i NEED YOUR HELP HERE

[anjopom]

As some of you know, I had a very bad w/d the first time around from Seroxat, and was extremely ill. I am w/d again now, and doing it little by little the pp way, and feeling so much better, thanks to all of you for all your help, so what might you say is the matter.

Well, this is a little complex, I have been married for 30yrs, have 4 children and 5 grandchildren, but look very young for my age, so people say, THE PROBLEM is my husband.

I dont think we have any future together, I hate being alone, but he works 7 days a week, he doen't understand what we all go through and how bad it is.
I need affection, someone caring, someone who tries to understand, even if they dont, someone thoughtful, a best friend that you can talk to. My husband is none of these things.

He wonders why I am down, but the way he is, isn't helping my situation.
I am miserable, unhappy, sad that it has come to this, and I cant make him see, how he could make things, that little bit better. As for sex, well that is non existent, we have these conversations about once a month, he says he doesn't want to leave, and there isn't a reason he's the way he is.
When we have these talks he always says, " your in a mood, o0r I have had a bad day", which is totally UNTRUE.

Has anyone out there any ideas as to what could be causing this, is it me, is it seroxat, or is it HIM, He says he knows there is a BAD problem, has nothing to offer when we discuss this, and certainly does nothing at all to try and put things right.

In my blackest days off seroxat, when I was crying all the time, and feeling ill, I just needed for him to put his arm around me, and reassure me I would be ok, but no, he couldn't even do that. I know if the boot were on the other foot, I would be doing everything I could for him, to try and make things better.

W/d from this poison is bad enough without having all this on tHIS ON TOP, please reply, as I dont know what else to do.

ANJOPOM

[LCrawford67]

It's hard for people to understand this who haven't been through it. And, for some, it's especially hard to know how to handle it.

You have to look long and hard before making any kind of decision to end a 30 year marriage, especially while going through w/d. During this time, it's certainly not a decision I'd be too hasty about making.

Sit down and talk to him, tell him exactly what you just told us. If all you want is a comforting arm, tell him this. He's obviously a very hard working man and doesn't wan to leave you. So, unless you've tried everything in your power, I don't think it would be fair to either of you to end a 30 year marriage over Paxil w/d.

[Esperance]

Hey
Sending some virtual hugs (((()))))))
Listen I went through something similar pre paxil, so don't blame it entirely on the drug.
Have you asked him outright for a hug and he's said no? or have you just hoped he would get the message. Sometimes men can be real dense when it comes this sort of thing. Especially if he's not the observant and outwardly caring type. Remember men like to fix things, so he may be frustrated that he can't help, and doesn't know what to do. Ask, be specific, but also be careful not to sound accusing (you never give me a hug when I want one). It also might help if you can hug him when you're not feeling sad and needy, just because he's there and you're happy about that.
I don't know what to say, except communication is really important. Try something like this 'I appreciate how hard you work, it must be exhausting for you. . .Why don't we do something together that's relaxing and enjoyable (insert suggestions here - it doesn't have to be major, it could just be a gentle stroll in the park, listening to your favorite music or something). Can you remember what attracted you to each other in the beginning? Is it something you could try to revive now?
Hang in there

[csnyder002]

I agree with Laurie and Esperance. They both made VERY good points. Don't be hasty to give up just yet. Wait it out as long as you can. Men definately speak a different language than women do. And, just like kids--you have to be very specific with what you want or need from him. If you tell him what you need/want and he doesn't even try...then maybe there is a problem. You must acknowledge any part you play in your marrital issues as well. Doing anything during w/d could be catastophic though. Are you getting any kind of couseling?

[Mike 53]

My wife and I were both on antidepressants – she before me and I after our first separation in 1999. She became very unhappy with me for reasons that I still don’t understand. She used the old cliché I love you but I’m not in love with you. “I deserve to be happy and I’m not happy” was one of her statements also. We stayed together for another four years and then she divorced me. I was devastated to say the least.

I didn’t read in your post anything about love. Do you love one another? I loved my wife as much as a man could and I never stopped loving her – we were married for 30 years with two children, one which is handicapped and I loved married life. Antidepressants played a part with who she had become but we still have to live with the decisions we make. If you have any love for one another you owe it to any and everyone that may be hurt by divorce to put off any decision until you are completely whole again. Divorce is absolutely the worst thing that ever happened to me and my ex now says it was the biggest mistake she ever made.

Please, please wait until you are completely free from the effects of drugs before making any decisions.

Mike

[Evelyn]

Hello, I agree with everyone who just posted. Do not make a huge decision while you are going through w/d. Just wait it out.

I've had issues with my husband before Paxil, but now that I'm cutting down and going through w/d, past and present issues feel a lot worse and emotional for me. You may have issues to resolve but w/d from paxil is not the time to walk out of your marriage. Wait.give this time.

Evelyn

[Songbird]

I agree with Esperance, men often just don't know what to do. Also, men can be very resistant to change (that's why you get the 'it must be you being in a bad mood'), so it might help if you make it easier for him by gently leading him to make small changes, a little at a time. Even gently asking for a hug when you need one could be a good start.