My doctor got mad at me.....and I'm feeling numb

[Bern]

I saw my doctor the other day, and I got in trouble for 3 things. She didn't yell at me or anything, she just told me in a calm way.

1) I'm supposed to go to an outpatient group therapy for 1 hour a week, and I haven't done that during the weeks of the Christmas season, because I had to word my temporary job in retail. My doctor said, "How am I supposed to treat you if you don't come to group?" My attendance was good before the holidays, therefore I thought I could get away with it. But I didn't show up even one week in December.

2) I didn't call her when I was depressed or "suicidal". But I didn't conisder myself suicidal....I just felt hopeless and got thoughts of suicide. Whenever I get thoughts of suicide, (which is every day) they all think I'm suicidal. I also got thoughts of cutting myself, but I never actully did it. I did feel a the blade of a scissor very lightly when I was under the influence, but I didn't cut myself because I felt like it was too sharp. I didn't call her though because I thought I would just wait until the holidays were over. I just didn't "think" to call her. I also didn't care to call her.

3)And of course this was bound to happen sooner or later, but she got mad at me because I like to have 3 glasses of wine once a week. I know how everyone on paxilprogress knows about the drinking, and I do understand why she would want to stop treating me because of this. I know the consequences about drinking on medication. Obviously, it makes me depressed. And God knows what else is will cause in the future. I've been sober since December 31st. I am not complaining about this 3rd reason to why she got mad at me. You do not need to address this alcohol issue because we have been there several times.

She said that she won't be able to treat me if I keep these things up. I understand about the third reason to why she doesn't want to treat me anymore.

How do I feel about these 3 reasons and what happened? I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. I felt hopeless and suicidal after the appointment, but I slept it off, and now I just feel nothing. Somehow, I shut my feelings off. Which confuses me.

And......I started seeing a woman therapist. I saw her once in September, but I had to change from her because she didn't take my insurance. Now I am on my parents insurance plan, and she takes there insurance, so therefore I can see her again. I saw her for the second time on Monday. She said that it's obsessive thinking that is making me depressed, so she said she wants to find me another therapist to work with instead. I feel like I'm being passed around like a ball.

So now I am going to group therapy once a week, and seeing a individual therapist once a week. I go to the OCD support group twice a month. And see my psychiatrist anywhere from 2 weeks to a month at a time. I'm leaving in an hour to go to the 1 hour per week support group at my doctors office.

[Johnnny off Paxil]

Originally Posted by Bern

I saw my doctor the other day, and I got in trouble for 3 things. She didn't yell at me or anything, she just told me in a calm way.

1) I'm supposed to go to an outpatient group therapy for 1 hour a week, and I haven't done that during the weeks of the Christmas season, because I had to word my temporary job in retail. My doctor said, "How am I supposed to treat you if you don't come to group?" My attendance was good before the holidays, therefore I thought I could get away with it. But I didn't show up even one week in December.

2) I didn't call her when I was depressed or "suicidal". But I didn't conisder myself suicidal....I just felt hopeless and got thoughts of suicide. Whenever I get thoughts of suicide, (which is every day) they all think I'm suicidal. I also got thoughts of cutting myself, but I never actully did it. I did feel a the blade of a scissor very lightly when I was under the influence, but I didn't cut myself because I felt like it was too sharp. I didn't call her though because I thought I would just wait until the holidays were over. I just didn't "think" to call her. I also didn't care to call her.

3)And of course this was bound to happen sooner or later, but she got mad at me because I like to have 3 glasses of wine once a week. I know how everyone on paxilprogress knows about the drinking, and I do understand why she would want to stop treating me because of this. I know the consequences about drinking on medication. Obviously, it makes me depressed. And God knows what else is will cause in the future. I've been sober since December 31st. I am not complaining about this 3rd reason to why she got mad at me. You do not need to address this alcohol issue because we have been there several times.

She said that she won't be able to treat me if I keep these things up. I understand about the third reason to why she doesn't want to treat me anymore.

How do I feel about these 3 reasons and what happened? I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. I felt hopeless and suicidal after the appointment, but I slept it off, and now I just feel nothing. Somehow, I shut my feelings off. Which confuses me.

And......I started seeing a woman therapist. I saw her once in September, but I had to change from her because she didn't take my insurance. Now I am on my parents insurance plan, and she takes there insurance, so therefore I can see her again. I saw her for the second time on Monday. She said that it's obsessive thinking that is making me depressed, so she said she wants to find me another therapist to work with instead. I feel like I'm being passed around like a ball.

So now I am going to group therapy once a week, and seeing a individual therapist once a week. I go to the OCD support group twice a month. And see my psychiatrist anywhere from 2 weeks to a month at a time. I'm leaving in an hour to go to the 1 hour per week support group at my doctors office.

Ahhhh..am I missing something here..usually I cannot wait for the opportunity to bash doctor for their incompetence or lack of knowledge or "heartlessness"...but in this case ..I am sorry..I am weighing in on the doctors side on this one...
Drinking wine while on Paxil...well ...doc I know the ice was thin but...... me do it.


Your doctor has every right to be concerned and frustrated.... I would be....you see the holidays being "high stress/high risk"...

I think your working against your own health and your own interests... for me that would be reason to seriously question my attitude and why I have I started to sabotage my recovery with this kind of behavior?
Sorry to be so blunt....... but

Regards, Johnny

[Bern]

Originally Posted by Johnnny off Paxil

Ahhhh..am I missing something here..usually I cannot wait for the opportunity to bash doctor for their incompetence or lack of knowledge or "heartlessness"...but in this case ..I am sorry..I am weighing in on the doctors side on this one...
Drinking wine while on Paxil...well ...doc I know the ice was thin but...... me do it.


Your doctor has every right to be concerned and frustrated.... I would be....you see the holidays being "high stress/high risk"...

I think your working against your own health and your own interests... for me that would be reason to seriously question my attitude and why I have I started to sabotage my recovery with this kind of behavior?
Sorry to be so blunt....... but

Regards, Johnny

I do not take any offense about someone on paxilprogress being blunt. I do not take offense to anything on paxilprogress. I am just here for opinions. You know what I'm thinking....I'm thinking that there are many people out there that I haven't even met me, and they care more for me than I care for myself.

Last week, I looked at Lindsay Lohan and I said to myself, "At least I don't have to give up drinking like she has too". I also think that as long as I am not driving, it's okay to drink. As long as I drink responsibly. But drinking on meds is not drinking resposibly. I'm setting myself up here.

[Johnnny off Paxil]

Originally Posted by Bern

I do not take any offense about someone on paxilprogress being blunt. I do not take offense to anything on paxilprogress. I am just here for opinions. You know what I'm thinking....I'm thinking that there are many people out there that I haven't even met me, and they care more for me than I care for myself.

Last week, I looked at Lindsay Lohan and I said to myself, "At least I don't have to give up drinking like she has too". I also think that as long as I am not driving, it's okay to drink. As long as I drink responsibly. But drinking on meds is not drinking resposibly. I'm setting myself up here.

OK good...because I don't think your being realistic about your present condition and the dangerous waters your in..its time to ask the Captain of this ship what in the heck is he thinking and HE IS endangering the WHOLE crew....

Regards, Johnny

[Bern]

Originally Posted by Johnnny off Paxil

OK good...because I don't think your being realistic about your present condition and the dangerous waters your in..its time to ask the Captain of this ship what in the heck is he thinking and HE IS endangering the WHOLE crew....

Regards, Johnny

One thing.....I told my mother about this drinking thing, and she agreed that I should be drinking right now because I'm not in a good situation. But she thinks it's ok to drink if I'm not depressed.

She also said that I was sociable at the family Christmas party. I told her that it was because I had a few glasses of wine. If I didn't have that wine, I'd be sitting there all alone, not talking to my cousins. I think she likes it more when I have a few glasses of wine. And I think my other family members like it too.

[scotty]

Originally Posted by Bern

One thing.....I told my mother about this drinking thing, and she agreed that I should be drinking right now because I'm not in a good situation. But she thinks it's ok to drink if I'm not depressed.

She also said that I was sociable at the family Christmas party. I told her that it was because I had a few glasses of wine. If I didn't have that wine, I'd be sitting there all alone, not talking to my cousins. I think she likes it more when I have a few glasses of wine. And I think my dad and aunt like it too. And others like it too.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????????????????????? This is so absolutely irrational, I'm stunned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are totally numbed out with drugs...plain and simple. I'm sorry Bern, but I've got to lay it on the line here. To deal with the lethargy and anhedonia with alcohol, and THEN report depression??? This is just SO wrong!!! So are they going to live your life for you too?

[Johnnny off Paxil]

Originally Posted by Bern

One thing.....I told my mother about this drinking thing, and she agreed that I should be drinking right now because I'm not in a good situation. But she thinks it's ok to drink if I'm not depressed.

She also said that I was sociable at the family Christmas party. I told her that it was because I had a few glasses of wine. If I didn't have that wine, I'd be sitting there all alone, not talking to my cousins. I think she likes it more when I have a few glasses of wine. And I think my other family members like it too.

OK..I think at this point we need to ask the Sesame Street question..kids..whats wrong with this picture?

I'll leave it at that and allow others to peep in... hopefully please

Regards, Johnny

[rdjanis]

Bern we have talked in the past in regards to your drinking, and family members getting mad if you don't drink with them.

Your an adult, make the correct decisions for yourself. Your numb on medications, you cannot be expected to be the life of the party. Your family are drinkers, that does not mean you have to be one in order to fit in.

Do what is right for you. An adult, knowing you are on these medications, and support drinking are not looking out for your best interest.

[jeanie]

I agree with you Rita, and that was very nicely put.....

[scotty]

Originally Posted by rdjanis

An adult, knowing you are on these medications, and support drinking are not looking out for your best interest.

This is the key point.

[Bern]

Originally Posted by scotty

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????????????????????? This is so absolutely irrational, I'm stunned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are totally numbed out with drugs...plain and simple. I'm sorry Bern, but I've got to lay it on the line here. To deal with the lethargy and anhedonia with alcohol, and THEN report depression??? This is just SO wrong!!! So are they going to live your life for you too?

I AM SO SORRY EVERYONE.........My mom said that I shouldn't be drinking right now because I am in a bad situation. I'm not in the right state of mind and I'm not thinking clearly.

But she said that I shouldn't be drinking right now because I'm in a bad situation. But she said that she thinks it's okay if I drink once a week when I'm out of the depression, and I'm stable in a job.

But that still doesn't make it right.

[Bern]

Originally Posted by rdjanis

family members getting mad if you don't drink with them.

They don't get mad.....it's like they think they are leaving me out if I don't have a drink.

[eileen]

When I go out somewhere or even to a party, I always have a glass of water or something non-alcoholic to drink. There are people even yet to-day who think if you are not drinking, that you are not enjoying yourself.
This covers it very well and I always like to sip on water anyway.
Eileen

[Bern]

Originally Posted by eileen

There are people even yet to-day who think if you are not drinking, that you are not enjoying yourself.

I hate to say it, but my mom tells me that she notices when I'm not enjoying myself. People can read me easy because I'm like an open book. I went out to eat last night with my parents sister, and her bf, and I didn't have anything to drink.

[Alsacienne]

Sorry you feel hurt Bern - I have the opposite ... a doc who doesn't want to be involved in my tapering, but it still hurts when you have to cross swords with them.

Perhaps you might try putting this behind you and moving on by attending these sessions now that Christmas is over and climbing back on the wagon?

And don' think that I'm trying to do a 'holier than thou' attitude because I live in a wine producing area and EVERYONE drinks the mature grape juice!! Hard to resist temptation isn't it ......... and I bet there are a good few of us who are nodding and quaffing a glass (a small one) at the same time!

All the best for more strength in the future xxxxxxx

[Songbird]

Hmmm, there's a lot going on here!

First of all, I have a big problem with people having expectations of other people, like being expected to look like you're enjoying yourself just to please other people. That is their problem, not yours. You have to be true to yourself, not spend your life trying to be what other people want. If the alcohol is causing problems for you, then don't drink, it is that simple.

Secondly, you are right that thoughts of suicide is not the same as being suicidal. But maybe you should humour your doctor, at least she is trying to help you, get back into the therapy etc. as long as it really is helping you.

Thirdly, about your feelings shutting off, this has happened to me sometimes. At the time, it made me feel relieved, and I concluded it was some kind of protective measure. The feelings started to return when I was ready.

[scotty]

Originally Posted by Songbird

First of all, I have a big problem with people having expectations of other people, like being expected to look like you're enjoying yourself just to please other people. That is their problem, not yours. You have to be true to yourself, not spend your life trying to be what other people want. If the alcohol is causing problems for you, then don't drink, it is that simple.

Well put, and you said it much better than I did!!