My Story

[aross]

Well, here it is...this is my first time writing on here. I have been checking into the site off and on for several years. I hope this helps.

I started taking Paxil 10mg when I was 18 right after I graduated high school, due to anxiety over my parents moving and me going off to college. I took this dose pretty much forever until the Fall 2011. I think for a short time I upped to 20mg, but had no problems going back to 10mg after a few months-this was several years ago when I was in grad school, working full time, and interning.

Anyway, while on Paxil, I felt good. I rarely felt depressed or sad or cried, except when normal-like being broken up with, a death, etc. I got married to my amazing and supportive husband in 2010 and we of course have been talking about having children since we were dating. Obviously, I cannot be taking Paxil while pregnant. So, thinking that because I was on the lowest dose, I could ween myself off of it on my own. Looking back, I did it so wrong and way too fast. I think I started that in the Fall of 2011 and was completely off of Paxil by the first of February 2012. Ever since then, life has been hell. I cry ALL THE TIME. I hate my job, I feel miserable, I don't want to die or hurt myself, just want to feel better, but I feel so hopeless about that ever happening. After almost four months of feeling like this, I went to a psychiatrist. Now, before when I was taking my Paxil, it was always prescribed by my primary physician, however, my doctor left her practice and I thought maybe it would be better to see a psychiatrist-BAD IDEA! She was horrible and made me feel that this was who I was off of the meds. I felt horrible after leaving that appointment. But, I did get my script for Paxil 10mg, but cut them in half so have been taking 5mg since the end of May 2012. Well, it's not working, because I still feel horrible and CRY ALL THE TIME! I am fine when I spend time with my husband and family, but at work I feel horrible.-I am a mental health therapist, and I feel like I am failing, because I can't even help myself so how can I help others?? I have been actively searching for a job out of the mental health field for several months, but have not gotten anything yet. I truly think this will help a great deal, but feel hopeless about anyone offering me a job because I have been looking for so long and no one is wanting me.

Anyway, because I have been feeling so awful every work day and crying so much because I truly hate my job, I increased my Paxil to 10mg just on Monday (July 9, 2012). I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone, I don't like talking to people about it, but do talk to my husband on occasion, who is very sweet. I just feel like I need to feel better soon or I am going to go crazy (if I haven't already). I hate my work life and Monday-Fridays are hell for me...emotional roller coaster and tears (not in front of my clients of course).

I know this is long, but thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read and offer support.

[julieannboo]

Welcome to the board - you probably know this by now but you tapered off too quickly.

you have been on paxil along time - i have been on paxil for 12 years. so we both been on it a real long time.

the only way to get off this junk with minimal side effects is by doing no more than 10% drops every 3-6 weeks.

i am not a doctor but maybe stay at 10mg for a couple of months until you feel okay then start the 10% wean from there.

stick around this place is agreat for support and advice x

[rose32]

Welcome aross,

Sorry you are going through this now.

It is hard to do but you can do it. Take time to get stable at 10mgs. Time is your friend. When you feel good enough to drop, drop at 10% and wait a month or so before you drop again. I have found for me personally consistancy is so important.

I take my meds on a strict schedule. My paxil I take each night at 10 pm, that is best for me . I never liked the way I felt after taking it so I take it before I go to sleep. That works for me.

Try to be good to yourself, take time to let youself heal. Make sure your self talk is good. You need to be your own best friend.

Wishing you success, keep posting.

Rose32

[Vjune18]

Hi. Please know that you are not going crazy and you are not alone. I had the same effects when I got off Paxil...the crying and depression was the worst! I cried ALL THE TIME, too! Hang in there...it will get better.

[scotty]

The common thinking is that "low"doses will prevent withdrawal, but length of use is just as critical when planning to come off these drugs. Reinstating is always a crap shoot, but give it a little more time. It can take a few months to see if it's going to stabilize things. Then you can do a very slow wean from there. There is a possibility that things won't stabilize, but lets not go there yet. Give it some more time. As you know from reading here, you're not alone.

Welcome to paxilprogress!

[Bilo76]

I cant add more then the comments already given. Do a slow taper after you are stabilized.
I cant cry and wish i could cry .

But i replied to welcome you here and hope things turn for you. The good news is that a reinstate can suddenly work and you will feel better in a days notice.

[Songbird]

Originally Posted by julieannboo

i am not a doctor but maybe stay at 10mg for a couple of months until you feel okay then start the 10% wean from there.

This is also what I would recommend. Stay at 10mg until you restabilise. Once you feel ready to try tapering again, drop no more than 10% of each dose, and wait at least 3 weeks until stable before dropping again.

[aross]

Wow, thanks so much everyone for your kind and supportive words. I have been feeling decent today-4th day back on the 10mg. I just hate what this medication has done to me lately. I know this is not just "who I am" off the medication, but part of me is scared that maybe that is true. I just want to be able to get pregnant without going berserk from being off meds. It has always been my desire to be a mother and I just don't want this medication to hurt that.

Thanks again all for your support. It means more than you know!!

[trixiemom]

Oh Aross..... you post speaks to me as if I wrote it myself. I'm getting off paxil so I can start trying to get pregnant, too... My heart breaks for you because I fully understand the extra emotion you are going through with this. All I've ever wanted is to be a mommy, and stupid paxil and withdrawal seem to have messed it all up. Okay, they haven't messed it all up.... but it's sure made things much slower than I wanted them to be and I don't know how long I'll need to wait to try after I'm off the med - I've never felt so out of control emotionally. For me, the fact that I haven't even been able to TRY getting pregnant has been hard for me the past few years... so that would make me cry, have anxiety, feel angry that other people were pregnant, and make me deeply sad. Not sure if you've felt that way or not... but then add withdrawal, and those feelings are intensified 100x.

I get it.. I truly do. It feels as if paxil and w/d have robbed me of a dream. I know they haven't, and they won't - the WILL NOT, and they won't for you either, okay? But in the meantime, I get how awful it is.

I have been so afraid because I have been on paxil so long I don't really remember what I was like before paxil. So I wonder what if if this is who I am? What if this is who I'll always be? What if I go crazy? What if I have to take paxil to be sane? This isn't who I am, I won't always be like this, I'm not going crazy, and I don't need paxil to be sane. I mean, I don't quite remember who I was before paxil, but I do know I WAS SANE. So I will be without it again. Just remember to tell yourself these things.

So if you ever want to commiserate and cry with someone who understands what it's like to not even be able to safely try getting pregnant, I'm here. And I know how bad it hurts. But we are going to be mommies, okay??? And we are going to treasure our children more than ever because of what we've gone through to be able to have them. Hang in there, my dear. We're in this journey together.

[aross]

Wow trixie, thanks for your reply. It is nice to know I'm not alone! It is scary and frustrating, but your words give me hope-THANK YOU!!

[trixiemom]

You are definitely not alone. The desire to get pregnant for a reason getting off this med adds a whole 'nother emotional aspect to this for sure! I think pregnancy hormones will be nothing compared to this!!!!

Just hang out at your current does till you are stable and then do the slow taper okay? I started out way too fast myself, and have been frustrated at how long this is taking, because when I make up my mind I want to do something, I'm doing it, and I'm doing it NOW! The patience this has required is more than I imagined, but keep that end goal in sight to keep yourself motivated and encouraged ok? It sucks right now, but if you don't go through this, you'll never have what you dream of. I'm pulling for you, and you're welcome to message me any time.

[aberdeen]

Trixie how is your taper going? You're moving along nicely, I'm still on 15mg,lol. I'm still having issues from Effexor w/d so I'm going the snail's pace method. Anyway both you and aross are so brave to do his before getting pg. Good for you! I was on nothing with my first pregnancy and never had been on anything so much as a Tylenol on rare occassions and my anxiety was a dream while pregnant. Granted my normal anxiety issues aren't really that bad, but they were gone while pg, the hormones worked in my favour. Also, for my second pregnancy I was on 75mg of Effexor, and the risks to my baby were respiratory issues at birth, and agitation, and she had neither. She is a healthy 6 year old now! (not advocating you get pg on Paxil, it may be different than Effexor, but wanted to toss that out there). My heart goes out to you both, you can do this. Good luck on the 10mg aross, I hope it works and you can get some relief!

[trixiemom]

Aberdeen, it's going okay. It's not horrible, but it's not good either. I'm having a very difficult time right now because my husband is losing his job, the company is shutting down. More than anything I need stability in my life so of course I'm having serious anxiety. I feel a lot of agitation, kind of antsy, anxiety, and very overwhelmed by anything and everything. I sometimes feel really sad. However, it doesn't help that I had in my mind I was getting off paxil and getting pregnant... I started this in February and thought my doctor's 9-12 week weaning schedule is how long it was going to take me, so I had my mind made up I was going to be pregnant by now, or at least trying, haha! So that anxiety and sadness are partially due to that, topped with withdrawal, and now topped with the job situation.

Beyond that, I'm making it. I'm being really careful with what I eat, etc. and it makes a huge difference.

The risks of paxil with pregnancy are severe heart and lung birth defects... so yeah, I'm not even going to go there. It was the first to get a black box warning for it as far as I am aware. My doctor told me she'd switch me to something else if I wanted but there are now warnings for many others so I just don't want to chance it. I know I've always had anxiety, but what I have now is nothing compared to what I had before. And the reason I was even put on this is migraines... and in my family they are hereditary - and greatly improved during and after pregnancy. So I'm crossing my fingers Also, you are brave for doing this while having to be a mom. So I don't think I'm that brave for doing it first, I think it's much bigger a task when you have little ones to care for, because right now taking care of myself is more than enough.

Don't feel stuck at 15 mg. You're listening to your body!

[IQuitPaxil]

Originally Posted by aross

Wow, thanks so much everyone for your kind and supportive words. I have been feeling decent today-4th day back on the 10mg. I just hate what this medication has done to me lately. I know this is not just "who I am" off the medication, but part of me is scared that maybe that is true. I just want to be able to get pregnant without going berserk from being off meds. It has always been my desire to be a mother and I just don't want this medication to hurt that.

Thanks again all for your support. It means more than you know!!

Hey,

Having read the history about your paxil usage and how you tapered, i think it is pretty obvious to everyone in here that you tapered too fast... probably less than 6 months right? i was on the medicine for 8 1/2 years and took a 8 month taper but maybe 9 i think..reducing the milligrams every 3 weeks by 2 grams. that is the safe way... but i will say that after getting off the drug, the first 6 months were hell... the fatigue, the brain zaps, the depression, negativity on life, depersonalization, i barely recognized my self... and then it got better after 6 months and i had a break for like 1 month and then the withdrawal symptoms resumed but with a less force.... now they come in waves having been off it for almost a year- i am in my 11th month going into a year in 2 weeks. last 3 weeks were real bad sometimes... few days i had breaks.. but today was pretty good... the point i am trying to say it gets better... because i am pretty sure in a few more months all the symptoms will fade and in time they will (God willing) completely disappear. Hang in here.. be tough... no matter how hard it gets... trust me when i say this.. it will get better.. i have seen severe cases, believe me.. where people did not get better until 2 or 3 years.. and then their symptoms rarely came during the week... maybe you need time off your job.. if you can afford it, i say do it. if not, then tough it out- thats what i am doing and there is no way in hell i am going back to paxil... either drug free for life this time around or death. You can do it, trust me.

paxil

Peace

[Bilo76]

@Iquitpaxil: what was your original reason for getting on paxil if i may ask?

[IQuitPaxil]

Originally Posted by Bilo76

@Iquitpaxil: what was your original reason for getting on paxil if i may ask?

Simple.. when i was 19 turning 20 i was about to transfer colleges to a different state, and i never been away from home before. I was very nervous in those days because i did not believe in my self, i was a naturally nervous person, insecure, and had fear of traveling because I had stomach issues. You see anxiety has always affected my stomach... anytime i got real nervous i felt like vomiting and at times i could not eat because i would gag a lot and lose weight and it affected me big time because i liked to keep a certain shape. so my anxiety symptoms always made my anxiety worse than it was, compounding the condition and now i was about to leave home for the first time to live by myself. I was determined to do it because i hated living at home because home was unstable and living there was not healthy for me... i swear parents should not have kids if they could not afford them, or give them a separate room, or control the other retarded siblings when they act up. anyway, so i smoked a lot of weed to calm me down and that made things worse eventually because i started getting panic attacks from weed!...so after i quit weed i was getting anxiety attacks all the time, i was so ignorant that i did not even know what an anxiety attack was, nor did i understand my psychological condition, etc. So i tell the doctor what i was going through and what i have been through, and he states that i have general anxiety disorder and paxil will fix this. so he prescribes me some and it did not work at first but after a few months it was the cure to what i was looking for. Problem is i was on the drug for 8 and a half years and looked disgusting from all the weight i gained- and i used to be in great shape before! so I got off the medicine, which was HELL!!! and then went through even more hell the first 7 months which caused me to quit every job i was given because i could not function well... could not understand what i was doing and could not pay attention well....cognitive problems basically.. i am sure you heard the stories from here... at first i thought i was stupid, and really convinced myself that I do not have it in me to have a desk job, or work in an office.. i basically deceived myself without realizing it... after feeling a bit better at month 8 i got lucky with a job that helped with my symptoms... it required being on a bike a lot and delivering items from building to building--mind you i have a degree in business management and very sharp and clever prior to paxil. Also had a one of a kind memory bank. Whatever, most of the hell is gone but i do have waves here and there and now that i am almost a year off, i have been having good days and bad days...but there is no way in HELL i will ever ever ever go back on PAXIl. NEVER! no matter how hard it gets. personally, this is my life challenge.. to stay off all prescription drugs for the rest of my life.. i should of just ****** went to therapy to deal with my problems and i would of been okay. But NO, instead i had to deal with a doctor that told me all types of things and said you do not need therapy, just take this pill and things will get better. The mother ****** did not even know the side effects of the drug...now i find out he was just a doctor's assistant. lol life's a trip you know... truth is, in anything you do, you have to know some information about your current problem or a bit of the answer you are seeking because you cannot rely on no one in this world... even doctors....and PAXIl proved that! does that answer your question bilo?