Aeroman and His Story....

[Aeroman]

I was 27, engaged, working full time, and getting my masters (MBA) in 2003. About a year before we were to get married, out of nowhere, I got these weird sensations. I was cruising along down to San Diego (I live in So. Cal.) with my wife (fiance at the time) for some church thing and while I was driving, my hands started getting clammy, I felt really hot all over, nausea, and just overall not feeling right. I kept pulling over to go to the bathroom. I asked myself, what the heck is going on with me???

I went in to see the doc but found nothing - they just found my blood pressure elevated a bit, nothing serious. Days later, my fiance and I had a marriage weekend retreat...the same symptoms were coming back. I couldnt sit still. I felt like I was going to puke in the middle of my group there. I also realized my sleep was getting wack...before I actually knocked out, I felt this pressure on the left side of my head and then transferred over to my forehead (squeezing sensation). I made it through the weekend but was confused what was wrong? Went back to my regular doc and asked for a CAT scan because I felt I maybe had some tumor. Had it performed, everything normal. as the weeks went by, I found I wasnt myself anymore...no more scale model building, car stuff, nothing. In fact, one of my uncles took me to Catalina Island (off the coast of Long Beach) for a day and I felt no enjoyment - I felt I was looking through a glass sphere. Oh yeah, my libido was like no good at this point too.

Sooooo, went back to the general doc and he had me do this survey. After I was done, he looked it over and told me I was depressed. I said, wha? I'm not sad, have nothing to be sad about...he said this was different and he started me on Prozac. Like a good boy, I took it and weeks later, I felt "lifted", "good". I slept better, my moods were up...however, my libido was now nothing, more than ever. And I noticed I was gaining weight, fast. But somehow, I didnt care! I was happy again!!! So, still trotting along and I got married. Our first fight was our wedding night - no sex, I couldnt perform. We were both waiting for our wedding night for this but I couldnt do it!

Fast forward 6 months later, I got off Prozac because of libido issue. I don't remember if I was tapered or c/t. I had no withdrawal issues after the last pill. Then, 6 months later after that, I woke up with anxiety (started to lose a lot of the weight but still no libido). I said, "Oh you bastard, you're back". Now, here I believe what I was actually experiencing was SSRI w/d, not the return of my original anxiety/depression. But I didnt know at the time, I thought the old monster was back again. So, I waited 2 weeks until I called my shrink and he placed me on Wellbutrin for a month. It did nothing but make me lose more weight and it did help with the libido some but still wasnt "me". I called the doc back and said this doesnt work, I still feel in the dumps with anxiety. He responded by saying that I do better with SSRI's so lets add 5mg of Lexapro, its a new drug with less side effects. We'll keep the wellbutrin so it can combat the possible libido and weight gain issue. 5mg didnt do anything so he up'ed it to 10mg. Within 3 weeks or so, I felt that old "prozac" feeling again. He kept me on this dose (Lex and Well) for 2.5 years until I returned with the same complaint - no libido! I took prozac for about a year and a quarter. The shrink taper me off from 10mg down to 0mg in a month. I thought that was slow until I found out later it was not...

...and 7 months later, here I am still dealing with the depression and anxiety all over again but this time it feels much more intense! This time, it includes this restlessness feeling, disturbed sleep pattern, aches and pains, etc. Thats my story.

[lavamama]

Thanks for sharing your story Juan. I hope you get some relief soon.

[JohnGalotti]

I hope you eventually feel like you want to. I can relate to most of that except I was not put on paxil for depression. It's terrible to lose one's joy for everything. My condolences to our wives, my libido has been gone so long I'm surprised she hasn't left me.

My only light is the people who've been through this and are now feeling human again, the nice ones who post here. Without them I'd have no hope at all. Just try and be patient.

[Aeroman]

Thank you very much...I am thinking that what happened to me in 2003 was because I was going through a positive major life change, my mind/brain reacted the way it did...maybe because of stress? Thats all I can think of because my wife and I have been doing great before my symptoms started. In fact, I remember taking her to an air show the month prior to my symptoms wanting to tear her clothes off (yes, I remember I had a libido!). Now, its like, where the heck is it? I didnt ask for this? I just wanted to get married and enjoy my life with her...plain and simple.

[iwowi]

I think missing libido is one of the most common antidepressant effects.

I also agree that your problems started with stress. Getting married is a very big step in life. The rest was the work of antidepressants. Now you are in withdrawal so your libido is still in a limbo. I know you sick of waiting but that is exactly what you need to do.

You need to get out of depression. Depression definitely kills libido! Look it up on line. It is a common knowledge. Time is right now your best friend!

[rangerNY]

What are you doing to address the original sources of your anxiety and depression? Withdrawal likely plays a role in your pain right now, but keep in mind that the meds did nothing to address what caused you to head down this road in the first place. They only masked the problem.

Many of us forget that part. You have to take care of your psychological/emotional/spiritual side, especially while you're going through withdrawal issues. All the usual stuff applies here - a good diet, regular exercise, relaxation/meditation practice and therapy all help in the long run.

Hang in there. You'll get to the other side!

[Aeroman]

Originally Posted by rangerNY

What are you doing to address the original sources of your anxiety and depression?

One simple answer, Dr. Weekes' Method. If I were to rewind back to 2003 and REALIZE that what I had was nervous illness (anxiety) due to a major life change, I would have practiced to accept the symptoms I was experiencing. There were no red flags between my wife and I at the time...I remember just enjoying going out with her and discussing the wedding plans. Then, out of nowhere, I get hit with these weird physical symptoms which then led to emotional ones (anxiety and depression).

The cool thing about the Dr. Weekes' method is that it doesnt matter how or where your original cause came from - you accept and understand the symptoms as an overactive system, ready to fire like a loaded gun. When I first read somewhere that depression can be caused by even positive major life changes (promotion, marriage, etc), I asked myself how?!

interesting stuff.

[rangerNY]

Cool. I agree that Dr. Weekes rules. Mastering the skills she teaches really helps you function and even overcome panic and anxiety to some degree.

I used to say the same thing - "it doesn't matter why its happening, I just need to be able to deal with it". I now think that it does matter why it happens. I'm feel that a healthier approach is to try to live a life that does not bring about panic and anxiety to begin with. This includes working through emotional issues (with the help of a therapist if needed) and taking time to keep myself physically and mentally in shape. Meditation and relaxation skills are a big part of this.

Its impossible to eliminate all stress and anxiety, but then you still have the skills learned from Dr. Weekes on the (hopefully) rare occasion that they get a bit out of control and you have to ride it out.

[Aeroman]

Yeah, you're right Drew. I would sometimes think, "what if I never got married?" Would I have not gotten these weird feelings? Never expected it - I grew up symptom free. I had the regular anxiety everyone gets when you are about to give a speech in front of many people or go into an interview. The stuff I felt in 2003 was more intense and just plain weird.

I tell myself that I will be in my pre-anxiety state but better - the sensations, even though they feel awful, wont hurt me.

[Betsy]

Juan,
Glad you found the site. The relaxation/meditation and exercise has made things so much better for me as far as anxiety goes. I wish I had known before what I know now.

I still have to get off of 7+ mgs of paxil a day, but I'm getting there.

Good luck to you.
Betsy

[Aeroman]

Originally Posted by Betsy

Juan,
Glad you found the site. The relaxation/meditation and exercise has made things so much better for me as far as anxiety goes. I wish I had known before what I know now.

I still have to get off of 7+ mgs of paxil a day, but I'm getting there.

Good luck to you.
Betsy

Good Luck Betsy, I wish I would have known about tapering slower. I just have to suck it up...

[iwowi]

Originally Posted by Aeroman

....I wish I would have known about tapering slower. I just have to suck it up...

Isn't that the truth.