Reintegration into your family

[Kristin]

Any thoughts on this? Did you have to work on it? Did it come naturally? Any suggestions?

Obviously I am feeling on the outside. Over the years they have made so many routines and rituals without me because...I guess i wasn't interested or didn't have the energy.

[rdjanis]

Show your interest, participate in stuff... soon you will be asking for a break lol

[mstimc]

I agree with Rita. We have had some pretty volatile family relationships over the years, but family is always family. If you express the interest, I'd be willing to bet they'd welcome you back!

[jenS]

ME! ME! ME!

When I finally dumped paxil my kids didn't know who I was. My therapist told me it would take MONTHS to get me back into the flow. it was not without hard times, screaming matches and tears.

She also said some of the "problems" like the kids not wanting me to go with them when they did family things would disappear as I made an effort to come into the family again. She did warn me that they would be very protective of dad and I would be like an outsider.

She told me to work on coming back into the family and mending the relationships instead of focusing on the little problems. I had to have a "date" every weekend with my daughter for months before she trusted me again. My son was a little easier since he is four. My husband was difficult too because he had to learn to trust me for himself and for the kids. He didnt know what I was going to do next.

But yes, the reintegration was difficult. We worked very hard at it. My therapist was dead-on with her diagnosis and her suggestions worked. It's almost a year later and I can honestly say I have a great relationship with my 9 year old daughter. We have great times together, which I will sadly admit we had a volatile relationship and did not like each other. I am pretty sure she hated me.

Work through the integration with a therapist if you can. And its even better if each member of the family gets a chance to talk with the therapist for a better understanding.

[nicemom]

Baby steps,,, an open heart and smile on your face is all it takes to get things rolling! Enjoy all the hugs, I bet they have miss you more!

[Kristin]

Thank you all for your support. It's such an awkward place to be in- right here in the same house and yet just following the program that hubby and teenager have set in place. They pick all the TV shows and movies, plan and make holiday dinners and do a lot of fun stuff on the few nights when i work. I'm working up to having us all sit down at the table for dinner together- one time. OK...small steps. Thanks again.

[jenS]

Originally Posted by Kristin

They pick all the TV shows and movies, plan and make holiday dinners and do a lot of fun stuff on the few nights when i work. I'm working up to having us all sit down at the table for dinner together- one time. OK...small steps. Thanks again.

Kristin, I know how you feel. All the decisions are made without you. They are a functioning unit all by themselves. it will take time and repetition for them to trust you again and that you are ready to be a part of the family. I remember my husband time and time again asking my daughter where we should go out for dinner. Never even thinking twice about consulting me. I was out of the picture and was never a consideration for decision making. Your husband and daughter are scared too. They don't know this new person and they have to adjust their lives into letting you back in. It comes in small bits but it will come. It might take a year or two. Took us almost a year. It does happen slowly and sometimes for a step forward you'll take two back. That's okay. Every little bit is progress.