i appoear to have 2 choices - Page 3

rdjanis · 12-30-2007, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lilly

Lc, this is general, behave!

Lilly

She is behaving, the picture isn't up here..... 'yet'. LOL

LossLeader · 12-30-2007, 09:06 PM

i never killed myuself because of that, imagined people i loved.... but i got past that stage and felt so bad i was half-wishign those people were not there so i could get escape

thats the worst and lonleiest feeling

nothing will happen though and that is the worts thing, i am stuick in this

never moind me i will post wehen i am able, thaks for being there

babs · 12-30-2007, 09:12 PM

Loss, I know exactly how you're feeling. I felt suicidal many times during the worst of my withdrawal, and wished I didn't have a child so I could actually go through with it. I look back and am horrified that I actually considered it ... but that's what these meds do to a person. I thought I would never recover but I did ... I am not in that dark place any more. You need to trust that you, too, will heal. This is a setback for you but I know you will continue to heal.

nicemom · 12-30-2007, 09:18 PM

Loss~~~~((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You are going to be ok. This is just a phase. I know it must be terrible but it WILL pass.

My experience has always been that just when you think you can't take another minute, it gets better. I know it's coming soon! Just hang on!!!

Lilly · 12-30-2007, 09:38 PM

Thats what always got me through it. Thinking of my husband and kids. Could not do that to them. And I am glad, because I am still here. And you will be to LL. One day you will look back and be grateful . You are not stuck, just going through a bad spot, that I know will soon be behind you. I'm glad your still here!

Lilly

Cayte · 12-30-2007, 10:35 PM

Now look what you've done Loss.....
I've got up especially early to see how you are..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....
(BTW...Grrrrrrrr....is not at you....it's because I cannot sleep).
This time of year is always so difficult Loss, as we are "supposed" to be having such a wonderful time.... well some of us are NOT !!!
But never mind, we can always come on here to chat to people who do understand.
We're always just a written computer character away... with some virtual hugs. I'll send you one right now ((((((hug))))))) (haven't quite got the knack of them I'm afraid)....are you supposed to write hug in the middle???
Well it's one from me anyway.

Cayte · 12-30-2007, 10:40 PM

Hello Loss? You awake too?
Even worse, I've got to look all perky and jolly tonight as I'm going to a Scottish Hogmanay. Grrrr again. Don't want to go. Wont be able to dance.... and now I'll be bloody tired because I've got up so early this morning!!!!!

rdjanis · 12-30-2007, 11:40 PM

Quote:

never moind me i will post wehen i am able, thaks for being there

Never feel you cannot post when you feel like this LL. We worry about you, and want to know how you are doing.

blankets · 12-31-2007, 12:47 AM

LL, please keep in mind this won't always be there.. and that you will come out of it. find something, anything that you can hold on to & hold tight.

Samalabear · 12-31-2007, 05:55 AM

I am so glad that you are here LL. I find my emotions change so many times a day. Feelings of fear, discomfort and sometimes terror. In-between there are moments. I offered up my mass and lit a candle for you last night. I came home, checked to see how you were doing, and then went back out to an al-anon meeting. There was a lot of pain there, but so was the hope and love. We had the meeting by candlelight. For an hour and a half there was peace and that peace stayed with me for a while.

And it was raining and part of me didn't want to go out again, but I did and boy was it worth it for that feeling of peace. I want you to find these moments of peace somewhere and from that peace hope and healing will come.

LCrawford67 · 12-31-2007, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rdjanis

She is behaving, the picture isn't up here..... 'yet'. LOL

Heck, if it'll cheer him up, let's all post nekkid pictures! Ok, that might make it worse....

LL, we're here for ya, no matter what you feel like. Happy, sad, pissed...it truly doesn't matter.

In fact, when you're feeling like this is when you SHOULD post! We're here for ya, never forget that!

katyajini · 01-01-2008, 07:13 PM

Hi! I hope you are well today and a little of that intense misery is past.

We have never communicated directly but I read your posts often. You had been feeling better, a lot better than the first year. I am also 2 years 2 months and was feeling quite good for a month or so then everything vanished. The worst of w/d symptoms are back as in the early going. I don't understand how it can be so bad all over again. Really, one can't make plans to live life still. Everyone tells me this is another phase and it won't continue like this much longer, so I tell you the same.

Just my personal take, don't go back on any drugs. It really won't help in the long run. And I don't think you are one of those who has a true psychological disease so that you must take some medicatin. You are suffering the aftermath of a horrible drug. You will come out of this.

Please hang in there a little longer!

K.

TryingtoGetWell · 01-02-2008, 05:29 AM

LL, I was thinking along the same lines as Casey when she suggested you have a complete head-to-toe checkup.

Laurie was very perceptive to notice that your typing style has changed, and then you mentioned that you were having trouble seeing the computer screen.

I know all this could be from stress, but things like anemia or blood sugar level being off or things like that can cause both physical and emotional changes, and are easily treated.

If the checkup is normal, it could just be that setback a lot of people on PP have mentioned can happen for a while at about the two-year point and gets better when people wait it out. But it would be a shame to assume this is w/d if you haven't checked whether something else is out-of-kilter. Sometimes little imbalances that show up in a physical can be the source of needless depression.

Please keep us posted on how you're doing because you're in our thoughts and we love you very much.

Casey1231 · 01-02-2008, 03:27 PM

LL,

I am thinking of you today and hoping you have even a tiny bit of improvement. You are very eloquent and compassionate and I know a time will come where you are feeling better. You are very beloved here.

badpacket · 01-10-2008, 04:27 PM

Well, I'm as new member and experiencing nothing like the effects most of you are. But, I've lost a couple of cousins to suicide, and another probable death was.

Depression was linked in most of them, and alcohol helped them do it.
Aside from the devastation they unkowingly left behind, they ended up cheating themselves.

If your current doctor isn't able to help you, or doesn't listen to you in the way you need, then continue trying to find one who will.
Even if that means getting a referal from someone on here who's in your area, or opening up the phone book and cold calling Psychiatrists, psychologists and asking up front if they have had any success in weaning difficult cases off of SSRI's.

Seriously thinking about suicide and posting is a cry that somewhere inside of you your conscience is desperately trying to get the attention/help it needs.
Don't give up on yourself, not only is it giving up, but hard as it may seem, you will be damning your child to living his/her life always thinking that they were somehow the cause of it.
If the Dr's won't/can't help you, the next best thing is too try to talk to nurses. They are a collective resource that often fix a lot of Dr's mistakes, and through their social networks can often find who/what you need.

Wish I could be of more help, but KEEP POSTING!

12-30-2007, 09:06 PM	#52
LossLeader Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: London Posts: 1,573	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices i never killed myuself because of that, imagined people i loved.... but i got past that stage and felt so bad i was half-wishign those people were not there so i could get escape thats the worst and lonleiest feeling nothing will happen though and that is the worts thing, i am stuick in this never moind me i will post wehen i am able, thaks for being there __________________ I see my light come shining, from the west down to the east Any day now, any day now, I shall be released

12-30-2007, 09:12 PM	#53
babs "dare to suck big!" Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 7,542	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices Loss, I know exactly how you're feeling. I felt suicidal many times during the worst of my withdrawal, and wished I didn't have a child so I could actually go through with it. I look back and am horrified that I actually considered it ... but that's what these meds do to a person. I thought I would never recover but I did ... I am not in that dark place any more. You need to trust that you, too, will heal. This is a setback for you but I know you will continue to heal. __________________ Babs Paxil 20mg 1994-2005 2 failed attempts to quit Tapered Jan-April 2005 Paxil-free since May 1, 2005

12-30-2007, 09:18 PM	#54
nicemom Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: NE Ohio Posts: 3,181	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices Loss~~~~((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) You are going to be ok. This is just a phase. I know it must be terrible but it WILL pass. My experience has always been that just when you think you can't take another minute, it gets better. I know it's coming soon! Just hang on!!! __________________ Diane On Paxil for 5+ years Weaned from 40mg to 15 over a 1 1/2 year period. From 15mg-0 May/June 06 (before finding PP) Protracted w/d from c/t. First 10 mths up and down but tolerable. Akathesia hit at 11 months. Many months of terrible mental and physical torture. 3/09 started Prozac but too stimulating. Currently on 15mg Lexapro and feeling so much better. Not all who waunder are lost.

12-30-2007, 09:38 PM	#55
Lilly Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Northwest Posts: 7,188	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices Thats what always got me through it. Thinking of my husband and kids. Could not do that to them. And I am glad, because I am still here. And you will be to LL. One day you will look back and be grateful . You are not stuck, just going through a bad spot, that I know will soon be behind you. I'm glad your still here! Lilly __________________ 1 .5 Xanax a day for one month. C/T. Same year, 3 .5 mil Xanax a day, 4 by the end. Pooped out on me. 1 1/2 years on the drug. Doctors taper. Very bad w/d. 9 months later took 10 mg Paxil and my Xanax w/d dissapeared. On 20 mg by end. Pooped out on me. C/T then restarted it again after 3 days and big blow up. 6 months taper, never feeling much better. 2 1/2 years solid w/d then sporadic stuff for 5 years. Completely recovered! Drug free since June 2001.

12-30-2007, 10:35 PM	#56
Cayte Paxilprogress Artist! Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 5,543	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices Now look what you've done Loss..... I've got up especially early to see how you are..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... (BTW...Grrrrrrrr....is not at you....it's because I cannot sleep). This time of year is always so difficult Loss, as we are "supposed" to be having such a wonderful time.... well some of us are NOT !!! But never mind, we can always come on here to chat to people who do understand. We're always just a written computer character away... with some virtual hugs. I'll send you one right now ((((((hug))))))) (haven't quite got the knack of them I'm afraid)....are you supposed to write hug in the middle??? Well it's one from me anyway. __________________ 20 years of Antidepressants since summer 1990... Benzos ( a lifetime.....) 12 years of Paxil....Quick taper from Aug-Nov 2006. OFF BENZOS !!! LEARNING TO FLY..........

12-30-2007, 10:40 PM	#57
Cayte Paxilprogress Artist! Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 5,543	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices Hello Loss? You awake too? Even worse, I've got to look all perky and jolly tonight as I'm going to a Scottish Hogmanay. Grrrr again. Don't want to go. Wont be able to dance.... and now I'll be bloody tired because I've got up so early this morning!!!!! __________________ 20 years of Antidepressants since summer 1990... Benzos ( a lifetime.....) 12 years of Paxil....Quick taper from Aug-Nov 2006. OFF BENZOS !!! LEARNING TO FLY..........

12-31-2007, 12:47 AM	#59
blankets Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Ontario Posts: 1,220	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices LL, please keep in mind this won't always be there.. and that you will come out of it. find something, anything that you can hold on to & hold tight. __________________ 1998-2006 Stops and starts because of intense w/d. Final try - Spaced each tablet out over a period of days before stopping, ended up in a protracted withdrawal for around 14 months. Paxil free April 8, 2006. I'm pretty much normal again, minus some social problems I need to work on.

12-31-2007, 05:55 AM	#60
Samalabear Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: East Setauket, NY Posts: 1,698	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices I am so glad that you are here LL. I find my emotions change so many times a day. Feelings of fear, discomfort and sometimes terror. In-between there are moments. I offered up my mass and lit a candle for you last night. I came home, checked to see how you were doing, and then went back out to an al-anon meeting. There was a lot of pain there, but so was the hope and love. We had the meeting by candlelight. For an hour and a half there was peace and that peace stayed with me for a while. And it was raining and part of me didn't want to go out again, but I did and boy was it worth it for that feeling of peace. I want you to find these moments of peace somewhere and from that peace hope and healing will come. __________________ Cathy Zoloft 150 mg. June '97, CT September '97, 2 wks brain zaps, then fine. Prescribed for "the blues" September '99 Paxil 20 mg - life problems Switched Paxil CR 2004 CR 2005 recalled Switch generic Paroxotine 2003 start poop-out April 21, 2006 CT April 21, 2010 Paxil-free 4 yrs! ADVICE: NEVER CT Am I better? I would say I am now traumatized by the withdrawal. The depression is constant and deep, but not suicidal. Can sleep, but now always tired.

01-01-2008, 07:13 PM	#62
katyajini Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 259	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices Hi! I hope you are well today and a little of that intense misery is past. We have never communicated directly but I read your posts often. You had been feeling better, a lot better than the first year. I am also 2 years 2 months and was feeling quite good for a month or so then everything vanished. The worst of w/d symptoms are back as in the early going. I don't understand how it can be so bad all over again. Really, one can't make plans to live life still. Everyone tells me this is another phase and it won't continue like this much longer, so I tell you the same. Just my personal take, don't go back on any drugs. It really won't help in the long run. And I don't think you are one of those who has a true psychological disease so that you must take some medicatin. You are suffering the aftermath of a horrible drug. You will come out of this. Please hang in there a little longer! K.

01-02-2008, 05:29 AM	#63
TryingtoGetWell Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 8,679	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices LL, I was thinking along the same lines as Casey when she suggested you have a complete head-to-toe checkup. Laurie was very perceptive to notice that your typing style has changed, and then you mentioned that you were having trouble seeing the computer screen. I know all this could be from stress, but things like anemia or blood sugar level being off or things like that can cause both physical and emotional changes, and are easily treated. If the checkup is normal, it could just be that setback a lot of people on PP have mentioned can happen for a while at about the two-year point and gets better when people wait it out. But it would be a shame to assume this is w/d if you haven't checked whether something else is out-of-kilter. Sometimes little imbalances that show up in a physical can be the source of needless depression. Please keep us posted on how you're doing because you're in our thoughts and we love you very much. __________________ 5/93 - Started paxil after 6 years sensory distortions from benzo WD/low-dose reinst.+chronic medical problems/pain - 20 mg/day; yrs later 15 mg 3/30/06 - 20 mg 4/21/06 - 15 mg 4/27/06 - 10 mg 5/17/06 - 5 mg (none 5/20) 5/21-24/06 - 2.5 mg (5/22 - none) 5/25/06 - d/c’d paroxetine Felt better than in years, then gradual WD symptoms 6/17/06 - Bolted awake in blind terror, started E-ticket ride to hell 2010 - Leaving hell for balmier climate! (Still on my pre-paxil 0.5 mg clonazepam)

01-02-2008, 03:27 PM	#64
Casey1231 Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 724	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices LL, I am thinking of you today and hoping you have even a tiny bit of improvement. You are very eloquent and compassionate and I know a time will come where you are feeling better. You are very beloved here. __________________ Paxil 10 or 20mg for 14 years for panic and depression - 10mg for past 7 years. Unable to continue slow wean with liquid. Attempt to switch to lexapro initially successful, then worsened anxiety, so now back on 10 of paxil.

01-10-2008, 04:27 PM	#65
badpacket Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 7	Re: i appoear to have 2 choices Well, I'm as new member and experiencing nothing like the effects most of you are. But, I've lost a couple of cousins to suicide, and another probable death was. Depression was linked in most of them, and alcohol helped them do it. Aside from the devastation they unkowingly left behind, they ended up cheating themselves. If your current doctor isn't able to help you, or doesn't listen to you in the way you need, then continue trying to find one who will. Even if that means getting a referal from someone on here who's in your area, or opening up the phone book and cold calling Psychiatrists, psychologists and asking up front if they have had any success in weaning difficult cases off of SSRI's. Seriously thinking about suicide and posting is a cry that somewhere inside of you your conscience is desperately trying to get the attention/help it needs. Don't give up on yourself, not only is it giving up, but hard as it may seem, you will be damning your child to living his/her life always thinking that they were somehow the cause of it. If the Dr's won't/can't help you, the next best thing is too try to talk to nurses. They are a collective resource that often fix a lot of Dr's mistakes, and through their social networks can often find who/what you need. Wish I could be of more help, but KEEP POSTING!

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