Wife on paxil for 9 years - now eratic behavior?

[Julzmyn]

My bad decision in my opinion was a bad decision made only by me. I understand the effect all to well what paxil can do. I have been free from it for 2.5 years. I beleive KJ was on to something when he wrote:

My question is how much of these actions could be because of the paxil? Could paxil over 9 years make someone not see that meetings with a guy until 2am was not appropriate for a married woman? 15 hours of conversation per month? several meetings per week. Many times of communicating per day? Is paxil an excuse?

I'm saying maybe but Paxil can not be the whole reason KJ's wife decided to communicate with someone. If that was the case then I could use the same excuse to drive my car off the road but i make a decision not too.(paxil made me do it?) While I agree paxil has negative effects as I said before I don't agree that it is the all encompassing answer to why someone makes bad decisions. I can only speak from my own personal experience. I truly hope things will get better for KJ and his family.

[scotty]

Originally Posted by kjchipmunk

The person I see today is a completely different person than what I saw a few weeks ago when paxil was in her system. I like the person I see now and am excited about our future. The wedding ring went back on and I am moving back home today after living separate for over a month. We still have to cancel the divorce papers.

I think this statement says it all. Bolding in quote is mine.

[Charlie]

I'm not going to argue the point but there are clinical trials that provide evidence of behavioral changes induced by SSRI's.

[Iksfreundin]

You're right, Julzmyn, Paxil ISN'T an all-encompassing excuse. That's why the guilt is so hard to get rid of when you go off/start to go off Paxil. But I also agree that the bad decisions I made while on the medicine usually started with me not giving a damn about what was going to happen after I made the decision. I didn't care: what did it matter? My life was hell anyway, so go ahead and do it. I have actually re-read my diary from that time, and I'd show such guilt over something I did spur-of-the-moment, and actually wrote those words "what does it matter? my life is already hell. One more thing."
I really hope this works out.

[-Ell]

I'm still the same uncaring ***** on or off the crap! Welcome to my world. I tried to get off the junk and thought things were coming around only to be knocked back down again into the reality that nothing had changed at all. So I went back on it thinking I tried too fast or did it wrong or something. Either way I'm a *****!

I am in customer sales/service and so have to put on this pretend little happy face during the day and when I come home I don't want to do any more pretending. I just want to be able to relax and be left alone and not forced to be happy and nice. Did that make sense? I love my family but at times I wonder if they would be better off without me and my crap!

[kjchipmunk]

Thanks for all the support gang. I wanted to give you an update and tell you that the divorce is going through soon and I think it is for the best. Through my wifes actions I don't love her any more and she wants a divorce any way. I think we'll both be happy on the other side of this and she can find a man that love her for who she is today in her post paxil life.

[Homerbcool]

I am so sorry to hear this..been there and well, it is not a good thing at any time..even if there is no doubt that the marriage needs divorce..it still is a very unpleasant thing..you will need emotional support and hoepfully you have some good close friends that can help...when i think back,I see good times and bad times..but I do know this..if the marriage had not failed, I would have never met my true soul mate..my wife of three years now.

[LCrawford67]

So true, Homer. I got divorced while on Paxil too, and I don't know if that's good or bad. We did get married very young and were very different.

But, I married a man, in 2003, who I believe is my soul mate and best friend. I couldn't be happier and my ex is remarried too. But, I still can't help but wonder if it was Paxil induced.

It's so hard to look back on every decision I've made and wonder if it was Paxil related. But, the advantage you have here is a wonderful support family and we'll be here!

[punky]

Me too, guys. I was in cold turkey withdrawl when my marriage fell apart. You're right, Laurie...it's so hard to look back at things and wonder how it would be different if there was no paxil to begin with or if I hadn't stopped taking it. I don't know.

I feel for chipmunk and think it's important that he knows that paxil can cause relationship issues regardless of what people say that haven't seen what can happen.

[Amaya's Nana]

kjchipmunk -- I wish you the best. Divorce is tough -- even when you know its the right thing.

[Homerbcool]

..oh silly joke..and since i lived it I can ay it..."Life is grand..divorce a hundred grand..."

edited..min was $219,000 to be exact..and the loss of my daughters love..but yuo can not balme everything onpaxil..beucase that is just not possible to committ to..it can and has been a blame hound for many a thing around here...

[barbie]

My husband and I will be getting a divorce too as a result of the things that happened while on paxil. This seems to be the story of way too many people to be dismissed as coincidence. I have seen many things that he has done since we have separated, which I would have never expected from him. One of those(among tons of others) is the lack of attention that he has shown to our daughter. He basically sees her once in a great while, and talks to her only a little more. It would have been 2 weeks tomorrow that he had seen or talked with her on the phone. He lives about 5 minutes away, so there is really no excuse for his behavior, other that it's "all about him" these days. Is it all related to paxil? That seems to be what everyone wants an answer for. It would be nice to one day know. KJ, if you every want to talk, just private message me. I am traveling down the same road as you right now.

[Charlie]

Originally Posted by -Ell

I love my family but at times I wonder if they would be better off without me and my crap!

The answer to that would be NO. Not just no but hell no!!!!

[LCrawford67]

Originally Posted by kjchipmunk

Thanks for all the support gang. I wanted to give you an update and tell you that the divorce is going through soon and I think it is for the best. Through my wifes actions I don't love her any more and she wants a divorce any way. I think we'll both be happy on the other side of this and she can find a man that love her for who she is today in her post paxil life.

I'm really praying you take this very, very slow. I'm so sorry, but I just think it's worth trying couple's therapy and realizing Paxil is the root cause of this. But, if it's what you both want, then so be it. Just think long and hard before you sign on the bottom line.

[-Ell]

there isn't much hope in this thread if you look at all the divorces due to this ****! So I mean is that the common answer? Just get a divorce because either you are the one taking the crap and can't deal with anybody or you are on the other side of the fence and can't take the hell the person on it is putting you through?

wow I never would have guessed that this many people would just hang it up because of this drug! GSK should pay alimony and divorce costs/child support and whatever else there is.

I'm waiting to get the bomb dropped from my husband. He's put up with a lot from me while being on this crap...I've put up with alot of his crap too..but right now I wouldnt' blame him if he walked. I don't have the energy to try and make my marriage work when my whole life feels like it's falling apart. That's just another thing on the "to fix" list.

[Charlie]

Whatever you do don't quit talking. There is no doubt these drugs will strain things but don't give up!!! Overcome the challenge to spite their sorry asses.

[barbie]

Well, let me be the first to say that I did not intend to go as far as a divorce. I had hoped that we could work things out in the beginning, but he has really taken everything to a different level. There comes a point when enough is enough. His lifestyle has completely changed, and he has basically taken on a new life with new people. My daughter and I are no longer in the picture, and he has shown no remorse for the situation as it is. He has gone ahead with his life without thinking about who he is hurting or anything else for that matter. People have to begin to pick up the pieces of their own life at some point. I did not marry to get divorced, but as things are, I have no other choice. I think the decision has to be a personal one, and it all depends upon what the marriage has already been through due to paxil. There are some things that one cannot overlook and forget about. Forgiveness is one thing, but overlooking and being able to live with and love again in the same way is sometimes not possible. I agree, someone should be held responsible.

[Charlie]

Barbie
All you can do is your best and I believe you've done that. It is a sad situation and there are no clear cut answers. We must each find our own path in some way.

Someone should pay and eventually someone will. Maybe not monitarily but there will be a day that they'll have to explain what they've done. I don't know when and I don't know where but it'll happen.

[-Ell]

I figure right now I've got to fix me...find myself , my emotions, my soul again. Either the family can wait or not. I can't fix them and they can't fix me.

[Charlie]

Ell
It's extremelt important that you don't give up on yourself. I'd suggest letting them know what's happening and that you want to fix you. Just don't think for a second they would be better off without you. I can promise they would not. Don't ever let yourself think that you're not worth the effort because you absolutely are. Don't let yourself believe it's hopeless, it's not and you CAN make it through with a little help from your friends........

Don't make me find the hotel and bring my PP buddies up just to cause a scene......

[paxilgirl]

Divorce is hard no matter what the cause, but to have it happen to a good marriage because of a drug is so heartbreaking!

I'm sorry for you all....and my heart goes out to you.

-Ell, hang in....you sound so negative and sad....you OK today?

[-Ell]

The only reason I am positive at work is because if I don't keep everybody else positive that place is going to go broke.

why at home the negative? I feel like I am forced to be someone I'm not (almost) at work and want to come home and just be me...and yes right now it's negative.

I don't want to be forced to feel feelings I don't feel like feeling right now. Does that make sense? I love my family. I just don't want to be forced to be all lovey dovey all over the place.

I'm up for hugs and that's all right now. The other half keeps buggin about more than that. I'm not even up for that right now.

I told him tonight after a move that there are things I'm disappointed with too and all the nagging in the world isn't changing any of that. So I guess I want to be left alone about the sex. KWIM?

[-Ell]

LOL Charlie....if I thought that would help I would give you the directions to the motel

[julie11786]

Originally Posted by kjchipmunk

My wife went on paxil 9 years ago for depression. She went off to have a couple kids over 4 years ago then back on. A few months ago she started spinning out of control through a collection of reasons, i believe.

1. She was a stay at home mom for 7 years and really is the type of person that needs to work and have an outlet.
2. She gained about 70 lbs.
3. Stopped taking care of herself like a woman such as trying to make herself look pretty with makeup and clothes etc..
4. Stopped communication with friends
5. Slepped a lot. daily naps.
6. Started communicating with a man from her past. He pursued her even though she was married and she fed into it. All her actions over the last several months were very wrong for a married woman, but she didn't see it that way at all. 15 hours a month on the phone, late night meetings, etc..
7. And recently stopped taking paxil with the supervision of a doctor
8. Filed for divorce. This was a hard decision for her and went back and forth on whether to do it or not then just broke and did it. We were good friends, but lost a lot of the marrital bliss.

She is now off paxil all together for several weeks now. She says she can feel her feelings again and its like she was wearing cotton around her feelings for years and now she can feel again. Like an arm would feel like after taking off a cast that you wore for several years.

Now that she has been off paxil for a few weeks she wants to stay married to me. She completely admits all her wrongs over the past few months, takes responsibility for them and that she was not a good wife for a lot of years. She said she started spinning until everything was off her and now she has nothing left. She asked this mail friend to not contact her because she realized their relationship was innapropriate.

My question is how much of these actions could be because of the paxil? Could paxil over 9 years make someone not see that meetings with a guy until 2am was not appropriate for a married woman? 15 hours of conversation per month? several meetings per week. Many times of communicating per day? Is paxil an excuse?

please help me understand this drug and what it does to people. I have read the forum and many people have effects that are physical, but I don't see many mental effects like this.

Thanks.

Can I have an update on your story? Did your relationship work out? I am going through the same thing but it is happening in an opposite way. I noticed my personality changes when I started decreasing my Paxil. I have become all the things you described your wife was while on the Paxil. Please help!!

[scotty]

This thread is 6 years old and the OP hasn't been on the site since 2006.