Enough

[ralphtdurden]

Hello all!

I wished I would have seen this forum before I even started with this medication. I'm feeling so scared of stop taking these pills, that I'm still in a big doubt if right now is the best moment.

After having a long childhood with lots of health problems and going to live abroad far away from family and friends, I found myself into a very long depression and isolation period. Coming back after 5 years to my home country trying to feel well again, I just was not getting better. After a friend suggestion I went to see a psychiatrist which diagnose me with dysthymia. Then I started with trying a few antidepressants until I finally got better with paroxetine. Not sure anymore if it was a coincidence of life happenings or it was the drug. Fact is that I was able to feel better again, start going out with girls and start having a kind of normal life.

7 years later, because of professional goals, I went abroad again. I'm here in this new country for the last 3 years, in which I found a new girlfriend. This last 3 years were really great and I finally thought I could start stop using this medication. Another decision to stop the medication was that I start finding that amount of semen volume decreased quite a lot to the point of having a few drops to not having any semen at all after ejaculation. After some research, found out that people using antidepressants were experiencing this kind of thing, so I thought, enough. I was feeling very well and stable so I thought I should start tapering.

The last 6 months I start taking just 10mg (I was initially taking 20mg). I went taking 10mg without any issues for these 6 months. Only issue was premature ejaculation. But this one, I had before I start taking paroxetine. So I think it's just the drug not having that delayed effect anymore.

Then started skipping some days here and there, most of the time not on purpose, I just forgot about it. And then finally beginning of february I took the last pill.

3 weeks past and I was feeling great. Only side effect was libido went higher. I was even having the feeling the amount of ejaculate went bigger.

But then, ironically, life knocked on the door. I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me, when I was away for 2 weeks for a work. That was a big shock for me because everything in our relationship looked fine. I didn't see any problem between us. So I found myself now having to deal with a big pain, that although the relationship didn't finish yet (we are still trying to heal the wounds and try to save it), I just don't know what it will happen. She was the big pillar and the only remaining reason for me living in this foreign country and if the relationship is over, I just don't know what and even where I should go, if I should stay in the country or move to another one. I don't have friends nor family here and I don't speak the language. Professionally it's not interesting anymore. Going back to my home country is not a solution as well, because professionally it's just not possible. So I'm in a really lonely and difficult position.

Now I'm having problems to sleep, anxiety is back and some days feeling down. I was in big doubts what to do in relation to the medication, since I'm sure these feelings are because of the bad news I got and not withdraw symptoms. So one day that I was feeling bad I took back 20 mg. Then I thought it was a bad idea and didn't take anymore. Then I decided to do it again when I felt bad again. Then again back to 10mg. So I was getting crazy to what to do.

After seeing this site and reading this horror stories, I just don't want to take this pills again. I'm scared to death I'll get some PSSD.

So since I was already so long tapering around 10mg and I just took a few 2 or 3 days 20mg, I thought I might try stay with 5mg for awhile and see what happens. I started today. I'll keep you guys informed. Wish me luck.

[Lindelea]

Good luck! It's a shame what's happening to you, but I guess that's life... sometmies it kicks u in the butt, but don't throw urslef in a hole, life will smile to u again. I'm glad you want to get off paxil, sometimes it's difficult, but it isn't impossible, keep us posted!

[ralphtdurden]

Second day.

I didn't sleep well this night. It was hard to turn the head off. I can't decide if I should go back to my original "setup" I had 1 year ago when I was feeling absolutely great. I was taking at the time 20mg paroxetine and 0,5mg rivotril. I'm really scared that I'm gonna crash here. Not sure if I should wait until this bad time pass and then start with a support of a doctor. I don't have any doctor here.

[mustangwoman]

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. You may want to give the 5 mg a few more days and see if you can stabalize on that since you have not really had a steady dose in a while. Welcome to pp, the people here are great and the support is very healing!

[Backtopaxil]

The last 6 months I start taking just 10mg

This is your dosage but try to see if 5mg help you and once stable taper off from there. If not go no higher than 10mg.

[ralphtdurden]

Day 3.

I was feeling the whole day kind of impatient, specially at work. Left on time home. At home I didn't have anything to do and my head couldn't stop thinking. Anxiety was killing me with thoughts of the troubles on my relationship. It was getting to the point that I was getting nervous that some panic attack would suddenly appear. So I decided to make myself busy. I start cleaning the house and cooking until my girlfriend came back from work. I don't know, but when she is close to me I get much more calm.

We had "sex" and once again I was unable to hold myself. The premature ejaculation is disturbing me so much, that I feel like going back to the drug just because of it. I'm afraid that this PE will kill my relationship for good.

I at least slept much better.

She was telling that I'm much more positive and funny lately. That she is enjoying. Honestly I'm trying my best to be positive and funny to try not to spread the negativity around me. But it's really hard work. I have to be paying attention to myself how to behave.

[ralphtdurden]

Day 10.

I'm feeling quite anxious. I almost feel my legs tingling of anxiety. But as impossible as it sounds it's not disturbing me to the point of wanting to go back to the pills. PE problem still on going and this is disturbing me most.

I was just wondering if in my case it's not really a case that I would need these pills forever and if the cost/benefit it's not worth being on the pills. I remember before I started taking them, I was feeling exactly how I'm feeling now. I just was able to start "living" after I started with the pills.

I remember my doctor telling me that dysthimia is not cured. That it's a condition that's going to be there always. My question is if this wouldn't be something like a diabetic person who needs insulin to keep going. I don't know. I'm still very confused. Most people don't go through the huge amount of health problems I had in my childhood (cancer, chemeotherapy, radiotherapy, whole childhood full of problems resulted from the agressive treatment), fears and anxiety came from it. It would be no surprise if someone will tell me that this changed my brain forever (maybe even from the trauma) and I would have to fix it with pills.

[Backtopaxil]

Yes paxil causes delayed ejaculation and low volume. Some people lose erections others just lose all libido all together.

I would not consider going on a pill for PE, there are methods to treat that and will work for life and without a pill.

If you want to get off paxil then stabilize at 5mg and then taper slowly. That is about 5-6 months worth of tapering. If you decide that you need to be on paxil for your issues, then the best thing is to fully reinstate to your last dosage that you were on. Note that paxil is not forever.

[mustangwoman]

I'm sure that the illness you had as a child played a huge role in causing you to feel anxious. Have you ever had any therapy? We are here for you!

[ralphtdurden]

Originally Posted by sparkswallace

I'm sure that the illness you had as a child played a huge role in causing you to feel anxious. Have you ever had any therapy? We are here for you!

I have no doubt about it. But the problem I have to face not so long ago (young adulthood) it's not only anxiety, but depression as well, which brought me isolation and completely inability to socialize and therefore live a normal life in a moment of life which you should be having the biggest fun. I just started to have some normality in my life years after, when I started with the pills. So my relationship with these pills are quite strong. For me they played an important role. I'm always afraid that if I stop taking them I'm going back to that pit again.

I haven't done much of therapy. I tried a few times going to psychologists but i didn't think it was helping at all.

[ralphtdurden]

21 Days.

Still on my 5mg. Hard to talk about stabilization right now. Everything is so uncertain in my life that I think it would be difficult even for a person without any psychological problems not to be feeling anxious.

Although, I must say that the anxiety, it's not so extreme. It's usually stronger on the beginning of the day, but as the day passes, I feel better.

What's bothering me the most lately is that since these problems with my girlfriend started, it has awaken lots of ghosts from the past.
I'm all the time thinking about those bad things that happened to me in the past and I can't stop thinking about it. It's getting to a point that it's making me crazy. And it's so strange that I didn't have this type of thoughts for a long time.

[ralphtdurden]

24 Days.

Went to down to 1/8 of my 20gram pill, so 2,5mg or so. Although I'm still feeling extremely anxious, gonna keep going. I just don't want to stop now, no matter what. Wish me luck.