Two more lost days

[unaccepted]

Yesterday and today, two more lost days. Horrible dizziness and nausea, not to mention zaps. Couldn't leave the house at all yesterday. Today I left only to get my hair cut and to go to the chiropracter. I hate what this has done to my body and my mind, when I visit the chiropracter it sounds like a rice crispy convention.

I cry every day now, after not crying for at least 3 years, it makes me so sad that I missed out of life for so many years on Paxil. It makes me so mad that when I asked a pharmacist what would happen when I quit taking paxil, she said "probably nothing".

All I want to do is sleep because when I'm awake I'm dizzy and nauseaous no matter what I do.

I called my doctor today and told him that it's been 2 weeks w/o any pmeds, he was upset. Told me to start taking my regular dosage for at least 10 more days, then taper off 1/2 of total dosage every 10 days. So that means hopefully, I'll be off it in 30 days. (hopefully)

I cried full-heartedly in front of my husband for the first time ever yesterday, we've known each other 6 years.

I feel like my whole foundation for life has shattered. I blindly believed the medical companies and doctors for such a long time, but looking back at it more clearly now, I think that Paxil did more harm than good. I think it increased my suicidal thoughts dramatically. I thought about killing myself nearly everyday for 9 years. I thought it was depression, now I don't think so. I think I had situational depression, and it was treated for at least 5 years too long.

Maybe it wasn't even situational depression, maybe it was a "fight or flight" response dealing with abuse. I hate the world, I hate what's happened to me for so long. I hate that I haven't had any sexual appetite for most of my marriage.

For the first time in my life, I'm starting to find out how normal I really am. I'm beginning to believe that I'm NOT crazy.

[summer bee]

Originally Posted by unaccepted

I hate what this has done to my body and my mind, when I visit the chiropracter it sounds like a rice crispy convention.

it makes me very happy that you seem to have a sense of humor nonetheless, as demonstrated by the above comment and sharing the "paxilback" video

did you quit cold turkey? i'm sorry if you mentioned it before; please remind me! cold turkey really hell...but your doctor's suggestion isn't the greatest, either. dropping at a 50% rate is still pretty hellish for the body & mind.

[unaccepted]

yes, cold turkey, it was really hard. I couldn't have imagined it would be so hard or that it would last so long (I thought for sure the whole incident of quitting wouldn't take more than a week or so).

I'll just have to try what he told me, if it gets to be too much, I'll request a script for liquid paxil.

Ironically, I feel like I'm living the "paxilback" video, being off it for 2 weeks

[Llewdrac]

Originally Posted by unaccepted

I'll just have to try what he told me

Hey Unaccepted! I'm so sorry you're going through this hell. Many, many, many of us have had this experience too, and can empathize.

Now, for one second, I'd like you to stop and think. Well, first, I'd like for you to call your doctor, and ask him if he's ever personally tapered off of Paxil. If so, then he is qualified to give advice on how to do it.

If he has not, however, I'd like you to ask yourself, 'why am I listening to the advice of the doctor, who has no personal experience with this, and ignoring the advice of people who've been through it, and know what its like?'

Doctors get their information on how to come off these drug from pharmaceutical reps and from official information produced by the drug companies.

We get our information through our lives, lived. We get it from the pain and suffering and learning that we have to do in order to survive Paxil withdrawal.

While doctors and drug companies motivation is a conversation for another day, what's important to understand is that they have motives in addition to your welfare. Sometimes, these additional motives are in conflict with what's in your best interests.

Our motives here, while extending to education of the medical community and holding drug companies accountable, are primarily to share our experience, strength and hope in coming off of these drugs as safely and as gently as possible. Additionally, we offer a safe and nurturing environment to share what we're going through.

I hope this makes it a little clearer as to who's advice will be most useful in getting off this drug as safely and painlessly as possible.

As for the actual taper, there is a lot of good information here, if you look and keep an open mind. In a nutshell, no more than 10% of current dose at a time, and listen to your body for when its appropriate to make the next drop. There are a lot more details, but if they haven't already been posted, they're available with a simple question.

Thanks, and very best of luck!

[Homerbcool]

Unaccepted..well. your screenname alone seems to scream volumes ...DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR DOCTOR..wow, bet you would never here that..but they, as Llewd says, have no effing clue about the drug, its potential for disaster and how to get off of this "oh so non addictive drug"..yeah non addicitive is like saying Iraq is the next hot vacation spot....

How long have you been off of the drug..i read you journal...in it you state that going cold turkey is the way you have to do it...WHY? Cold Turkey is what could lead to much much more pain and suffering...why put yuorself thruogh that??

Why were you put on paxehll...I did not see anything in yuor journal about therapy..did you get therapy..you will need coping skills to live med free..dont go into this thinking that hey once off paxhell everything is going to be peachy keen...cause it aint..sorry, the paxhell just masked or disconnecte dus from our true emotions and feelings..like yours at your wedding...

So, please heed the real world advice here..not some advice from a docotr who ahs his head in the sand...i was going to be ruder but thought better....

[Amaya's Nana]

Unaccepted -- I just read your journal. Are you currently taking Lexapro and quit that cold turkey or did you quit Paxil cold turkey? I'm a little confused (which doesn't say much, really).

You cannot quit these medicines cold turkey after 9 years' use. That's how long I took Paxil and I tried CT last October and it was truly the ride from hell. Weaning and withdrawal hasn't been a carnival ride either but its definitely not cold turkey.

If you are still on Lexapro, you can get the liquid form of Lexapro and wean from there. One of our moderators, Scott, weaned off of Lexapro and may be able to add some insight to help you get off safely and without too much discomfort.

One thing I will say about relationships during withdrawal from an SSRI is that many of them just don't survive it. I'm not trying to be scary or negative, but getting off this poison is incredibly difficult and if you don't have an understanding partner, the relationship is really going to suffer. Please direct your husband to this website so that he can educate himself about what you're going through. Nothing is worse than living discontinuation syndrome and losing your relationship because of it. And, I speak from experience.

Post here often and ask a lot of questions. We're here to help you in any way we can.