Welcome shaunycc

shaunycc · 10-06-2006, 06:30 AM

Someone please help.

I know this is probably not the right place to write this, but after reading all of your responses it's reminded me why I came of seroxat. I'd been on 20mg for 3yrs and then 10mgs on and off for the last 3yrs I've been on a rolercoaster ride the last few years having months completely off and then going back on out of desperation.

But now everythings gone wrong, I decided to try coming off one last time in july 06 and now I've lost my job, I've moved to a new city and I'm too messed up to do anything. I hardly open my curtains most days and hardly ever go out when really I should be out meeting new people. I'm scared my neighbours might start to think I'm some kind of weirdo, I'm paranoid about everything right now.

It's all got too much for me and am not sure what to do. Am sat here with a box of seroxat and remembering the outgoing person I was before, but I remember the nasty, arrogant person I was too and I dont want to be him again, I've always been quite a shy person and I think seroxat made me experience more life than I ever would have done without it. But still I wish I never took it, cos it's like remmembering someone elses past.

What should I do? I've just joined a gym I'm currently trying to stop smoking and drinking alcohol and taking vitamins. But I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to get to the gym I've not been in over a week, and I find it difficult making eye contact with people when I'm there.

Am so upset right now, because I know once I take one am starting the whole cycle again. But then I think life's too short to be going through this. So is this my choice: A wasted life in the house with no life, or a wasted false life on seroxat with no feelings. Either one I choose I loose and either one I choose I'll probably end up regretting.

Shaun

LCrawford67 · 10-06-2006, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shaunycc

Someone please help.

I know this is probably not the right place to write this, but after reading all of your responses it's reminded me why I came of seroxat. I'd been on 20mg for 3yrs and then 10mgs on and off for the last 3yrs I've been on a rolercoaster ride the last few years having months completely off and then going back on out of desperation.

But now everythings gone wrong, I decided to try coming off one last time in july 06 and now I've lost my job, I've moved to a new city and I'm too messed up to do anything. I hardly open my curtains most days and hardly ever go out when really I should be out meeting new people. I'm scared my neighbours might start to think I'm some kind of weirdo, I'm paranoid about everything right now.

It's all got too much for me and am not sure what to do. Am sat here with a box of seroxat and remembering the outgoing person I was before, but I remember the nasty, arrogant person I was too and I dont want to be him again, I've always been quite a shy person and I think seroxat made me experience more life than I ever would have done without it. But still I wish I never took it, cos it's like remmembering someone elses past.

What should I do? I've just joined a gym I'm currently trying to stop smoking and drinking alcohol and taking vitamins. But I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to get to the gym I've not been in over a week, and I find it difficult making eye contact with people when I'm there.

Am so upset right now, because I know once I take one am starting the whole cycle again. But then I think life's too short to be going through this. So is this my choice: A wasted life in the house with no life, or a wasted false life on seroxat with no feelings. Either one I choose I loose and either one I choose I'll probably end up regretting.

Shaun

Welcome, Shauny! We'll get a moderator to move your post to a new thread.

It's a difficult decision and one only you can make, but....being shy isn't a disease. I highly recommend therapy to get to the root of your problem. All any drug does is mask it. You still have the problem and now, you have the additional problem of trying to wean off of a drug too.

The fact that you do make an effort to get out there tells me you're dealing with your issues, which is why therapy is the way to go for you.

Good luck and keep posting!

Katesmom · 10-06-2006, 08:20 AM

Shaun-

Could you give the most recent time line of your paxil use and how you stopped and how long ago? There are certain times post-paxil when people commonly have a tough time. Sometimes just waiting those times out can make a huge difference. This is why some get on that merry-go-round of AD use and are never able to get off. They can make it 5-8 months off, then hit a rough spot and think they can't manage without the drugs. Docs aren't ready to acknowledge that withdrawal can last that long, so it puts you in the position of thinking that this bad feeling is the 'real' you when it is just a bump in the road of withdrawal.

plummerw · 10-06-2006, 08:32 AM

shaun, try to forgive yourself and do small, small things. When I was having my hardest time. I forced myself to get up and fold a load of laundry, then I might rest for an hour, 2, more if needed. Then but a way some dishes then stop. It might have taken half a day to unload the dish washer but I started to move. It got easier and easier. I kept telling myself that this is a healing processs and I need to forgive myself for not doing tons of stuff. One minute at a time. It does get better. Hard to believe I know. Also fish oil and magnesium glycinate helps better than the meds.

Delynbetter · 10-06-2006, 08:49 AM

Shaun, sleep through as much of it as you can. Breathe. Sometimes exercise exacerbates symptoms. Don't stop exercising, but don't overdo it either. Coming off in July puts you at about 3 months, which is where I had a relapse. It did pass and it was well worth it. Trying to quit smoking and drinking at the same time you are going through the withdrawal and adding the exercise...sounds like you may be putting a tad too much pressure on yourself. You need to take care of yourself, but go into it slowly. None of this process is fast.

Good luck to you!

summer bee · 10-06-2006, 07:37 PM

welcome, shaun! what sort of vitamins are you taking?

shaunycc · 10-10-2006, 12:00 PM

Thank you everyone that replied.

I was taking 10mg up until May this year and then dropped it to 5mg for 3 or 4 weeks and then stopped all together. I started taking regular multi vitamins in the mornings and later valerian occasionally at night when I started having sleeping problems.

I seemed fine when I first came off though, I had a few dizzy spells but nothing major. But then the problems started, I developed sever insomnia, And I was starting to have trouble just stringing a sentence together, which I put down to lack of sleep. I was also having strange obsessive thoughts too, and was focussing on bad moments in my life all the time. I was also getting aggravated by little things and arguing with friends which isnt like me. To be honest I could be here all day listing the things that started happening, sweating etc.. But overall It was like one day I was up the next down, but to be honest at points I felt better than ever. I was going from one extreme to the other. But things have deteriorated rapidly over the past few weeks and there isnt many up days anymore.

Anyway, I'm ashamed to say.. I've started taking them again. I've gone back on half of a tablet(10mg).

I think I did over do the excersise to be honest and I'm now wondering if thats part of the reason I've got this bad. But I think maybe I was pushing myself too hard overall, and thats why everything just collapsed around me.

I really thought I would feel differently about taking the tablets again, but to be honest I'm actually relieved. Things have got so bad that I really dont think I can turn things around without them.

Shaun

mouse · 10-10-2006, 12:28 PM

Hey shaun

You from the UK? ... your story reminds me of my withdrawal and horriffic experience with Seroxat... Its a horrible drug... And should have been banned by now... Anyhow... what you are experiencing is post seroxat "depersonalisation"... that would explain why you are so paranoid, scared , anxious and afraid to make eye contact with people...( i had this too and it is horrible)
Pushing yourself in the gym might have overloaded your system a bit as Seroxat does mess with the muscles and nerves , they become lethargic and take a while to heal...Seroxat withdrawal is notorious for causing insomnia , irritability and aggression, what you are experiencing is very common with Seroxat and can be managed and you can get through it... Hope things ease for you soon ...hang in there...

izzy88 · 10-11-2006, 05:42 AM

Hi Shaun,

Hey, West Yorkshire... Me too so I just wanted to say hi to you really! Did you just recently move here then? It can be so tough moving to a new area, even without withdrawal to worry about so give yourself a bit of a break & take things slowly. And there's no shame in starting to take Seroxat again, you're on a low dose now so give it time to stabilise & then, when you're ready, you can taper.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shaunycc

to be honest at points I felt better than ever

And remember this, hold onto it, this feeling will come back

Katesmom · 10-11-2006, 08:25 AM

Shaun-

It sounds like you were having some pretty typical withdrawal issues. You have come to that typical first major relapse of withdrawal period. It is incredibly common for people to reach that time and face those symptoms and go back on. Know that what you were experiencing IS withdrawal and IS NOT a you that will exist forever.

If you would like to try tapering off again, I would wait to stabilize on the 10mg and then taper much more slowly than you did last time. That should make the withdrawal a bit more predictable and managable, at least for a while. Then, get as informed as possible about the true nature of withdrawal symptoms. Just knowing that something is withdrawal and is temporary can sustain you through the tough times. Finally, find support through this group or some similar to keep you going.

Best of luck to you.

shaunycc · 10-11-2006, 10:23 AM

Hi All,

I feel much better knowing others have been through the same, makes me feel less like I'm going crazy and I now know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. It's only been a few days back on the tablets and I havent noticed much of a difference yet, I just hope they kick in soon.

I've tried coming off many times before but never let things get this far, as I had to keep myself on a level because of my job. I never realised things could get this bad, I never had any of these problems before I started taking them.

I'm still just as determined to get off them, but I'm going to stay on them for awhile and taper off much more slowly next time as you've advised, and this time it will be for good. Plus now I know you're all here to give me help and support I wont make the same mistakes twice!

Hi Izzy - I'm actually from yorkshire but moved from Bradford to Leeds hoping for a new start. It hasnt quite gone to plan though but I'm still determined to make a go of it, I've just got to crack on now and get this sorted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shaunycc
to be honest at points I felt better than ever

Quote:

Originally Posted by izzy88
And remember this, hold onto it, this feeling will come back

Thats the only thing thats keeping me going!

Thanks again to everyone for all your help

Shaun

izzy88 · 10-12-2006, 07:40 AM

Hey Shaun,

Yes there is definitely a light at the end there somewhere, personally I'm nearly 11 months off now & the difference between where I am now & the 5 month stage is nothing short of incredible. Small steps add up to a lot.

Like you say, you're only a few days back on the tablets, give it time, lots of time! There's no rush.

I actually work in Leeds, lived there for a while but chose Halifax when I wanted to buy a house last year - house prices in Leeds are just crazy! Stick with it & look after yourself.

blankets · 10-12-2006, 03:10 PM

shaun, everything you listed there sounds like what i have been going through. i am 6 months off now and i am noticing a difference from a month ago. it's slight, but things have improved. i don't seem to get very good days either, but there are moments where i'm totally into what is going on/what i am doing and for that brief moment in time everything is fine. i'm hoping those extend to days eventually. one step at a time mate. you'll get through this for sure.

10-06-2006, 06:30 AM	#1
shaunycc Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: west yorkshire, UK Posts: 3	Re: I Love Paxil Someone please help. I know this is probably not the right place to write this, but after reading all of your responses it's reminded me why I came of seroxat. I'd been on 20mg for 3yrs and then 10mgs on and off for the last 3yrs I've been on a rolercoaster ride the last few years having months completely off and then going back on out of desperation. But now everythings gone wrong, I decided to try coming off one last time in july 06 and now I've lost my job, I've moved to a new city and I'm too messed up to do anything. I hardly open my curtains most days and hardly ever go out when really I should be out meeting new people. I'm scared my neighbours might start to think I'm some kind of weirdo, I'm paranoid about everything right now. It's all got too much for me and am not sure what to do. Am sat here with a box of seroxat and remembering the outgoing person I was before, but I remember the nasty, arrogant person I was too and I dont want to be him again, I've always been quite a shy person and I think seroxat made me experience more life than I ever would have done without it. But still I wish I never took it, cos it's like remmembering someone elses past. What should I do? I've just joined a gym I'm currently trying to stop smoking and drinking alcohol and taking vitamins. But I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to get to the gym I've not been in over a week, and I find it difficult making eye contact with people when I'm there. Am so upset right now, because I know once I take one am starting the whole cycle again. But then I think life's too short to be going through this. So is this my choice: A wasted life in the house with no life, or a wasted false life on seroxat with no feelings. Either one I choose I loose and either one I choose I'll probably end up regretting. Shaun

10-06-2006, 08:20 AM	#3
Katesmom Moderator Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 13,706	Re: Welcome shaunycc Shaun- Could you give the most recent time line of your paxil use and how you stopped and how long ago? There are certain times post-paxil when people commonly have a tough time. Sometimes just waiting those times out can make a huge difference. This is why some get on that merry-go-round of AD use and are never able to get off. They can make it 5-8 months off, then hit a rough spot and think they can't manage without the drugs. Docs aren't ready to acknowledge that withdrawal can last that long, so it puts you in the position of thinking that this bad feeling is the 'real' you when it is just a bump in the road of withdrawal. __________________ Katesmom aka Kim started Paxil Oct. 2003 for PIH Paxil free since 19 Jul 2005 ". . .the cruelest lies are often told without a word. . .the kindest truths are often spoken, never heard." -- Ben Folds

10-06-2006, 08:32 AM	#4
plummerw Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Maine Posts: 279	Re: Welcome shaunycc shaun, try to forgive yourself and do small, small things. When I was having my hardest time. I forced myself to get up and fold a load of laundry, then I might rest for an hour, 2, more if needed. Then but a way some dishes then stop. It might have taken half a day to unload the dish washer but I started to move. It got easier and easier. I kept telling myself that this is a healing processs and I need to forgive myself for not doing tons of stuff. One minute at a time. It does get better. Hard to believe I know. Also fish oil and magnesium glycinate helps better than the meds. __________________ 9/98 paxil for anxiety 30 mg. 4/05 concerta for ADHD 11/05 quit concerta cold turkey 12/05 started paxil withdrawal skip one day for a week then skip 2 days for a week and so on. 2/06 off paxil.

10-06-2006, 08:49 AM	#5
Delynbetter Join Date: May 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 10,518	Re: Welcome shaunycc Shaun, sleep through as much of it as you can. Breathe. Sometimes exercise exacerbates symptoms. Don't stop exercising, but don't overdo it either. Coming off in July puts you at about 3 months, which is where I had a relapse. It did pass and it was well worth it. Trying to quit smoking and drinking at the same time you are going through the withdrawal and adding the exercise...sounds like you may be putting a tad too much pressure on yourself. You need to take care of yourself, but go into it slowly. None of this process is fast. Good luck to you! __________________ Diagnosed anxiety/panic disorder without agoraphobia 1989. Talk/music therapy. Major anxiety and mild depression in 2004 from situational stressors. Began Paxil CR 25mg, 10/04. Quit cold-turkey 5/5/05 as demanded by doctor. Found paxilprogress 5/17/05. Began Paxil CR 12.5mg 5/17/05. Weaned 4 1/2 months. During taper - anx/panic/depression, manic episodes, agoraphobia, suicidal ideation, many other physical symptoms. Paxil-free 10/2/05.

10-06-2006, 07:37 PM	#6
summer bee Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: pennsylvania Posts: 1,665	Re: Welcome shaunycc welcome, shaun! what sort of vitamins are you taking? __________________ 06/26/2006: 10mg; found paxilprogress.org 06/28/2006-01/20/07: a long, zappy time of tapering paxil-free for: TWO YEARS! video: tapering off of paxil. facebook: the dangers of antidepressants. la times: my paxil withdrawal story "all systems begin and end in silence; nothing needs solving, nothing is a problem..." - al zolynas, the algebra nightmare

10-10-2006, 12:00 PM	#7
shaunycc Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: west yorkshire, UK Posts: 3	Re: Welcome shaunycc Thank you everyone that replied. I was taking 10mg up until May this year and then dropped it to 5mg for 3 or 4 weeks and then stopped all together. I started taking regular multi vitamins in the mornings and later valerian occasionally at night when I started having sleeping problems. I seemed fine when I first came off though, I had a few dizzy spells but nothing major. But then the problems started, I developed sever insomnia, And I was starting to have trouble just stringing a sentence together, which I put down to lack of sleep. I was also having strange obsessive thoughts too, and was focussing on bad moments in my life all the time. I was also getting aggravated by little things and arguing with friends which isnt like me. To be honest I could be here all day listing the things that started happening, sweating etc.. But overall It was like one day I was up the next down, but to be honest at points I felt better than ever. I was going from one extreme to the other. But things have deteriorated rapidly over the past few weeks and there isnt many up days anymore. Anyway, I'm ashamed to say.. I've started taking them again. I've gone back on half of a tablet(10mg). I think I did over do the excersise to be honest and I'm now wondering if thats part of the reason I've got this bad. But I think maybe I was pushing myself too hard overall, and thats why everything just collapsed around me. I really thought I would feel differently about taking the tablets again, but to be honest I'm actually relieved. Things have got so bad that I really dont think I can turn things around without them. Shaun

10-10-2006, 12:28 PM	#8
mouse Banned Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: on the rim of the outer anus hemisphere Posts: 1,033	Re: Welcome shaunycc Hey shaun You from the UK? ... your story reminds me of my withdrawal and horriffic experience with Seroxat... Its a horrible drug... And should have been banned by now... Anyhow... what you are experiencing is post seroxat "depersonalisation"... that would explain why you are so paranoid, scared , anxious and afraid to make eye contact with people...( i had this too and it is horrible) Pushing yourself in the gym might have overloaded your system a bit as Seroxat does mess with the muscles and nerves , they become lethargic and take a while to heal...Seroxat withdrawal is notorious for causing insomnia , irritability and aggression, what you are experiencing is very common with Seroxat and can be managed and you can get through it... Hope things ease for you soon ...hang in there...

10-11-2006, 08:25 AM	#10
Katesmom Moderator Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 13,706	Re: Welcome shaunycc Shaun- It sounds like you were having some pretty typical withdrawal issues. You have come to that typical first major relapse of withdrawal period. It is incredibly common for people to reach that time and face those symptoms and go back on. Know that what you were experiencing IS withdrawal and IS NOT a you that will exist forever. If you would like to try tapering off again, I would wait to stabilize on the 10mg and then taper much more slowly than you did last time. That should make the withdrawal a bit more predictable and managable, at least for a while. Then, get as informed as possible about the true nature of withdrawal symptoms. Just knowing that something is withdrawal and is temporary can sustain you through the tough times. Finally, find support through this group or some similar to keep you going. Best of luck to you. __________________ Katesmom aka Kim started Paxil Oct. 2003 for PIH Paxil free since 19 Jul 2005 ". . .the cruelest lies are often told without a word. . .the kindest truths are often spoken, never heard." -- Ben Folds

10-12-2006, 07:40 AM	#12
izzy88 Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: West Yorkshire, UK Posts: 176	Re: Welcome shaunycc Hey Shaun, Yes there is definitely a light at the end there somewhere, personally I'm nearly 11 months off now & the difference between where I am now & the 5 month stage is nothing short of incredible. Small steps add up to a lot. Like you say, you're only a few days back on the tablets, give it time, lots of time! There's no rush. I actually work in Leeds, lived there for a while but chose Halifax when I wanted to buy a house last year - house prices in Leeds are just crazy! Stick with it & look after yourself. __________________ izzy xx 4 years Paxil 20mg for OCD Paxil free (CT) since Nov 17, 2005

10-12-2006, 03:10 PM	#13
blankets Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Ontario Posts: 1,205	Re: Welcome shaunycc shaun, everything you listed there sounds like what i have been going through. i am 6 months off now and i am noticing a difference from a month ago. it's slight, but things have improved. i don't seem to get very good days either, but there are moments where i'm totally into what is going on/what i am doing and for that brief moment in time everything is fine. i'm hoping those extend to days eventually. one step at a time mate. you'll get through this for sure. __________________ 1998-2006 Stops and starts because of intense w/d. Final try - Spaced each tablet out over a period of days before stopping, ended up in a protracted withdrawal for around 14 months. Paxil free April 8, 2006. I'm pretty much normal again, minus some social problems I need to work on.

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