1st email i have ever sent.

[musicman]

hi everybody.
i have been trying for 2 days to pluck up the courage to write this.
it is very difficult for me as i have not been able to answer a telephone call in my own home for 8 years. I have not been able to go out for about 4 years. I have owned a computer for about 2-1/2 years and never had the confidence to send an email. This is just a little of what paxil has done for me. I found this site 2 days ago and i have not stopped crying since then. Thought i was the only one in the world who felt like this.
Thankyou to everybody that has had the courage to come forward and speak out and share thier horrific expriences with this evil drug. I cant tell you how much this has helped me allready I no longer feel so alone in this nightmare. I myself have many stories to tell that i know other users will benefit from.
I was on paxil for 11yrs. paxil free for 8 months.
only found out the truth about paxil 1yr ago.
my long suffering wife and i were told lie after lie by our gp.
I have and am suffering severe withdrawl I have been told recently by a specialist that i have had an adverse reaction to paxil,
before taking paxil I used to perform live music in front of hundreds of people each night and physical fitness was a part of my life.
This is just to introduce my self hopefull that i can really send this.

[Homerbcool]

Musicman

Welcome to this beautiful and supportive website.

If you ahve not already done so, read the FAQ section, print it out...it helped me understand what I was going through...

And the support you will receive here is unparralled, dietary, nutritional, physical and emotional support 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

One of the good things about computers, especially when dealing with something so personal as your health and well being, is you are completely annomonous (spelt wrong)...I could walk by you and not know that you are the music man.

Please do not let fear stop your fingers from getting the support you need.

Ask all of those questions that have been running through your mind...someone here will have experieinced it before and will give open and honest advice.

Congrats on your first post and welocme to our ever growing family.

Brian

[rdjanis]

Welcome musicman, and thankyou for taking this big step in sharing your story to help others! You are by far not the only one who has suffered at the hands of paxil, but it is a great group here that welcomes your membership.

Paxil free for eight months.... a big step towards recovery. You will eventually get through these horrific withdrawal symptoms, know you are not alone, and hopefully in time you will feel comfortable with posting here. Maybe you will even share some of your music

[dar7726]

Something about your post really hit me...I can't explain it...I just felt that someone else understood, strange when I've met so many wonderful people here who have gone through so much..

Maybe it's the music element...I use to sing as well...was in a band, sang at talent shows etc.....did a bit of local theater...but after going on AD's...I did less and less of that...and became someone I do not even recognize...

I've was on AD's a few years longer than you but not on Paxil...I as well as most people on the board, never knew truth about these drugs.

Welcome Musicman,
Darlene

[angels]

Originally Posted by musicman

I have been told recently by a specialist that i have had an adverse reaction to paxil,
before taking paxil I used to perform live music in front of hundreds of people each night and physical fitness was a part of my life.

Good for you for posting. I'll have to add your "specialist's" description of you and Paxil to my list I'm compiling of top 100 things professionals say to paxil withdrawal sufferers.

You will sing again.

[Suze]

welcome musicman,

ah man, your post is sure bringing on the tears for me this morning! Thank-you for that as it is so good and so healing to let them flow!

you know, i've been thinking for the past 5 1/2 years--the length of time i've been on paxil--that my reclusiveness was in response to the chronic pain syndrom i have after losing the function of the left side of my body (car accidents). I was such an extrovert, making things happen personally/professionally/academically/socially. I was a pretty strong b*tchin' woman. I've spent over five years in my little house now. I became a snivelling little squashed bug. I don't go out. I don't answer the phone unless I know who it is (caller display, a couple people have a code they use....) I joke about inviting all my "friend" (no "s") over..... I often feel paranoid..... I would never in a million years have written a post to ANY board. But I, like you, did--just 5 or so weeks ago--and that gigantic leap of faith has helped change my life. I'm HERE! And now I'm so glad YOU'RE here too!!

Don't mean to get all ga-ga on you, but this is really just my way--socially inept as it may be--to really congratulate you for taking this big step! You did it--I did it--and I believe the world is just a teensy bit better for our accomplishments.

Musicman, you will find so much support here, along with incredible honesty and amazing strength. The information given will help you make good decisions for yourself. The insights shared will ensure you do NOT feel alone or alienated. Through the experiences of others you will (hopefully) gain even more understanding and respect for your own healing journey.

And with all you have to gain here, you have the opportunity to work small miracles in the lives of others. Like you did for me this morning. And I humbly thank you from the bottom of my heart.

But you ARE younger than me (by 2 weeks) so please respect your elders....teehee

2-arms wide open in welcome,
suze

[siryellow1]

Musicman,

The first step is always the hardest. You've found an incredible place to share your stories, your fears, your successes, and your questions.

You know by now the huge number of people who share your experience, and the great progress that people have made. I'm sure that you're well on the way to doing the same.

Best wishes,
SirYellow

[colomom]

Hi Musicman:

I am reaching out across the "pond" and sending you a huge, healing hug. You have found a wonderful retreat in cyberspace. You are safe here and surrounded by people who know exactly what you are going through. Welcome!

If you have any questions, just ask. If you want to vent, use all the bandwidth you need. If you just need to connect, come on in a sit awhile.

Peace!

[MizzT]

Hi Musicman! WELCOME!!!
Im glad you mustered up the strength to talk with us. Its a great bunch of folks here.
I hope you feel comfortable enough to reach out whenever you need someone to talk with.

The paxil journey is one that has changed us all in some way. I still say if i had to go back and do it all over again....I would do the same thing! Ive learned so much and come so far in my life from this struggle. Ive also had the blessing of finding paxilprogress and meeting such wonderful people and finding amazing support in a community that truly does understand what happens with these meds.

many blessings to you.

[Caroline49]

Good Morning Musicman! Welcome to this wonderful site!!
I just got through writing on another post that I wasn't crying this morning and when I read what you had written I started to cry! You are so very brave.
I took paxil for over 12 years, I am on day 16 without paxil. I, like you, was always an outgoing, fun-loving person. I could get up in front of lots of people. I once worked for a state House of Representatives. I had to get up in front of the entire House and speak over a microphone with tv cameras all around me. Now i'm just a shell of that vibrant person. I don't go out much. I stay in my house and don't turn my ringers on to my phone. I check my messages every hour in case my children call. I have put on so much weight from paxil that I feel tired all the time. Paxil took my zest for life away and has damaged my spirit.
I truly believe that with your help and the help of everyone on this site I can recover and be that woman I once was. Before paxil I NEVER had a social anxiety problem. I was put on this poison for migraine headaches.
Again, welcome Music man. I look forward to getting to know you and hopefully hearing some of your tunes.

[musicman]

Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou.
many thanks for your very kind replies.
Think i was scared nobody would respond.I know i have a fear of rejection.
Before taking paxil I had this problem under control but paxil seems to amplify your problems not help with them.
I have read all your replies over and over i cant explain how much they mean to me. I know with every sense in my mind and body I have found a very special place with some very special people.
love to you all.

[Suze]

[oxcart]

Musicman;

You have taken a Giant step foreward!!

God Bless and keep comming back here.

Best,

Tom

[george1]

I haven't been here for even a week, so I am too new to really welcome anyone,
but your post really touched me, Musicman. Since I have made the decision to
quit Paxil after taking it for 11 years, I would like to hear more about your
withdrawal experiences. (I have never been on more than 20 mg. a day.)

[Scott]

i feel for you being housebound.. i'm just now starting to get out more.. last year it had me pushed into a corner so bad i could barely get out of bed for a week's time. I would race to the refrigerator to get what food i could find before i would lose my reality, or what it felt as though was sure to happen. This is why i went on a small dose of lexapro, i wasn't ready to be free yet. Now, a year later, i'm a week off everything and hoping it works this time.

[RockSinger]

muSicMan.....

Welcome......I am glad you found paxilprogress....

You were on PukeXil for 11 years.......that's a long time to have something modifying chemicals in your brain (Nobody seems to really know which ones or how many)........so it's gonna take a while to get it back to the way god intended it to be.

I was on the stuff almost that long also......and it's taking me a long time to repair.

The worst thing is how it can warp your frame of mind......and make you think things that your real brain wouldn't....

you just gotta hang in there and be as healthy as you can......take any little steps you can to help yourself re-build.

SCOTT27:
I always knew you looked like that.......heh heh heh

[SuSu]

Welcome, MusicMan!!!!!!!!

Congrats on everything you've already accomplished--you're an inspiration!

[hope]

I had thought I'd broken a record with being on Paxil 7 years, for post partum depression - pretty funny huh?

Welcome Musicman. Welcome George. We've pretty much seen and felt everything here. You won't find a better group of understanding folks anywhere - and smart too.

Scott, I hope things go easier for you this time. Crossing my fingers...

[musicman]

hi George1.
Great to hear from other long term users. I like you feel a little timid here at the moment and feel a little under qualified to give direct advice yet. Like you i was on 20mg. I now know that i reduced too quickly 20mg-4mg in 2months then threw the rest away. I felt violated every time i took a dose.I think i paid the price for quitting paxil in this way.I have seen excellent advice on this site which can help minimize withdrawl effects. for me paxil withdrawl was and still is horrific this does not mean it will be like this for you as i understand it affects us all differently.
As i become stronger and more confident i am hoping to share more of my details with everybody here. great also to hear from other musicians HI DARLENE = ROCKSINGER look forwards to chatting to you as paxil has seriously affected my music. Music is not just a hobby for me it pays my rent.
Thanks to all the support you have given me today all your efforts are making huge changes in my life right here right now. you have all enabled me to over come a massive hurdle today. tomorrow i will try to carry this on.

[Homerbcool]

Hey Music man....do you write your own stuf, if so or if you have that amazing talent, maybe make a song out of the trials and tribulations, not only help yuo get back into music but would help you understand this crap as well.....and with rocksinger, and the other musicains here ne enver knows...you may have a #1 hit on your hands.....

You could name the group

PAXIL PUKERS!!!

[scotty]

Welcome to paxilprogress Musicman!! What an amazing first step you have taken today!! This is a group of people brought together by paxil(that's probably the only good thing that paxil has done!). You can say anything here, you can talk about symptoms so bizarre that most people would look at you like your nuts, yet here IT'S ALL BEEN SEEN BEFORE!!
Glad you have you as part of our family!!

[Caroline49]

You have made all of us feel better too Musicman! I didn't come on this site until March 27th. I decided to go cold turkey on March 29th. I have had a rough time of it but now I've decided to approach it like childbirth. When a woman gives birth she knows it is going to hurt like hell! I mean pain like you've never felt and never will again!! But after that pain comes the best gift EVER! A precious new life! I know you're a man and can't relate but maybe you could use the analogy anyway.
That is how I am approaching paxil withdrawal. I'm in pain now and will be for weeks to come. This really bad part should begin to pass soon. Then I will be myself again. I can't wait until that day comes. That will be the BEST GIFT EVER!!I am so very angry that I was ever given this drug. I should not have been given paxil for migraine headaches. There are too many headache remedies out there without having to resort to this poison!! Paxil has definately changed my life in a negative way.
Also, now that you are on this site, notice how many people join each day. Everyday more and more paxil sufferers are finding this site and reaching out for help!!
One day soon we may have a world that is PAXIL FREE!
Musicman, I have a 22 yr. old son who is absolutely crazy about music. He always has been. When he was a small child he liked to fall asleep listening to classical music. Now days his tastes have changed. He listens to music that you can only hear underground...don't ask me? I too have always had a love of music. My mother was a classical pianist. Don't let paxil ruin that for you.
Play your music and it will set your soul free!!

[davedood]

HI!
Welcome.
Count on me for an occasional off-color remark.
Hopefully you'll laugh?