Dark Place

[kennyg]

Having a **** day.
Just pulled out of going to my 16 year old daughters school presentation.
Drove to the hall,300 people there and kept driving.
They graduate tonight but I cant face a crowd and put on a happy face.
I feel like I'm outside my body looking on at this pathetic life that I lead.
Feel pretty close to pulling the pin, my head hurts.
Ive been on this Paxtine crap for 4 years and I think I'm starting to spin out.
Just called off my 50th birthday party as I didn't want to be there and have my friends see me like I am.
My wife made excuses for me for not feeling well,if they really knew what a mess I'm in they would think I was a looney.
I'm spiraling down fast and I don't know what to do.
How long can a person make excuses for this crap.
Does this drug wear off with its effectiveness and what can I do before I do something stupid.
Feel like dick head writing this stuff but it seems to help.

Thanks for the replies I've had.

Ken

[elixirmonkii]

I know the feeling of "outside looking in" very well. I am a screwed mess from these drug molecules. If the drug is not working well for you, it might be a good time to consider whether you can safely get off of it. Takes a long time to withdrawal, but probably worth it in the long run. Just an idea...

[TryingtoGetWell]

Although I never experienced "poop out" on paxil, it sounds like that could very likely be what's going on with you, unless it's severe side effects of the med. (My conditions are different, but I went off paxil due to increasing severe side effects from paxil that started only after many years on the drug.)

I just read your first post to get some history - I'm so sorry for all you've been through. You might want to do a very slow careful taper off the med, modifying your lifestyle as much as possible to reduce stress. Don't feel embarrassed about what you're going through. We all have, but if you read a lot here you'll learn that this is very much a physical disorder, and nothing to be ashamed of. People in your life will have to accept that, even though it's hard for people who haven't experienced things like this to understand what it's like (we all know about that, believe me!). And you have a lot of friends who do understand all too well here on paxilprogress.

A thought - have you tried any of the supplements like magnesium or fish oil that seem to help many people with the depression, anxiety, etc. that is the reason many (not all) people go on these meds in the first place. (They also help people with those symptoms who never took psychotropic meds; they don't help everyone, but many people have noticeable improvements and may well have a need for more than the normal amounts of those nutrients.) A long shot, but perhaps one of those supplements will help your medical condition as well. But be careful of other supplements like amino acids or B vitamins etc. if you taper off paxil - some supplements can make withdrawal worse.

If magnesium doesn't help or makes you worse, try calcium instead. I feel worse on magnesium but seem to need large amounts of calcium (I don't use supplements now, but rather foods high in the nutrients that help.)

Try low doses of supplements that help (there are many posts on that on this site) in very low doses to start, gradually increasing (cutting pills in small pieces if necessary) every four days or so to see how you do on any particular supplement. And try one supplement at a time so you can evaluate your response accurately.

I'm so very sorry about all the difficulties you've had, and hope the course of things get better. I've noticed all my life that both problems and good things tend to come in bunches, for some reason. When things seem overwhelming, at some point things change for the better... I hope that happens for you soon!