eat again, I have more energy and no gagging. I am still having some issues with sleep about once a week and some anxiety but it is a night and day difference from the beginning of the year. My Dr believes that once I get stabilized on the hormones, I will be able to taper off the Prozac. He said he would have never been put me on the Paxil to begin with. Nothing I can do about that now, except focus on improving myself.

Thanks for your kind words!

[Lovesthebeach]

Originally Posted by Wld

Have a great day tomorrow!

Thank you WLD! Right back at ya!

[Lovesthebeach]

Back to work day 1: to sum it up-not too bad! Only 400 emails to read made it through 375. My manager surprised me by making adjustments to my workload; not sure about where the change of heart came from but am really grateful. My job has some very detailed and stressfully elements, most of which I like to process but with not working for so long, would like to start out slow before going full throttle. It felt so good to have a "purpose" for my day; out driving to work among the other hustle and bustle. I did have a couple of sensations of nervousness, which is to be expected. With the exception of the week in February where I tried to go back, I have not worked since January. I actually took to heart another thread here about working with anxiety and kept in mind things the Lauries and a few others said about not letting it control me. Even though I had a mixed bag of issues, towards the end of December, could barely sit in my chair at work. It was much better today. It is nice to get my first day back in the books; I slept for over two hours this afternoon!

[Lovesthebeach]

It's been 7 weeks since I started the HRT and it really has helped. I went in to the doctor last week for follow up; he did make some changes to my HRT and am now on a lower dose. Plus, he also wants me to start weaning off the Prozac sooner rather than later because he thinks it might be the cause of some of my insomnia issues. I am a little apprehensive about weaning again, which is crazy, I know, but I had such a difficult time with the Paxil and think I might have a little post tramatic stress from the bad shape I was in just a few months ago. I am trying to be positive about it all because it was my goal to be AD-free which I am once again working towards. All I can do is a slow wean and do the best I can do. Nothing more, nothing less.

[Lovesthebeach]

It has been 10 days since I started weaning off the Prozac; it has not been the 10% rule (more like a 50% drop no chiding please!) because my doctor feels that the insomnia and some of my anxiety issues had been caused by Prozac so he wants to see if we can't get off this sooner rather than later. I think he is on to something because ever since my first day at the lower dose, I have slept thru the night. This after not sleeping thru the night on and off (mostly on) since mid January. I am going to hang tight at the 10 mgs for awhile; no need to go to crazy with it all. I have only taken a 1/2 a benzo in the past month, but haven't had to take anything since as the doctor lowered my HRT doses as well. I feel pretty good which I will take after the 3 months from hell that I endured at the beginning of this year. I see my therapist tomorrow; we are on an every other week appointment and since I don't have much to talk about, I have a feeling that she is going to extend it to once every 3 to 4 weeks. I am going to keep seeing her for my own sanity at least once a month for awhile. She has been so helpful, not only with CBT things but giving good advice on dealing with certain people and situations. For the first time, in probably 12 years, I am starting to feel more like my old self and it sure feels good!