Some days really do stink!

[rangerNY]

On the whole things have been pretty good for me, so I should not be complaining. Still, this morning was pretty bad. Everything was fine until I was about to leave the house - then WHAM! I suddenly got kind of dizzy, and it totally set off the exaggerated startle response, which then led immediately to the most horrifying and un-nerving depersonalization and derealization I have experienced in a very long time.

Totally disconnected from myself, my own thoughts and emotions, and everything around me. I actually drove to my office (only 5 minutes from home, luckily), hung around for about 15 minutes, then bolted. The feeling (or lack of, in this case) was so frightening that it really put me into a major downward spiral. My poor wife. I was a complete shaking, crying psuedo-psychotic lunatic for about 20 minutes. Finally popped .25 mg xanax to try to calm me down.

Now I'm exhausted and still pretty shaky. I suppose I'm gonna just hang at my house and maybe try to get some sleep.

Why? Its been almost 2 months since an episode like this one. I know its part of the process, but it doesn't mean I have to like it!

[sherijo]

oh man drew,
i am so sorry! i wish i could say something wonderful here! but as you know, i couldn't hack it anymore..
the whole thing sucks! i hope the xanax helped! i will say a prayer for you right now!
sheri

[rangerNY]

What do you mean, you couldnt hack it any more? You're doing just fine, Sheri. You're making informed decisions, the best decisions you can make right now with all the information you have at your disposal. You are moving forward, even if it doesnt feel like it some times.

Thanks for the kind words. Most appreciated.

[Katesmom]

This is just a bump in the road. I'm been having some anxiety myself this week. It sucks to be reminded that you're still in the middle of this when you have been feeling so good. It'll pass, for both of us.

[LossLeader]

Two steps forward, one step back. Same as always with this horror. You still get there, though!

[squirrel]

Hi Ranger, I had one of those episodes last week exactly the same it really knocks your confidence and sets you back and I am 1 year on Saturday.

[rangerNY]

Hey Kim, LL and Squirrel -

Thanks so much for the encouragement! It definitely helps to remember that there are others going through the same nonsense. And Squirrel, yes it does shake your confidence, but try not to think of it as a big setback. Allow yourself a little time to recover and the forward motion continues.

[Tribalwolf_77]

Hi rangerNY. That episode must've sucked hardcore. As I am new to having Paxil withdrawls every new one I experience is scarier than the rest. It's all part of trying to discover who I am under the meds.

Originally Posted by rangerNY

I was a complete shaking, crying psuedo-psychotic lunatic for about 20 minutes.

Yup, that was me after work yesterday. My son looked at me all worried, so I managed to regain my composure and read him a book. I was fine the rest of the evening after that. I believe my family and friends are my anchors to reality.

I hope you are better now, and that these episodes will be a thing of the past for you soon.

[rangerNY]

Originally Posted by Tribalwolf_77

Hi rangerNY. That episode must've sucked hardcore.

It was beyond suck. It was like a three day ride on horseback to get to the outskirts of suck.

I believe my family and friends are my anchors to reality.

I hear ya on that. For me, I never seem to lose the connection to my mother and sister. Thats great, but then I wind up beating myself up because I can't say the same about my wife and kids.

We're our own worst enemies sometimes.

[velveteengreen]

Originally Posted by rangerNY

Its been almost 2 months since an episode like this one. I know its part of the process, but it doesn't mean I have to like it!

Ugh I hate it when that happens! A day or two ago I had the same thing happen, I was on my way to class and turned right around and spent the afternoon holed up in my dorm. Its the worst when it comes out of the blue, it'll really catch ya off guard. They're very infrequent now for me and its great that its been 2 months for you! You've made such amazing progress! You're going to be fine, its just (yet another) bump in the road.

[paxilgirl]

I still have those feelings, but due to financial constraints I have to work, so like it or not, I have to force those feleings out....doesn't mean I don't tune out...I do in other ways.....it is hard, but the episodes get further and far between. Fortunately I haven't had one of those "fight or flight" feelings in ages.