severe panic attacks - advice pls

[kizzie]

Hi all - Id really appreciate some help/advice.

Last night I had a severe panic attack and today feel very ill.

Its quite a while since I had one but my big worry is that when Ive had them in the past its always been the start of a major spiral downwards which I just dont seem able to stop without medication. Thye just seem the first stage of a major breakdown.

I am now terrified that it is going to happen again. Ive tried so so hard in the past to stop this happening but I just dont know what to do?

Its a few weeks since I stopped clomipramine fully - although its actually a year since I took a 'proper medicinal dose'- I thought that meant that I could live without meds but now Im scared that I cant.

Sorry for waffling but I just need some positive thoughts.

Kizziexx

[sarah]

Kizzie, do you think it could be hormonal? I know without a shadow of a doubt that mine were. I haven't even had a sniff of a panic since I've been on the hrt. No anxiety, no black thoughts, no waking up in the night feeling like I've run the marathon. We have had this conversation about the damage done to the body after IVF, as a matter of fact, thanks to you, my cousin is very clued in about looking after herself well since having her baby. The health visitor tried to tell her she had pnd, and she told her where to go after I relayed our conversation. It would be well worth you getting checked your hormone levels checked and see what that shows. You may have done this already, I'm not sure, but it can't hurt to do it again, as they can vary so much in a short space of time.

[kizzie]

Thanks Sarah - I was really hoping you'd reply.

I dont THINK this one is hormonal although I am really affected at different times of the month.

It helps so much to hear from you because I know that you've had the panic etc but still stayed off the medication. My big fear is going downhill like I did a couple of years ago. I'm just so scared that a major breakdown is inevitable. I HAVE to try and change that thought.

Im in Brighton today so Ive just made myself walk very very fast along the seafront.

Kizziex

[Dream]

Hey Kizzie,

Do you think you're fears could be contributing to the downward spiral? I mean, once you have the panic attack your fears starts screaming that it's just going to get worse and the spiral begins. Just a thought.

Sorry your having a rough time.

Hugs,
Andi

[sarah]

First of all Kizzie, the fear is such a huge contributing factor to the panics. I know I am probably teaching grandma to suck eggs, by saying it, but sometimes we need to be reminded. Easier said than done I know, but try to keep telling yourself that you will not allow them to happen to you. I remember waking up in the middle of the night about 2 years or so ago, and having to fight for hours to not let the panic take control. I have never been one of those people who could just let it happen and cope with it, as I was advised to do; not by anyone here I hasten to add. I had to have what I considered the "power" over whether I would have one or not. It went away; I walked round and round my living room, watched tv, blew cold air on myself, talked to myself incessantly, and it went away. I have not had one since. I "beat" the panic attack and took the control. It worked for me. However, as I said in the other post, I know mine were hormonal, and I do think that yours could be too. My doctor admitted, not on paper though, that there was so much damage done to my endocrine system from being sterilised, god knows how much has been done to your with all the drugs, etc. age. I can't remember how old you said you were, and of course it is a hugely personal decision, but I remember Jo telling me how wonderful I would feel once I got my hrt sorted, and she was spot on. It has totally changed my life. Maybe it is something for you to consider.

[sarah]

Writing mine at the same time as Dream posted hers!!! 2 great minds think alike Andi!!!

[Dream]

That was my thought when I read your post.

Hugs,
Andi

[kizzie]

Thankyou so much both of you for the support.

Im 36 now Sarah - right slap bang in the middle of the start of hormone nightmare

Thanks also for all that about actually dealing with the panic attacks.
I have this fear now that because I 'let' last night happen then Ive started the downward spiral but instead I need to think that I can break this cycle.

Past experience through withdrawal : panic attack - more panic attacks - depression - severe panic - severe depression

Of course when Ive been fine (for quite a long time now) I dont give it a single thought. Stay up too late / never do the breathing/ eat too much chocolate etc etc etc. AND I absolutely, totally believe that if I had another panic attack that Id be able to stop it

Kizziex

[sarah]

Kizzie, you can stop the panic attacks. You just have to find your way of doing so. I have no idea why the sound of my own voice is so reassuring when I have one. Maybe it re-affirms that I am still alive, but I talk to myself constantly; you are not going to die Sarah, no one has ever died of a panic attack, you are doing fine, just keep breathing, I will not let this beat me, etc. It works!!! You just have to find something that works for you also. This does not have to be the start of the downward spiral. It could be the start of Kizzie taking back control.
Cut down the chocolate, and anything with caffeine. I have cut out all caffeine as it gives me serious palpitations, and zaps, even now. I do have the odd diet coke with my brandy, but it is always caffeine free. That made a huge difference to me.
You've been doing so well for so long now, Kizzie, that you know it can be done. Look up the hill, and not down.

[rangerNY]

Originally Posted by kizzie

Past experience through withdrawal : panic attack - more panic attacks - depression - severe panic - severe depression

Rain on Monday does not predict rain on Tuesday or Wednesday. A panic attack is a single discrete physiological event with a begining and an end. An attack on Monday has no real connection to ANY event on Tuesday (or any other day) unless you create a connection by allowing fear to control your thoughts.

You didn't "let" anything happen. It just happened. It wasnt good, but it wasnt bad either. It just was, and now its over. Don't judge it, don't judge the entire day or week because of it, and certainly don't judge yourself. Let it go, and just be.

Very Zen-esque, I know.

[hope]

Kizziie you and I are so similar. I'd say for about 2 years I'd have a day where I'd be curled up in bed with all the insanity and then it would go on for a few days. They seemed to be about every two weeks or so. I just tried to cling on until they passed and they usually did but they were wearing me down, hence I went on the klonopin for a while for several months. I'm off it for almost six weeks and I think I'm starting to see some headway. I've had some stressful situations lately where my body was seeming to handle the stressful situations more. I'd almost fall down from the shaking.

I would hope your recent attack doesn't end up in one of those spirals. I think the fear of the possibility of going into another spiral isn't going to help your situation for sure, but how to brush aside the fear? My recommendation, is to let those emotions flow if they need to and express them in whatever way you need to. Cry, scream, punch things and hopefully getting that fear released may help your body relax. I've started doing that. Even just yelling in the house when everyone is gone seems to just help get it out and calm me down - rather than trying to meditate myself into relaxation which in my opinion, was just stuffing all the worry and frustration down further so it could rear it's head later on. I know you are a strong woman but sometimes that strength may hinder us rather than help us. Feel whatever you need to feel and let it come out rather than keeping it bottled up and letting yourself get more worked up and worried. We're women, we're emotional and that's totally ok.

I hope this helps some.

[daisy232627]

I totally agree with Hope, I've always tried to calm down push the anxiety away and now 5yrs later my sister (also has anxiety) told just go in my room and scream and cry and let the emotions out and it made a big difference. Pushing it down never gave me a release only made it harder. I definitely can identify with having a panic attack and fearing another to the point of constant anxiety. It helps me to keep busy and always, always express yourself however crying, writing, screaming, punching whatever you have to do it will work. God and Therapy have also worked wonders for me.

Praying for ya

Daisy

[kizzie]

Thankyou so much everyone (and Hope for the PM).

I am so so so determined.

Started wondering last night if I stopped the clomipramine too soon : Went from 50mg to 0mg in a year (50mg is approx 12.5mg of paxil). Actually think the overall withdrawal time was ok - but maybe the last bit was too quick - and should have stayed on 10mg for another few weeks.

I dont think theres any point going back on it now though (??) In the end I was splitting the capsules and only taking every three days.

And maybe this point would always have come when my body realised the drugs had gone - no matter how slowly I did it (??)

The only disappointment Ive got is that I switched to clomipramine to try and get get over SSRI withdrawal but Ive just found out that clomip also has very short half life - dont know why the drs suggested it. (Dr Healy recommends it in his withdrawal plan too).

Anyway - think lots of people come off it with no probs - Sarah think you did ??

I have been very well for a year on a low dose - so just need to find a way to replicate whatever it was the drug was doing.

Thanks again everyone xxxxxxxx

Kizziex

[hope]

Kizzie, I took four or five months to come off of 1 mg. of klonopin. I still had one night where I felt like a junkie in a movie and several weeks thereafter where I've had anxiety. In fact I woke up with it this morning for some reason and I hadn't had that for a while. I also know I'm still having aftereffects from the Paxil no matter what anyone says. I honestly think that for some of us no matter how slow a taper we do it's still going to have an effect on us. The fact that you are doing well for long periods of time is an excellent sign that you are on your way. I liken some of these spells we have to the LSD trips people reported in the 60s after having stopping the drug but where something would trigger being on the drug.

If you look at the big picture, it's looks pretty darn good. You're doing well and I know for a fact you're an inspiration to me.

[kizzie]

Thankyou Hope Ive just got your PM and will repy later.
Today has been tough but Im still here. Just trying to fight with the thought that Ive been very well on a small dose - so maybe thats what I need.

Yet the other part of me says that if you can be so well on such a low dose then you dont need it

Kizziex