too many drugs, feel like I will die early

[Out of Order]

Hello. I am a forty +something woman who has given up. I feel helpless, hopeless, too many drugs are in my system and I don't have the desire to try anymore. I'm just so, so tired. I've taken a cocktail of drugs since I was 28 and they just switch me over to other drugs. I'm on 30 mgs of ambien, 4 mg of clonazepam, 300 mg of trazadone, 800 mg of seroqel, and 900mg of neurontin daily. I take it all at night so I can sleep and not be so depressed the next day. I have a huge sleep phobia along with many other problems. I bet I take the cake when it comes to the person who takes the most drugs. I can metabolize that amount because I've built up a tolerance and I have aspergers syndrome where I can take more, my liver can metabolize them. It's a love /hate relationship. They keep me going but in the end I know they are going to kill me. I've tried so many times to quit and I'm just too overwhelmed with life right now. my liver for some reason is doing just fine but there are so m any other systems that can shut down. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist. Whenever I go off one of the drugs I become extremely suicidal. I have almost crossed the line so many times I can't remember. It'a a wonder I am still alive. Anyway I wrote this as a testimomy to what these kind of drugs can do to you. I'm so angry at the big Pharma, but they aren't the only greedy people out there. What about the insurance companies, or the auto industry.? I'm not sure why I wrote this. Maybe to save another soul from getting too deep into these drugs. L.

[mapleleafgirl25]

i just wanted to give you a big "HUG"...i have only taken paxil..and am now off 7.5 months..but i know someone will come along who has more experince with the drugs you are talking about..as i have only heard of a couple of them..just hang in there!!..dont give up!!..there is HOPE!! and lots of it!!!..please dont give up!!..we are all here to support you and help you!

big hugs,

Michele

[angels]

You wrote this because you know deep down there is hope for you. Anyone would be sucidal trying to come off of these drugs in the way I am sure they guided. Aspergers is not a sentence to drugs that you can't live with or without. I really believe that there is a way to live by other means. But that's not the view of our health care system. This mixture of drugs would be impossible for anyone. You have it in you to get off of them even though it will be the hardest thing you've ever done.

I sure do feel for you. At my highest, and after YEARS of being misdiagnosed with anxiety as I was ripped off and put on these drugs since 1996, I was c/t'd off 1.5 mgs of klonopin (clonazepam) and put on 150 mgs of seroquel, 2400 mgs of neurotin, 60 mgs of inderal, and 40 mgs of lexapro (80 mgs of paxil equivalent). I'm down to the last half of the last drug, and I started coming off these horrid drugs in a klonopin c/t, then I went too quickly with the other drugs. you are starting at a much more stable place than i did.

I would listen to this group to help you come off the a/d's. They recommend cutting no more than 10% every 3-6 weeks, or as your body tolerates. The focus of this group is to listen to your body. I would start with the seroquel, just b/c of the problems seroquel can cause in the long-term. i think 10% every month or so is a good guideline for the other drugs as well. yahoo benzo forum can help you the best with coming off the clonazepam. if i had to do it over again, i would water titrate the clonazepam (disolving the pill in water and removing as small amount as tolerated...again no more than 10% per month).

As for the Asperger's, I feel for you there. i am speech therapist and worked with several clients with Asperger's. A speech therapist and now brain researcher, Dr. Caroline Leaf from South Africa, has a book called 'Who Switched off My Brain?" The information in there is wonderful and would pertain to helping people with Asperger's. Her therapy techniques are proven to change brain structure and neurochemistry, and calm down an overactive and rigid nervous system as in Asperger's. Drugs are not the answer, just a band-aid that will make things worse down the road. When i was working they were giving these drugs to kids with autism at 3 years of age. Those poor developing brains, that were having difficulty developing anyway.

How long have you been on all of these drugs?

Emmy

[babs]

I hope you know it is not your fault that you ended up on so many meds. Most of us blindly did what our doctors said because we trusted them and thought we were broken. Most of the world is conditioned to believe that all problems can be solved with a pill. I'm sorry you find yourself in such a situation but I don't think it's hopeless. We've had people here successfully come off multiple meds. It just takes a lot of time and patience, and faith that it will all work out.

[Out of Order]

thank you all so much for your replies. Short story for those who don't know me. Sexual abuse, neglect. Big problems getting pregnant and staying pregnant. Once pregnant vomited for the entire 9 months, many many hospitalizations. 3 kids, last one autistic. Father and grandmother aspergers.I have trouble all my life with people leaving me, obsessions, anger, acting out, throwing fits. Insomnia severe. Would go days without any measurable sleep. Suicidality. Was put on a cocktail 22 years ago. Went off of Paxil last year after many suicide attempts. I thought I had given it a long time to withdraw. Nope. Took overdose of Tylenol. Tried to ram car into tree. Almost leaped off our 3 story house--husband grabbed me at last minute. I just want people here to know how suicidal I get when I try to do anything. I just think I'm one of those people who has such a sensitive nervous system I can't do it. I know the pnly way I can beat this thing is to lock me in a padded room for however long it takes. That way I couldn't kill myself I'd be safe from myself. By the way GSK should pay the bill. I am not safe, which is why I have a theapist--the best. I went from actively trying to just having the suicide ideation. My insurance quit and so I'm seeing my therapist buit have to wait until it rolls over in January to see my psychiatrist. I feel like such a loser. So many people on this forum that are actually having success. Bummer.

[TryingtoGetWell]

I'm so sorry to hear all you've been dealing with, I really am.

I too went off paxil last year. I'm still having problems, though they're finally somewhat better some of the time. It can take a frustratingly long time to recover from this. When did you take your last dose of paxil?

[Songbird]

Originally Posted by Out of Order

I thought I had given it a long time to withdraw. Nope.

What was your tapering schedule off Paxil? Sometimes what people think is slow is actually not that slow!

Please don't think of yourself as a loser, you just have a lot more issues to deal with than most people, and that's not your fault. Please try to be kind to yourself, you deserve it.