One Year Off Update

heyK · 11-17-2006, 11:49 AM

Seems like a lot of us went off the same time last year. I wish I could say I was better. I’m not. But I’ve accepted that this will be at least a two-year battle (although I still get very frustrated and lose hope often). Here’s a list of my major withdrawal symptoms, followed by “chronic” or “episodic” and percent change. For any doubters that protracted withdrawal happens, I just want to make it clear that except for some occasional depression and situational anxiety that manifested itself as a racing heart before a speech, etc., I never had any of the following symptoms prior to SSRI withdrawal.

Extreme light sensitivity: chronic; 20% worse

General fatigue: chronic; 15% better

Clicking sensation and sound in my right ear (when I hear high-pitched noises): 20% worse

Anxiety: higher general anxiety level is chronic, while the severe manifestations of it are episodic; 10% better

Shortness of breath: chronic; 5% better

Dizziness: episodic (levels of light affect this); 20% worse

Balance problems: chronic; 10% worse

Head pressure/lightheadedness: chronic; no change

Visual lag (the sensation that my brain seems to lag behind my vision for a moment): episodic; 5% better

Depersonalization/Dissociation: chronic with occasional respites and a lessening at night; 2% better

Brain fog, lack of creativity and humor, difficulty concentrating: chronic, but much better at night; 10% better

Memory problems: chronic with occasional respites; 5% better

Racing thoughts, repetitive thoughts, disturbing thoughts: episodic; 5% better

Insomnia: mostly chronic; 15% better

Throat tightness (lump in throat sensation): episodic; 20% better

I haven’t drunk any alcohol in nearly two years for two reasons: 1. It makes my withdrawal anxiety much worse. 2. I want to optimize my brain’s environment for healing.
I’ve given up strenuous exercise like basketball because it makes my withdrawal symptoms worse. Instead, I walk every night.
I’ve eliminated most major stressors from my life, although the littlest of things can become really stressful to me now.
I eat smaller meals more frequently. I’ve cut down on sugar. I have no caffeine.

I want to thank all of you who post here—especially the moderators and those who are further along in their recovery and still come back to encourage those of us still in hell. This website has been essential to me. I don’t know where I’d be if I had only doctors to rely on. I often think about that if it weren’t for doctors, I’d be a healthy person today; but because of them, I feel like I’m recovering from getting run over by a bus.

Any encouragement is appreciated. Thanks.

LCrawford67 · 11-17-2006, 11:53 AM

Even though you may feel these are small improvments, they're improvments. Yep, it appears you might be in for a 2 year recovery, which seems very similar to LossLeader's fight with Zoloft w/d.

Regardless, K...you're doing great! Keep the faith and you'll beat this thing before two years!

akaenew · 11-17-2006, 11:58 AM

heyK, I am here to encourage. but reading this does scare me a little from my own selfish little perspective. I want to be done with this. please post and let us know the increments of improvement during the next months. We can then keep encouraging. Go for it, heyK. don't settle. akaenew

rdjanis · 11-17-2006, 12:43 PM

Keith, you have come a very long way, the first year is the roughest. Those that were on longer term take longer to heal, that does not mean you won't heal. You do all that is necessary to promote healing, and heal you will

I can't wait to see a post from you saying how well you are doing. May not be something you imagine happening right now, but I 'know' that day will become a reality for you.

I look forward to reading your posts to others and encouraging them... because you have reached the end of withdrawal.

Take care of yourself!

LossLeader · 11-17-2006, 01:16 PM

Keith, I'm better at being optimistic when it comes to other people, so here goes -

What makes you think this will be 2 years? Seems a lot of people were in hell at 1 year off, but were very significantly better by 18 months. I'm trying to cling to that, so maybe you should keep it in mind. I don't know about you, but the idea of another 6 months of this is a LOT less scary than the idea of another whole year.

Zoloft just seems to be a nasty drug in the sense that fewer people who stop taking it have serious withdrawal (compared to Paxil) - but when you do get a bad Zoloft withdrawal, it BITES. Obviously I sympathise. Equally obviously, I can't be as encouraging as I;d like, because I'm in exactly the same situation as you. But not only are you more than halfway through this misery (especially as you had a year of it before restarting), but it's not going to get worse from here. It may feel like it's getting worse, but look at your list up there - FAR more "better" than "worse". You're past the worst. From here, it's a question of that slow walk to freedom, and just how slow it might be. That's not perfect, but it's an awful lot better than what I *know* you've been through for the last 12 months.

Good luck. Let's face it, we're all due some good luck.

Hopeful · 11-17-2006, 01:19 PM

Keith as you know, I know how hard this is. Don't be discouraged by some of the symptoms getting worse. It seems to be par for the course for some of us in protracted w/d. There is no rhyme or reason to any of it. The fact that you are seeing some improvement is great news! Hang in there and thanks for posting your updates

Katesmom · 11-17-2006, 02:15 PM

Keith-

Go back and read some of Squirrel's posts from just a few months ago and then read her posts lately at 18 months. I believe that you will see lots of healing in the immediate months to come.

elisa · 11-17-2006, 03:33 PM

Ketih, one thing that we learn while in protracted withdrawl is the need to have patience. You've come already so far along that the balance of withdrawal shouldn't be a major obstacle to your further healing and recovery.

I'm sure that you will get much better.... in time.

heyK · 11-17-2006, 03:44 PM

Thanks everyone!

Akaenew: Please keep in mind that I did a bunch of things wrong as you can see in my signature that have probably made this worse. I'm sure you won't be as slow in recovery as I am.

babs · 11-17-2006, 03:46 PM

Keith, I too was still feeling bad most of the time at a year off, but saw significant improvement starting around 16 months. I think there is still more improvement to come, but just getting rid of the relentless depression made everything else much more bearable. Hang in there, I know things will get better for you soon.

akaenew · 11-17-2006, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by heyK

Akaenew: Please keep in mind that I did a bunch of things wrong as you can see in my signature that have probably made this worse. I'm sure you won't be as slow in recovery as I am.

heyK- I would just like to apologize for being so selfishly small and only seeing your situation from my perspective and how it might potentially affect me. I'm sorry.

I really do send encouragement. From the bottom of my heart. No matter how you have handled your taper/ discontinuation, I wish you didn't have to go through nastier stuff. I do believe it ends though and you have shown increments of improvement- maybe once it gets rolling, it goes....... akaenew

heyK · 11-17-2006, 04:13 PM

No worries, akaenew. I think it's natural to look at those further into the process than yourself and have an interest based on what that means for you. I know you're sincere in wishing me well, and I intend to keep everyone updated on any changes.

Lilly · 11-17-2006, 07:34 PM

Keith,

I like reading you see improvements no matter how small. I remember talking to you in the beginning and you were feeling hopeless. You are not and I and I can tell you see this too and that is a good thing. No one can guess how long there w/d will be, but accepting it might be long is good too. Just in case, you know!!!

Good for you for staying 1 year off. Heres to many more! You are going to make it!

Lilly

smhfly · 11-17-2006, 09:20 PM

im 2 years on the 25th im not healed i am much improved 85%
but not 100 % cant wait for that day it feels like its been a lifetime

elisa · 11-17-2006, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smhfly

im 2 years on the 25th im not healed i am much improved 85%
but not 100 % cant wait for that day it feels like its been a lifetime

You're ALMOST there smhfly!!

Yeah, the days feel like years when in withdrawal.

zappelina · 11-18-2006, 02:58 AM

Keith, you know I´m more than a year ahead of you, that I´ve had all of your symptoms and then some and still do but looking back I can clearly see that many of them have improved (at least on average) or dissapeared and what you must try to do is hang on to the improvements.

At 31 months my anxiety level is much lower than it was at one year off, the depersonalization is gone and hasn´t returned, the brain fog only returns occasionally and never lasts for more than a day now and I have no memory problems at all. And the other day I discovered that my level of creativity which used to be quite high before taking paxil and zoloft is now returning. You will get better Keith - I know you will.

scotty · 11-18-2006, 10:25 AM

Keith, one step at a time!! Any improvement is better that where you were a year ago. Patience, patience, patience!!! You're doing it!!!

altostrata · 11-18-2006, 12:03 PM

Keith, it's hard not to despair when we hit these milestones, I know I have.

I am as amazed as anyone that I've come around to near-normality now. I guess Scotty has seen people recover, bless her for her encouragement, but there were times I thought it wouldn't happen for me.

But recovery does come. At a year post-Paxil, I was incapacitated by fatigue but now I have more energy than ever (knock wood). Depersonalization miraculously lifted. The cognitive stuff got a lot better.

You're going to be fine, keep on telling yourself that. Take care of your health in general and heart in particular. Our systems want to be whole.

(And, oh yeah -- oldtimers, if you haven't posted your case profile in the RESEARCHERS topic, please do it!)

sheacarney · 11-18-2006, 12:39 PM

Hang in there Keith.......the tincture of time will make you better.

-Shea

heyK · 11-18-2006, 01:25 PM

Thanks everyone! You guys rock!

Light · 11-19-2006, 02:55 PM

Keith,

You've shown incredible strength to have gone through this twice... to have the patience that you have... to be able to frame the course of withdrawal realistically...to support others, and above all to keep persevering. Onward, onward, and then upward, my friend.

Yours in the fight,

11-17-2006, 11:49 AM	#1
heyK Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 418	One Year Off Update Seems like a lot of us went off the same time last year. I wish I could say I was better. I’m not. But I’ve accepted that this will be at least a two-year battle (although I still get very frustrated and lose hope often). Here’s a list of my major withdrawal symptoms, followed by “chronic” or “episodic” and percent change. For any doubters that protracted withdrawal happens, I just want to make it clear that except for some occasional depression and situational anxiety that manifested itself as a racing heart before a speech, etc., I never had any of the following symptoms prior to SSRI withdrawal. Extreme light sensitivity: chronic; 20% worse General fatigue: chronic; 15% better Clicking sensation and sound in my right ear (when I hear high-pitched noises): 20% worse Anxiety: higher general anxiety level is chronic, while the severe manifestations of it are episodic; 10% better Shortness of breath: chronic; 5% better Dizziness: episodic (levels of light affect this); 20% worse Balance problems: chronic; 10% worse Head pressure/lightheadedness: chronic; no change Visual lag (the sensation that my brain seems to lag behind my vision for a moment): episodic; 5% better Depersonalization/Dissociation: chronic with occasional respites and a lessening at night; 2% better Brain fog, lack of creativity and humor, difficulty concentrating: chronic, but much better at night; 10% better Memory problems: chronic with occasional respites; 5% better Racing thoughts, repetitive thoughts, disturbing thoughts: episodic; 5% better Insomnia: mostly chronic; 15% better Throat tightness (lump in throat sensation): episodic; 20% better I haven’t drunk any alcohol in nearly two years for two reasons: 1. It makes my withdrawal anxiety much worse. 2. I want to optimize my brain’s environment for healing. I’ve given up strenuous exercise like basketball because it makes my withdrawal symptoms worse. Instead, I walk every night. I’ve eliminated most major stressors from my life, although the littlest of things can become really stressful to me now. I eat smaller meals more frequently. I’ve cut down on sugar. I have no caffeine. I want to thank all of you who post here—especially the moderators and those who are further along in their recovery and still come back to encourage those of us still in hell. This website has been essential to me. I don’t know where I’d be if I had only doctors to rely on. I often think about that if it weren’t for doctors, I’d be a healthy person today; but because of them, I feel like I’m recovering from getting run over by a bus. Any encouragement is appreciated. Thanks. __________________ 1993 - end of 2001: Zoloft (75 mg) 2002 - 2003 (total of 11 months): Prozac + Buspar (to deal with the Zoloft withdrawal) Off all drugs for a year going through withdrawal with no letup in symptoms, so in 2004 I (regrettably) went back on Zoloft to try a slower taper. 11/19/05 - Finally off again.

11-17-2006, 11:53 AM	#2
LCrawford67 Moderator "Everybody poops" Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 26,493	Re: One Year Off Update Even though you may feel these are small improvments, they're improvments. Yep, it appears you might be in for a 2 year recovery, which seems very similar to LossLeader's fight with Zoloft w/d. Regardless, K...you're doing great! Keep the faith and you'll beat this thing before two years! __________________ aka LC aka Laurie C. Paxil, 20 mg since 1997, for IBS Two unsuccessful attempts to quit. Started tapering 11/27/06 PAXIL FREE 12/29/07 If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants. ~Kevin James

11-17-2006, 11:58 AM	#3
akaenew Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 501	Re: One Year Off Update heyK, I am here to encourage. but reading this does scare me a little from my own selfish little perspective. I want to be done with this. please post and let us know the increments of improvement during the next months. We can then keep encouraging. Go for it, heyK. don't settle. akaenew __________________ Akaenew Paxil since July, 1994 As much as 20mg daily 10mg daily for most of 12 years Alternated 5mg and 7.5mg daily ~ last 2 years 5mg daily June, July 2006 2.5 mg daily couple days end of July Last dose of paxil 7-31-06

11-17-2006, 12:43 PM	#4
rdjanis "has a lavender scented keyboard" Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Ontario Posts: 22,238	Re: One Year Off Update Keith, you have come a very long way, the first year is the roughest. Those that were on longer term take longer to heal, that does not mean you won't heal. You do all that is necessary to promote healing, and heal you will I can't wait to see a post from you saying how well you are doing. May not be something you imagine happening right now, but I 'know' that day will become a reality for you. I look forward to reading your posts to others and encouraging them... because you have reached the end of withdrawal. Take care of yourself! __________________ Rita

11-17-2006, 01:16 PM	#5
LossLeader Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: London Posts: 1,561	Re: One Year Off Update Keith, I'm better at being optimistic when it comes to other people, so here goes - What makes you think this will be 2 years? Seems a lot of people were in hell at 1 year off, but were very significantly better by 18 months. I'm trying to cling to that, so maybe you should keep it in mind. I don't know about you, but the idea of another 6 months of this is a LOT less scary than the idea of another whole year. Zoloft just seems to be a nasty drug in the sense that fewer people who stop taking it have serious withdrawal (compared to Paxil) - but when you do get a bad Zoloft withdrawal, it BITES. Obviously I sympathise. Equally obviously, I can't be as encouraging as I;d like, because I'm in exactly the same situation as you. But not only are you more than halfway through this misery (especially as you had a year of it before restarting), but it's not going to get worse from here. It may feel like it's getting worse, but look at your list up there - FAR more "better" than "worse". You're past the worst. From here, it's a question of that slow walk to freedom, and just how slow it might be. That's not perfect, but it's an awful lot better than what I know you've been through for the last 12 months. Good luck. Let's face it, we're all due some good luck. __________________ I see my light come shining, from the west down to the east Any day now, any day now, I shall be released

11-17-2006, 01:19 PM	#6
Hopeful Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 265	Re: One Year Off Update Keith as you know, I know how hard this is. Don't be discouraged by some of the symptoms getting worse. It seems to be par for the course for some of us in protracted w/d. There is no rhyme or reason to any of it. The fact that you are seeing some improvement is great news! Hang in there and thanks for posting your updates __________________ Paxil free 10/16/04 (tapered over 2.5 months) Severe withdrawal 12/04 started Lexapro (tapered over 4 months) Lexapro free 8/2/05 2 1/2 year severe protracted withdrawal Fully recovered

11-17-2006, 02:15 PM	#7
Katesmom Moderator Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 13,706	Re: One Year Off Update Keith- Go back and read some of Squirrel's posts from just a few months ago and then read her posts lately at 18 months. I believe that you will see lots of healing in the immediate months to come. __________________ Katesmom aka Kim started Paxil Oct. 2003 for PIH Paxil free since 19 Jul 2005 ". . .the cruelest lies are often told without a word. . .the kindest truths are often spoken, never heard." -- Ben Folds

11-17-2006, 03:33 PM	#8
elisa Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 11,509	Re: One Year Off Update Ketih, one thing that we learn while in protracted withdrawl is the need to have patience. You've come already so far along that the balance of withdrawal shouldn't be a major obstacle to your further healing and recovery. I'm sure that you will get much better.... in time. __________________ On A/D's since 1995, switching due to side-effects on 30 different brands of TCA's, SSRI's, SNRI's, Antipsychotics, Benzo's & Imovane. 6 ECT's. Tapering from 225 mg Effexor XR May 17, 2004. (Equiv. to 60 mg Paxil) Last taper Effexor XR Jan 17, 2006 down to ZERO. Currently protracted withdrawal. Sept 2006: 25 mg Doxepin. March 13/09: 10 mg Desipramine

11-17-2006, 03:44 PM	#9
heyK Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 418	Re: One Year Off Update Thanks everyone! Akaenew: Please keep in mind that I did a bunch of things wrong as you can see in my signature that have probably made this worse. I'm sure you won't be as slow in recovery as I am. __________________ 1993 - end of 2001: Zoloft (75 mg) 2002 - 2003 (total of 11 months): Prozac + Buspar (to deal with the Zoloft withdrawal) Off all drugs for a year going through withdrawal with no letup in symptoms, so in 2004 I (regrettably) went back on Zoloft to try a slower taper. 11/19/05 - Finally off again.

11-17-2006, 03:46 PM	#10
babs Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 4,942	Re: One Year Off Update Keith, I too was still feeling bad most of the time at a year off, but saw significant improvement starting around 16 months. I think there is still more improvement to come, but just getting rid of the relentless depression made everything else much more bearable. Hang in there, I know things will get better for you soon. __________________ Babs Paxil 20mg 1994-2005 2 failed attempts to quit Tapered Jan-April 2005 Paxil-free since May 1, 2005 "Glinda the Good Witch informed her that she had the power to go home all along; all she had to do was click her heels together. Why hadn't she told Dorothy that in the first place? Because, explains Glinda, she wouldn't have believed it, she had to learn it for herself."

11-17-2006, 04:13 PM	#12
heyK Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 418	Re: One Year Off Update No worries, akaenew. I think it's natural to look at those further into the process than yourself and have an interest based on what that means for you. I know you're sincere in wishing me well, and I intend to keep everyone updated on any changes. __________________ 1993 - end of 2001: Zoloft (75 mg) 2002 - 2003 (total of 11 months): Prozac + Buspar (to deal with the Zoloft withdrawal) Off all drugs for a year going through withdrawal with no letup in symptoms, so in 2004 I (regrettably) went back on Zoloft to try a slower taper. 11/19/05 - Finally off again.

11-17-2006, 07:34 PM	#13
Lilly Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Northwest Posts: 7,169	Re: One Year Off Update Keith, I like reading you see improvements no matter how small. I remember talking to you in the beginning and you were feeling hopeless. You are not and I and I can tell you see this too and that is a good thing. No one can guess how long there w/d will be, but accepting it might be long is good too. Just in case, you know!!! Good for you for staying 1 year off. Heres to many more! You are going to make it! Lilly __________________ 1 .5 Xanax a day for one month. C/T. Same year, 3 .5 mil Xanax a day, 4 by the end. Pooped out on me. 1 1/2 years on the drug. Doctors taper. Very bad w/d. 9 months later took 10 mg Paxil and my Xanax w/d dissapeared. On 20 mg by end. Pooped out on me. C/T then restarted it again after 3 days and big blow up. 6 months taper, never feeling much better. 2 1/2 years solid w/d then sporadic stuff for 5 years. Completely recovered! Drug free since June 2001.

11-17-2006, 09:20 PM	#14
smhfly Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 127	Re: One Year Off Update im 2 years on the 25th im not healed i am much improved 85% but not 100 % cant wait for that day it feels like its been a lifetime

11-18-2006, 02:58 AM	#16
zappelina Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Sweden Posts: 2,389	Re: One Year Off Update Keith, you know I´m more than a year ahead of you, that I´ve had all of your symptoms and then some and still do but looking back I can clearly see that many of them have improved (at least on average) or dissapeared and what you must try to do is hang on to the improvements. At 31 months my anxiety level is much lower than it was at one year off, the depersonalization is gone and hasn´t returned, the brain fog only returns occasionally and never lasts for more than a day now and I have no memory problems at all. And the other day I discovered that my level of creativity which used to be quite high before taking paxil and zoloft is now returning. You will get better Keith - I know you will. __________________ AD history: Celexa 20 mg 1997-98. Quit CT, no WD problems. Paxil/Seroxat 20 mg 2001-2003 then switched to 50 mg Zoloft without any WD problems after the switch. Zoloft later increased to 75 mg. 2004 tapered Zoloft too quickly after sudden onset of muscle stiffness and extreme restlessness on full dose. Severe and prolonged WD problem with a long list of symptoms. Considerable mental but very little physical improvement so far. Last Zoloft dose April 18 2004.

11-18-2006, 10:25 AM	#17
scotty Administrator & Advocate Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: new jersey Posts: 38,590	Re: One Year Off Update Keith, one step at a time!! Any improvement is better that where you were a year ago. Patience, patience, patience!!! You're doing it!!! __________________ AKA Laurie "If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." ~Frank A. Clark

11-18-2006, 12:03 PM	#18
altostrata Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 4,652	Re: One Year Off Update Keith, it's hard not to despair when we hit these milestones, I know I have. I am as amazed as anyone that I've come around to near-normality now. I guess Scotty has seen people recover, bless her for her encouragement, but there were times I thought it wouldn't happen for me. But recovery does come. At a year post-Paxil, I was incapacitated by fatigue but now I have more energy than ever (knock wood). Depersonalization miraculously lifted. The cognitive stuff got a lot better. You're going to be fine, keep on telling yourself that. Take care of your health in general and heart in particular. Our systems want to be whole. (And, oh yeah -- oldtimers, if you haven't posted your case profile in the RESEARCHERS topic, please do it!) __________________ '97-'99 Prozac 10mg, tapered, no problem '02-'04 Paxil 10mg, tapered 1mg/wk Oct '04 10/04-12/04 Hypomania, sweating, brain zaps 12/04-7/05 Insomnia, weepy, pseudo-anxiety, anorgasmia 1/05-1/06 Wellbutrin 100-250mg 9/05-4/06 Disabled -- fatigue 1/06-5/07 Vits C, D3, E, mag, zinc, fish oil, acupuncture, whey protein isolate, melatonin help 1/08-1/09 Disabled -- severe insomnia Recovering with aid of an extraordinary MD. See http://www.paxilprogress.org/forums/...?p=582889#post

11-18-2006, 12:39 PM	#19
sheacarney Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 1,773	Re: One Year Off Update Hang in there Keith.......the tincture of time will make you better. -Shea __________________ shea_alexander2000@hotmail.com Drug free since April 12th, 2005

11-18-2006, 01:25 PM	#20
heyK Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 418	Re: One Year Off Update Thanks everyone! You guys rock! __________________ 1993 - end of 2001: Zoloft (75 mg) 2002 - 2003 (total of 11 months): Prozac + Buspar (to deal with the Zoloft withdrawal) Off all drugs for a year going through withdrawal with no letup in symptoms, so in 2004 I (regrettably) went back on Zoloft to try a slower taper. 11/19/05 - Finally off again.

11-19-2006, 02:55 PM	#21
Light Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 2,271	Re: One Year Off Update Keith, You've shown incredible strength to have gone through this twice... to have the patience that you have... to be able to frame the course of withdrawal realistically...to support others, and above all to keep persevering. Onward, onward, and then upward, my friend. Yours in the fight, __________________ Drug-free since 4/9/05 If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off the bat. You see, "we build to that. " — Jack Handey

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