Dottie...Goodmorning!

[Suze]

Thinking of you, Dottie, and sending you and Lloyd lots of love! xxoo

How are you today?

[Dottie]

Suze,

Awful, that is the only way to describe it. I wish I could pull out of this a little bit, I hate this self imposed isolation but I feel like I can't budge. It takes all my strength to just to get dressed, which I very seldom do anymore. I wonder if quitting that last 15 mgs of paxil with the help of prozac so fast could be considered cold turkey and that is why I am feeling so bad?

I think our last post knocked out the pp as it was pretty desperate, I don't know if that is possible, I have my doubts.

I read about Brandts speech to the women, it was very Brave of him and Awsome.

How are you doing and have you settled down on your dosage?

Thanks for asking about how I am this morning. Love You

Hugs Dottie

[scotty]

Dottie, the dropping of the paxil and prozac is probably the cause of what's happening right now. Your poor brain is sooo confused!! Hey, stay in the jammies, watch tv! Take the time!!

[Suze]

Originally Posted by Dottie

I think our last post knocked out the pp as it was pretty desperate, I don't know if that is possible, I have my doubts.

Geez Dottie, so it's YOUR fault! Man, I really missed PP last night. Only the second time Brant has been away, so I was looking forward to a good chinwag on here, lol. At least he was only 3 hours away instead of 16 this time!

Dottie, our brains are such powerful tools--you can do this, you can do that, you CAN't do this, and so on. Honestly, I was thinking the same thing when I was "talking" with Believer/Jen about the whole "Who's the Boss?" scenario. Well, just WHO IS THE BOSS? (of me)

I've been thinking recently (again) about the AAism: "The longest and most important journey one ever takes is 10 inches......the journey from the head to the heart." That's meaning different things to me these days. While I do like to think I proceed from the heart, and get backup from my head, I'm becoming more aware of my inability to be consistent with that. I'm just not that, er um, enlightened.

But when I really think about it, my head is the one that imposes all my self-limitations, self-loathing, fears, anxieties, etc.

My heart just tells me I'm beautiful!! Life is beautiful! All things are for a reason and work together for the greater good! I need to believe it, and I don't have to KNOW it (brain stuff there) in order for it to be true.

So what does your heart believe about you Dottie? Skip the head-junk cuz it's only that--junk. Your heart that is all-loving, all-trusting, all-beauty, all-God (or whatever).....what does it REALLY believe?

Hope these morning musings make sense to you....not in your head but in your heart.

Love You!! xxoo

[Dottie]

Laurie,

So now what do I do? I can't stay in the jammies for the next six months. Do you really think this will get better on its own? I hate whining and feeling down all the time, believe me this is not how I was before all this started. This is the only place where I feel supported and I really appreciate everyones help.

We thought that they had finally succeeded in blocking this site last night and I was truely panicked at the thought of losing all of you and your support.

Thanks Again

Hugs Dottie

[scotty]

Dottie, I can only report Ryan's experience. Yup, he basically stayed at home and didn't do much. Slowly it lifted! Every alteration in drugs can bring on new stuff. I think that's what's hitting you hard these past few days. So with each drug change it's two steps back. Then slowly the forward progress starts!

[Dottie]

Suze,

Thank You for your inspirational gift this morning. My heart feels like it is shattered into a million pieces.

The day before yesterday I went to a friends house and had worn a jacket for the first time in months and while I was sitting there I reached into the pocket and found a grocery list that I had made out. It had my former hand writing and it was for a family get togeather in happier times. It made me so sad to see what I have lost while going through this withdrawal business. I still feel like someone or something has taken over my mind and body.

I am glad to hear that you are going to go camping with Brant. When do you leave? I have forgotten the date.

Thinking of You

Love Dottie

[Suze]

Originally Posted by Dottie

My heart feels like it is shattered into a million pieces.

I know, sweetheart. I really do. And I'm sorry if I 'made' you cry. If I did, may those tears be healing tears.....

For myself, I need to hold close to my heart the memory of Self at my best. I need to remember, especially on those days when I can't even imagine doing a mere fraction of what I used to do! We've talked about the bichin' women we used to be....maybe we were doing too much? Maybe one of the good things to take out of this experience is that sh!t! if this is about learning to take care of numero uno FIRST then I get it awready!! So someone else makes out the grocery list for the family gathering this time....oh well! Let someone else do it! How many years have you been the Only one doing ALL of it Dottie? It's ok. It's all ok. It's just a reminder....

Your life seems to be pared down to the essentials....the things that truly matter in your life.....your self and your husband. It's probably not unlike the Buddhist monks who give up everything in order to embark on the most important journey of their lives....their relationship to Self and the Divine. You are the diamond, Dottie, and everything that is unnecessary to your brilliance is being chipped away. Your beauty and light are being revealed one breath at a time.

I believe this with my whole heart. xxoo


ps i think we leave around 18 June.

[sarah]

Suze, that is so true. I have actually learned from this experience that I need time for myself. I have learned to hand over a lot of the responsibility of the boys to my hubby, after all they are his children too. For example, today I was absolutely shattered and very stressed out after an awful week, instead of hiding away and feeling bad, I went and had my nails done before the football tournament and felt great afterwards. Once upon a time I would have berated myself for spending money on something so unnecessary, not any more. That time, and money, spent on me, was well deserved. Why, as women, do we feel we don't deserve some treats in life? We especially do after the paxhell ride!!!!!!

[Suze]

Bless your beautiful heart, Sarah!
Bet your nails look gorgeous!

[sarah]

Suze, they are long, shiny, French manicured and bloody gorgeous. I started having them done when I lived in New York in 1984; my friend Rebecca said I wasn't a "real" New Yorker if I didn't have nails, and apart from a brief spell when having 2 very young boys stopped me from earning my own "pocket money", I have been having them done ever since. They are my treat to myself. I will be honest and say I would go without food for myself to have them done. They make me feel good.
Lots of love
Sarah

[Suze]

Too cool, Sarah!
Love ya gal! xxoo

[sarah]

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS SUZE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Sarah