Question about dealing with hard weans

[rtenten]

I just wanted to know some people's experiences. I've found since being 15 and lower it's been harder emotionally...and since going under 10 it's been 10x as hard. When I dropped to 7 I was scared because 8 was soooo hard. Anyway, it's been a disaster. All I think about is suicide. If I didn't have a child I think I'd be dead already. I don't want to ruin his life. So this feeling reminded me of when I tried to go cold turkey. It was that intense. So today I took 10mg, and I'm going to try to stablize.

I just want to know how you deal with how f'ing slow it is. I have been doing 1 mg a month and I had another 8 months ahead of me and now I have to back up and go even slower and it seems too overwhelming. And I know I'm in the middle of the "depression" when I'm feeling like this, but it is so hard. That's what I don't know how to handle. Logically I was doing it right. I was going slower than anyone I've noticed on this board. Maybe I just get effected more? And then it feels situational, but it's like the chicken or the egg. Am I feeling messed up, are my relationships in turmoil because of the wean, or is the wean hard because of that. I don't know!!! I don't know.

I just want to know how people deal with that? Have you dealt with that. I'm trying not to feel bad about going back up to 10 but dammit I was down to 7 and I wanted to be there. And was I going too far ahead because at 9 I felt great, should I have gone to 9? I just didn't want to think about it for a little bit. I'm just tired.

[LCrawford67]

The lower doses are notoriously harder and for some, it's worse than for others. Are you taking supplements? For your depression, you should be taking a fair amount of Omega 3 fish oil. It'll really help you with the depression. I see you do Yoga and it helps, so definitely keep that up.

Don't beat yourself up for going back to 10 mgs. You have to do what's best and most comfortable for you. Get yourself stable and worry about tapering after you feel better. Feeling better is the most important thing right now.

[rtenten]

Originally Posted by LCrawford67

Are you taking supplements?

I am the queen of supplements. This is everything I take between my PCOS and the weaning:

Saw Palmetto extract (320 mg)
Green Tea extract (315 mg)
Lysine (500 mg)
Fish Oil (2000 mg)
Magnesium (500 mg)
Vitamin D (1000 IU)
Multivitamin

Paxil
Metformin (1000 mg)
THE pill

I just stopped taking Vitamin A&D also, and lisinopril, and I was up to 2000 mg metformin but I stopped that today because I was getting so sick from it, so I'm going to up it more slowly.

Yoga is wonderful, but these past 2 weeks I could barely get out of bed so instead of doing it 3 days a week I did it 1. Which makes me feel bad, which makes me want to get back in bed!! And of course not being able to eat doesn't help. It just sucks!

[Katesmom]

I'm torn about what advice to give you. I think that if you have been going on a hard and fast schedule about tapering every four weeks, that has probably been a mistake. I didn't even go that fast with my beta blocker. I know that some people can go that fast, but listening to YOUR body is the key here.

You might benefit a lot from taking a significant tapering break, where tapering isn't part of your life for six months or so and you can really get a foothold on your emotional state and have a reasonably normal life. If that sounds like a relief, then do it. If it feels like failure, just think about it. If it sounds unbearable, then you may have to take another tact. But, if you are feeling suicidal, then I would recommend you consider giving yourself a break from all of this and just live your life for a little while.

[scotty]

I'm with Kim on this one. Take a break. Go back up to 8 and stay there for a few months. No hurry in weaning. Getting there safely is the key!

[rtenten]

Originally Posted by Katesmom

I think that if you have been going on a hard and fast schedule about tapering every four weeks, that has probably been a mistake.

What you said is actually what I've been thinking, but that's scary. I haven't been on a hard and fast taper. Basically what would happen is I would wean, for a week I'd be fine, the side effects would kick in for about a week, and then I'd take an extra 2 weeks to feel good and be sure I was ready. Since I've gotten under 10 it's gone a little differently. The side effects would kick in after 3ish days, it would be hard hard hard...and I've been so f'ed up from it I've waited 3 week, or 4 this last one.

[Katesmom]

Well, yeah. It's harder the lower that you go. Just because one taper takes 2 weeks doesn't mean that the next won't take six weeks. You have to take as long as it takes. I think that if you get to the 10 week mark with no stablization, then you have to look at poop out at that dose. I don't think you are anywhere near that right now. That's okay. Be at ten. Just 'be' there. Let yourself get okay and set, even if it takes eight weeks. It may take longer since you went down, then up again. Then, you try again. You've learned something that you can take with you and make it better next time.

[rtenten]

Originally Posted by Katesmom

You've learned something that you can take with you and make it better next time.

Thank you, that definitely makes me feel better. That's how I felt a year ago when I tried to go cold turkey. It was horrible, but it led to me learning more about Paxil and learning a better way to go about getting it out of my body. It's surreal almost. It's like when I feel this way I know that going back to 10 is okay, and not that bad, and it will help, and I will feel better. But there's always that part of me that makes me feel like the Paxil is winning, even though logically I know it isn't, and I'll just stabalize and wean slower and do better next time.

[scotty]

Ah, nothing in weaning is carved in stone.

[Katesmom]

Nah, your winning. You are winning the smart way. No phyrrhic victories here; we will NOT go down with the paxil!

[Kristin]

I want to make sure you know about fish oil. I think they are all 1000mg of oil but the key ingredient for mood is the EPA. It should be listed on the bottle. You need to take 1000 EPA per day for depression. That often means 6 gelcaps per day. I just found the Country Life Mood brand that is 1000EPA in 2 tabs, makes it a little easier.

I had to go back up during my wean at 4 mg. It was disapointing but I finally made it. I feel for you, having a child to care for through this is hard. Hang in there, you'll make it.

[daytona]

i am at a similiar point at 5mg down from 20 with no problems until now. it is a vicious cycle but i am really getting inspiration from others who have done it and been through this crap. spring coming and longer days will help me and i plan on using the time change to my benefit.

i also like the taper schedule file posted on the site. i know part of my problem was not having a steady reduction in my dose.

[rtenten]

Originally Posted by daytona

i know part of my problem was not having a steady reduction in my dose.

Hrm, can you explain what you mean by this? Do you mean you found it easier to do it on a set schedule instead of when you thought your side effects were over?

So today the only person I'd been talking to about this called me a pathetic disgusting coward, and I still feel better than yesterday. Which also tells me that it was the Paxil making me feel that way, and now that I'm back up to 10 I'm thinking a little straighter. Not that that is how I wanted to find out but hey.

[rtenten]

Originally Posted by Kristin

I want to make sure you know about fish oil. I think they are all 1000mg of oil but the key ingredient for mood is the EPA. It should be listed on the bottle. You need to take 1000 EPA per day for depression. That often means 6 gelcaps per day. I just found the Country Life Mood brand that is 1000EPA in 2 tabs, makes it a little easier.

I had to go back up during my wean at 4 mg. It was disapointing but I finally made it. I feel for you, having a child to care for through this is hard. Hang in there, you'll make it.

Hrm, I hadn't heard of that. Mine has 180 EPA so I guess I've been taking 360...although I actually only doubled my dosage recently.

[scotty]

Originally Posted by rtenten

So today the only person I'd been talking to about this called me a pathetic disgusting coward

That person is what I call a "toxic personality". For ANYONE to say that to you, regardless of what you are going through, is wrong, plain wrong!

[nicemom]

No doubt about it, for some people it is necessary to have very long breaks between tapers. Nothing wrong with waiting several months in between when necessary, especially at the lower doses . In between you really need to practice coping skills, fill yourself with positive. I highly recommend Panic to Power by Lucinda Bassett. You can get it at the library or even used online.