Easter morning melt down. Help please!

[Dawn B.]

Me again. Easter morning I had a melt down, being at my wit's end, not knowing what to do or how to go on.
My life has been in the toilet for over a year and a half, and in the last couple of months, the w/d has just been so bad. I'm frazzeld because of how long this has gone on. People have kindly suggested having my hormons evaluated, which I guess I might as well do, but so if they are messed up, then what? Probably everyone in w/d is messed up. I don't want more drugs. Recenlty I've caved in to Ativan a few times just to make it go away. I don't want to get hooked on that either, but some days like today I just can't stand it.
If I was just anxious, I'd go do something physical. If I just felt like crap, I'd go watch TV or read. But when it's both, and you can't be happy staying still, but you don't feel up to doing something, then what the heck do you do?
So I caved in just now and took some Ativan. It's my son's 9th birthday, and Easter, and I just didn't want to have it ruined again by this. Had to get some relief.
What the heck do I do? I know more drugs are not the answer.
Someone please pop in here with some wisdom.

[LCrawford67]

Dawn, I don't have any real wisdom, but I do think it would be beneficial to get the hormones tested. At least you'd have some peace of mind and there are natural things, such as Evening Primrose Oil, you can take.

As for the Ativan - you have to do what you have to do sometimes. Don't beat yourself up over it. You took it, wait for it to kick in and enjoy the holiday and your son's birthday.

[Dawn B.]

Uh oh................
I didn't mean to write the same thing is two threads. I started to write it in my first thread, typed it here, then decided to just make a new one and closed it out but it seems to have posted automatically. Sorry!

[PatriceKM]

Have you thought about going back to 20mg paxil to stabelize (since you never did) and then start tapering properly. Trust me, I know you dont want to but you tapered way too fast.

I would say to definitly get your hormoned tested. If there is a problem it may give you some peace of mind to know it is from that and not the withdrawal.

Happy Easter. Enjoy the time with your family.

[Cayte]

Oh Dawn, I can so feel your frustration. Also, yes, if your hormone test comes back showing they are all over the place...then what??
I don't know if you take natural supplements, but, yes, evening primrose and starflower oil are both good.
I would get them checked though to give yourself some idea of how much of a part they are playing in your withdrawal now? Maybe you may need some extra hormonal help?
Regarding the Ativan...my goodness don't feel guilty!! It's your son's birthday plus Easter, you have to sometimes do things that go against the grain to claw back some sort of normality.

A big hug to you. Keep us posted in to how you are feeling.

[Boots]

Dawn, I can relate to how you are feeling. I am trying to get Easter dinner ready for my kids and grandchildren. I took a Klonopin to help me thru .Don't be so hard on yourself and enjoy your son's birthday. Hugs to you!!

[palm]

Dawn,

Don't beat yourself up.

I took a valerian type sleep aide last night even though I feel it greatly worsens my tinnitus. But I was desperate for sleep.

Unfortunately, my rude noisy bleeping neighbors had other ideas as I woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. This is the 2nd day in a row they have done this. Sorry, I don't mean to hijack your thread but am just trying to relate my story to yours.

By the way, I am going to a family event and didn't want it ruined by lack of sleep for two days in a row. So I definitely understand why you took the ativan so you could enjoy your son's birthday party.

I think with with WD, we take some steps forward and some backwards. It is not going to be an even progression.

<<<Hugs>>>

Palm

[anxiety247]

Has anyone mentioned the Bach Flower Remedies to you? I don't know if they're worth a hoot or not but some people swear by them. You can go to their website and answer some questions about how you are feeling and they mix your own formula based on how you answer. Or you can look at their list of what they can make and you make your own. It's kinda neat but I honestly don't know if they work. Maybe someone else can chime in on that.

What about other natural stuff like Sam-e or St John's Wort or 5-HTP? Have you tried any of that?

[Dawn B.]

Hi guys,
Thanks so much for being there and your help and support. I have a bottle of Rescue remedy, it does nothing for me. I don't know if I had my own special blend made if that would be better.
I sent my homeopath the info MatthewT supplied on the 24 hour urine hormone test. I'm sure I'll hear from her next week, not on Easter. Have you guys had hormone testing? And if so, what type of test and what did it show?
I thought about 5 htp, but afraid of it after posts I read from those who tried it. Tried St Johns wart once, did nothing for me. I've tried so many things. Last night I too took Valerian/passion flower, Formula 303, ad I woke up permanently at 4 AM. Never did go back to sleep.
After my morning melt down, and taking a tiny bit of Ativan, .5 mg. I felt better, and per Scotty's PM advise, I stopped ruminating on it, and I had a pretty good day.
Scotty made me see that I was basically obsessing about it, and magnifying the problem making it worse.
I realized that my game plan was not working, so I made up a new one.
For me, I have to quit asking God WHY WHY WHY, and WHERE ARE YOU, and just accept that He is here, has never left, and is in control, in spite of what I feel or dont' feel.
And I simply have to keep my mind occupied with good things. So I have my new battle plan.
I would NEVER EVER go back on paxil. It's way too late, it's been nearly 2 years since the whole ordeal began. I really thing for me the very slow wean was not working and staying on it was not allowing me to heal. That's my feeling. I don't feel worse off of it that I did on it.
Love to you all!!
Dawn <><

[anxiety247]

I actually have a hormone test that I bought since I've had the boo-hoos lately. It's a saliva test and I found them online. You have to do it at a certain time of the month around your cycle so I haven't done it yet. You have to spit in this tube all day and then send it in to them. I'm actually excited to have the test done but just not sure how accurate the saliva will be.

[been there done that]

I had a ton of hormone testing done the year before I went ct every possible outcome came back I have posted this before perhaps you missed it. My hormones were completely destablised. The tests I had done were the general type the gp does to check hormones. One test even came back saying I was pregnant!
I was checking your drug schedule and found you are not a year off yet it may get better in time. I hope it does for your sake I have not had my hormones checed recently and that does not mean thing have stopped being weird they haven't but they are calmer somewhat. I am just sick of having tests when there is really nothing I am willing to take at this point as I am afraid of getting more messed up.

[Songbird]

Hi Dawn, sorry to hear you're feeling so bad. I wish there was something I could do to help but I can't! Just sending you cyber hugs!

I find valerian usually helps me to some extent, but Rescue Remedy does nothing at all for me. I have read here that mostly people cannot tolerate 5HTP or SJW post-withdrawal. I've tried SJW in the past and it did nothing for me either. In your situation I don't think I would go back on paxil either, it was not working for you anyway. Have you tried any other supplements for the anxiety, like magnesium or taurine?

If you are concerned about hormones you could look into that. There are natural treatments, I read here somewhere some people were using natural progesterone cream.

Sorry I don't have any answers or great wisdom, just lots of sympathy. I hope you feel better soon. Lots of hugs for you...

[Dawn B.]

I heard from my homeopath today in regard to the hormone testing. She concurred that they are not reliable, but she said she would order the 24 hr. urine test for me if I wanted it. I sure don't want to take some test that isn't going to give me accurate answers, or even get bogus answers. I won't take any hormones anyway. I've just been told by so many people that I should have the test.
I'm leary of even trying the natural creams right now though, w/o anything to go on. The urine test does a lot of hormones, not just progesterone/estrogen.
I had a lot better day today than yesterday, I'm thankful for that.
I know I'm only 75. month off of Paxil, from a 7 mg. CT. It's just that having a whole year of this before that, while weaning, makes the total time a looooooooong time.

[Boots]

Dawn, I know exactly what you mean, It is a struggle but you can do it.Just hang in there.

[staceyw]

Dawn, I asked my Dr about hormone testing and basically, what she told me was that if I was still having a period regularly then my (female) hormones were fine. I have no idea if that is correct or not but it seems to be the consensus everytime I've asked a dr. Every lab test I've ever had done pretty much comes back normal. It also seems normal for us to hope that something will show up as abnormal because we KNOW we feel this bad and we want a concrete answer. Regarding this Paxil mess, I dont think there are any answers. I DO hope you feel better soon. It seems this has gone on way too long for you.
Stacey

[been there done that]

The status of you periods could be important too are they long short normal are u taking the pill? All these things could change her answer.