Nightmare preludes what I think is derealization or depersonalization

[kathrynE]

last night I had a terrible nightmare about having to go get my stuff from the house I left because of severe mental cruelty/abuse and verbal abuse. I dreamt I got there and was flooded with all the emotions weakeness fear insanity and horrific loss I felt by the time I left. In the dream I completely lost it and began throwing and breaking things, sobbing uncontrollably desparate for return of the love that was there when I was first married. The first years were wonderful. I could not get back to sleep and sleep problems have been a recurrent issue in my withdrawal from Effexor.

I did not get out of bed until 1pm. I felt like a body without identity but forced myself to go to a shop where I know the owner and use his computer to try and design on computer business cards. My mind felt broken and scattered. I have done a little research into depersonalization and derealization and know this is part of withdrawal. I felt like I was losing my sanity and very afraid. I went to a friend's for supper and the evening and felt better. When I was in the state I previously discribed I was also very anxious and as if in a cloud of fog of confusion and unclarity. All this happened after I had to talk with my husband to make arrangement for me to get my things once the divorce is finalized which will be soon. I felt taken back to the person I was a year ago. I am quite concerned about this and have nowhere to turn to and am alone to look after and deal with this.

Can anyone relate to this? What should I do/not do? Will it pass? I don't even know the questions to ask! Its returning now since I got home alone. I hate to sound sappy but I am scared and really need info so I can understand accept and learn what to do. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TryingtoGetWell]

Kathryn, I don't know what to tell you except that I relate to what you're feeling so much - derealization and probably depersonalization were among my very worst symptoms in my too-fast paxil withdrawal/recovery.

You really will feel happiness again, but withdrawal can cause all this (including, of course, the nightmares and sleep problems), and any painful emotional situation (divorce, dealing with husband) is magnified in withdrawal.

I'm so glad you got out and were with friends tonight. Things like that are probably the best thing you can do when trying to get through this. But yes, it's hard to come home alone (something I used to look forward to so much because I need my privacy) when in this state.

You did real good to get out and do those things (it probably was hard for you to get out and about, so pat yourself on the back for doing it!). And keep reminding yourself that you will know happiness again!

I hope you can out, at least for a while, tomorrow. Try reminding yourself that pretty soon it will be tomorrow and you'll go out, even if it's just little errands or some public place that's pleasant.

Sending you hugs over the internet!!!!! You'll be in my thoughts and my best wishes, so you're not alone, OK?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[kathrynE]

Thank you so much for answering so quickly. I phoned my best friend and she said when I have to go there she'll go with me. She said I saved myself from him by getting out and when that realization comes and I see him for who he's come to be and see clearly through the way I was treated and things said things will be better. Did u feel like u were losing your mind and in danger everywhere. My friends invited me to a flea market in the morning. I think I'll go no matter how I feel. I don't want to end up in a psych ward put back on medications. Its all so overwhelming. Again thank you. Tonight I'll pray for u and I and that I don't have nightmares and that I can forgive him and see him for what he is and it wasn't because of the things he said to me that I left. He has never said sorry once and won't look as his own accountability. He did everything he cud to get rid of me after all I did for him. He blames me for everything and says I'm going crazy now. Its just all so hard. So I appreciate your hands reaching out not just as words on a page but as holding out hope and your hugs mean so much. Thank you
Very affectionately
Kathryn

[kathrynE]

My daughter seems to coming back to me! Anyway she brought me some badly needed things and amongst them was this poem for all who are struggling. I thought I'd pass it on. Its called Don't Quit!
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want smile, but you have to sigh.
When all is pressing you down a bit,
Sigh if u must, but DON'T YOU QUIT!

Don't give up though the pace seems slow.
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is a failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
You can never tell how close you are,
It may be near, when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit!
Rest if you must, but DON'T YOU QUIT!

Love Kathryn

[kathrynE]

There's so much happening inside me there's no room for me