I want to be off all SSRI's, but..

[Fran]

I first took Paxil about 8 or 9 years ago and thought it was a miracle drug. I was in my 40's and it made me feel better than I had ever felt in my life. My first reaction after starting the drug was, "Oh, my God, this is how other people must feel." I really had no idea that I had been in a state of depression, anxiety and fear since my teenage years. Since that time, I've taken Celexa, Effexor, Lexapro and Zoloft.

I also believed the docs that there really were no side effects that I needed to be concerned about that that these drugs weren't addictive and I would have no problem coming off then.

I've been overweight since I first started these drugs, my lack of desire for sex contributed to the failure of my marriage, I lost a job that I was completely qualified for because I couldn't concentrate, I had very expensive dental work done because I was clenching by jaws and blamed all those things on myself because I didn't know that they were side effects of the drugs. Was that fair?

[Delynbetter]

None of it is fair. The doctors are given miracle stories from the drug companies. The facts are hidden from them. When the "rumors" start coming out about the medications, the doctors don't want to admit they could have made a mistake and the drug companies certainly don't want to say anything is wrong with their product.

What I believe is the most unfair is that the doctors won't believe their own patients when there are problems and THAT just pisses me off. I'm still struggling to not smack the one to whom I'm married. The doctors just want to change the name of the poison they are giving since they are sure of the diagnosis, AND the drug companies are still skirting the issues and deny, deny, deny!

Must stop myself. Feel rant coming on. Sorry.

[scotty]

No Fran it's not fair! But now you know what these drugs have cost you in hindsight. Time for you to take control of your life again! We have all gone through the anger towards those who didn't tell us the truth. It is a travesty! But to move on you have to get past that anger and go forward. Success is the best revenge!!

[Fran]

I had thought that SSRI's were a lifesaver for me and indeed, the relief from fear and anxiety helped me make some good decisions. But, reading what's on this site makes me realize that the drugs also created a lot of problems for me. Problems that I thought were just weaknesses on my own part.

I had what they used to call a "nervous breakdown" after the birth of my second child 30 years ago. I know now that it was what they now call "post-partum depression". Last year I was prescribed Lexapro. Within days I was in absolutely the same identical state that I was during that "nervous breakdown". They then switched me to Zoloft with exactly the same results. And when I reported these results to the doc, I was greeted with disbelief and suspicion.

Now I'm off Paxil for 18 days. Not feeling too good, but I would like to deal with me and my chemistry, whatever that is.

[scotty]

Fran, did you wean off?

[Fran]

Thank you for the replies. Notdelynwell, I feel a rant coming on too. The more I write, the angrier I get. Now I need to channel that anger. I need to work hard on diet and exercise and whatever else it takes. But I'm very fearfull. Afraid it won't work and I'll be tempted to take those rotten little pills again.

You know, my episodes of great anxiety and depression have been at puberty, childbirth and menopause. That kind of sounds hormonal to me. When I was younger gynecologists were all male and their answer to anxiety and depression in women was to either prescribe zombie drugs or tell us to go home and scrub the floor.

Maybe they didn't know better then, but they should now. I know there's help out there, I just have to find it.

[scotty]

Fran, I believe that alot of the anxiety and depression that we see is due to hormones. My sons panic attack was probably accurately diagnosed by the psychiatrist as "raging high school hormones". Now if he hadn't prescribed paxil he might have my respect. Now you have to learn to "be" without the paxil! That's not an easy thing to do, but it's being done with great success. Stay with us, post often, and realize that alot of what you may feel can be withdrawal related. Withdrawal causes some really strange thoughts that will test your resolve in staying off paxil.

[Fran]

Scotty, no I didn't wean off. I went to the pharmacy 18 days ago to renew my Paxil CR and was told they had none. By the time I got a scrip for regular Paxil, a few days had passed and I was feeling pretty good, so I just stopped. But about a week out, I started to feel really bad. Nausea, stomach pain, terrible dizziness, foggy thinking, couldn't concentrate, vivid dreaming. Most of that is somewhat better, except for the inability to concentrate, which is really a problem in work.

A few years ago I was on Effexor and weaned off according to the docs instructions. But even that was only a few weeks. What I'm reading here is that people take months to get off this stuff. I had very similar withdraw symptoms with Effexor.

I guess I may have avoided some of this by weaning off of Paxil over a much longer period of time.

[Delynbetter]

I focused all of my anger into educating myself from every source I had available and in turn educating those around me, including friends I know on Paxil and the doctors I know dealing it. Feeling you have control of your destiny does wonders and gives you facts to work with while communicating with your doctor.

[Fran]

Scotty, I think I need a great big leap of faith.

Thanks for your replies.

[scotty]

Fran, so you cold turkeyed from paxil 18 days ago? What dose were you on? I know I sound nosy, but it gives us a better idea of where in the withdrawal process you are.

[Fran]

I was taking 25 mg of Paxil CR a day.

[scotty]

That a "normal" dose, but going cold turkey may be difficult. It's totally up to you, but realize that the symptoms sometimes don't show up for 7-10 days. If it gets to bad you can always go back to 20mg of regular paxil and then wean. Read the FAQ here, it's full of information regarding withdrawal symptoms. They can run the gamut from dizzy to suicidal!!

[Fran]

Thanks, I will consider that. What about what I call "stupid brain"? I'm a computer programmer and can't concentrate. I feel almost terrified that that won't go away. Going back on regular Paxil might help?

[scotty]

Ryan concentration was effected pretty significantly by paxil. It was horrible when he was on it, bad going through withdrawal, and now that he's a year off paxil it's improving GREATLY!! Cold turkey isn't easy, especially if you're trying to work. I would recommend going back on the paxil regular and do a slow wean so that you can work.

[Delynbetter]

My input, but go with Laurie...regular Paxil, smaller dose.

[scotty]

Paxil cr 25 and paxil regular 20mg are basically the same effective dosage. If you don't want to go back up to the 20mg, start with 10mg and see how it goes. DAILY dosing is key.. don't skip days.

[Fran]

Thanks.

[scotty]

Anytime!!

[Fran]

I've taken Paxil, Paxil CR, Effexor, Celexa, Lexapro and Zoloft.

I had an awful withdrawal from Effexor and right now feel pretty much the same withdrawing from Paxil CR (although I think those drugs helped my anxiety and depression) Lexapro put me in such a state of high anxiety that if I hadn't trusted myself and not the doc and stopped taking it, I expect the worst would have happened. I took a few doses of Zoloft - recognized that horrible anxiety, and stopped. On Celexa I think I walked through a year kind of flat-lined. I couldn't concentrate on anything.

Does this signify anything about my chemistry? Is there a pattern there? If Paxil, Celexa and Effexor calmed me and Lexapro and Zoloft sent me through the roof?

Can I learn what my specific chemical imbalance is? What causes my fear, anxiety and depression in the first place? At least the brain chemistry part?