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Family Support Paxil affects whole families. This forum is to support those closest to our hearts (spouses, partners, brothers, sisters etc.) who need help to understand and support.

Adverse Drug Reaction Reporting    FDA Warnings    Published Withdrawal Studies    Pregnancy Warnings    Forum Psychology

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Old 12-25-2011, 01:46 PM   #1
losthope
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
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will she ever be the same again...

Hi Guys,

I signed up to the site today, however have been looking in on posts for the past month. I must say that I have received a lot of comfort from the experiences shared by everyone which I have read to date.

Mine too is a story of heartbreak which I wanted to share - it is very similar to a lot of stories however I would appreciate the thoughts of some people who have gone through the same experience as I am very much on my own (for reasons I will explain). So here goes....

A couple of months ago I received a text message from my long term girlfriend saying that she didn't love me any more and never wanted to see me again. It was completetly out of the blue and the only explanation I received was that I was a terrible person. I'll talk about our relationship later but will say now that it was very settled and loving with only a few minor disagreements which were infrequent (which is not unusual!). Any attempts I have made to contact her since have been unsuccessful however she did say not to contact her again (or her family) or her phone number would be changed.

She had been on paxil from a very early age. However, came off it completely within the space of a month. At the time I did not know enough about this terrible drug but I realise from other posts I have read that this is far too quick to come off completely. The w/d symptoms included mood swings, uncontrollable crying and panic attacks. I did my best to help her although she did not reveal the extent of these effects. I know that she was prescribed Citalopram to help cope with the side effects.

Anyone here who has found a soul mate will know the feeling it gives you inside - knowing that you have met your perfect match. For me, this was the girl. And she felt the same about me. I regularly did romantic and thoughtful things to make her know how special she was to me. I had been saving to propose in the new year and we regularly talked about our plans for life together. I encouraged her to come off paxil as it was something she wanted to do and I thought she was strong enough. I didn't realise what would happen.

The break up affected me very badly. I blamed myself because that was the only explanation I was given. I'm ashamed to say I contemplated death more than once. We had told each other before that we could not live without the other. She told me if I ever ended it then she would end her life. So when it ended in such an unexplained way I felt I had no reason to live. I cannot talk about this with anyone because I promised her I would never share with anyone (family or friends) about her difficulties and why she was taking paxil. She did not want people to think she was crazy. And because I still love her, I will never break that promise. My family think it ended over a petty argument. I could not understand the lack of empathy or feeling and the coldness she showed towards me (especially as I was a very good boyfriend to her). I pulled through the dark days immediately following the break up however the pain is still quite raw as I pass her house every day.

Most of the stories I have read here relate to a person who has lost a loved one to these drugs. I would like to know if anyone has got a loved one back and your story of how you brought your loved one back.

I know she is not the person I fell in love with at the minute, I know the drugs are masking any sort of human decency and acknowledgement of my emotions. However, she has made herself believe that she is like this because of me, and not the drugs. She said the end of our relationship was nothing to do with 'medication' or her 'sickness'. I know since we broke up she has been suffering with w/d a lot more.

Based on your experiences, what should I do? I am willing to wait as long as it takes because I believe that you only truly find love once in life. And for both of us, this was it. In months to come will she realise how she treated me was wrong? I would love to speak with her family to discuss this as I had a great relationship with them but I am afraid she has turned them against me. My friends have told me to move on but I never will. I worry about her constantly.

Any help would be great as feeling alone is not very nice. I would love to get the opinion of somebody who has treated a loved one like this due to w/d and if you ever regretted it. Because I do not know what she is thinking right now, only that it is not about me.

Thank you all in advance,
Losthope
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Old 12-25-2011, 02:09 PM   #2
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

I'm so sorry that you(and her) have to experience the pain that paxil can bring. I did "lose" my son for a long period of time, during paxil use, and then in withdrawal. Paxil made him a completely different person, and withdrawal turned him into someone unrecognizable to all of us. He was 15 at the time.

The good news is that I have my son back, after a grueling rapid wean(this was before we knew what we know today). So...I guess the bottom line in all of this is yes, one can be the person they were prior to drugs...but that means removing the drugs from the picture. This is something only the user can decide.

Know that her words, which harsh, are the drugs/withdrawal talking. It's not you, it's the ssri. The fact that you are reaching out for answers shows your true being.
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:48 PM   #3
Charlie
 
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

Quote:
Originally Posted by losthope View Post
Hi Guys,

Based on your experiences, what should I do? I am willing to wait as long as it takes because I believe that you only truly find love once in life. And for both of us, this was it. In months to come will she realise how she treated me was wrong? I would love to speak with her family to discuss this as I had a great relationship with them but I am afraid she has turned them against me. My friends have told me to move on but I never will. I worry about her constantly.

Any help would be great as feeling alone is not very nice. I would love to get the opinion of somebody who has treated a loved one like this due to w/d and if you ever regretted it. Because I do not know what she is thinking right now, only that it is not about me.

Thank you all in advance,
Losthope
The positive news is that if you're willing to wait sometimes these situations do work out. However there isn't a formula that guarantees success because this poison changes people in different ways and because of that they respond to the same thing in different ways..
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Old 12-27-2011, 11:42 PM   #4
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

Hi there,

I too had (at one point, in 2009) lost my husband for almost a year due to Paxil. I was pregnant when everything went downhill, and it took me a good 7 months before I realized Paxil was the problem. I too wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. If you want to read my story, or skim through, it's a few lines down from yours, called "My name is Lauren and I'm looking for my husband."

My husband is my soulmate, and we have been together for 7 years, since I was 17. I lost him for approximately 13 months due to Paxil, and I honestly pretended that he had died- because what was left of him was a monster. It was a living hell. But with patience, love, and my hardheadedness, I fought through the Paxil coma and pulled him out. It wasn't easy and it wasn't quick, but it was definitely worth it. Today, my husband is the very man I married over 5 years ago, and even BETTER after the paxil year. If you read my post, you will see the hell I lived through.

What I want you to know is that many people are lost forever to SSRI's. Their reality is too unbearable to deal with, so they cover up with Paxil or others. My husband loved being on it, and thought I was the one with the problems, etc, but I was patient and head strong, and eventually we pulled through it.

Just be patient and don't take anything she says personally. These drugs are altering your brain chemistry, and the mood swings are scary enough to make you think you've lost her forever. Just remember her for who you KNOW her to be, and don't forget!
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Old 12-28-2011, 05:33 AM   #5
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

Quote:
Originally Posted by lauren View Post
What I want you to know is that many people are lost forever to SSRI's. Their reality is too unbearable to deal with, so they cover up with Paxil or others. My husband loved being on it, and thought I was the one with the problems, etc, but I was patient and head strong, and eventually we pulled through it.

Just be patient and don't take anything she says personally. These drugs are altering your brain chemistry, and the mood swings are scary enough to make you think you've lost her forever. Just remember her for who you KNOW her to be, and don't forget!
Hi Lauren,

Thank you to you and the other posters for your responses. It is all helping at this stage. I had read your story in full and it is inspirational to someone like myself who has almost lost all hope. I am happy for you that your life has turned around.

The major difference between our stories is that you remained in contact with your husband (as you were married and expecting). I have lost all contact and cannot re-establish any. At this stage I do not know what to do. I feel that she should probably start back on paxil and taper correctly or she won't ever be herself again. Unfortunately I do not think her parents or doctor are fully aware of the w/d, or understand this is why we broke up. I have heard stories through mutual friends about how I treated her terribly, when this is not the case.

I don't know how I should make a breakthrough or should I sit tight and wait. I'm sure many here know the feeling of helplessness, sleepless nights etc. I am thinking of trying to contact her family as I need an outlet and need them to know the full extent of this drug.

Does anyone think this would be a good idea? I fear that she's lost as not even a happy christmas message was acknowledged.

LH
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Old 12-28-2011, 03:11 PM   #6
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

Quote:
Originally Posted by losthope View Post
I am thinking of trying to contact her family as I need an outlet and need them to know the full extent of this drug.

Does anyone think this would be a good idea? I fear that she's lost as not even a happy christmas message was acknowledged.

LH

It's not uncomon for someone that's been adversely effected in this way to suddenly see their former partner as the embidiment of all that is evil and blame them for everything that's ever gone wrong. The unreturned message doesn't surprise me at all.

As for contacting her family I've the family do absolutely nothing to help and I've seen the family take a stand for what they know is right. Do you have a good relationship with them and do they know what kind of relationship you had before Paxil played it's evil hand?
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Old 12-29-2011, 08:21 AM   #7
losthope
 
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

Quote:
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It's not uncomon for someone that's been adversely effected in this way to suddenly see their former partner as the embidiment of all that is evil and blame them for everything that's ever gone wrong. The unreturned message doesn't surprise me at all.

As for contacting her family I've the family do absolutely nothing to help and I've seen the family take a stand for what they know is right. Do you have a good relationship with them and do they know what kind of relationship you had before Paxil played it's evil hand?
this is exactly what has happened to me - the blame for the change in her behaviour has been put on me rather than the medication. She told me herself that she had to end it because she had lost herself due to the terrible person that I am.

I was like part of the family and spent more time with them than with my own family. So I have lost more than just my soul mate. Instinct is telling me that her family will not listen to me...they may think I am crazy and desperate. I don't know how I can reach out to them in the right way. Her mother must have seen the change in her daughter over the past few months. It is very sad. For me, every day is a struggle knowing she may be slipping further away.

This has impacted on my own health quite a bit - I have constant headaches for the first time in my life. Unfortunately my doctor is on vacation so I need to try hang in there for a couple of weeks as I don't feel comfortable discussing with a stranger.
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Old 12-29-2011, 02:28 PM   #8
losthope
 
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

I saw one of her brother's earlier today and am meeting him tomorrow about something else, however I fully intend to let my feelings be known on the withdrawal.

I do not want to scare the guy or alienate him. May sound like a stupid question but if you are living with someone going through w/d then surely you would notice a change? I want to explain the change to him and try and get back in touch with her family as a support, even if just to advise them.

I think she is seeing someone else now after telling me she needed to be alone for a while....
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Old 12-29-2011, 06:24 PM   #9
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

Quote:
Originally Posted by losthope View Post
I saw one of her brother's earlier today and am meeting him tomorrow about something else, however I fully intend to let my feelings be known on the withdrawal.

I do not want to scare the guy or alienate him. May sound like a stupid question but if you are living with someone going through w/d then surely you would notice a change? I want to explain the change to him and try and get back in touch with her family as a support, even if just to advise them.

I think she is seeing someone else now after telling me she needed to be alone for a while....

My advice would be not to be pushy but to tell him that you believe her change in atitude where you're concerned is due to an adverse reaction to her medication or lack there of. Make sure that you let him know that you realize that you could be wrong then give him your reasons for believing you're right.

He may have noticed things himself but had no idea as to why it was happening.

I also want to point out that this is just what I think and it may or may not be the right thing to do.

Anyway I hope with all my heart that it works for you.

You might want to take a look at this if you haven't already.

http://www.paxilprogress.org/forums/...33&postcount=1
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Old 01-05-2012, 12:46 PM   #10
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

Losthope,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know that feeling all to well, as I have been going through a very similar situation with my ex-boyfriend for the past almost 10 months.

We were so close when we were together...I can even remember him telling me that it would feel like I cut off his right arm if we ever broke up. I really saw myself marrying this guy one day....However, that dream was shattered the moment he started taking Paxil & Celexa. The drugs had completely changed him. I had wondered for months if maybe he was just angry with me or if I never got to know the real him. Like yourself, I blamed myself for what was happening....I kept thinking things would be different if I would have done this or said that, etc.

I fell into a pretty deep state of depression for a couple months after our break up. I am still feeling very down about the situation, but I am learning to deal with it - I know there is a very real posibility that he will never come back....and I will be honest, that hurts very, very deeply. It feels like I have lost my boyfriend, best friend and a part of me. If he only knew how much I really cared and how much I love him...

Like yourself, I get the impression as though his family thinks that I am the cause of all of this...that I am the evil one. It hurts so much to know that...especially because I got to know his family rather well. Every attempt that I have made to try and inform his family, to try to convince him to get off the meds...every thing is turned around to make me look like I am some nieve little girl that doesn't know how to recognize when a relationship is over and let go. It hurts when you are honestly and truly trying to help someone and they just keep pushing you away and turning all your good intentions into something terrible. My friends and family have told me to forget about him because someone that loved me would not treat me this way. But I can't let go....because I know deep down inside the guy that I love is buried in a mind that is overtaken by SSRI's.

Also like yourself, I am not sure what else I can humanly do to try to help him...as I don't see him on a regular basis.

I am not sure if you are religious at all....if so, the only thing that I can recommend to you is prayer. Sometimes, especially in a situation like this, prayer is not the only thing that we can do, but the best thing that we can do. Try talking to God, tell Him how you are feeling and ask Him to help you get through this....to show you how you are supposed to be helping your girlfriend... Even though things may seem impossible to us, NOTHING is impossible to God.

I know this is VERY, VERY difficult to deal with and the hurt is very deep, but just keep in mind that miracles CAN and DO happen....when we believe and have faith.

I hope both of our situations turn around very soon....

Feel free to contact me if you would like to talk further...
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Old 03-03-2012, 11:46 AM   #11
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

I Would write her a note, have someone give it to her...than back off...ur risking losing her forever if you contact here family, orry be too pushy in any way.....If its meant to be, she will come back...In ur note, I would not suggest that she did in fact break up with you from being on the paxil, even if you believe this to be the case....just let her know that you love her......before the paxil, while on it, youll love her in the wd of it or whatever else she goes through AND IF she ever gets to a place that she wants to be with you, that youll be there....Ya know??
I just don't want you to do something out of desperation for this girl, than wreck ur chances for rekindling the relationship when she comes through this....
Our withdrawing minds let us believe were right in that moment...and we sure are thinking we know it all while on em too...even if that isn't the case....you might not find out if you push her into a corner...If she loves you like you believe she does, she will come back to you once back to herself...And if she doesn't find her way back to you, than you gott trust that someone else will come along.....There is zero chance of you knowing every thought in her head....even not on AD so...
I dont know but what I do know is this....If I asked for a break or even wanted to break up with someone....If I didnt get the chance on my own to miss him and he kept coming around, that would surely be a good way to turn me off forever....Not what you want here.....space can be everything....Give her it while letting her know that if she ever changes her mind, youll be there for her
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Old 04-18-2012, 09:30 AM   #12
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

Any updates?
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Old 02-20-2014, 05:05 PM   #13
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

I have a very similar experience, almost exactly like Losthope's. I was in the kind of relationship that people would give anything to experience just for a day. It was perfect, and then she ended it and lost all feelings for me out of nowhere. I know this thread is a couple years old, but Losthope, hurt&confused, or USMCmatt, would any or all of you be able to give me an update as to how things resolved in your lives?

I want to give up, but something in my head tells me that the girl I loved is still in there somewhere. I want to be able to think about something else for a change. I will always love her, but I dont know if waiting and hoping is going to change anything.
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Old 02-20-2014, 05:35 PM   #14
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

Abandoned, bro, of course she's still in there. I truly believe that. But I think it's going to take SO LONG for her to come around it's going to be very difficult if you don't try to move on from this. And that's IF she has quit the medicine.

I too hate one of the lovliest people I'd ever met. Same scenario. What pisses me off? WE'VE ALREADY HAD out big problems, moved past them and built a hell of a marriage/ relationship. We were still dating, doing romantic things, calling each other at work almost every day, happy as hell to see each other... lots of couples strive to have that happen, to have that understanding of one another.... well we got it.. 5.5 years later this happened.

She was prescribed 20mgs of Citalopram for CHEST PAINS... she changed drastically in just 3 months. On total of 7 months allegedly, we were divorced inside of 8 months. Everyone was shocked and all say they don't recognize her as the person she was. Of course, the bad thing is, her family only see this ridiculously chatty, happier person... she's done some STUPID shlt that I could get her in trouble for, but my daughter needs her mother and since the manic stage is gone, I am happy to have this.

I'm moving on. I cry sometimes still. I mourn the death of my best friend every day... I hope you can find a way to move on. If it happens, cross that bridge when it gets here.
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Old 02-20-2014, 08:26 PM   #15
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

Thank you Dewayne, you're so right. Its just hard to move on when I still feel like she will snap out of it any day now. Although I have no reason to believe that will be the case. The love of my life is now just a cold husk, who ignores me whenever she sees me and pretends like I never existed. You put it really well. It is like mourning a death. Whats worse is that they are like living coffins, and somewhere in there is the real person.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Its horrifying that so many lives are ruined by the effects of mind altering drugs. The changes are so rapid too. I've never felt so helpless in my life and it seems this site is the only place I can go in order to find any relief. Everyone else I talk to in my everyday life doesnt seem to understand that this is not a problem that people are used to facing. This is much worse than a breakup, its the destruction of what could have been life long relationships due to none other than prescription drugs. There are so many obstacles in life to finding a true love, but this should never be one of them. My soulmate is gone, and every day I mourn her rapid transformation into this cold, lifeless creature.
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Old 02-21-2014, 07:38 PM   #16
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

I hear ya bro.

My mom said my ex txt and called her asking if I could take the daughter this weekend. My room's tore up really good right now so I declined. Then she said my ex was talking about how the daughter is always saying how she doesn't think she's going to get to see me again, and now her momma too. Apparently she doesn't even pick her up from daycare anymore and when she does get to see her, it's late and supper time > bedtime. When the hell is she spending time with our daughter is what I want to know.

Then, you got my crazy azz brother n his family who are SUPPORTING HER like she done no wrong. Remember, this krazy a;sjdg;aljsdg that looks like my wife stole from our business and crashed it, lied on many important things, lied about paying rent and caused foreclosure causing us to lose EVERYTHING... all while cheating, threesomes, getting into drugs and alcohol.. not to mention abandoning our daughter in a locked room so she could go do this stuff. Mind you, she was 2 yo at the time!

Fked up family I have huh. Good luck in life bro.
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Old 02-22-2014, 07:56 AM   #17
Abandoned
 
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Re: will she ever be the same again...

I'm so sorry Dwayne. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. These bad times will pass too. Good luck in life to you too, man.
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