Very Rough Spot

[markgerard]

Hello everyone,

I've hit a real rough spot - I'm at day 15 of 6.5mg of Paxil and yesterday and today have been absolute hell. I'm feeling sick, weak, as anxious as can be and so worried and depressed that I think if I would have had a gun today, this message wouldn't have been posted. I was in tears for a good 2 hours today, praying as hard as I could - literally sobbing while I was at it.

My BFS is really acting up - twitching all over the place and last night, my right jaw was twitching so hard that I could actually hear it up against my pillow (strangely - my jaws haven't hurt for a few days now - it was just the twitching that was so annoying and freaky). It scared the living daylights out of me and ruined my whole sleep.

I think the derealization really hit me hard yesterday (if that is the correct term). Like nothing around me really exists and like I wanted to just run away - or to back into my body somewhere where I could find it to be normal.

I'm really beginning to wonder if I can make it through this - if life will ever be the same. So I wanted to ask those of you who can - to just say a little prayer for me tonight or to send some energy this way - I'm in dire straits today and could really use the help.

Thanks and God Bless, Mark

[LCrawford67]

Mark, if you've done well, up until this point, I don't know that it's the 6.5 that's doing this to you.

If your BFS has been acting up, that could be the cause of your anxiety. As hard as it is, we have to realize what is actually the w/d and what is maybe something else.

Because you've done fine, up until yesterday and today, that leads me to believe there's something else that caused this flare up.

[nicemom]

If you feel like you need to then go back up. Although I did not taper, I do find that just when I feel like I can't take it any longer things get better the next day. (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
The derealization is very disturbing I know. I had someone tell me once that when that happens, go outside and stand with your back up against a tree. Feel the tree on your back and listen to the sounds outside, take some deep breaths. It can help you reconnect.
Hope your feeling better soon Mark!

[Light]

Mark,

It's not unusual for symptoms to get more severe as you get to the lower doses or to have have a delayed reaction to a reduction. You've also experienced recent stressors... You've got a lot on your plate right now and it's understandable and quite human of you to hit a low point given all that you are facing. Derealization can be hell but I also think it's one of the symptoms that most reliably improves so try to keep your hope up.

Maybe staying at the current dose for a longer period of time than planned and making a smaller reduction next time will be helpful. Fish oil can be really helpful for some but I am guessing that you are either on it or that you've already tried it.

Hang tough, Mark. You are in my thoughts and I will say a prayer for you.

[TryingtoGetWell]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, Mark. I had a bad day myself today, discouraging, but when I read your post I remember how that was worse.

The reason I'm mentioning that is that the derealization does go away, and it's a withdrawal symptom and not your reality. It's a horrible feeling, but you won't stay like this.

You will be in my thoughts and my prayers. And if it helps, log on and rant -- we all need that sometimes. We do understand, and we care.

[markgerard]

Originally Posted by LCrawford67

Mark, if you've done well, up until this point, I don't know that it's the 6.5 that's doing this to you.

If your BFS has been acting up, that could be the cause of your anxiety. As hard as it is, we have to realize what is actually the w/d and what is maybe something else.

Because you've done fine, up until yesterday and today, that leads me to believe there's something else that caused this flare up.

Thanks Laurie - it's so hard to say. The BFS really gets me wound up and I have just been twitching everywhere lately and what happens is that it gets my anxiety level high which in turn, works against the Paxil w/d - the vicious circle effect. I just felt horrible these past few days - really sick and weak today and yesterday, maybe this is the Paxil flu which I don't think I've had yet (I could have thrown up today around suppertime).

Thanks for your reply,
God Bless, Mark

[markgerard]

Originally Posted by nicemom

If you feel like you need to then go back up. Although I did not taper, I do find that just when I feel like I can't take it any longer things get better the next day. (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
The derealization is very disturbing I know. I had someone tell me once that when that happens, go outside and stand with your back up against a tree. Feel the tree on your back and listen to the sounds outside, take some deep breaths. It can help you reconnect.
Hope your feeling better soon Mark!

Thanks so much, Diane - there's no way I'm going to go back up. I've done that too many times in the past and there's no turning back this time. I will try standing with my back up against a tree, sounds like a good idea.

Thanks for the well wishes,
God Bless, Mark

[markgerard]

Originally Posted by Light

Mark,

It's not unusual for symptoms to get more severe as you get to the lower doses or to have have a delayed reaction to a reduction. You've also experienced recent stressors... You've got a lot on your plate right now and it's understandable and quite human of you to hit a low point given all that you are facing. Derealization can be hell but I also think it's one of the symptoms that most reliably improves so try to keep your hope up.

Maybe staying at the current dose for a longer period of time than planned and making a smaller reduction next time will be helpful. Fish oil can be really helpful for some but I am guessing that you are either on it or that you've already tried it.

Hang tough, Mark. You are in my thoughts and I will say a prayer for you.

Thanks so much for your reply and letting me know about the delayed reaction to a reduction - I think that's what is happening. I will keep my hope up and I think I may be staying at this dosage for a good 6 weeks instead of the planned 4. It's one day at time, really - no matter which way you look at it.

Thank you for your prayers - that means a lot to me,
God Bless, Mark

[markgerard]

Originally Posted by TryingtoGetWell

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, Mark. I had a bad day myself today, discouraging, but when I read your post I remember how that was worse.

The reason I'm mentioning that is that the derealization does go away, and it's a withdrawal symptom and not your reality. It's a horrible feeling, but you won't stay like this.

You will be in my thoughts and my prayers. And if it helps, log on and rant -- we all need that sometimes. We do understand, and we care.

Thanks so much - I know the derealization goes away, it has been a horrible feeling and it is hard sometimes to understand it is not quite our reality. How the mind plays tricks on us during w/d.

Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers - I really appreciate it.

God Bless, Mark

[Boots]

Originally Posted by markgerard

Thanks so much, Diane - there's no way I'm going to go back up. I've done that too many times in the past and there's no turning back this time. I will try standing with my back up against a tree, sounds like a good idea.

Thanks for the well wishes,
God Bless, Mark

My prayers are with you Mark. I am going through a rough spot myself being off paxil and prozac for over 9 months . I wish you all the best in your struggle to be free of this demon drug.
Boots

[markgerard]

Thank you for your prayers, Boots - and I wish you well in the rough spot you're going through, too.
God Bless, Mark

[rdjanis]

Originally Posted by markgerard

The BFS really gets me wound up and I have just been twitching everywhere lately and what happens is that it gets my anxiety level high which in turn, works against the Paxil w/d - the vicious circle effect.

I understand what you are saying, you realize the anxiety it is causing you, but also realize everything you feel is magnified in withdrawal.

When the twitching is bad it wears one out both emotionally and physically. Even if it is only for 15 minutes, mid day sit somewhere comfortable, quiet, and just breathe. Resting helps a great deal with BFS.

You are in the lower doses of withdrawal, you are doing great, hang in there markgerard!

[Homerbcool]

Mark..keep the faith, this shall be done..move forward slowly, lean on us and your fatih, remember god would not give you more then you can handle and looks like, although tough times are present, but it looks like you are handling it magnificently...keep the faith.

[Fleet86]

Originally Posted by markgerard

Hello everyone,

I've hit a real rough spot - I'm at day 15 of 6.5mg of Paxil and yesterday and today have been absolute hell. I'm feeling sick, weak, as anxious as can be and so worried and depressed that I think if I would have had a gun today, this message wouldn't have been posted. I was in tears for a good 2 hours today, praying as hard as I could - literally sobbing while I was at it.

My BFS is really acting up - twitching all over the place and last night, my right jaw was twitching so hard that I could actually hear it up against my pillow (strangely - my jaws haven't hurt for a few days now - it was just the twitching that was so annoying and freaky). It scared the living daylights out of me and ruined my whole sleep.

I think the derealization really hit me hard yesterday (if that is the correct term). Like nothing around me really exists and like I wanted to just run away - or to back into my body somewhere where I could find it to be normal.

I'm really beginning to wonder if I can make it through this - if life will ever be the same. So I wanted to ask those of you who can - to just say a little prayer for me tonight or to send some energy this way - I'm in dire straits today and could really use the help.

Thanks and God Bless, Mark

Oh Mark,

I send you a (((HUG))) and prayers. I have also PM'd you.

Hold on tight my friend, we all need you.

nicci x

[Buxy`s Back]

thinking of you,i agree with Mike that things get tougher on the lower doses,keep reminding yourself this is normal and it will pass,big hugs

[tybr61]

Mark

The derealization is tough. I know it's hard right now. I was right there a year ago. Today I am SO much better it's unbelievable. Hang onto the thought that there is a light at the end of this. Many of us here are proof of that. If you search my posts for June and July of last year you will see how horrible I was at that time.

Just keep coming here for your support and it will help.

[babs]

Mark, I know just how you feel ... there were many times that I felt like I didn't want to go on and could see no hope. Please believe me when I tell you, there IS hope and you WILL get better. The hopelessness and despair are part of the withdrawal syndrome, so don't be fooled by them. I never thought I'd survive and at 2 years off I feel nearly fully recovered. I feel for you but I know you will get through this as I did. ((HUGS))

[Casey1231]

Hi Mark,

I definitely think it is the drop, I am going through a very similar time. I have been at 6.4mg for almost a month, and the last several weeks have been very, very difficult. The last day or so I feel I am hopefully turning the corner. Stay there until you feel better, and you will.

[markgerard]

Thanks so much, everyone, for your replies and PM's and for the reassurance. I am doing my best to hold on. I feel a little better today but still far from where I want to be - where I wish I could be. I will keep leaning on you all for your help and I thank you for your prayers. My faith is strong and it's all I've got to hold on to besides this forum right now.
God Bless, Mark

[Amaya's Nana]

Originally Posted by markgerard

I will keep leaning on you all for your help and I thank you for your prayers.

That's what we're here for, Mark! You're gonna make it

[LCrawford67]

Originally Posted by markgerard

Thanks so much, everyone, for your replies and PM's and for the reassurance. I am doing my best to hold on. I feel a little better today but still far from where I want to be - where I wish I could be. I will keep leaning on you all for your help and I thank you for your prayers. My faith is strong and it's all I've got to hold on to besides this forum right now.
God Bless, Mark

Each day will get a little better. You hit a rough patch and that's all it was. I didn't realize you were under a lot of other stressors, which, with the BFS and the taper, can knock you for a loop.

One day at a time, my friend. And, tomorrow will be better than today!

[scotia21]

Mark - I will pray really hard for you. I know exactly what you are going through. My tapering was not that bad until I hit 5mg. Then all hell broke loose. Hang in there - it does get better. Try to eat more fruits and veggies - it seemed to help me. I also went on slow walks and took warm bubble baths.

[markgerard]

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts and prayers - for some reason, I didn't get an e-mail notification for the new postings in this thread. I just happened to catch them now. I'm still trying hard and praying hard. It's tough and I sure appreciate all your support. This drop to 6.5 has been difficult in the past week and I am doing all I can to think positive.

You are a wonderful bunch of people - I say a prayer for the whole forum every night now and special prayers are said for those who are in desperate need (just like I was in desperate need of support when I posted this a few days ago). I don't answer a lot of postings lately - from time to time I do if I feel I can offer help, but I do read through as many as I can.

God Bless, Mark

[Kristin]

Mark, I'm coming in late, but still going to send out some healing energy your way and a prayer. Those low doses were very hard for me. Each day you march forward is one day closer to healing completely. Take care.

[markgerard]

Thanks Kristin - all the healing energy and prayers are so much appreciated. Thank you so much, I am so worried about this and it's hard to keep the tears back at a time like this. It's a real struggle.
God Bless, Mark