Just started... now worried.

[sonic]

Howdy! I JUST started 20MG of Paxil today. I then came home and did some searching online and am a bit scared of all the horror stories (especially withdrawal).

Bit of background...

My cousin, who is very similar to me, started taking it over six months ago and it's totally turned his life around. He's a totally different person and is no longer depressed and anxious all the time. He has not had any side effects and raves about the drug. My doctor recommended it and I decided to try it.

Soooo, I took the first 20MG pill about 5-6 hours ago and all day I've felt like I took a hit of coke! (I did quite a bit in college) My hands are a bit clammy and it seems I have a bit of cotton mouth. Is this normal? Am I on the wrong track starting this stuff?

Thanks for the help; looks like a great support system on here. Wish I would have found it earlier!

[Gina]

I started it a few weeks ago........your body may have to get used to it......I just wish I wasnt so tired from it.

[Suze]

hey sonic, and welcome!!

ya know, i'm just going to say here that when i read your post it sounded to me that you already knew what was best for you. listen to your gut--your intuition about your current situation WILL guide you.

I hope with all my heart that you will trust it.

Look forward to hearing more from you!

and, oh ya, please read the FAQs!!

***********
suze

[rdjanis]

Hi Sonic, welcome! Let me suggest you read the faq page to inform yourself about this med before you continue taking it.

To be brief, I also thought this was a wonder drug, it turned my daughter around. Then slowly, she started to change, she lost her love of the world, she cared about nothing and no one, her anxiety increased. I was told that it was possibly the first signs of scitzophrenia. It was the paxil. After very horrific withdrawal symptoms, and a full year to recovery, she was med free, all signs of mental illness gone.

She has now learned to deal with her anxiety the natural way, by talking and working through it. She has been successful at this without meds.

In my opinion, meds should be used as a very last alternative once all other methods are tried. Then if necessary meds should be used, however I would NEVER recommend paxil. It tends to turn around on people after a time.

Good luck, and please inform yourself before continuing.

[sonic]

I've read just about everything I can find on the drug (including the FAQ here ) so it's interesting to hear what REAL people are experiencing who are actually using the drug.

If you don't mind my asking, have you had a positive experience with it thusfar? You say it's making you tired?

I think the scariest thing for me is that I do not have any kind of support system while doing this. I live far from my family and my fiance' doesn't know I'm on it; neither do my friends. So I'm trying to make sure I educate myself about it as much as possible; especially other peoples experiences.

[sonic]

Oops! Bumped twice while I was typing my message. You guys are quick!

[sonic]

Thanks for the welcome Suze!

Rita, I should have posted more in my first post, but I didn't want to write a book. But I have read everything I can get my hands on. I think I'll continue on it for a while to see if it works for me. It's just hard to do alone.

[Suze]

Originally Posted by sonic

I've read just about everything I can find on the drug (including the FAQ here ) so it's interesting to hear what REAL people are experiencing who are actually using the drug.

If you don't mind my asking, have you had a positive experience with it thusfar? You say it's making you tired?

I think the scariest thing for me is that I do not have any kind of support system while doing this. I live far from my family and my fiance' doesn't know I'm on it; neither do my friends. So I'm trying to make sure I educate myself about it as much as possible; especially other peoples experiences.

sonic, just wondering ....it's none of my business but perhaps something for you to think about as you consider your options......WHY haven't you told your friends, and why doesn't your fiance know? If you truly believe that paxil is such a wonder drug, wouldn't you be wanting everyone to know?

paxhell was a wonder drug..perhaps..for me but i can tell you that there ain't no hell like paxhell when you're trying to get off it.

***********
suze

[sonic]

Hi Suze, I don't mind sharing anything since this is pretty anonymous, I just don't want to bore everyone with self-absorbed posts!

I plan on telling my fiance' in a month or so. The reason I don't want her to know now is so I can get an honest reaction from her based on changes she see's in me without being influenced by the fact that I'm taking the drug.

Since it will probably come up, I'll give a bit of background on myself that might help answer some questions.

I'm currently 28 yrs old and am the President of a small company, so confidentiality of medical history is VERY important to me. This is one of the other reasons I will probably not share this experience with many people.

My childhood? Short version: Perfect scenerio of 'the messed up American life' for a child to be raised in. My mother is currently on her sixth (6!) husband (all of which were verbally/physically abusive to her and my sister and I), my bastard of a father left when I was 3 and never really visited or asked to see me for the rest of my childhood even though he lived in the same town.

My teen years were a lot of partying and getting in trouble in gradeschool/highschool/college.

At 23 I moved 2,000 miles across the country to a 'new' area for a job offer and took my, then, girlfriend with me. We got engaged, built a new house, and two months before the wedding I caught her cheating on me. She got the house and our two dogs (that I rescued from a shelter... sounds like a country song eh?). I ran away... back 2,000 miles across the country to where I first came from (and where I am now).

Well, the last two years I've been with an incredibly wonderful woman and we're now engaged. I was doing well in the beginning, probably because of avoidence/denial of what I had just gone through, but the last few months have been excruciating for me. And it's getting to the point where I'll have anxiety attacks (which I've never experienced before) and it's affecting the way I do business with my customers. Plus, I'm very irritable with my fiance' and that is something she does not deserve.

Because of the way I grew up, I've had therapy for most of my life. It worked when I was younger, but it doesn't do squat for me now. I don't want to talk about it anymore, I know why I'm the way I'm in, I know where I came from, and I know how I'm supposed to be; so I just wanted an 'answer' this time instead of more psychotherapy sessions.

So there you have it, the 'short' version of me and why I've said 'yes' to the Paxil route

[scotty]

Sonic, paxil was great for the first 6 months my son was on it. Then it slowly turned him into an angry,aggressive,"I don't care about anything" kid. It finally almost cost him his life in a suicide attempt. Think long and hard about what you are willing to give up to have a temporary fix. Paxil isn't a long term answer, it's a patch that will hurt when you try and take it off.

[Scott]

that's great for your cousin but why exactly are you on it?

[scotty]

Sonic, the choice is of course your's to make. But please be aware of the price of this "answer". This shouldn't be a decision made in haste. There are VERY serious physical changes that are going to occur in your body when you start paxil. Increased suicidality,aggression,nausea,diarrhea,weight gain,etc.. are only some of the possibilities. Impulsivity is another one that most experience, which can be detrimental to relationships, especially in business. If you're willing to risk these side effects then that's your choice. I just don't want you to start taking this pill without knowing ALL of the risks involved. I haven't even touched on withdrawal and the possibility that paxil will just stop working one day. All I can say is forwarned is forearmed. Good Luck with whatever you decide, and be VERY careful when starting, changing dosages or stopping, that's when the highest risks are for suicidality.

[sonic]

Hi Laurie,

I've read about suicidal stuff in teens who are on the drug. I'm not clear on whether or not this extends to someone my age or not. I'm also under the assumption that people react differently to the drug. Was he suicidal before and/or dealing with deep depression? That's one thing I've never really had a problem with, I'm not really depressed, just incredibly anxious all the time.

[Suze]

hey sonic, thanks for sharing so much of yourself. yep, life can sure be a school of hard knocks but it does sound like you are living a pretty successful lifestyle now.

The thing with talk-therapy, in my opinion, is that it is not really intended to 'work for us'--WE, in a very real way, need to work for it. what i'm saying is that when we are younger, perhaps we go for counselling b/c someone tells us to, or some agency makes us, so we don't really want to do the work--we're just putting in the time. But with the years, we tend to take a lot more responsibility for our lives, and for the work we need to do to make those changes we desire.

in your first post you write:
Soooo, I took the first 20MG pill about 5-6 hours ago and all day I've felt like I took a hit of coke! (I did quite a bit in college) My hands are a bit clammy and it seems I have a bit of cotton mouth. Is this normal? Am I on the wrong track starting this stuff?......and am a bit scared of all the horror stories (especially withdrawal).


now you write:
so I just wanted an 'answer' this time instead of more psychotherapy sessions.

So i'm not sure if you are really asking if yer on the wrong track, or if you truly are convinced you have the 'answer'?

i'm truly not trying to be antagonistic here...just confused and trying to get some clarity.

*********
suze

[scotty]

He was NEVER suicidal and never depressed!!He was put on paxil for a single panic attack. Paxil withdrawal made him psychotic!! And no it's not just teens. I testified at the FDA with 65 families who had lost loved ones to ssri suicides. 50 of them were adults.Another thing I would question is the starting dose of 20mg. That quite high to start with.

Here a list that is currently available though admittedly not complete. Not to scare you, just to keep you informed.

http://www.antidepressantsfacts.com/casualties.htm

[Scott]

the drug is similar to cocaine in action.. are your eyes dilated yet?

[sonic]

Hi Suze,

I guess maybe I'm trying to get clarity too! I'm the type of person who deals in facts. I base choices that I make on faqs that I have studied and/or experiences shared to me by others. Aside from reading all of the side effects here, I have also read a lot of the positives and the one experience of my cousin. So before this evening, I was convinced that this drug would work for me. Now, I'm not entirely sure.

So I guess I'm just trying to feel my way through this new experience by asking what others (you guys) have experienced. Do I ignore what my doctor has recommended, the good experiences of other people I've read about, and the great experience of my cousin and listen to people on this forum instead? I don't know, that's why I'm here, getting feedback.

As for my current lifesyle, I do feel a bit successful. But it generally takes about 70+ hours of every week. It's very stressful and fast paced. Even so, I still love it.

[sonic]

Scott, I certainly appreciate the heads up and an very sorry for your son's experience. I will definitely take this information as valuable and keep a close eye on my mood.

Oh, and sorry about the 20mg dosage, it's 20mg but broken in half for the first 10 days. So I guess it was 10mg. Is that more normal?

[sonic]

Also, I assume (which may be counter-productive, but whatever) that people will react to drugs differently. For example, when I experimented with drugs in college, I would have very different experiences than some of my friends. Some would be depressed, suicidal, etc. I always had wonderful reactions and was lucky that I never became addicted. Not that this has any sort of scientific backing on how I'll react to this, I'm just trying to determine whether folks here believe that it is and can be very different experiences for different people?

By the way, I do NOT want this to be a lifetime decision and am aware of the difficulties coming off of it. So I do realize this will be a temporary 'fix' if it's a fix at all.

[scotty]

10mg is less overkill! Sonic, I just don't want anyone to have to go through what those who come here deal with. This site gets 1.5 million hits a month from people who are in agony dealing with the addictive nature of paxil. My heart breaks everytime we get a new person who is out of their mind, scared, not knowing what's happening to them. I wouldn't wish this hell on anyone! I response to "do you listen to the doctor", I did just that with my son! I was told he could take paxil for a year to "get over the hormonal hump" and then stop it and everything would be wonderful. Things couldn't have been further from the truth! Side effect after side effect(which I see now with 20/20 hindsight) went unrecognized or denied. Doses were increased to deal with these unrecognized side effects until my child almost died. If you have a liver enzyme pathway that isn't effective(which alot of the population does and doesn't know) these drugs can reach toxic levels in days. Read everything that you can with a suspicious mind.

[Suze]

sonic, too bad life ain't just about the facts.
it's also about the feelings, the nuances, the subtleties if you will.

you write:
Well, the last two years I've been with an incredibly wonderful woman and we're now engaged. I was doing well in the beginning, probably because of avoidence/denial of what I had just gone through, but the last few months have been excruciating for me. And it's getting to the point where I'll have anxiety attacks (which I've never experienced before) and it's affecting the way I do business with my customers. Plus, I'm very irritable with my fiance' and that is something she does not deserve

Do ya think this could have anything to do with the 70+ hours per week of work? do ya think? I know i'd be a little anxious and irritable.

sonic, i'm not gonna argue with you. i've put up a couple things for you to consider. i think i'll just go back to what i said in my first post: trust your gut.

.....and that's a fact.


my VERY best to you sonic. gotta go cuddle with my sweetie on the couch.

***********
suze

[sonic]

You know, I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place here! My WHOLE life I was the guy who didn't believe in medication for people who had emotional issues, etc. In fact, I was quite against taking any sort of medication until just recently when I started noticing that my work and relationship was hurting. So I finally, after 28 years of preaching that people were morons for 'taking the easy way out', have given in and decided to take a different approach. And I come here and find out that I may have been right all along...

I certainly cannot cut back on work at this point, I'm 28 and am in a position that will secure early retirement, and I certainly do not want to harm my relationship by being irritable. I've done the 70+ hour thing for years now and it's never been bad like it has as of late. And you can't tell me that there aren't anxiety-free people who work a lot!

I dunno, sorry if I upset somebody. I was actually quite happy that I was taking, what I thought was, a positive step towards making myself a better person until I came in here.

I guess what I need is to find a more positive support system. It's like work, if employees are not surrounded with a positive support system... they eventually burn out and quit.

[scotty]

Hey, don't apologize to us! We've heard it all before and take NO offense!I love that fact that you came here to investigate, That is to be commended!! And yes, I do believe that you were right all along!

[sarah]

Sonic, you mention having heard about suicide in kids on these drugs, but not adults. I was put on paxhell for hormonal related panic attacks. On day 11, after they had increased my dose from 10-20 mgs, sweating like a pig, being sick constantly, having lost 14 odd pounds, I found myself standing in my kitchen with the white handled carving knife. I found myself remembering back to something I had seen on television about the "mistake" people make when cutting their wrists; you don't cut across, you cut down the vein. You die quicker that way apparently as you bleed faster!! Why didn't I do it? Because I had 2 little boys upstairs in their cots asleep. My mum was due to come and give them lunch and they were too little to open the door to let her in. They would have found me. Had I EVER thought about suicide before? NO. Not before I was put on this sh-t. I hate it. Unfortunately I carried on taking it as my doctor told me it would "cure" me. What would have cured me was someone connecting the fact I had been sterilised with the fact my hormone level was so high, hence the panic attacks. Would I advise you to take it? Not in a million years. It is just not worth it. It is nothing more than a band aid, as has been said on here so many times before. When you stop taking it you will still have to face everything that you are now, as well as feeling numb to all around you and being many pounds heavier.
I highly respect you for looking into it as you have done, and yes of course the ultimate decision is yours, but please consider very very carefully before you pop another little pill.

[rdjanis]

I guess what I need is to find a more positive support system. It's like work, if you do not surround your employees with a positive support system... they eventually burn out and quit.

This is so true for all people, even the bosses Eventually if you continue with 70 hour work weeks you will burn out..... period. You know, after reading this thread over again my first thoughts are here is a young healthy successful man who doesn't know when to stop and fuel his body with the things it needs.... food, sleep, companionship.

Think about what you are doing and take some time for yourself to reduce stress instead of fueling your body with medications to be able to ingore what your body is telling you. Paxil may work for you, but it could also destroy you, and you will not be able to do the things you love most.

Be kind to yourself, and good luck with whatever you choose to do.