do these symptoms sound familiar?

[hotboxdog]

i'll keep my history brief. diagnosed with ocd/gad at 19. didn't seek treatment. symptoms got progressively worse until i was placed on paxil at 20. hated side-effects so stopped after a week. swore off ssri's until bad break-up lead to depression. tried prozac but discontinued after a week. was placed on Remeron, 15mg; raised to 30mg due to sedation and experienced horrendous aggravation of OCD, full blown panic attacks, etc. quit CT after 3 weeks. complained to pdoc that i felt 'weird', 'foggy' etc. he said it was probably just anxiety/depression, so with great skepticism i agreed to try lexapro. couldn't tolerate, came off after 4 weeks. depression/anxiety hit again. try luvox. couldn't tolerate, etc.

basically, from january - november 2008 i had not been off a psychotropic for more than 6 weeks, during which my pdoc would continually assure me that drug X was out of my system and that what i was experiencing was part of my condition. suddenly i woke up in november realizing that my social skills were gone, i could barely think straight, could no longer feel pleasure, vocab/word recall messed up (i'm a writer). so once again i became severely depressed, still unable to reason that all this was the result of protracted withdrawal, and was convinced to try nardil, which i've been on for 3 weeks with no sign of improvement, though im told nardil can take a while to kick in. what i'm scared of is that during that november period, it didn't just feel like i was depressed or feeling fuzzy-brained on top of my usual self. it was like something had DIED in me. i had lost my normal personality. during conversations, my mind went blank. all i could do was bide my time by asking questions. i used to be quick-witted! my memory was shot. i couldn't express emotion. i felt unreal. when i described these symptoms to a friend they said it sounds like the negative symptoms of schizophrenia which freaked me out! this feels like a nightmare. the problem is, before all this happened i was highly-functioning but still haunted by OCD, so withdrawing and going back to my old self is also a scary prospect, but it would sure beat this! the only good thing that's come from this is that i am now desperate enough to give CBT a proper try and have enrolled with an OCD specialist, which will be the best thing for my condition. is there a chance that an MAOI could resolve this? given that all im really seeing so far is a more stable mood, my gut is telling me to cut out drugs entirely and see if i can struggle back to baseline, and then try resolve stuff through therapy ...

[kapulica]

Hello there - First off I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time of it. I also had a very troubled history of severe psychological issues over many years that went undiagnosed and kept getting worse (anxiety/panic/depression/early agoraphobia).

From my experience, Paxil took about 3 months to kick in, and when it did I was so grateful that I stuck it out through the very many and difficult short term side effects. All the short term effects did go away after about a month - but let me tell you - it was not easy. The 1st week was awful - insomnia, worsening of anxiety and depression, headaches etc.

From what I've heard this type of short term suffering and taking a while to kick in is quite common.

What helped me is that I had a 'buddy' that would get me through the first month of the new drug.

Also, I was so sick of being scared every day of my life - I had to try something, anything that might help me - and it did.

For me, Paxil and therapy saved my life. I am happy now - no panic - no depression - I love travel and meetings and challenges.

I don't think that you were on any of these drugs long enough to have real withdrawal, since you are probably still getting on them so to speak.

I do feel that if you are having difficulty coping with daily life and society - then it is worth it to stick it out with an SSRI.

Best of luck - you WILL get there!

[hotboxdog]

hey kapulica - thanks for your reply; i'm glad to hear you were able to finally find relief from your symptoms

unfortunately, if you don't mind me politely contradicting you, i still believe what i felt around november was definitely SSRI-related. when i first went onto an anti-depressant (the MAOI manerix) i felt dulled and tired, and once i came off could feel myself quickly snap back to my usual anxious yet driven self. this happened again after i tried paxil. yet slowly, over the course of last year, that 'snapping back' never happened. when i tapered off luvox i suddenly found myself in the mess i described. it was never the tumultuous sadness i usually feel when depressed. i just felt .. different .. like i had lost part of myself; like i was still stuck on anti-depressants. even if i was never on a single ssri for a long period, could the chronic cycling not still have placed my system under some stress? because no matter how bad my OCD got, pre-med i never felt myself compromised to the degree i do currently. that's the dilemma i face. SSRI's are not an option for me because as a writer i cant deal with their effects on my concentration, word recall etc. and now that ive finally lost all that i believe i am finally determined to face my condition seriously.

i guess if what im feeling is indeed all just a component of my condition then the nardil should clear it up. otherwise, if it just eliminates anxiety but still feels me leaving so foggy, then ill have to come off. i guess what i was most scared of is the way ive lost all social orientation, and was wondering if anyone experienced this coming off meds; when people/girls invite me out, i always have to decline because i simply have nothing to say. in the past i was always SHY, which meant too unsure to say whats on my mind. now theres NOTHING on my mind.

[Songbird]

I don't know anything about MAOIs, but I think your brain is horribly confused by all the different drugs that have been thrown at it. I think your gut has the right idea, look into natural therapies such as CBT, drugs don't cure, only mask symptoms.

[been there done that]

Yes!
First off you already know there is a change and every single thing you say is antidepressant related thru and thru so stop wondering the drugs are your problem. Trust yourself. I am glad you are looking into cbt to deal with this there is no pill that will "fix" it don't even bother looking there. If they help they will have a fallout not worth it. imho


As for Kapulikas comment "I don't think that you were on any of these drugs long enough to have real withdrawal, since you are probably still getting on them so to speak.

I understand why you would say that Kap as this is what doctors tell us.

Unfortunately that information has not held true for many on here. Many things that seem to be the general knowledge about antidepressants are just plain wrong. More information is coming every day but it is slow to come.

I took Prozac less than one bottle 18 years ago that took a couple of years to get over read more on here you will slowly learn about these drugs use the search.

I have been on many antidepressants over the years and beleive I have been treated for withdrawal for one ad by being given another ad. Often wd will have an entire set of symptoms not present with the original disorder. This is well known on here.

I am not familiar with your new drug but will do a search on it later I am sure it is one of the one we know with "another" name.

I think you have a very good chance to get out of this without many scares so hold onto what you know already and don't go any further down drug alley if you can help it.

[been there done that]

Nardil is an MAOI but I guess you knew that I have no expeince with this drug and cannot comment on it. I am sure there are people on here with some information. They will chime in soon.

[scotty]

hotboxdog...you're poor brain has been through alot. Short term use and alot of switching of drugs can absolutely cause this, and no it's not your original condition. That is a favorite line from docs when someone doesn't have a good result to what has been prescribed. Makes my nuts to hear that excuse. If the symptoms post drug are nothing like your original symptoms, then it's not you thats causing it, it's the drug.
Give your brain and break and it's time to just breath. In time the brain chemistry will level out. When that happens it's time to find another method to deal with your original symptoms in therapy.
Patience is going to be key here.