Having a hard time today

[Kristin]

I think I just need my schedule back!! But I also know my life needs a lot of work and it seems insurmountable. I went out with hubby for a drink last evening and the conversation filtered down to me explaining how lonesome I am in the marriage. ( We practically never talk about real stuff.)Then he reviewed how hard it's been for us from post-partum depression through W/D, 7 years now. It was sad.

I had to twist his arm to go out for one hour. He's so busy he can't seem to make time for me. Cleaning the house seems more important than me. Though he would go to the ends of the earth to spend time with our 17 yr old daughter. In fact, they now volunteer at the animal rescue league every Sat. They shop all the time and cook together. It's very unbalanced.

Anyway, I've slipped twice today and told him to "Shut-up" in front of the kids. He's instructed me not to talk to him today.This is just not the way it is at our house. He's cleaning like a maniac which makes me feel like I should be too. Man, he can start and finish a project in an hour. That is fascinating to me.

Someone on here suggested a book (Thank you!!) called 'Organizing For the Creative Person' and what I have read is very eye-opening and I understand now why so many things are hard for me. It looks like I'll have to use a systematic approach to function successfully in my life. When I walk through the house all I see is unfinished projects, repairs and decorating and organizing that need to be done. I'm looking forward to starting in with a plan as soon as everybody goes back to work and school. I think the book will help me. Though I'm so unfocused. I have hope though. I'll try to go choose one thing to focus on. Thanks for listening.

[rdjanis]

Give yourself a break... the focus will come naturally once the healing takes place. Until then, one dayat a time. I wish relief for you in the new year.

[Charlie]

Kristin
Sorry to hear you're down today. With each passing day things will improve just a bit. It may not be noticable but one day you'll look around and say WOW, I feel good, I have recovered!

As bad as my work schedule is going to be next year I need the daily routine to focus. When I have to much spare time my mind wanders to much and it isn't healthy for me.

Be kind to yourself and I would suggest when picking a project you're going to finish pick small ones at first and work your way up to digging a swimming pool by hand.

[ducktail]

You're doing ok Kristin. Ditto to what the others said.

I have tried in the last year or so of w/d to have this attitude that I will do small amounts when I can. I call this "chipping away". This applies for me even in relationships. When I look back at how all the little things add up to bigger things over time, it gives me a sense of accomplishment, even though I have had many bad times in the past year.

It's hard to accept our limitations, isn't it? Especially when others around us can seem to accomplish so much more. It's difficult, but very important not to compare ourselves to others. Just look at yourself and note the improvements you've made, be logical and allow for times when you feel weaker. None of us are perfect!! Far from it.

Take care Kristin

Kelli

[Katesmom]

Kristin-

I'm so sorry, sweetie. This stuff is so tough on a marriage. It makes it so assymetrical when one person is feeling badly for so very long. Try to maintain for right now. You will get to a point when you can catch up. It is a good sign that you care enough to research different ways to approach your mental and physical chaos. That's the first step. Take it one step at a time.

[Kristin]

Thank you all. I went for a long walk. It felt good but now I feel depression drifting in. i appreciate your encouragement. I wish my husband would go to therapy with me.

[rdjanis]

It would be great if he would.
keep letting him know how much it would help you.

[Samalabear]

Originally Posted by Kristin

Thank you all. I went for a long walk. It felt good but now I feel depression drifting in. i appreciate your encouragement. I wish my husband would go to therapy with me.

I understand, Kristin. I have no support system -- no family who supports me, no partner, no friends, and my 22-year-old son, as I've written here, is at this point almost a full-blown alcoholic. I might be going for an order of protection this week against him. PaxilSupport is pretty much my only support system -- oh, and my cats.

[mstimc]

Kristin--
Ditto what Rita said--ease up on yourself. I berate myself all the time for the stuff I haven't done. But that's in the past. You're doing the best you can, and battling w/d and anxiety/depression is a full-time job in itself! I'm looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow, too--I need the structure!

[Kristin]

Originally Posted by Samalabear

I understand, Kristin. I have no support system -- no family who supports me, no partner, no friends, and my 22-year-old son, as I've written here, is at this point almost a full-blown alcoholic. I might be going for an order of protection this week against him. PaxilSupport is pretty much my only support system -- oh, and my cats.

I'm sorry... that sounds incredibly hard. My husband is a good guy and is often supportive. He just sees it from his side and it hasn't been easy.

[Kristin]

Originally Posted by mstimc

Kristin--
Ditto what Rita said--ease up on yourself. I berate myself all the time for the stuff I haven't done. But that's in the past. You're doing the best you can, and battling w/d and anxiety/depression is a full-time job in itself! I'm looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow, too--I need the structure!

You know, that's half the problem, expecting more from myself than I'm capable. Even in the best of times I always think I can push myself further than is comfortable and then I'm wacky, just like that. and I do it over and over again. It's that fine line between stretching yourself and having goals and knowing your limits.