New here- introduction

[ellenr]

Hello,
I'm not sure where to put this, so I'll put it here, and mod can move if it should be elsewhere. I just joined and I want to tell you something about myself. First, I have to say kudos to you all for your courage in deciding to come off these drugs. I knew it was hard, but didn't know how hard, until I came here and I've been reading around the forum.

In addition to the physical and mental struggle, I imagine that many of you are flying in the face of your friends, family, doctor, etc, who tell you you are "crazy" to do this.

I do not take any drug. Some 40 years ago I had a brief encounter and it was so horrible that my body rejected it, and lucky for me, otherwise I would be here coming off of it. Out of that experience I started researching the drugs, and now I speak to groups and individuals and write about the dangers of psychoactive drugs. And about the myth of the biochemical basis for mental distress.

If anyone is inclined to, I would be interested to hear how you made the decision to come off the drugs. Because I have several friends who take these drugs, and they read my papers, and come to my talks, and some of them say, "I want to get off these drugs." But they never do. Now, it is not my place to tell them what to do, but I do wonder what gets people on the road to recovery. Something you read, or heard, a friend, or your experience....?

regards,
ellen

[julieannboo]

This site for me opened my eyes alot. i only found out about paxil progress last year and i found a way to come off of this junk without having the nasty side effects, the head zaps are the worst.
I had wanted to come off of these drugs for a while but tried and failed as i would cut the tablets in half and the side effects would be horrible.
The drug stopped working for me 3 years ago - i didnt realise at the time until i came here - but i was in withdrawal despite still taking the drug.
also it cant be good being on drugs for years on end.

[Helen-Kate]

Hi,

Why I wanted to come off........................

Well meeting new people and having to explain what the tablet I was taking in the morning was when they were present and why I react so badly to alcohol (boy it doesn't suit me).

Also worrying 'what if they stopped making the tablets, what if I was stuck somewhere and I couldn't get hold of any, what if.what if. what if etc.

I kind of felt I was being held to ransom by a pill and therefore have started making tracks on setting myself free.

As much as I feel wrong for saying this...the stigma of the tablet, why I'm on it, being seen as weak by others.

[Honeysuckle]

Hi Ellen,

I had been wanting to come off the drugs for a long time, but was pretty scared as knew their were 'discontinuation symptoms' and like a lot here a few failed attempts didn't exactly encourage me.

Then my partner and I decided to think about a baby-so that was the real motivator this time. Funny enough, a few months into my recovery and a baby is no longer the goal, instead complete and utter wellness. Recovery is peeling back a lot of layers and is a continual journey. Thankfully I found this site early on into my tapering so feel really supported here.

I've recently started a journal with more background and I think someone (Bruno2006?) also started a thread recently asking a similar question as you.

Justine

[ellenr]

I hear you, and I don't see anything bad about saying it. So many people are held hostage by these pills, and what if the drug company decided to double the price, and their insurance didn't pay..and so many what if's - when you are dependent on something outside of yourself.

Originally Posted by Helen-Kate

Hi,

Why I wanted to come off........................

Well meeting new people and having to explain what the tablet I was taking in the morning was when they were present and why I react so badly to alcohol (boy it doesn't suit me).

Also worrying 'what if they stopped making the tablets, what if I was stuck somewhere and I couldn't get hold of any, what if.what if. what if etc.

I kind of felt I was being held to ransom by a pill and therefore have started making tracks on setting myself free.

As much as I feel wrong for saying this...the stigma of the tablet, why I'm on it, being seen as weak by others.

[Kay2020]

My brother lost this insurance, and then tried to taper at least 4 different drugs, Cymbalta, Seroquel, Lamictal, and Adivan.

I saw him suffer and suffer. And then looked at my pill Lexapro, my brother did a lot of research and let me know. I decided to taper.

[jheaney1]

I slowly declined in my personal and professional life over the course of several years on Paxil. I recognized that something wasn't right, but couldn't understand what it was. Eventually, I was laid off and decided to re evaluate my life. As I started to wean off Paxil, it quickly became apparent to me that the drug was a factor in my decline.

The people around me have noticed the biggest changes in me. People I've known from before I started taking Paxil have talked at length how I changed dramatically around the time I started taking the drug... and how much different I seem now that I'm on a much lower dose. I can feel it now, too. In the two months that I was Paxil free, I wrote short stories, studied complex subjects, engaged with other people... all the things I thought were lost to me forever while I was taking the drug. The intent may not be to drug the ambition and creativity out of society, but the result is.

[Bilo76]

Welcome here!!!

[jr1985]

Well originally it was because I as diagnosed with ADHD and I found out they make ADHD symptoms worse (or maybe cause them in the first place). I also wanted to "feel" something again, as everything felt a bit "meh" on them.

After my w/d experience I began researching and realised I'd made the right decision because a) they have been shown to be no better than placebo (Prof Irving Kirsch), b) they have serious side effects like suicidal thoughts, cognitive impairment, emotional blunting, sexual dysfunction, c) they may made depression/anxiety more chronic (Whittaker) and d) they're harder to quit than crack.

[ellenr]

thanks, Justine,
I've been slowly reading here.
A lot to read, and intense.
I haven't yet got to the journals section, so I will go there and look for the thread you mention.

ellen

Originally Posted by Honeysuckle

Hi Ellen,

I had been wanting to come off the drugs for a long time, but was pretty scared as knew their were 'discontinuation symptoms' and like a lot here a few failed attempts didn't exactly encourage me.

Then my partner and I decided to think about a baby-so that was the real motivator this time. Funny enough, a few months into my recovery and a baby is no longer the goal, instead complete and utter wellness. Recovery is peeling back a lot of layers and is a continual journey. Thankfully I found this site early on into my tapering so feel really supported here.

I've recently started a journal with more background and I think someone (Bruno2006?) also started a thread recently asking a similar question as you.

Justine

[ellenr]

thanks for the welcome Bilo!

and jr1985- yes all good reasons, I wish I could convince my friends that they should at least do some research. It's hard to watch people take these drugs, solely bec. their doctor says so, and they don't really want to know anything about them. So I keep my mouth shut, but it's hard...I try not to judge my friends who take them, I just want them to be healthy and happy.

[LCrawford67]

Ellen, before our members delve in to telling you too much personal information. What are your credentials? What groups and individuals do you speak with?

[ellenr]

Hi,
I don't particularly want to know anyone's personal information.
I joined cuz I am impressed with the courage of people who go against the flow - and going off an anti-depressant is going against the flow. And now that I'm here I reading around. My credentials are that I am a human being. I am not writing a book or anything else that I am going to use people's personal information in.

Groups I've spoken are:
1. a unitarian group about the corruption of medicine in general.
2. an occupy group about the myth of chemical imbalance and 'what is mental illness'.
3. coming up- a group in a home of people with so-called 'mental disabilities'.
on the same subject as #2.

Individuals I speak to are people I know and I do not speak about anyone here.

Anything else you want to know?

If it is inappropriate for me to be here, no problem.


ellen

Originally Posted by LCrawford67

Ellen, before our members delve in to telling you too much personal information. What are your credentials? What groups and individuals do you speak with?

[LCrawford67]

No, not necessarily inappropriate. But, we've had people here before, asking our members about their personal stories, etc. with promises of news articles, speaking groups, etc. only to find out they're not at all who they say they are.

We're very protective of our members here, and rightfully so. Just because someone says they speak to "groups", doesn't mean they're on the up and up. We also don't align ourselves with any organization, such as CCHR and other Scientology based groups who spread propaganda.

[kathleen2]

What drug did you take 40 years ago that started this lifelong interest? How long did you take it for?

What non-drug methods have you used to deal with things?

Welcome to PP--

[ellenr]

I can see your points, and I appreciate them.
No I am not a member of CCHR, or related. Even tho they have an anti-drug stance, imo they are a little loopy.

I am who I say I am.
If anyone wants to read the articles I've written, I'd be glad to send them.

Like I said, I don't want to step on toes, and I realize this is a forum for people who are taking, or have taken, Paxil. So I am here at your permission. And if I cause upset I can leave. But it is interesting to me to read first-hand accounts of these drugs, which I've only studied, and do not have first-hand knowledge.

I also think I can make a contribution in the area of alternative healing which I think is one forum. I'm taking my time and trying to decide what is appropriate before I speak up too much.

ellen.
if there are any other questions you want to ask, to know who I am, feel free. I can send you my complete, real, name off-list, if you want.

Originally Posted by LCrawford67

No, not necessarily inappropriate. But, we've had people here before, asking our members about their personal stories, etc. with promises of news articles, speaking groups, etc. only to find out they're not at all who they say they are.

We're very protective of our members here, and rightfully so. Just because someone says they speak to "groups", doesn't mean they're on the up and up. We also don't align ourselves with any organization, such as CCHR and other Scientology based groups who spread propaganda.

[ellenr]

Hi,
Thank you for the welcome.

Back then, I was confused, depressed and suicidal. The therapist I was seeing tried many things, but nothing seemed to work, so she turned to drugs. Back then of course drugs were not as prevalent as they are now.

I had 3 awful experiences, but I only remember the specific name in one case - Prozac.
I took it before bed, as prescribed, and in the morning I woke up, thinking - I had had the worse experience of my life. But no memory of what I had felt. Which is not uncommon, as in a traumatic event, the brain oftens forgets in order to protect us. I had a memory of the worst feeling I had ever had.

So the therapist told me to take half as much the next night. The next day, I felt like I had had the second worse experience in my life. That was it for that.

Another time I was given an "experimental" drug with the antidote. The day after I took it, I was out walking, standing at the curb, about to cross the street. Suddenly I couldn't "remember" how to lift my leg to get off the curb. It was like my brain was sending the message to my leg, but nothing was happening. It was awful. Somehow I got to a phone, called a friend, who got me home. I took the antidote, fell asleep, and woke up feeling "OK".
[altho I often wonder, who knows what permanent damage these drugs could cause].

A third time I was given a drug, and I drove some place. On the way, at an intersection there was a blinking yellow light. I did as we do, and slowed down to make sure no one was coming. On the way back, I sailed through that intersection, narrowly missing causing a 3-car collision. When I got home, I called the therapist and told her what happened, Her response:"Oh, you shouldn't have driven".
Duh, how was I supposed to know that. She should have told me that.

I think there were other drugs that I tried for a longer time, but they always made me feel weird, "not myself", and I never stayed for long.

What worked for me is kundalini yoga. For me - kundalini yoga saved my life. I also had started drinking heavily and using a lot of pot, to self-medicate, which I did for years, and I would certainly not be alive today if I hadn't stopped.

The other thing that worked is I came across Eliot Valenstein's book, Blaming the Brain, in which he talks about how the whole "chemical imbalance" theory came about, influence of the drug companies, the science of the brain. And I came away from the book concluding that there is no Illness called depression. [not necessarily the author's conclusion, but mine].

Since these 2 events (I guess about 30 years ago) I still get depressed of course, there are disappointments in life. But never suicidal (as I used to be a lot) or distraught or totally despairing.
As long as I do yoga (which I am not as consistent as I wish to be) I feel pretty even-keeled.
Now I see that there are decisions I made which were pretty bad, but I did the best I could - like all of us.

ellen

Originally Posted by kathleen2

What drug did you take 40 years ago that started this lifelong interest? How long did you take it for?

What non-drug methods have you used to deal with things?

Welcome to PP--