Could I get some thoughts and opinions

[nicemom]

I'm really in a spot where I need some help to sort out what is going on with me. I'm 20 months post c/t. I posted earlier this week I was going back on buspar because I felt I was perhaps going through buspar w/d. I have only been taking 5mg at night because I really don't want to go back on it and am wondering if maybe I am just going through another rough wave instead. I thought that surely this cannot be another wave this bad after I went through the horrible 11-14 month nightmare. I thought it was just supposed to keep getting better after that, which it was, until this started about 7 weeks ago.

My light and sound sensitivities are back big time. My hearing is really messed up. I have anxiety that fluctuates and can be as high as 7 and as low as 2 or 3. My self esteem is fluctuating along with hit. Having all the self-doubts. My negative and paranoid thoughts are fluctuating along with it also. Most nights I am not sleeping well at all.

I'm not so sure things are really getting worse by the week like I have said, or if I am just getting tired of fighting it and am really worn down. It gets exhausting keeping busy enough to fight back the anxiety and running from the thoughts. Some days I get windows thoughout the day. I worry that this will not end but reality tells me that it has passed before and should pass this time too.

Does anyone post c/t remember having this hit around this time? I keep blaming myself thinking I have done something wrong to cause this. The whole self doubt thing that seems to come with all this stuff. sigh.

[Esperance]

Hey,
Sorry I can't say if it's normal or not. But I'd suggest you keep a journal, to better keep track of how you're feeling. I know on really bad days it seems like I forget the good days. Are there other things going on in your life right now that would cause mental or physical stress?
Hang in there

[nicemom]

Thanks esperance. No, actually things are going very well. I have been putting my life back together, have made new friends, my best friend just moved back to town after many years of being away. Besides this, no stress at all. I was doing very well at 'living' again.

[pax80]

I really dont know what to say, i'm right behind you at 16mth off, i'm not doing very well at the moment, i guess it's another wave...
when we think we are doing great there comes another horrible wave that makes this exhausting...
hang in there...

[LCrawford67]

Diane, you could be going through Buspar w/d. You were off for a while and just went back on this week. Give it a few days to see how you feel.

[texgirl]

Buspar is one med we don't see so much around here. The only active member I can think of right now who's been on it was Carrie (csnyder), who if I recall CT'd with no trouble.

That said, Diane, the possibility of w/d from any psychotropic drug would not surprise me at this point, especially in your super-sensitive condition from CTing off Paxil. I certainly don't think that going on 5 mg of Buspar in an attempt to stablize and then doing a slow wean is going to hurt, and it may help. I don't know anything about the properties of Buspar or how long it takes to become effective, but I agree with LC that you may need to give it more time to see the effects.

Beyond that, I have to believe that you've just hit another post-Paxil wave and that it will pass. I like Esperance's suggestion that you keep a journal. I know that when I feel good I tend to think it will last forever, and then when I get hit with a rough patch I start believing that I've slid completely back to the bottom of the slope and will never recover. My therapist talks a lot about having someone to help you "hold the memory" of when you felt good, who can remind you of those times when you get a bad spell. If you don't have anyone who can do that for you (like a therapist or trusted friend), a journal might help.

Of course, isn't that what we do here for each other every day???

Hugs to you, sweetie, I do believe you'll see the light again soon.

[nicemom]

csnyder and I have talked about it when she went off. The difference is that I am not on any AD and she is and I wonder if that makes a difference of feeling w/d symptoms or not. When I started taking buspar before it took 5 days until I noticed some difference and almost 2 weeks before the full effect was felt, so your right, some more time and it might help.

I'm pretty good at the positive self talk and using coping skills. It's easy for me to remember how good I felt a couple of months ago because that is my goal to get back to and that is what keeps me going. I KNOW that it passed before and that waves always pass. Impatience in the process is where I struggle You get a taste of the good life and think your home free, and then you get slapped again, it stings but the longer it lasts it sucks the wind out of your sails and you start to slow down.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

[rdjanis]

Sorry your having a rough time of it. I don't know much about buspar so decided to google. Loads of stuff on it, and what you feeling could very well be due to the buspar. Here is what Breggin says about it:

side effects and withdrawal symptoms
BUSPAR is an anti-anxiety agent that is not chemically or pharmacologically related to benzodiazepines, barbiturates or sedative drugs, but rather activates Serotonin and acts on Dopamine receptors. BUSPAR belongs to the azaspirodecanedione class of compounds and has been promoted as non-sedative, non-addictive and relatively safe.

According to Dr. Peter Breggin, like all minor tranquilizers, BUSPAR is habit forming, addictive and can cause life-threatening neurological reactions. The side effects are similar to benzodiazepines and abrupt withdrawal can cause the same rebound insomnia, depression, anxiety, headaches and nausea.

All tranquilizers alter the sleep architecture in the same way that benzodiazepines do - by reducing the amounts of restorative Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep and increasing the non-restorative sleep patterns. This can result in daytime drowsiness and poor cognitive function. Therefore only short-term use of BUSPAR is recommended and discontinuation should be with a gradual dose reduction.

[angels]

Originally Posted by rdjanis

All tranquilizers alter the sleep architecture in the same way that benzodiazepines do - by reducing the amounts of restorative Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep and increasing the non-restorative sleep patterns. This can result in daytime drowsiness and poor cognitive function.

very interesting. Makes you think you're getting some good sleep, but all its doing is putting you out.

Diane, sounds like Buspar is a factor here. Plus, you probably are hyper-sensitive. You've got some good supporters here.

[nicemom]

Thanks Rita. I have looked up information on it and get so much that the more I read the more confused I get. I trust Breggin's opinion. I assume I fall into the long term use, I was on it 7 months. I wonder about the 'can cause life-threatening neurological reactions'. While using, from long term use, going off to fast? Its kind of freaking me out. I wonder what 'life-threatening neurological reactions' means. I am assuming I don't have that. I DO have the symptoms of abrupt w/d. The one thing I noticed during this phase was stabbing headaches, which I did not get with paxil w/d.

[nicemom]

Originally Posted by angels

very interesting. Makes you think you're getting some good sleep, but all its doing is putting you out.

And that would cause the afternoon fatigue I get which I was thinking was adrenal fatigue?

[rdjanis]

I think perhaps they are talking seizures and such when he wrote that. There are a number of things these meds can cause. You wouldn't be posting here if this were your problem. The goal wasn't to scare you, but show you it is most probably the busbar your feeling, and this too shall pass.

Take care.

[rdjanis]

When my mom stopped her elavil it took her hours to fall asleep on her own. She slept for a few hours at a time. BUT, she felt better than when she took the elavil to sleep and slept the night through. Much more energy through the day now. Says alot.

[nicemom]

Thank you all for helping me figure this out! It takes a load of my overly strained brain.

So to correct things,,,When I was taking it I took 10mgs at night and 5 mgs in the am. The first night back on I took 10mgs at night but didn't sleep well at all and was up and down all night, that was Tuesday. The 3 nights since then I have taken 5mg at night and thats all. Do you think I need to get back on the 15 mgs total like before or will this be like the AD's and I can start back on a lower dose to ease symptoms. I am just having a hard time making decisions right now. Maybe a happy medium of 10 mgs total for a day will help symptoms. I will go on that for 1 week and see how it goes. Sound ok?

[pokie]

Hope you feel better.
Pokie

[paxilgirl]

Nicemom, it's all about quality of life. If what you are feeling is seriously interfering with your overall quality of life, then you have to do what you need to do.

I know you are tired, and I too know that you are acknowledging what you are feeling for what it is and it is most likely that the Buspar is doing a number on you. That said, I didn't know much about Buspar and googled it too and was going to post, but Rita beat me too it.

You've been on the 5mgs for a short time. Stick it out a while longer and see how you feel....if you still fee like crap, go on the 10mgs....but once you stabilize, you may need to look at a much slower wean off this stuff.

It's all about how you feel and your quality of life...remember that.

Hugs.

[Homerbcool]

Diane...nothing to add but a couple of good ole.....

((((HOMIE HUGS))))
((((HOMIE HUGS))))

[Johnnny off Paxil]

Dianne...firstly my prayers are with you on this pass......

I would tend to agree with you that this is most likely related to the use of this Buspar....and to the huge "hypersensitivities" that Paxil use causes..so any change or disruption in your bodies chemistry could set this off.
How long have you been off this Buspar?

In the meantime, try to ride this one out, its seems that the further down the road in withdrawal, if there is a reversal it seems to have a bigger psychological impact that if it happened earlier.....I think its time to recall the ski philosophy on this one..... if you watch kids skiing downhill and they fall, they tend to get right back up and continue skiing and go on enjoying the day, adults I have observed on the other hand, tend to take each fall as a either a defeat, disgrace or some form of loss. The adults tend to tolerate a few falls , but often I see them in the ski house later...having "given up".....

I think there is something remarkable in the kids perseverance , something we lose as adults.

Regards, Johnny

[rdjanis]

Originally Posted by nicemom

Maybe a happy medium of 10 mgs total for a day will help symptoms. I will go on that for 1 week and see how it goes. Sound ok?

I don't know much about buspar, but your plan sounds like a good one. The only thing I would suggest is give it more than one week. It seems to me when one is totally out of balance, it can take longer for these type of meds to take effect.

[Dawn B.]

Hi Diane
I will be praying for you!!

[nicemom]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the good wishes and advice,,,and hugs. I will wait this out and chalk it up to another lesson learned. I have to pound it into my head ::::your system is very sensitive now, don't do anything drastic because it won't like it:::::