Birthday and I am depressed.

tootsieroll · 04-28-2012, 09:25 PM

Hi everyone, my birthday is on the 29th and I didn't think I would be so depressed before it. I'm surrounded by family but yet being surrounded only makes me feel how little and insignificant I really am.

Although I'm still in state of foggy brain, I get moments of consciousness where I realize that at age 29 I have nothing(literally nothing. No money, no job, no independence) and I am worth nothing. I am merely floating through life and always have been. So what does my birthdate actually mean??? A JOYOUS day I was brought into this LIFE?? What life?? I wish I could break away from all this and enjoy my birthday tomorrow but I really don't think this is going to happen.

I know this post makes it seem like I'm feeling this way because it's my birthday but I have been feeling this way long before. My birthday just seems to amplify what I already feel.

PS. I had a hysteroscopy 4 days ago. Could it be making me depressed because I am taking it easy to heal? I am also hella hungry all the time since then and I feel fat =(

Bilo76 · 04-29-2012, 03:10 AM

1.) You are only 29. You have time enough to achieve goals you wanna achieve
2.) Do you trully believe this; "I am worth nothing" ??? Cause off course this is not true. If you believe so then start doing CBT.
3.) Do you value your life at those standards? Whether you have money or a job? Arent other stuff more important? Like how you act with other people especially the ones you love. That you are physical healthy, etc etc.

and above all:

4.) Cheer up tootsie. Try to correct this destructive way of thinking in your mind. It serves no purpose. Go out for a walk. Accept where you are now and float with it. And try to enjoy small things.

eileen · 04-29-2012, 04:21 AM

You have your whole life ahead of you and you are already doing something wonderful for yourself. Your taking your self off an AD. Everything will look a lot brighter when you've finished your weaning.

julieannboo · 04-29-2012, 06:28 AM

You are doing great. I hope that you have a good birthday xx

iwantpeace · 04-29-2012, 07:06 AM

Happy birthday Tootsie,

I understand what you are saying. I have said to myself many times 'I should be doing more, I should have more, I should, I should, I should'.

But, I remind myself every time that my JOB is to GET BETTER. You have one of the hardest jobs in the world right now - many people wouldn't be able to do what you're doing. Please remember that. Your job might not 'pay you' now, but trust me, in the long run the value of what you're doing will be worth more than all the money in the world.

Try to enjoy today as best you can, and have an extra piece of cake for me

xoxo

babs · 04-29-2012, 10:46 AM

Happy birthday, Tootsieroll. You are not nothing, you are a person trying to find your way in life just like we all are. I hope you are feeling better today and enjoy your special day!

Backtopaxil · 04-29-2012, 10:55 AM

Happy Birthday !!!!

aberdeen · 04-29-2012, 11:05 AM

Happy Birthday and know that in many ways you contribute to other peoples lives, even in ways you may not see, you aren't nothing! Don't let the mood you're in fool you. It's not reality!

tootsieroll · 04-29-2012, 04:10 PM

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes!!! I instantly feel my attitude change upon reading your replies.

It is true, I know I have more than I will ever realize and that things can only get better after I am done weaning. But it is one difficult journey getting there.

I am grateful for this forum and all you fine people on here. I am off to go to dinner and hoping the sugar high from the cakes will give me a moment of giddiness(much needed). Cheers!!!

LCrawford67 · 04-29-2012, 04:19 PM

Tootsie, I'm betting your family thinks you're priceless

You're not insignificant to them, nor to anyone else! As Babs said, you're just trying to make it in the world, just like the rest of us. Enjoy your special day and while you're celebrating with family and friends, realize just how important you are to them, and to everyone else around you!

04-28-2012, 09:25 PM	#1
tootsieroll Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 407	Birthday and I am depressed. Hi everyone, my birthday is on the 29th and I didn't think I would be so depressed before it. I'm surrounded by family but yet being surrounded only makes me feel how little and insignificant I really am. Although I'm still in state of foggy brain, I get moments of consciousness where I realize that at age 29 I have nothing(literally nothing. No money, no job, no independence) and I am worth nothing. I am merely floating through life and always have been. So what does my birthdate actually mean??? A JOYOUS day I was brought into this LIFE?? What life?? I wish I could break away from all this and enjoy my birthday tomorrow but I really don't think this is going to happen. I know this post makes it seem like I'm feeling this way because it's my birthday but I have been feeling this way long before. My birthday just seems to amplify what I already feel. PS. I had a hysteroscopy 4 days ago. Could it be making me depressed because I am taking it easy to heal? I am also hella hungry all the time since then and I feel fat =( __________________ -reinstated 20mg Celexa -liquid celexa 20mg June/23/11 -18mg July/20/2011 -16.2mg Aug/19/2011 -14.6mg Sept/30/2011 -13.1mg Oct/27/2011 -11.8mg Nov/26/2011 -10.6mg Dec/18/2011 -9.6mg Jan/9/2012 -8.6mg Feb/21/2012 Click link for full signature... http://www.paxilprogress.org/forums/...468#post747468

04-29-2012, 03:10 AM	#2
Bilo76 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Holland Posts: 1,641	Re: Birthday and I am depressed. 1.) You are only 29. You have time enough to achieve goals you wanna achieve 2.) Do you trully believe this; "I am worth nothing" ??? Cause off course this is not true. If you believe so then start doing CBT. 3.) Do you value your life at those standards? Whether you have money or a job? Arent other stuff more important? Like how you act with other people especially the ones you love. That you are physical healthy, etc etc. and above all: 4.) Cheer up tootsie. Try to correct this destructive way of thinking in your mind. It serves no purpose. Go out for a walk. Accept where you are now and float with it. And try to enjoy small things. __________________ Bilo aka Remco 14 years on Paxil 20 mg cause of a bad anxiety disorder (social anxiety, agoraphobia) 2011 Oct 16th: Cold turkey stop Paxil cause of poopout and switch to lexapro 15 mg. Hell started. Tapered lexapro. Tapered oxazepam. Med-free since may 18th 2012 "....We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. It can not command, only serve..." Albert Einstein.

04-29-2012, 04:21 AM	#3
eileen Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 10,526	Re: Birthday and I am depressed. You have your whole life ahead of you and you are already doing something wonderful for yourself. Your taking your self off an AD. Everything will look a lot brighter when you've finished your weaning. __________________ June 13/07-reducing by .05mg. every four weeks to present. October 29/08-Paxil Free 2006-Cut Trazodone from 150mg to 100mg. Sept 07/09- Trazodone 75mg. 4/10 Weaning Benzo. 12/11 Benzo Free! Started this journey of horror with AD's in 1994, Put on Paxil 30 mg in Feb/1995 I will survive!

04-29-2012, 06:28 AM	#4
julieannboo Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 1,395	Re: Birthday and I am depressed. You are doing great. I hope that you have a good birthday xx __________________ Paxil History: 20mg - April 1997 0mg - Summer 1998 30mg - October 1999 20mg - October 2002 - July 2011 20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper) CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg Back on 10mg - STAYING HERE FOR TIME BEING.

04-29-2012, 07:06 AM	#5
iwantpeace Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 249	Re: Birthday and I am depressed. Happy birthday Tootsie, I understand what you are saying. I have said to myself many times 'I should be doing more, I should have more, I should, I should, I should'. But, I remind myself every time that my JOB is to GET BETTER. You have one of the hardest jobs in the world right now - many people wouldn't be able to do what you're doing. Please remember that. Your job might not 'pay you' now, but trust me, in the long run the value of what you're doing will be worth more than all the money in the world. Try to enjoy today as best you can, and have an extra piece of cake for me xoxo __________________ Paxil 20mg from 2001-December 2010 Nov 2010 - 20mg Dec 2010 - 15mg Feb 2011-July 2011 - 10mg July 2011- Sept 2011- 30MG Sept 2011-Nov 2011- 25mg -17.5mg Nov 2011- JAN 12: 17.5mg -1.25mg January 27th 2012- PAXIL FREE Started Zoloft mid Nov 2011 - currently at 100mg Feb 8 2012 - Zoloft 75mg early April 2012 April 11 2012: 62mg - compounding pharmacy - side effects at 75mg not acceptable April 21 2012 - 50mg - feel much better - staying here for a while.

04-29-2012, 10:46 AM	#6
babs "dare to suck big!" Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 7,580	Re: Birthday and I am depressed. Happy birthday, Tootsieroll. You are not nothing, you are a person trying to find your way in life just like we all are. I hope you are feeling better today and enjoy your special day! __________________ Babs Paxil 20mg 1994-2005 2 failed attempts to quit Tapered Jan-April 2005 Paxil-free since May 1, 2005

04-29-2012, 10:55 AM	#7
Backtopaxil Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 1,322	Re: Birthday and I am depressed. Happy Birthday !!!! __________________ Started April /03-Jul 30/11 10 mg Paxil 2nd Paxil Tapering Off as of May 28th, 12 "This will take time but it will happen!" "I've been shouting: it takes at LEAST a year " -- Ariella "If I am going to suffer, at least I will be Paxil free" -- me!

04-29-2012, 11:05 AM	#8
aberdeen Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Canada Posts: 3,052	Re: Birthday and I am depressed. Happy Birthday and know that in many ways you contribute to other peoples lives, even in ways you may not see, you aren't nothing! Don't let the mood you're in fool you. It's not reality! __________________ *2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."* 2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD Dec 2010 Poop-out and rapid 3 month wean. Off Effexor March 2011 Hell started 1 month later-tried 3 other meds to deal with w/d nothing worked. . Now tapering from 20mg Paxil (still recovering from Effexor w/d) Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg Mar 5/13- 9mg Apr 12/13-8.1mg May 5/13-7.3mg

04-29-2012, 04:10 PM	#9
tootsieroll Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 407	Re: Birthday and I am depressed. Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes!!! I instantly feel my attitude change upon reading your replies. It is true, I know I have more than I will ever realize and that things can only get better after I am done weaning. But it is one difficult journey getting there. I am grateful for this forum and all you fine people on here. I am off to go to dinner and hoping the sugar high from the cakes will give me a moment of giddiness(much needed). Cheers!!! __________________ -reinstated 20mg Celexa -liquid celexa 20mg June/23/11 -18mg July/20/2011 -16.2mg Aug/19/2011 -14.6mg Sept/30/2011 -13.1mg Oct/27/2011 -11.8mg Nov/26/2011 -10.6mg Dec/18/2011 -9.6mg Jan/9/2012 -8.6mg Feb/21/2012 Click link for full signature... http://www.paxilprogress.org/forums/...468#post747468

04-29-2012, 04:19 PM	#10
LCrawford67 Moderator "Everybody poops" Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 34,485	Re: Birthday and I am depressed. Tootsie, I'm betting your family thinks you're priceless You're not insignificant to them, nor to anyone else! As Babs said, you're just trying to make it in the world, just like the rest of us. Enjoy your special day and while you're celebrating with family and friends, realize just how important you are to them, and to everyone else around you! __________________ aka LC aka Laurie C. Paxil, 20 mg since 1997, for IBS Two unsuccessful attempts to quit. Started tapering 11/27/06 PAXIL FREE 12/29/07 Today is the best day, EVER!

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