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General Discussion Open discussion about Paxil, Paxil Withdrawal, successes and progress, good stories and bad, with and without.

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Old 03-26-2006, 10:10 PM   #1
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help with dealing with husbands rage

i dont know if i should post here or not, mine is a ? about my husband. he tapered off his paxil recently and seemed to be doing well( for being w/ out meds). last wk not sleeping and anxoius and angry. today the rage kicked in. for the first time in 14 yrs of marriage he laid his hands on me. and the look in his eye. pure rage, worse than hate. if looks could kill. all over something so silly. i am ok but i wonder if my three yr old daughter hadnt walked in if he would have stopped. i am feeling scared. what if he doesnt/cant control him self again. what do i do then? how long does this rage part of withdrawl last? my little one rarley hears us say a cross word to one another i dont want her to have to witness anything like this. any advice.?
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:14 PM   #2
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

Cat, as hard as this is to say... you HAVE TO PROTECT YOURSELF and your child. Under NO circumstances should he EVER lay his hands on you. A paxil induced rage that results in physical contact can become very out of control very fast. I lived this with my son. I ended up calling the police.. that's how out of control it got. Protect yourself and your child first. The rage may be out of his control, so it has to be you that controls the situation.

How fast did he wean?
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:22 PM   #3
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

honestly i didnt even know he had stopped until we went to go somewhere and i said did you get your medicine? he said doc had him stop. at that point i think he said he'd been off 2 days. i think he took like 1/2 for a few wks, then everyother day for a bit then stopped. i was surprised how well he was doing bkz i had been on 12.5 cr for 4 mo and dr uped me to 25, after just 1 month of severe fatigue i told her i need to go back down she said fine resume that dose tomorrow. i tried to go down to 6mg and was so miserable now back at 12.5. that is how i found this post.Anyhow for him he seemed just tired a bit anxious. now he is annoying and pissy and mean.
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:27 PM   #4
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

Cat, this is the information that you need to find out. What dose was he on and for how long? and how long did he wean for? If he is in cold turkey withdrawal this can be VERY dangerous for him and for those around him. There is no dose that can be safely gotten off in two weeks.
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:41 PM   #5
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

he was on paxil for about a yr then paxil cr 25 for at least 2 yrs now. with regular paxil i could tell if he didnt take it over wk end just by his attitude with in 2 days. the reason i dont know the details is bkz he hept it all hush hush said things like i think and doc thinks i can work on the issues on my own and not use medicine for anxiety/ depression personality disorder. the end no more talk he'd get defensive. i am 31 and have known him my whole adult life and he is scaring me
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:47 PM   #6
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

Cat, is there somewhere you can go? Family, friend?? If he is scaring you then you need to get out.
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:50 PM   #7
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

It sounds like he is in cold turkey withdrawal, and that can make him do things that he would NEVER do in a normal situation.
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:51 PM   #8
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

we are all to be going on a trip together soon only the 2nd one as a family. i think we may go w/o him. it is to visit my family which my daughter and i do 4 times a yr. but if this is what to expect in the next few wks, or longer, i think not. my daughter will be heartbroken she has been so excited for months but i really dont want to be around him. maybe i can get him to listen to me. can he go back on after being off for about 2 wks and not make things worse? thanks for listening
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:53 PM   #9
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

Going back on is the best thing to do right now. Yes, he can go back on after being off for two weeks.
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:59 PM   #10
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

hi Cat
I agree....going back on and stablizing would be the best thing. cold turkey makes you completely nuts and not really capable of controlling the rage.

secondly.....as someone who has dealt with a violent spouse. Even tho this is withdrawal and he is ill and needs support....YOUR safety and your child's safety comes first. PERIOD! Either you are 100% sure he wont abuse you physically.....or you remove yourself from harms way.
take yourself out of the system.

Please understand that YOU and your child MUST be safe.....no matter what that means. One day away....one week away....isnt going to kill anyone.
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Old 03-26-2006, 10:59 PM   #11
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

That weaning schedule could most certainly send a person into cold turkey withdrawal. I was at Day 12 when I knew something was terribly wrong and thank God I found this site before hitting Day 14. There is not telling where or IF I would be right now.

You need to protect yourself and your child. I don't have a clue how to tell you to do this without sending him into another fit of total rage. First, get your child somewhere else, then maybe confront him about the medication and his behaviour with another person there to talk, witness and protect - maybe one of his family members, a brother or such - someone that would be able to restrain him just in case.

Rage is common even during weaning, but is uncontrollable in a lot of us if we're cold turkey. Hugs, peace and good luck to you all! PROTECT YOURSELF SO THAT SOMEHOW HE CAN BE PROTECTED FROM HIMSELF!
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Old 03-26-2006, 11:00 PM   #12
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

I went back to half-dose at day 12 and weaned from there. That first dose brought me back in control. It can (and most likely should) be done.
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Old 03-26-2006, 11:03 PM   #13
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

Cat, explain to him what you've learned here. Tell him that this is withdrawal and it doesn't have to be this way. Lay it out there that you are not going to live in fear and going back on paxil will help the rage. Then invite him here to learn what we have, and learn how to wean properly to avoid this reaction in the future.
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Old 03-26-2006, 11:03 PM   #14
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

One more reply as I catch up...

Family trip - If you do go alone, make sure that he is not alone while you are away.
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Old 03-26-2006, 11:08 PM   #15
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

yeah....somehow....maybe getting his family involved like de lyn said. or a friend?? someone who might be able to support him and keep him safe.
i went cold turkey. My current husband (not the violent one) stayed by me 24/7. took away all sharp things....took away all pills etc etc etc. slammed his body on top of mine to calm me down when id wake up screaming from nightmares.
WD takes support, that's for sure.
But....girls need protection from rage too. hard coin to flip.
but with a babe....maybe not so hard.
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Old 03-27-2006, 09:19 AM   #16
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

Cat, check in please!!!!
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Old 03-27-2006, 10:43 AM   #17
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

hi thank you all for such caring advice. i sure needed it. i talked to my husband this a.m. about the events of last night. i did so on the phone because i wasnt sure what to expect. he said he had finished his w/d at 1 mo. so from what i read here that is like cold turkey. i explained what he was like and that i was scared etc. told him he needed to go on small dose 12.5 to stabalize. he said sure, he would tonight and that he feels so bad he had no idea. i hope so bad it works before he gets that angry again but i am so thankful he didnt put up a fuss about it. he said he didnt remember much about the incident except this am he had dig marks on his arms. i told him that is bkz he has 10 in and 100 pounds on me and as he was pushing me i was trying w/ what i had to keep him from going around the corner into the room our daughter was in. didnt work. he said he didnt realize that. i told him about this site and all the info i have found on withdrawl. some scary stuff. anyhow i am rambling. thank you so much for being there.
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Old 03-27-2006, 10:45 AM   #18
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

I do believe all of you will be amazed in the difference. I know my daughter almost fell over just a few hours after taking that first half-dose because I wasn't screaming at all of them anymore...and actually pleasant. Good luck!
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Old 03-27-2006, 10:49 AM   #19
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

hi Cat!!
glad you were able to talk to him and get him to see the light. Hopefully things will settle quickly for you now and you can help your sweetie get off safely.
Itll be ok now!!

kudos to you!!
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Old 03-27-2006, 11:01 AM   #20
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

Cat - thank goodness.

Tapering off isn't easy either, and requires a lot of patience, but compared to the horrors of cold turkey it's a lot easier. Speaking as a man who got a lot of rage in my last days on zoloft, and my first days off it, I know from experience how easy it is to scare people, and then remember nothing about it the next day except for a vague sense of shame and regret. Managed to scare away a girlfriend I had at the time

Good luck with the withdrawal. The good news is, however hard it might be, it will never get as bad as THAT again, so long as he tapers slowly and sensibly.

And yes, tell him about this board. It's good for people!
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Old 03-27-2006, 11:05 AM   #21
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

Well here's a big WELCOME to Cat's husband, should he choose to come here!!!

Cat, you handled that SO well!! These drugs are insidious in their alteration of the brain. I don't doubt that he doesn't remember the incident.. Ryan remembers only bits and pieces of his "raging" incident. Just make sure that he follows up with the resuming of the paxil.

Stick with us, both of you, and you can get through this!
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Old 03-27-2006, 02:55 PM   #22
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

Do be careful around him. He needs a slower taper. The kind of rage paxil induces has got to be the most undeniable uncharacteristic type of things ANYONE can experience. In my rages i have picked up knives and threatened loved ones and even a gun and put it to my own head. I hate to hear about this, but we hear it everyday in the news...someone else in a rage has killed themselves or their entire families...they become statistics of what can happen with an SSRI and withdrawl. I 'm not saying that's what is gonna happen here, but be aware that it does and can happen. I've had to police called on me more than once...that's the safest thing that can really happen because it sort of snaps the person back into a reality. I've never had a violent past, but paxil withdrawl rage can be deadly and it can destroy long term relationships with loved ones. The rage needs to be further addressed with the FDA because it is, I think, the most scariest of realities in dealing with paxil withdrawl. See if you can get him to come here and check this site out. If not, talk to his doc. Something, anything really is better than nothing. Once the rage starts, it can end as soon as it begins OR it can progress to something beyond rage.
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Old 03-27-2006, 07:08 PM   #23
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Re: help with dealing with husbands rage

Make sure that you tell your husband that the next time he goes into a rage like that you are taking the child, leaving and calling the police. Under no circumstances should he lay a hand on you.

I'm glad he's seeing it for what it is, but take the messages on this board very seriously. Be careful around him. If this is his pattern after two weeks cold turkey, well...I can't think of what else could happen.
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