overwhelmed/guilty feelings

[anjillian]

Suddenly I'm feeling as if all the time on paxil made me "not deal" with so many issues.

Whether it be paxil made me "think" nothing needed to be done. This was totally a facade because now i'm faced with so many things that need correcting such as:

taking better care of myself
changes re: my kids/school, discipline etc.
changes re: my apt. /moving....etc.
consequences for not standing up for myself....now having to do that from square one.
being so easy going that other people took advantage......correcting what can be corrected.
not demanding/assertive enough
issues regarding relationships/not seeing things clearly

Most important......all the things I couldn't do because i was so lethargic, couldn't work out, dance, do yoga, cancelled activities to be home and sleep, also giving up friends due to this.

So i sit up thinking how i have so many things to do and how to do them all.
just feeling overwhelmed! How can i rebuild myself and what i lost?

[Chrysalis]

First of all, don't feel guilty. Paxhell changed many of our lives in ways we couldn't have foreseen.

We can't get back that time or re-do the past - we can only go forward, and God willing, we will have one more day to do just that.

To take back your life, start small and close to home, meaning your health and your personal wellbeing. For me, improving my eating and exercise habits made me feel so much better. Then that lead to taking more pride in my appearance - getting a new hairdo, losing some weight, updating the wardrobe, etc.

When you start to feel better about yourself, then you have more motivation to start dealing with some of the bigger issues.

[anjillian]

Yes, i agree. I'm trying to but there's so much work! I think of how i was prepaxil and now........i let myself go terribly! I guess the trick is to start slowly and eventually get there. thanks!

[Songbird]

I think Chrysalis' advice was great! I have the sense you are putting pressure on yourself to make up for lost time, to get your life back to where you feel it would have been. I've also been feeling grief for all my lost opportunities, all that I could have been but wasn't! I think this is natural, but it is better to move forward from where you are now, rather than try to rebuild what 'should have been'. Take small steps at first, bigger ones will follow later.

[Samalabear]

There's so many of us in this situation. I tear myself up about it very often. It's not good. Only within the last four or five months did this become really acute, as I've started to really heal and brain is functioning a bit better. The damage done gets to me. But you can only do so much and you're going to have to take it in small steps. You need to take this one day at a time. Pray a lot and try to find one or more things to be grateful for each day, no matter how small they are. This is the only way I know to start rebuilding yourself.