Need to post..not sure why

[pubby]

I guess i just need to complain or reach out for support. The physical stuff has improved, but the mental or social is rough.
I feel like I don't know who I am and the person I display is hateful, un loving, and lost.
I was very social on Paxil, very impulsive and reckless. I am glad the latter of the two are gone, and realize my social contacts were not the people I believed them to be. I could forgive someone for anything.. now I just can't tolerate minimal things. I spend most days on the couch, not wanting to talk, and when I do say things it comes out all wrong.

Let me say that my w/d has not been near as bad as some I have read on here and for that I am grateful.
It is just saddening when your 12 year old ask if you are depressed and you never smile anymore. Especially when in a way I feel so much better, clearer, proud of my accomplishments and decreased recklessness.

I know I am rambling, my hubbie says untill you like yourself you cannot love anyone else. Well I feel like I have been a much more loving person to my family than I have been in years. Maybe he was referring to my social encounters but it hurt none the less.


Paxil 1997
Some kind of antidepressant for the next 8-9 years
37.5 Paxil Jan 97,
Began taper in Sept. 97
No Paxil since Feb. 08

[LCrawford67]

You've reached out to the right place, Pubby!

Readjusting to life after meds is quite an experience. I was on Paxil for 10 years and throughout my taper and even after, I've had to relearn how to deal with my emotions. I think that can be said for all of us here.

You've only been off for about four months, so cut yourself some slack. There are lots of self help books you can read, therapy if you choose, church if you're of faith....and of course, your PP family to help you get through this.

I'm sure your hubby didn't mean to hurt you, but he may be saying not to be so hard on yourself. Again, and I can't stress this enough, it's truly an adjustment to go back to normal emotions and feelings, after being wild and carefree on these drugs. And, it's more difficult for some than others but, you'll get there!

Just take one day at a time and yes, be proud of how far you've come and what you've accomplished!!! Relish in those victories, don't beat yourself up over what you haven't done. It will all fall into place!

[Samalabear]

All I can say, Pubby, is I understand. The mental part is tough. It's a combination of helping yourself and healing over time.

[pubby]

OOPS, realized my signature says 37.5 97 and taper 1997 as well, that should be 07.
What books would you recommend, I have enjoyed reading much more than I did.
I couldn't have sat still to read in the past.

[LCrawford67]

The Feeling Good Handbook is one that a lot of folks here have read.

I know there are several people who love Claire Weeks too. I'm sure you'll be getting lots of suggestions!

I'm a Wayne Dyer fan and am ordering a couple of his books for me and audio books for hubby. He's on Ellen quite a bit and he's amazing!

[Laney]

Hi Pubby,

I would try some things that you haven't tried before like what Laurie suggested. Even natural things if your willing. I wouldn't just do nothing. I know you love your family and yes they deserve to see you getting better and happier. Stick with us here, though because there are lots of folks here that have been where you are and are doing fine!

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Laney

[pubby]

Thanks
Wanted to post again as I fixed my signature (I hope)

My brain agrees with everyone, just wish my heart could too. Husband is dealing with family issues and anything I say, do, or don't do he takes personally. This is not a good time to take me personally.

I don't like myself as it is and to have something I say (unintentionally) impact him so much, whoa

[LCrawford67]

The thing I notice too is, you went from 25 mgs to 0 in only five months! That's mighty fast and also explains why you may be feeling as you do.

[pubby]

Yes it was a very fast taper, but taper none the less (I promise). I made that decision due to the fact that my w/d symptoms at the time or to come could not be as bad as my behavior and consequences while taking it.
I am suprised I am still alive to be honest, either through suicide, drunk driving, or liver disease.
The things that still remain in take are miracles.

The adjustments have had to come quickly, and while adjusting and withdrawing I some how have made it to work most days, in a administrative health care field, 2 kids, and a spouse. Not going to question it now, but it truly is a blessing. No one in my life or family can imagine the effort and struggle it has been and continues to be. People ask me, well it has been four months wouldn't it be out of your system by now, don't you think you are over it??? I would love to say yes and am honestly tired of playing the paxil card, i get on my own nerves. However, I know that isn't the case and I may continue to have a long road ahead of me. There have been worse days than today, it is just so hard.

[westeewoman]

pubby - it's not that the drug is still in your system. It's that your system is still recovering from the changes in your brain that the drug caused. Just know that you're healing and take care of yourself. Plenty of water, healthy food, gentle exercise and TIME will help you feel better.

Good for you for getting off.

[pubby]

Yes and I want to scream that from the roof tops, unfortunately few people listen or believe it, and I am tired of screaming it.
thanks for the feedback.