Some symptoms go and others appear

Well, 11 days post paxil and I want to report that the rage/anger stuff has really decreased in both intensity and frequency. I'm no longer afraid to drive for fear I will run someone over INTENTIONALLY. I still get feelings of anger and aggression out of the blue sometimes, but not as often. I keep looking back at the symptoms everytime something weird is going on just for validation, and sure enough it's there.

For example tonight, me and the beau went to Best buy to purchase a new fridge. We drove up on the highway, but then on the way home he decides to take this long, windy, very very bumpy dirt-type road. Now mind you we are in his work/painting van. All of a sudden as the paint cans were clanging and other things moving around in the truck and the motion and noise of the bumpy dirt road penetrated through my being, not to mention the smell of the paint in the truck, I suddenly felt as if I were totally going to lose it. I tried to explain to the beau that what was happening to me I would equate to someone living in a war zone where bombs were constantly dropping. I told him I could not cope and couldn't understand why he took this dumb road. So he tells me he's going to have to put me into a glass bubble where I don't hear sounds or noise and can't smell anything. The funny thing is that this is exactly what I feel like I need right now. If someone were to ask me "So what can we do for you to make your withdrawal symptoms from Paxil easier? I would tell them that I wanted to be completely alone in glass bubble where I couldn't hear or smell anything.

When we got home tonight, I was a wreck from this ride and it took me a long hot soak in the tub to get over it. Then I went back to the paxil withdrawal symptoms and naturally there on the list was "hypersensitivity to noise, motion and smell. Boy are we lucky we have a list to refer to for validation, as well as eachother. Otherwise, I really don't think a lot of us "including myself" would have made it. Either that or we at least would have definitely believed we were going insane. Oh yeah but I almost forgot "Fear of losing your sanity is another symptom on the list" Everytime I feel as if I'm going insane I just refer back to that one!!!

Oh and one more tidbit...I'm laughing again. I haven't done that in a couple of weeks. I'll tell you though the drop to 2.5 and then from 2.5 to nothing was definitely the absolute worst and most difficult for me. This was the point at which I thought I'd die for sure. I am much better now though 11 days post paxil than I was during those reduction times. Well I can laugh again, but then of course I can still burst into tears at anytime because the withdrawal is still alive.

Hang in there guys....sorry to rattle on and on but I just want to share and give you all encouragement as well.

Sandra

[Joelle]

Sandra rattle away, every word you (or others) write is something somebody can learn from, and most imporatnt- it's more documentation re: Paxil withdrawl. Every word written here is further evidence to our experiences.

The title of your thread caught my eye, it's exactly like you said, some symptoms seem to subside while others come to take its place. It's like some sick hockey game. "Ok! I need headache, nausea, and dizziness to take the bench- sensitivity to sound and odor, anxiety, and disorientation- you guys are IN!"

I will continue to pray for your full and complete recovery (and that goes for everyone else, too!) Each day you make it through is one day closer!

I just hit three weeks Paxil free today! My mood is still pretty bad and my stomach hurts. However, I feel awake as opposed to sleepy all the time on Paxil. My sex drive and function are back. It seems like I have lost a couple pounds so far. Need to lose about ten. Baths, running, walking, lots of water, very small meals, lots of protein, very little carbs, no caffeine, no alcohol, no drugs or cigarettes. These seems to help. I still feel like hell but I know this is going to pass. Just think, next week at this time I will be a month Paxil free!

[Ariella]

It's funny how current experiences for you are now memories for me, yet still poingnant. I can definitely relate to all you're going through! That fear of being crazy was a big one for me and I dealt with it by learning to let go of the need to know if I was or not. I spent alot of time just lying still, imagining my fearful thoughts and feelings as traffic going down a highway and I was on the side watching instead of being one of the drivers.

I used a spiritual perspective to accomplish that. I reminded myself that the REAL me was a soul having experiences to know itself and that the ramblings of my brain and body were just experiences to notice and feel and not self defining ingredients. That gave me the peace to decide who I wanted to be and not lose sight of that, while I trembled, had nightmares and listened to my brain and false emotions try to convince me of its misleading realism.

Not an easy thing to do mind you! Been doing this self-work for years and I've still got many years to go. I was never spiritual before that, but now it's getting anchored and is my growing new identity which will eventually never waver in my life, since much of the experiences in my life will be a ride and not a forsaking definition like I believed them to be before. I see and feel life happening through me and not to me. I've spent years removing 'makes me feel' from my vocabulary so that my choices are lesser and lesser of the reaction kind and more to an aware 'ok, I'll feel this way in this situation' conscious decision kind.

Again, that's the goal, I'm not there 100% but that's the soul process where life fills the gaps.