Day 12 Update....

12 days ago I stopped taking 5 MG of paxil. I had been weaning from 20 since the first of June. I actually went even slower than my doctor recommended. The last week has been HELL! I got a head ache on day 4 that has not let up at all. I finally called my doc. My doc is one that is totally aware of the withdrawal also. He was not able to see me, but wanted me to see another physician. I was soooo nervous that I would get the old" I have never heard of such symptoms"... I was pretty lucky, this physician was great. Her reccommendation was that I stay OFF EVERYTHING and clear out my system and never take anything like paxil again. She gave me a pain killer for the headache, and just instructed me to drink lots of cold water and cold fruit...cleansing foods. She also said not to eat meals, but snack all day so as not to throw my blood sugar. Also eating can increase seratonin and the constant fluctuation right now, without the paxil, makes me sick. IN any event, today is the first day that I can actually do some work. I did keep up the running throught the hell. It was hard, I would be in tears as I headed out, but went anyway. Usually after 4 or 5 miles I felt really good. Course the headache and dizziness and etc would come back in 10 minutes, but I will take any relief that I can get. This is soooo hard though. I occasionally lose it because I am just tired from keeping the mind set and trying to tolerate all of this while holding a full time job and keeping up with the kids.
My husband finally saw the seriousness of this and has been an angel, helping with the kids and keeping them quiet. It is so hard, because it is the last week of summer and then the kids go back to shcool, and their mom is just lying in bed. THe guilt is terrible.
But I can already tell that I have my old emotions back, things that I used to get excited about, my hobbies and etc, I am thinking about all those things again. That feels good.
The REAL downer of the week was my Dad, he called after he found out that I headed home from work sick...and he said " So, what drugs will you take now. I am sure you are going to take something...." He is such an *** that way, and has been my whole life. He was 1/2 the reason I was on the **** in the first place. I hung up and wont talk to him again till I can handle it.
In any event, sorry to be long winded, but that is my update. It is nice to have a place to just post things. Good therapy....

Good for you! Congratulations! Sounds like you are on the road to recovery and the symptoms are beginning to let up. Of course, they aren't gone yet, but it's getting better, right?

The running thing REALLY helps. It's interesting that more that one person has said that. True, unfortunately the pain comes back, but that relief for the exercise period & 10 min afterwards is worth it.

Unfortunately, we all have people in our lives that "ruin it" for us. Some are positive like your husband, and help you through difficult times. Others, like your dad, direct their own frustrations and aggressions onto others. Just understand that what he says isn't that he is trying to hurt you, he just doesn't know what to say.

What are your feelings about going off the antidepressant? Do you feel your old "issues" will come back?

I'm kinda worried about that. I can already see the "depression" side of me again since I've been off Paxil. But, hopefully 5HTP will help, and maybe St. Johns Wort.

Good luck. Hang in there. You're already on your way.

Yes, I feel like things are getting better. THe dizziness is still there and the nausea, but hopefully that will pass as well.

How do I feel emotionally? Very vulnerable, but I want to try like hell to work on my emotions without drugs. Try relaxation and etc. I want to try to slow down a bit. Am I afraid that my condition will come back....yes....but I will have to work on that as well. I was originally put on this for anorexia, and have noticed a complete loss of appetite already, could be w/d, but with eating disorders you have to be careful. Anything can trigger it. I feel what i have now that i did not have before is awareness and the desire to treat myself well. I also have the drive to recognize when depression is hitting and to do the opposite of what I want to do. Example, I dont want to leave the house, well then get out and just runa quick errand. I dont want to get out of bed....force myself out. I use mind games like....If i get up and am really tired after 15 minutes of being up, then I will go back to bed. After 15 minutes, I have never returned to bed. Also the exercise.....I tell myself, run 1 mile, and if it sucks then turn around and stop......to this day I have always ended up going atleast 2 and often times 5 or more miles. So ...in summary, I expect NOTHING from myself and always give myself the option of out...then when I do get out of bed, or out running, or out of the house....I feel like I accomplished something. That tool of self talk is somethign that I did not have before. I do it with my eating and body image as well. I tell myself that i am lucky to have legs that can run 10 miles...and stop focusing on the fact that I think that I am fat. I am 5 feet and 100 lbs, so I am not really fat, but very dissatisfied with my body.....but I dont let myself go there...and when I do, I talk myself out of it. Probably more of an answer than you wanted, but in summary, issues will always be there, my ability to handle them is what has changed. I feel so bad for those that have taken paxil and not counseling or something to learn this stuff.....without it I could not get through w/d let alone the life issues. I really feel like paxil should not be given without therapy, but that is my personal opinion.

[Joelle]

I felt that too, at about week 2 or 3, very vulnerable emotionally, would cry at the slightest thing, not only sad things but when I'd be happy I'd cry too, felt very uncontrolled, but now all that's balanced out and I feel like my emotions are in control again, along with dietary changes I think I have the 5-HTP to thank for that, I have it together now like I did on the Paxil but with slight differences, I don't have that numbness to my emotions anymore, I actually feel joy again... I was happy enough on the paxil but that was because I was numb, though I sure missed the sensation of joy... mom I have also noticed that strange "desire to treat myself well", I have never been one to take care of myself, ate all kinds of garbage and never excercised, but now it feels like I can hear my body telling me what it needs and also what it doesn't want... very strange sensation which I've never felt before, I like it though.... almost like my body is saying "take care of me and I will be good to you, in the mind and in the body"